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One Girl’s Journey from Brokenness to Beauty

By: Guest Blogger

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not liked what you saw? No matter how hard you tried your outfit, makeup, hair, etc. just didn’t look “good?”

That’s me.

I’m the girl who everyone thinks is confident, carefree, and knows God loves me. Mainly because I’m the pastor’s daughter (any PK’s out there?). I’m sure most of you have had this struggle too. It’s probably the most popular of all the “teenage-girl problems.”

My hair is plain brown, no volume. My eyes are dull blue-ish grey, no pop. I’m short with absolutely NO curves whatsoever.

For the past four years I’ve struggled with the fact that I’m not beautiful.

That no guy will ever want me.

I hit my all time low when I saw how beautiful the girls were at my school. They appeared to have perfect hair, nails, facial features, and outfits.

I felt stuck.

Yeah, I knew God loved me, sort of. I knew about all that ‘inner beauty’ stuff, but it was getting kind of old.

And then everything changed.

I went to summer camp. A summer camp called Miracle Camp.

Miracle Camp is located in southern Michigan. It’s a christian camp that I had gone to for years. One specific night the guys went into the woods and us girls had a girls night in the chapel. We had done a similar thing last year, but this year our theme was brokenness.

We took a piece of a broken mug and wrote what we were broken about on it. Some people wrote “selfishness” others wrote things like “self-harm.” You wrote the thing or things that were consuming your thoughts and making you feel broken.

One of my friends told a story of how after 20+ years of a happy and faithful marriage between her parents, her dad committed adultery. She just couldn’t fathom her dad doing anything like that. She was in denial…then it finally hit her. She felt so broken.

Many tears were shed that night at camp. 

My brokenness wasn’t about my parents, but about my physical appearance. I wrote “self-hate” on my piece. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t FEEL God’s love. You might know what I mean.

I knew it in my head, but not in my heart. And it was my broken piece of ceramic that wouldn’t go away.

That night, I cried. For a long time.

I’m not sure for how long, but at one point my counselor took my hand and lead me to the back of the chapel. She asked me what was wrong. I said “I don’t feel loved. I know I am, I just can’t feel it.” She hugged me and prayed over me. Over the next few days, things got better.

It wasn’t some kind of overnight miracle or a huge incredible sign from God. It just slowly occurred to me that my beauty doesn’t come from my outward appearance. It doesn’t even come from having “great character.”

For the first time I realized that it came from knowing I was designed a specific way by my Creator. I could be covered in warts but my heavenly Father doesn’t look at that. He loves me because I am HIS. I am loved. So very much.

And because of Christ’s love covering me, I am beautiful in His sight.

Did my struggle to “feel” loved and beautiful completely disappear? No. A year later and I still struggle with it at times. I still have bad days. We all do because we’re sinners. But I have a silver lining. A secret that I want to share.

As children of God, we are deeply loved. You are deeply loved.

We see it every day! God didn’t put the trees, birds, flowers, or any of creation simply so it could be there! Every leaf, every petal, every sunrise and sunset was put there so we, His beloved children, could enjoy it! If God wanted it simply for His own enjoyment, he would have just put everything in heaven.

But He didn’t.

His is oh-so-loved daughters and sons were down here, and he wanted to show them how much they meant to him.

I hope you understand God’s love. Without it life is very empty.

Let’s chat! What would you write on your “broken piece of mug?”

  • What brokenness are you facing in your life today? How do you deal with it?
  • Do you understand how precious you are to God? Do you know how much God loves you?
  • What advice do you have for girls who are struggling to accept God’s love?

*This post was written by guest blogger, Keyndal Hudson. (If you would like to write a guest post for GirlDefined, contact us at guestpost@girldefined.com for more details). 

Photo Credit: www.flickr.com | Charlie Godfrey

Girl lying on floor with sunglasses | Girl Defined

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  • Elizabeth Williams

    I definitely struggle with always comparing myself to others. It seems that all these other girls have it all together, perfect hair, makeup, style, skin, etc. It’s such a trap because you will always find someone who is prettier than you or more talented than you. It’s definitely something I’m working on with God 🙂

    • Hey Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing from your heart. I know we can all relate to those feelings of worthlessness and wanting to look “perfect.” The truth is the only thing that will set us free. We have to choose to ignore what the world says and believe what God says in His word. And thankfully, God doesn’t judge our worth based on our looks! Hallelujah! He loves us and values us for so much more than beautiful skin.

  • Moriah Mari

    I so needed this right now – think I’m going to go read some of it again. Thank you, Keyndal.

    • So grateful you found Keyndal’s blog post helpful! Thanks for sharing!

