Why Committed Girls Win in the End

By: Kristen Clark

“Do you have a boyfriend?” One girl asked her friend as they bagged my groceries. “Yeah, I do…but I still keep my eyes open.” She said winking at her friend.

My ears perked up when she said that. Since I blog for GirlDefined, I’m always interested in hearing what teenage girls think about life.

“My boyfriend is great,” she continued, “but I’m not gonna lie – there are a lot of really cute guys that work here too.” The two girls giggled. “I have a lot of crushes on the side.”

I walked away thinking about their conversation and had a feeling it would make it into one of my blog posts soon.

Rewind a few years to another conversation I overheard.

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding several years back. During the church rehearsal one of the bridesmaids asked the bride if there were any good looking groomsmen in the wedding. The bride looked at her friend in half-shock and said, “What do you mean, you’re married!”

The bridesmaid didn’t seemed fazed a bit. She laughed the comment off and said, “Hey, it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home!”

What each of these girls have in common seems to be a trending theme amongst the young women of my generation. It’s something huge that is causing marriages to dissolve, friendships to die, and Christians to reject their faith.

What is it?

Simply this: A major lack of commitment.

Most young people today seem scared to jump into things 100% and stay committed until the end. The first girl I told you about was in a committed relationship with her boyfriend…but what was she doing? Checking out other guys at the same time.

The second girl was actually married (the most committed relationship of all)! And what was she doing? Checking out other guys on the side.

Instead of being all-in, we’re taught by society that it’s okay to be mostly-in, with one foot still left on the outside.

Why do you think the divorce rate has skyrocketed in the past few decades? Millions of couples stand at their wedding altar and agree to the most significant commitment of their lives. Then, less than five years later a shocking number of them file for divorce.

I’ve watched lifelong friendships totally disintegrate because one person got offended and didn’t want to make things right. Instead of being a committed friend, they took the easy way out by ignoring the other person and cutting them completely out of their lives.

The same goes for people who call themselves Christians.

I grew up attending church with dozens of girls who claimed Jesus as their King. They loved being a Christian when it was easy and fun and when they had youth group on Wednesday nights. Now, almost half of those girls don’t care about Christianity at all.

This non-committed mindset is causing some major damage in marriages, friendships and the churches.

What’s causing the problem?

A major part of the problem is this: We live in a “love rules” culture where we’re taught from a young age that “it’s all about love.” You’ve heard the songs, right? We’re taught that love is a feeling and that we should follow our hearts.

Biggest bologna ever.

The reason we all struggle with staying committed is because we’re basing our commitment on how strong our love feeling is. If we’re “feeling” good about a situation and if we “feel” like loving the person, then we stay.

BUT – when that person becomes extremely difficult to love and our hearts are telling us to run, what do we do? Bail.

When being a Christian is easy, warm and fuzzy, we love it.

But what happens when our friends make jokes about us going to church, and Hollywood mocks our purity, and that cute guy at work tempts you to be immoral with him…? So often we ditch the Christianity and do what feels good in the moment.

This is a HUGE problem in our generation and it’s only getting worse as time goes on.

I recently heard a Christian song on the radio that stated, “[being a Christian] is more like falling in love, than something to believe in. It’s more like losing my heart, than giving my allegiance.”

Sadly, that’s terrible doctrine.

That song is a product of Christianity + love culture. It’s the message that being a Christian is more about “falling in love” than claiming allegiance and commitment to Christ. Yes, we need to genuinely love God, but what we need even more than “feelings” of love is a “committed love” for God.

The reason I’m writing on this topic is because I want to open your eyes to a rapidly growing trend in our culture. I want to help you understand that being a committed girl isn’t encouraged in society today.

When your future marriage gets tough, when your friends turn on you, when Jesus seems too hard to follow, you’re gonna-wanna-run.

Don’t do it though!

Make the decision now that you’re NOT going to be driven by a “love rules” philosophy for life. Make the decision that divorce is never an option, that friendships are worth fighting for, and that Jesus is the only reason anything in life matters.

Becoming a committed girl doesn’t happen by accident though.

It takes forethought, perseverance, and dedication. It takes a heart that says, “I’m sticking with this” even when there’s nothing in your heart that wants to.

One day you will look back on your life and you will feel like a winner or like a loser. The defining questions will be these: Were you committed God? Were you committed to truth? Were you committed to family?

What kind of girl will you be?

You have opportunity to do make the right choices now, before it’s too late.

Let’s wrap things up with a few more questions:

In what ways have you bought into the lies of our culture that “all you need is love?”

Have you witnessed marriages, friendships and/or Christians who have jumped ship instead of being committed? How did that affect you?

Are you a commitment-minded girl or a “love rules” kind of girl?

 Photo credit: | Victoria Nevland

Two friends smiling

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  • Mama Baird

    Well done Kristen! Great post! Wow!

  • Country Girl

    AMEN!! Finally someone speaking the simple, sometimes hard-to-swallow truth 🙂 Whether we like it or not, we all need to hear it! I was so blessed by this post! I’m passing it on to a friend as well! We both love the Girl Defined articles! Thank you!

