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10 Questions to Ask Before Falling Head-Over-Heels for Him

By: Kristen Clark

Starstruck. Fangirling. Infatuated. Obsessed.

All of these words could have been used to describe the state of my mind and heart one cold wintery night. I had no idea who he was, but I was anxious and ready to find out. As a young teen girl, this was the first serious crush I had that lasted more than a few months.

As I share in a previous blog post, I quickly became a crush-obsessed girl.

Knowing nothing more about this guy than his good looks, athletic body, and piercing blue eyes, I was falling head-over-heels for him! I was the epitome of the word “infatuated” and allowed my strong emotions and inner excitement to drive everything I thought.

If I could go back in time and give my teenage self some much needed advice, I would say this: Don’t let your passionate feelings drive your romantic interests in a guy. Infatuation feels wonderful, but it will quickly cloud your ability to discern the true character of a cute guy.

Instead of allowing truth and wisdom to drive my actions, I allowed my passionate feelings and emotions to drive the train.

I wish I knew then what Gary Thomas says in his book, The Sacred Search:

“Romantic attraction, as wonderful and as emotionally intoxicating as it can be, can actually lead you astray as much as it can help you. You need to understand that as soon as you become infatuated, you are vulnerable and stupid.”

Yep. That was me. Vulnerable and stupid. My mind was clouded by this guy’s cuteness, which lead me to obsess over him for 3 long years.

Falling head-over-heels for a guy is easy to do. Unfortunately, acting on our strong emotions leads so many girls down a road of heartache and disappointed.

Whether you’re currently falling head-over-heels for a guy, or know you will at some point in the future, I want to challenge you to fight against allowing your feelings and emotions to drive the train.

Instead, choose to hand the reigns over to a much better driver – discernment.

The best place to start “discerning” is by seriously asking yourself some basic, yet vital questions about this guy.

Here are 10 extremely important questions to ask before falling head-over-heels for him:

  1. When did he become a Christian?
  2. How much does he value his relationship with Jesus?
  3. What are some obvious “fruits” in his life that show his love for God?
  4. Is he committed and involved in a local church?
  5. What does he spend his free time doing?
  6. Does he value his family (parents and siblings)?
  7. In conversation, does he talk more about himself, or does he spend more time asking questions to others?
  8. Are his closest friends a godly influence on him?
  9. Does he value God’s plan for sexual purity?
  10. Is he respectful in the way he talks about and treats other girls?

If I had taken the time to seriously explore those 10 questions about my high school crush, I would have quickly discovered that he wasn’t the type of guy I was truly hoping for.

Instead of allowing yourself to fall head-over-heels for the next cute guy that looks your way, I highly encourage you to pull in the reigns and ask those questions about him.

Allow truth and wisdom to be the determining factor, not your emotions and feelings.

If this has topic struck a chord with you and you want to learn more about God’s design for true love and romance, I encourage you to grab a copy our book, Girl Defined. Because romance is such an important topic to understand, we dedicated chapter 9 entirely to that topic! I think you will find it extremely helpful.

For more insight into this topic, check out my other post titled: Why You Should Love a Guy’s Heart More than His Hairdo

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Photo Credit: Here 

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  • Kath

    I have a huge crush on this guy for more than a year. He is the answer to all the 10 questions you listed out. But I just found out thag he has a girlfriend for 2 years. Im so sad but I still want to believe that God has someone better and more suitable for me somewhere

  • Brooklyn

    Similarly to Kath, I had a crush on a guy for 2 years or so. From everything I had seen, he was the “correct answer” to all of those questions. But that gave me no grounds to infatuate over him. I honestly barely knew him, and he me was a couple years older than me. Eventually, I realized I had trained myself to infatuate day in and day out, and I had to learn to take my thoughts captive. It was mentally exhausting the first couple days, but oh so worth it.

    • Lainey

      Brooklyn-
      I’m in the same boat!! Except I’ve only had a crush on him for nearly a year. I know I’m overly obsessing, and I’ve been trying to stop, but it’s REALLY hard. Do you have any tips? Thanks so much. 🙂

      • Lainey

        Never mind-I believe God had shown me the answer. 🙂

  • Daisy R.

    Great post! <3
    I'm in the same boat as Kath and Brooklyn! My "interest" meets all the requirements you mentioned but unfortunately he's become an obsession. Even though I've crushed on him for good reasons (like his character and his passion for Christ) I've allowed myself to think about him way too much and my small crush has developed into an infatuation. Yikes! Thankfully, the Lord has shown me it's a problem and I've purposed to take those thoughts captive. When I'm tempted to think about him, I intentionally redirect my mind to "whatever is pure, right, noble, lovely…etc." But it's not always easy! I've learned the hard way that even if your "interest" is godly, he can still be a hindrance in your Christian walk.

  • Thaís Santos

    Awesome post!

  • Rach

    Okay so what do you do when said guy fills out 8-9 of the 10 questions?

  • Magdiel De Salas

    Thank you so much for the post 🙂
    It is so hard and extremely necessary, especially when you don’t have these questions ready before he comes.
    I’ll share it with my cousin.


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