  • SavedbyGrace

    I have been struggling with guilt. For 5 years, I had been involved with bad friends, and even a guy that my parents didn’t like at all. Almost two years ago, God gloriously brought me out darkness and into His marvelous light. He saved me! It was like all of my burdens of being a sinner were lifted. Well, a year ago, God tested me with some difficult trials. And I got to feeling very depressed and low about myself. There are times that guilt and shame rush back for doing what I once did. I don’t do those same sins anymore. But when someone mentions what I use to do, I feel guilty, ashamed, and dirty about myself. I know My Savior has forgiven me, but sometimes I feel guilty. Guilty, because I knew better back then when I was in darkness. I knew what I was doing, but lived in sin anyway. And now the memories of the mistakes I made, keep replaying over and over again. I know that this is Satan’s way of getting to me. Satan does this guilt trip, so that you’ll give up on God. So that you’ll give up trusting that God has a plan for your life. Don’t cave in to Satan. It is very easy to believe the lies Satan tells you. But have faith that “All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” God has a plan for your life. Yeah, there are going to be a lot of problems in life. And it will be easy to feel bad about what you once did before God saved you. But God loves you and if you’re one of His, then He will NEVER let go of you. It won’t be easy, but God will get you through it!! Thank You so much for this post! It was very encouraging and uplifting!!

    • Hey! Your honesty and openness is refreshing. Thank you so much for your encouraging words…I’m sure they were helpful to many readers! Keep fighting the good fight!

  • Elizabeth

    Being stressed is something I struggle with once in a while, and many other things. But God has shown me incredible peaces that really does pass ALL understanding. I don’t know if I’ll ever grasp how much God loves me! It’s amazing to think that he loves me and sent Jesus to DIE for me. It’s love that I can’t even wrap my mind around!
    If you are struggling to accept (God’s) love, take a moment and examine who you are really trying to get love from…God or man? Please take the time each day to study who God is, what he has done, and what he will do! The love relationship that we can have with God is similar to any other life relationship…it takes work, but is so worth it!

    • Hey Elizabeth! Great advice. Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Stephanie Ann

    Oh my goodness, especially as a PK myself there is sometimes that added pressure to be the “perfect” girl . Be an example and all that jazz. I reach out and give you (and all my other fellow PK sistas out there) a hug . And as a pastor’s kid it really is important to be able to see and feel God’s love. Especially with all the ugly sometimes involved with ministry.

    But in regards to our brokenness, this post reminded me of the one verse Isaiah 61:3
    ” … bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

    We will get a crown of beauty for our ashes! For all of our broken pieces he wants to bless with something greater! A garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair! I don’t know about you girls but many times I could use that garment of praise because I get too far into despair, whether I am worrying about my looks and how I am inadequate and don’t measure up to the world’s “standard of beauty” or how I sometimes let the “lonely bug” get to me and I start to feel sorry for myself because I don’t have a boyfriend yet even though many of my friends and cousins do and so on… I could use the garment of praise on some days more than others.
    Thanks again for your post! 🙂

    • Hey Stephanie! So glad you could relate to this post. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and insight with our readers. Sounds like God is doing a great work in your life! Keep shining for Him!

  • Jacey Faith

    Thank you so much for this article! It defiantly hit home. I have had similar thoughts and have had peer pressure even though I am homeschooled. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Thanks for reading Jacey! We know exactly what you’re talking about. Peer pressure gets all of us…even those who are homeschooled. We’ve got to be on our guard!

  • Elisabeth

    I can definitely relate, except recently God has shown me how beautiful I really am, and how much he loves me.Even by just showing me ways to look nicer!! I mainly struggle with loneliness.

  • Elyonara Borges

    Thank you so much for these words. They express exactly what I faced in the past and what I’m still facing these days. Your words have encouraged me to focus on God’s perfect love for us. You’re right when you say that there are bad days, but it is different when our hope and our happiness are based in His love for us.
    Thank you again.

  • Abby

    Thank you for this awesome post! I needed it. It reminded me of a story that happened at summer camp. Last summer I went to a Christian camp close to where I live. One night all the girls and all the boys of the camp were split into different meetings at different buildings…the meetings were called MOG (Men of God) and WOG (Women of God). The names seem pretty silly, but they make sense! 🙂 Anyways, at WOG, we had a lady speak to us about many things that concern a lot of girls around the world today like beauty, self-esteem, etc. I remember (and hopefully will always remember) a thing she asked us that really moved me. She asked all the girls sitting in the big circle something very similar to this(I can’t remember the exact words, but that’s not what’s important): “Who here has ever looked at another girl and thought she was prettier than you?” All the girls raised their hands. Every one, including me. It reminded me that I was not the only one who felt insecure at times. It’s a big deal in our society today. Thankfully, we have people to tell us about God’s love for us no matter how we feel about ourselves. I recently watched a video about this topic and it was powerful. 🙂 It reminds us girls that we are daughters of the King of Kings, the Creator of the Universe! You can’t get more beautiful than that.

  • Sydney

    I’m a PK too! Thanks for this post.


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