    • Country Girl, Thanks for leaving a comment and sharing your thoughts! I am so glad you were blessed by this post 🙂

  • Jacey Faith

    This was great! It makes me heartbroken when girls act in this manor. I’m grateful my parents haven’t allowed me and my sisters to date and all that short of thing. Its a terrible world to live in once you get involved.

    • Jacey, It is really sad to hear girls talking like the two in the story. Keep striving towards truth and stay in the Word! 🙂

  • Hannah

    Thanks so much, Kristin! Great article! I thought you might like this definition of true and biblical love by Voddie Baucham.

    “Love is an act of the will (it’s a choice) accompanied (not led) by emotion that leads to action (it’s proved by our efforts) on behalf of its object.”

    • @disqus_L3zQjwOqow:disqus Thanks so much for sharing that with me. Love it!

  • Anna Joy

    This was just what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for posting!

  • Melanie

    Thank you for these words of wisdom. I’m really enjoying reading your blogs because they help keep me focused on God’s truth.

  • Calvin Miller

    The problem with our culture is not “love rules”!! Its exactly the opposite. So few people really know the real meaning of love!! Love is saying, “I will be with you no matter what happens” not because our heart is fluttering, but because we are committed to always care!!! Love is a tender commitment that is strong enough to overcome the cruelest circumstances!! So many people need to hear this!! Keep posting!!

  • Just a thought

    I like to put it this way. “Love is a decision and love is an action. You must DECIDE to love and then must ACT upon that decision to love!”

  • I really like what you wrote and agree whole heartedly (did I sorry that word correctly?). Commitment in marriage is very very important and reflects our commitment to our relationship with Jesus. However I wanted to offer one more perspective on why our generation struggles with commitment. I think the best way to explain is to share my personal struggle with commitment. My parents abused me for 18 years, they also has a terrible marriage. My dad physical abused my mom, spent savings on alcohol, cheated on her and they divorced when I was eleven. After the divorce my mom and dad took their anger out on me. Actually the first time I was hit by my father was when I was 5. I spent 18 years living in fear and walking on eggshells wondering when either of my parents would lose it. I worked hard to be perfect bc I thought that if I was perfect the abuse would stop, but it never did, I was never good enough. Fast forward a few years to my wedding, I married a wonderful man who treats me amazingly. However bc I struggle with shame and worthlessness I believe i don’t deserve him but deserve someone who will treat me terribly. I also live with an irrational fear (well actually a rational fear due to my abuse) that my husband is going to one day wake up and be like my father and start physically and emotionally abusing me. Bc of this I struggle severely with wanting to one day up and run and quit my marriage or cheat on him so that he will divorce me bc I believe he deserves better than me. I hope and pray i never do that but everyday is extraordinarily difficult. I go to counseling and I am working hard to deal with this pain so that one day I how this won’t be such a struggle. I’m very honest my husband and I tell him how I’m struggling and he is super understanding of why this is a struggle. I really do fear that I may royally screw up but my husband has promised to stay with me even if it happens, which is incredible and I’m so thankful for him.
    So I write all this bc as of recent decades abuse is rampant. One in every three women will be sexually abused! I actually currently work as a mental health counselor and the majority of my clients are abused women. Sadly my story is so common and I sit with women who have run from good relationships bc of severe panic attacks and anxiety and bc they can’t handle commitments, it’s too painful. And I sooo get this. In my first year of marriage I had so many panic attacks and such bad anxiety I lost over 25 lbs… And I was already skinny. I’m still severely under weight and have to go to the Dr often but my point in all of this is that some choose to leave bc of the extreme sickness and panic. And I guess my hope in sharing my story is that maybe some of your readers when through this and didn’t even realized they were abused. I actually had no ideas that what I went thru was abuse bc my parents were manipulative and told me I was bad and thereforeideast what I deserved. And maybe you’ll have a friend who seems very noncommittal and you’ll realize she was abused and you maybe able to help her bc for some they may never be able to marry bc it causes such intense symptoms…. I hope this made sense and is clear. It’s hard to be clear with conveying a clear thought on a painful topic…. Hope it helps someone. I just think telling this story is important bc you never know who in your life may have been abused

    • Hey Chelsea, thanks so much for being open and willing to share your personal story! I know that’s not easy to do. Your childhood does sound very painful and I am sorry you have experienced so much heartache as a result. I pray your comment and story will be encouraging to our readers who may be struggling with abuse. You’re right…many Christian girls/women are abused everyday and DO struggle with commitment and trust as a result. May God bless the work you are doing to help these women. Thanks agains for sharing! We’re praying for you girl. 🙂

  • Jesusfreak17

    I defiantly agree that we need commitments in our relationships: all of them, whether a friendship, a romantic relationship or our relationship with God. However, I don’t think that song is wrong either. Our relationship with Christ should sometimes feel like being “swept off out feet”. Why else would the Bible compare the Church’s relationship with God with marriage? Commitment is essential, but emotions are part of it too.

  • Blooming Princess

    It is really hard being a committed girl for Christ but it is also true that being committed is WORTH it! The best time to start is NOW. Thanks so much for that wonderful post, Kristen!

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