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10 Things I’ve Learned from Dating a Godly Man

By: Bethany Baird

I (Bethany) was chatting with my small group leader one night after Bible study. She is in a relationship getting to know a very godly man and of course I was curious to know the scoop.

Time cut us short and we weren’t able to finish our conversation.

Later that evening she sent me an email giving me more details and attached this list of 10 things she’s learning through her current relationship.

I loved the wisdom that she offered in her ten points and I just couldn’t keep it to myself. I asked her if I could post the list as a blog and to my delight she said yes.

Note: For a full rundown of our personal beliefs about dating vs. courtship, check out this blog post.

10 Things I’ve learned from dating a godly man 

1.  Patience

You must wait on God to provide direction and next steps. This may take much longer than you could imagine, make sure you spend time on your knees. Make sure that you understand that the time things take is allotted by God, not by the person you believe to be “waiting” on.

2. Guard your heart 

Your godly guy friend will guard his heart, make sure that you guard yours as well. Be mindful and prayerful before investing too much of your heart, energy or physical affection. Go at God’s pace. Wait on Him.

3. Prayers are answered

All the prayers that you prayed, about doing God’s will, and wanting a person who will align to your desire of pleasing God, those are answered, and you may not like it as much in practice as you thought, or as books describe.

4. You will be led

This means, you will have to submit your will and desires to God first, and secondly to the person you are entrusting the process to. Being led in a world of female independence, of microwave results and fast pace solutions, by a man who is unwilling to adjust to your timing, preferences and expectations, just for your sake is very hard. It’s humbling and a reminder that love is not about yourself.

5. God is in control 

God will have the control – Not you, and not the other person. This will be so incredibly painful. Be prepared. It will also be incredibly satisfying and rewarding; because God will provide a peace like you never experienced. He will reassure you and guide you. He will continue to guard your heart.

6. There will be consequences

If you dated/courted ungodly men before, this will not be the same, it is so much better. Of course your flesh and worldly views will constantly pressure you to be anxious.  Remember that God is making you new, and preparing you for a better purpose than what you see today.

7. It is not about you!

The purpose of a godly relationship and potential marriage is not about you, it’s about how you and that person can serve in the kingdom. Therefore, if you allow God, He will strip you from your self-righteous thoughts and ideas. He will take down your insecurities (YES!). He will take you to the cross and show you what love is about. He will rid you from selfishness, self-centeredness, vanity and anger. He will show you who you are and humble you. All this because He has a plan for you that is better than all your fairy tale dreams. That is to serve Him and love Him above all things and all people.

8. Authentic Love 

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it is not proud. Love believes the best, loves the truth, doesn’t boast, is not quick to get angry – Once you learn this, you’ll think twice before you say “I love this man.” You will be forced to go back to your knees and be equipped to love by the Author of love in the same way He loved you. In being equipped, you will have supernatural ability to forgive, you will give freely, you will expect less and give more.

9. Keep your emotions under control

The combination of being a woman and the world’s views from our “girlfriends” perspective can be pretty terrible. The world teaches a love that is self-centered, what’s in it for me?, I’m the only one, I have the right, me, me, me… This is not biblical and is not justified in any circumstance. So how am I supposed to deal with my emotions when they come flowing fast as a river through my mind and heart? How do I respond to this current that doesn’t leave me a choice?!

Well, you do have a choice: repress them, swallow them, bury them. Ignore them, sing over them, pray Bible verses loudly. Call a friend who you are accountable to. Do this time and time again, you’ll fail sometimes, you’ll fall into the game. Don’t give up. It will get better…one day, you will just realize that the things that use to bother you, don’t anymore. The must haves and unreasonable expectations, and even the reasonable expectations not met by your partner, are easier to forgive and forget. A dear friend once told me, “The only thing you do have to control in this relationship is yourself and your emotions.”

10. All you need is God

When I was single, I learned that all I need is God. When I started to date, I had to learn that all I need is God. The world has made us believe that we need someone in order to be someone. Therefore, when that “someone” comes, we deposit our full attention, identity, thoughts and energy into them. We expect the same from them, or more. We expect white horses, red roses, starry nights. We expect romance and full satisfaction of our smallest desire, thought and wish. This becomes non-negotiable, and causes a pressure on yourself that is exhausting. It also pressures the man and makes him feel inadequate half of the time.

This has to be the hardest lesson, yet, the one that will free you the most. Crave it. Seek it. Do not give up in your dedicated, wholehearted search to make God your all, your only, your best, your go-to, your first. When you allow God to become the center of your attention, you will be free and you will free that person. All of the sudden, you will realize that it is not in your strength that the relationship will go on. You will breath in the comfort that God is taking care of things, that if this is meant to be, it will be. It will make you a flexible person with a much better attitude and joy. You will stop judging His level of interest or His willingness to “rescue” you. You will feel certainty, that no matter what happens, God has you, and He is not going anywhere.

You will not be disappointed – how could you be? God doesn’t change. He never cuts you short. He will only give you those things (and people) that in His perfect purpose He has prepared for your good.

