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2 Things I Look for in a Girl (From a Guy)

By: Beecher Proch (Guest)

You’ve heard the question asked. Your brothers, your friends, and your cousins have all had this question posed to them (or will eventually). It sometimes causes a sudden shuffling of the feet and anxious stares out the window.

It’s the question which will never get exactly the same response: “What are you looking for in a wife?”

If you feel like the answers could be limitless… join the club! There are some obvious answers (especially for a Christian guy) like, “I want her to love the Lord with all her heart,” “I want her to be a Proverbs 31 woman” and on down the line.

But today I want to focus on just one area of a woman’s life (broken into two categories) that I look at in a girl’s life which can make her attractive… or not so much. (Shocking as it may seem, the two areas are not how beautiful she is outwardly, or if she uses the highest quality makeup).

It’s relationship.

I don’t mean how a girl acts with her friends on shopping sprees or at church (a factor, but not one we’re focusing on right now). I don’t mean how she interacts with guys (another huge topic I’ll save for later).

What I’m going to talk about in the area of relationship in a woman’s life breaks down into two categories:

1. How does she treat her dad?

Honor your father and mother… that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land – Eph. 6:2-3

I’m watching how a girl treats her dad (or if she doesn’t have a dad, the father figure in her life). Is she respectful? Obedient? How does she treat him in public versus in private? How does she handle disagreements with him? Does she pray for him?

I know that one day I’m going to be in her Dad’s place, and however she treats him now is a good foreshadowing of how she’ll treat me.

If she doesn’t respect her dad, will she truly respect me after we’re married?

He may be difficult to get along with or seem to be unreasonable at times, but God has placed your Dad in your life to refine you and draw you closer to Him.

Find simple ways to show love to your Dad and then act on them. You see, believe it or not, the way you treat your Dad today is practice for how you’ll treat your husband tomorrow.

2. How does she treat the children in her life?

But Jesus called them to him, saying “let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God” – Luke 18:16

I love kids.

And I love it when I see a young lady caring for, and loving on, the children around her. A woman who has a tender loving spirit for children will definitely catch guys’ attention.

Why? Simple!

She’s going to treat her children like she treats children now!

If she loves on them and loves to be with them, I’m all for that! But… if she acts like kids are just oversized pesky mosquitos… we have a problem. Not only is it no fun to be around her (if you’re wondering why I sound like I’ve had firsthand experience, it’s because I have), but warning bells go off.

Raising children is going to be a huge part of our life together – who wants a wife who acts like she’d rather die than keep holding little Johnny? Wait, let me restate that. I do NOT want a wife who isn’t going to have fun raising her family, and I don’t know any guys who do!

If you’re reading through this and starting to sweat because you haven’t been treating your Dad or children in an honoring way, don’t panic! It’s never too late to change!

Starting right at this moment, pray and purpose to act differently.

Honor and respect your Dad. Make silly faces at the little girl speedily crawling towards the door. Play with the little guys who toddle around church. It’s going to take a lot of self-sacrifice and commitment. But three things will happen to you:

  1. You’ll begin learning to love others like Christ loves them.
  2. Others will be touched by your love.
  3. You’ll be preparing to be an amazing wife and Mother one day! Your husband will thank you, your children will thank you, and you will be an amazing Godly example to other women.

It’s not an easy thing to consistently love your dad and the kids around you.

If you start with small steps, it will just get easier as time goes by. 

  • So, how can you demonstrate love to your Dad right at this second?
  • What about the kids around you – are you reflecting the love Christ showed you by loving them?
  • When loving others gets hard, is it them, or is it an outward demonstration of what’s going on inside your heart?

Photo credit: www.flickr.com | Kidoki

Guy and girl shoes

 

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  • Sandy

    Great post. I have 3 boys and will pass this onto them. I know this site is typically for girls, but I want my sons to learn from other guys..especially this guy. I didn’t know young men like this really existed.. is he real? Great perspective. Thanks GirlDefined and please post more from this guy in the future!

    • We’re so glad you were encouraged Sandy! We hope your boys benefit from this blog post as well. Blessings!

  • Lovelyleblanc7

    That was a really good post! I’m spreading this to my friends. Thank you for sharing.

    • Thanks so much for the encouragement Lovelyblanc7. We hope your friends find this article helpful too!

  • averyswife

    Just a few thoughts from a married girl with kids: while these two things are a good general guideline, they don’t always transfer into a marriage. I’ll be honest and admit that while I was always fairly respectful of my father, I still struggle with respecting my husband. A father-daughter relationship is truly one of an authority figure over a child. When a Christian woman marries a Christian man, he doesn’t truly “replace” her father…the relationship changes to more of a partnership with a leader (the man) and his wife, who is to submit to his authority. Decision-making and child-raising changes the dynamic into something completely different from a father-daughter relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still 100% in agreement with the Biblical example of marriage, I just disagree that it’s the same as the father-daughter one. Also, having your own children is a lot different from interacting with kids as a young unmarried woman. I don’t think any amount of playing with toddlers truly prepared me for the intensity of motherhood. 😉 (That said, I do think a young woman who despises children should definitely be crossed off the list of potential wives….but that’s fairly obvious.)

    • Hey @averyswife:disqus, thanks so much for your comments and insights as a wife and mother. You make some really good points! The father/daughter relationship is definitely different than the husband/wife relationship…we agree on that for sure. For a single guy looking for a wife, it’s seems like a good idea for him to observe how she treats her dad and children. We agree it’s not going to be exactly the same when they get married, but at least he will have a better idea of where her heart is in those areas. Thanks for sharing your insights!