Final Thoughts…

What wise wisdom and insight Sabrina shared with us. Which of the 10 points resonated with you most and why?

This guest post was written by: Sabrina Gonzalez 

PHOTO CREDIT 

10 Things I've Learned from Dating a Godly Guy

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  • Grace O

    Wow! Thank you for sharing! I would have to say that 9 and 10 have resonated with me a lot. It’s so hard to keep my emotions under control and don’t even have a boyfriend. 😛 But 10 is the one that has inspired me the most. Because it is so true. God really is ALL you need! 🙂

    • @disqus_Xqr6WOndK5:disqus Love what you said, “God really is ALL you need! :)” -Bethany

  • CT

    Wonderful!! These ideas run contrary to what the world wants us to think… it is revolutionary, but in a good way. It completely aligns with the Bible. It embraces God’s position as Creator and King instead of rebelling against Him. Albeit the difficulties in living it, thank you for choosing truth. His ways are higher than our ways, and far beyond what we could even imagine. It is a joy to follow His ways because He knows best.

  • SavedbyGrace

    Wow! This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me!I think that #10 is my favorite point. There has been a decision that I’ve been struggling to make for a while now. There’s this guy who is very interested in me and I him, but the only problem is that the timing for a relationship can’t be now. I’m about to graduate high school and he has to get a better job and move on with his college. And the time is just not convenient for either of us. So I have “gone down to my knees” and have been praying a whole lot lately. I’ve been searching through God’s word and trying to figure out what to do. And I believe, after all of that searching and praying, that the best thing to do right now is to set him free:( It’s really hard because the last thing that I want to do is hurt him in any way. Because we’ve been long time friends, he’s become my best friend. And saying what needs to be said will kill me. We’ve been through a lot together, and I truly love him. But this is something that HAS to be done so that we can stay focused on our priorities and spiritual walks with the Lord. SO as you can see, i’m torn right down the middle. I want God’s will for my life no matter how hard it is to accept. It’s just hard to say goodbye in situations like this. I guess what scares me most is if I let him go now, will he ever come back to me? But i guess that is also a place where I need to just trust God, and have faith that if this guy and I were meant to be, then God will make it happen. And if we weren’t meant to be, then I will have to trust that God had a good reason for removing this guy from my life. That’s why #10 was hitting the nail right on the head for me. Your comment really convicted me when you said, “When you allow God to become the center of your attention, you will be free and you will free that person.” And I really just need to trust God on this and not try to manipulate the circumstances to get the outcome I want. I would appreciate your prayers right now. And please feel free to give any advice, council, suggestions, ect. I’d appreciate all the help I can get too:) One of the reasons i love this blog, is because I feel apart of something. And it’s like y’all are my spiritual “support group”:) I can’t thank God enough for all of you ladies who have encouraged me! Luv you guys!

    • Elizabeth Williams

      I guess this is one of those things that they were talking about in the post they did a few weeks ago about “It Takes a Strong Girl To Obey God’s Word.” What a tough decision! I hope I would be able to make that decision if I had to one day 🙂 I know that you won’t regret following God’s leading! And I totally agree with you about this blog being like a spiritual support group. It has encouraged me greatly 🙂

    • @SavedbyGrace Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your heart with us. I can only imagine how difficult this situation and decision must be for you. You absolutely nailed it when you said, “But i guess that is also a place where I need to just trust God, and have faith that if this guy and I were meant to be, then God will make it happen.” God is SO big and nothing can stand in His way. His will will be accomplished 🙂 Remember Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart…” Praying for you girl! -Bethany

  • Elisabeth

    Wow!That’s just all I can say, the ones that got me the most where: really all of them, but 1, 2, 3, and 4,

    • Sooo glad you enjoyed this post! -Bethany

  • Lauren Elizabeth Barkand

    This is such a great post! Ive read so many blogs about dating Godly men, but this impacted me the most! Ive even printed them out to remind me what a true relationship looks like when God is the center! Its absoulutly gorgous. Number ten has got to be the one i most related to, for in my singleness, i too have also learned that only God can complete you. It makes my heart burst with joy! Thank you so much for sharing this!

    • @laurenelizabethbarkand:disqus I’m so glad you were impacted by this blog post! Sabrina had some great wisdom and insight to offer. I’m so grateful for her willingness to share her heart with us 🙂 Btw- Great idea on printing this up! Love it 🙂 -Bethany

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I totally agree with all of these!

  • Lee

    A relationship sounds terrifying…

    • CT

      But the greatest thing about it is, when you are guided by God, you can cast all your cares and worries on Him (1 Peter 5:7)! Even if it sounds terrifying to you, you can be certain that anything He allows to come your way will be part of His will. He will walk you through it. Your job is not to know how everything goes. Your job is to follow Him every step of the way 🙂

      • Lee

        True! That is very encouraging! Thanks, CT. 🙂

    • Gabrielle

      I understand that. For me, I’m excited and looking forward to it, but nervous at the same time. I just desire to be stable and strong emotionally and be where I need to be spiritually. That’s my prayer.