  • Blessed wife

    First off, I love my father and he’s a great dad. Although, I was not raised in a Christian environment. I grew up with good, loving parents but just lack of spiritual leaders/role models. I feel like I did not always show my dad the respect he deserved because I didn’t have the religious foundation, nor the true understanding of “honor thy father and mother.” My parents also rarely even asked of respect, not because they didn’t desire it but I think they just simply lacked the parenting tools on how to raise respectful children. Now, after being married, I have such a deep respect and love for my husband because for me, God gave me the spiritual leader I always needed and desired…even though were many times I didn’t know what I needed. God is now using my husband and I to be a testimony to my family and bringing them closer to The Lord. You never know how God will use a husband to shape and grow a lost woman . I’m so grateful for my husband everyday because he is so much than I could have ever imagined and nothing explains it but simply, God.

  • Heather

    Wow, this is really something to think about. Thanks so much!

  • Alenia Dark

    Okay, I have a problem that isn’t really related to this post, but it is related to guys and relationships. Let me explain:
    I am a Christian teenage girl and I have my purity limits firmly set; it’s not there that I have the problem. I have decided that I don’t want to date/court until I am of marriage age (or at least really close: 17 or 18.) I am only 14 now, and I am perfectly happy waiting, but I still find myself having crushes and sort of wanting to have a relationship.
    I think I might have a crush at the moment, but I am in complete denial because I really dislike crushes, because they’ve ruined friendships in the past. My friends have all told me that I am not alone and that they all have crushes too, even though they hate them, but there has to be a way to stop having crushes, right?
    Please help!

    • ChristianGirl

      OK, I’m going to be straightforward. In reply to your post:
      I am fifteen, and I have nearly the same problem as you do. I am not as social as most teenage girls, though. I’m homeschooled, I was taught that you keep yourself in reserve until marriage, etc. But I have found out a couple of things:
      Crushes usually don’t last long. If you like someone for a couple of reasons, but you’re not seriously “In Love” with them, it will fade after a bit. Example:
      I liked someone in my church group awhile back. His humor, the way he combed his hair, his eyes, it was all very nice. Until I realized, he was just being a friend. And at our ages, that was good! He was in the same church group as me. Big deal. There was nothing in the way he spoke, nothing in his mannerisms, to suggest that he liked me back. It was just a simple “hmm, I like you” on my part. And so I gave it up.

      Another thing I’ve figured out: If you watch their mannerisms, attitude swings, the way they do things, even the way they talk, sometimes you can guess what you don’t want to have around. I mean, you have to look for the virtues, not the cuteness. The way that he acts around his friends is probably totally different than the way he acts around family, or even girls. You need to know ALL the different sides of his behavior.
      Does this make sense, or was I just acting like a know it all, do you think?

      • Eetheart

        You know, for a fifteen year old, you’re pretty smart. Yes, it makes perfect sense! 🙂

        • ChristianGirl

          Thank you! *sigh of relief*

    • Hey Alenia,

      Thanks for being so open and honest with us. Crushes can often times be confusing and hard to handle. I have great news for you. Paula Hendricks is a new book author and just came out with a small book titled “Confessions of a boy crazy girl.” My younger sisters are currently reading it and absolutely love it. Here is an excerpt from her book:

      “Sound familiar?

      1. You spot a cute boy (we’ll call him Boy A).

      2. You dream about Boy A.

      3. You do whatever it takes to make Boy A notice you.

      4. Even though Boy A doesn’t pursue you, you hang on to your dream of Boy A until he (a) moves to the North Pole with no access to a cell phone or computer, (b) dies and is buried or cremated, or (c) begins dating another girl.

      5. You mend your broken heart by hating Boy A and finding another cute boy (Boy B). You replace Boy A with Boy B and begin all over again . . .

      Paula has gone through an entire alphabet-and more-of boys over the years.

      As she shares her journal entries and stories-the good, the bad, and the ugly-you’ll be encouraged to trust God with your love life and buckle up for the ride!

      Written for teen girls, Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl will help you on your own journey from neediness to freedom.”

      If you can I’d encourage you to get and read her book. I’ve attached a link to it directly below.

      <3 Bethany Baird

      http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Boy-Crazy-Girl-Journey-Neediness/dp/0802407501

  • Eetheart

    This goes 100% the other way around as well. When you girls look for a guy, look to how he treats his mother. I know personally I’m working on that, because I haven’t always had the best ties to my parents. But yeah, just wanted to throw that in there 🙂

  • I am new to this blog, but came across this post and found it to be particularly helpful and encouraging even though it seems to have been written a while ago. Thanks! And I hope to come back to read more posts on here. 😉

    • Hey @disqus_aeGm5xMIfo:disqus, I am so glad you found the GirlDefined blog. I hope to hear from you again on future blog posts 🙂 -Bethany

  • Valerie Alyssa Gomez

    Wow the first one hit me like a truck. I know we are supposed to respect and honor our parents no matter what, but when it comes to my Dad I find it SO difficult. He was not there for me the first part of my life because he was living in sin and saw things that probably scarred me. Well he is a saved christian now and I have forgiven him so its not like I hold his past against him. However, his behavior is just so immature sometimes. Even my mom says so.. She gets tired of him like I do. For instance, he will accuse me of lying, he literally went to the same place i was with my friends to make sure i wasn’t with a boy, and he just makes ridiculous assumptions or remarks sometimes.And there is no reason for him to think those things… I love my Dad, but i’m sorry because sometimes he makes me cannot wait until i leave off for college even though I know I will miss home. I have prayed for him countless times, but every time he just tests my patience..

  • Vao

    WOW! Speechless at the moment, but this is some awesome stuff!!!!
    All the best to you and your future wife!

  • Nicole Lewis

    Her relationship with God should be the first thing a man should look for. These two qualities should come after her relationship with God


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