      • Lee

        That sounds like a wise prayer. 🙂

  • Gabrielle

    “The only thing you do have to control in this relationship is yourself and your emotions.” I need to keep that in the forefront when it’s my time. Thanks so much for sharing. I really needed to hear that.

    #1, 4, and 9 were very important to me. I pray that when the time comes that someone’s interested, that my focus will stay on Christ alone, and that I wait for plain and clear direction from God, and that my emotions won’t run rampant.

    THANKS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR THIS!!!

  • Brit

    ALL OF THE ABOVE. I started dating a Godly man and my life and views on dating have been entirely different. My anxiety associated with dating has decreased dramatically. I’ve learned to not act off emotion, but pray instead…I’ve learned not to rush things and expect instant relationships but just trust that God is in control. It’s been an eye opener and this article really struck a chord with me. Thanks for posting.

    • Evelyn Perez

      Hi Brit, I just joined today and wanted to see how your relationship has been going. I’ve been dating a Godly man for three months. I found this article today asking our Lord to clear my mind and here I am.

  • Lynn

    This post is such an answer to prayer. I needed to read this. I’ve been in a relationship for about a month, and I had a conversation with God last night that had God telling me, “You’re putting too much weight/value on this relationship. You asked me to help you NOT make this relationship an idol in your life. So, here’s your wake up call.” I think right now, #4,7, and 9 stood out to me the most. Especially the statement about how it’s about serving the Kingdom of God together instead of as an individual’s needs being met. A total stranger prayed that over me a few weeks ago when he heard I was in a new relationship, but I’d already forgotten! ALL of them are so important for me right now–I don’t really know where to start in changing my mindset–oh scratch that. I’ll just get on my knees and go from there. This is my first relationship, and I want it to be my last. But I keep asking God that if this isn’t what he has in mind for me–help us transition out with grace or go forth with even more “kingdom purpose” than before. I love our story and I pray that the Lord will keep writing it in the coming months/years.

    • Evelyn P

      Hi Lynn. Just read your post.. How has it been going for you.

  • Evelyn Perez

    Just read this article. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been dating a godly man for three months now and have been noticing lately that I’ve been doubting whether or not he truly is into me. I’ve fallen in love w him and love the walk he is in. He has also guided me in my walk w our Lord. I prayed for a man like this and the Lord has answered my prayers. But doubts flood my mind and I’m constantly asking my Lord to help me. Guide me. Let his will be it. But the flesh and my worldly expectations come in and doubts resurface. This relationship is Christ based and I always prayed for it just having a difficult time on reading what my sweetheart feels though his actions are always so positive. Thank you for this article it has taken a burden of my confusion away. God bless.

  • Evelyn Perez

    Thank you so much for this article. I’ve been dating a Godly man for three months and I’ve been having a difficult time lately with the struggle of doubting. This relationship is new to me, I prayed for a man who was into the word and the Lord answered my prayers. I love this man and love all that he represents. I’m so blessed to be on this journey but I find myself overthinking whether this man is really into me. His actions are all there – but the words are not and that’s where the doubts are. This man wants to be a pastor and is constantly asking me am I ready to take this journey with him. I feel the Lord is preparing me and molding me. So why the doubts, I’ve always been with Men who were worldly, knew the Lord, but was not a Godly man. I recently ended a physical relationship in March – and spoke to the Lord that I don’t want a physical relationship with anyone any more, I want to stay pure for the man I will marry. Made that vow, ask for forgiveness and bam I met my present sweetheart. I know the Lord put him in my life and this is so new to me, just hearing him and watching him on his walk with the Lord reconfirms all the Love I feel for him and what he represents. That close bond with our Lord and savior – what a powerful feeling. Reading your article put clarity on what I’m feeling and the confusion I was feeling. The enemy will do whatever it takes to ruin a godly relationship. I’ve been praying for an answer, clarity and show me the way, and the almighty has. Today as I write this I feel so humbled. I cast all my worries on him and trust that I’m on this road because he put me here. Thank you Jesus

  • Eve

    Just read this article. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been dating a godly man for three months now and have been noticing lately that I’ve been doubting whether or not he truly is into me. I’ve fallen in love w him and love the walk he is in. He has also guided me in my walk w our Lord. I prayed for a man like this and the Lord has answered my prayers. But doubts flood my mind and I’m constantly asking my Lord to help me. Guide me. Let his will be his. But the flesh and my worldly expectations come in and doubts resurface. This relationship is Christ based and I always prayed for it just having a difficult time on reading what my sweetheart feels though his actions are always so positive. Thank you for this article it has taken a burden of my confusion away. God bless.

  • Jenn

    I’m a bit concerned by the comment about emotions:
    “Well, you do have a choice: repress them, swallow them, bury them. Ignore them….”
    This sounds like you’re not dealing with the root issue and instead just whacking off whatever little shoots you see sprouting up. Does not sound wise or healthy.


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