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3 Qualities a Guy Must Have Before You Marry Him

By: Guest Blogger

Have you ever wondered why some guys “stand-out” as solid Christian men? On the flip side, have you ever wondered why other guys behave as wimps, displaying immature and jerk-like attitudes?

I’m a guy.

Yes, I’ve seen both. Yes, I’ve experienced the immature behavior myself. Yes, young solid Christian guy leaders do still exist. And yes, they can be hard to spot at times.

Understanding Christian guy leadership has burdened me deeply.

Christian guy leaders are desperately needed.

They’re needed for the church. They’re needed for young godly Christian single girls. They’re needed to raise families. But, most importantly, they’re needed for the Gospel, for Christ’s sake.

As a Christian girl, what should you look for in guy before you marry Prince Charming?

In my experience in speaking with strong Christian husbands, fathers, and church leaders, I’ve come to observe three crucial qualities: authoritative; spiritual, and sacrificial.

1. Authoritative

If I had to pinpoint one specific area that is largely misunderstood among effective guy leadership, it’s authority. I’ve been amazed at the lack of a true understanding of Christian authority among young guys.

Strong Christian leaders speak with authority.

They know their authority comes from Christ because they submit to Christ’s authority. From this understanding comes their boast in the authority of the Gospel, compelling them to boldly encourage and lead others after the high calling of Christ.

An example of this may be a guy who knows his vision and calling the Lord has for him, and he’s confident in getting there. The Apostle Paul talked about his purpose for running the Christian race with patience and endurance. He pressed on to make the high calling in Christ Jesus his own, and he encouraged others in it (Philippians 3:14; Hebrews 12:1).

Look for a guy who truly knows, understands, and exercises his authority in Christ.

2. Spiritual

A guy’s authority in Christ is only as effective as his walk with God. Look at Moses, David, Elijah, Stephen, Paul, and Peter. All of these men walked closely with God. They were leaders. Leaders who had a strong, vibrant, spiritual walk with their Leader: God himself.

King David is a great example of spiritual leadership. He was a man after God’s own heart. The Psalms are full of his close communion with God.

Prayer. Praise. Adoration. Supplications. Intercessions. Humility.

Even after the incident with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11-12) and his error with numbering the children of Israel (2 Samuel 24), David’s heart had the right response with humbling himself, repenting, and seeking and imploring God’s forgiveness.

Look for a guy whose spiritual walk and “love life” with Christ is greater than his spiritual walk and “love life” with you. (Of course, a beach sunset walk together at night is pretty sweet, too. With ice cream afterwards. And a pumpkin spice chai tea as well. Just make sure he pays for it 😛 ).

3. Sacrificial

Luke 9:23 says, “And he (Jesus) said to all, ‘If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me…’” (emphasis added).

Christian leadership involves guys who are willing to sacrifice themselves daily for the sake of others. In their work. In their marriages. In raising their families. And, in their faith.

Christ is our best example of this.

He left the comforts of being with the Father and came to earth to dwell with us. Being faithfully obedient, He even died on the cross for our sins. He rose from the dead. He lived a perfect life, a life of sacrificial love each day. His example is our example.

Look for a guy who will daily give himself up for the Gospel, in laying down his life for the sake of others.

This begs the question, how can young girls be involved with encouraging and cultivating these three essential qualities in guys, especially young single guys?

Here are a few tips I’ve learned as I’ve been mentored and mentor other young guys.

#1. Pray that God would cultivate in them the qualities of Christian authority, spirituality, and self-sacrifice.

#2. Encourage guys to be mentored by solid Christian leaders and to lead/mentor others.

#3. Affirm guys when their behavior is Christ-like and encourage them to continue in that. (Yes, we need the encouragement).

Gals, as mentioned earlier, Christian guy leadership is desperately needed. You need it in a future husband. Other guys need it. And most importantly, Christ needs it for His bride, the church.

Share your thoughts! 

How about you? Which of these qualities do you think is most important? How can you encourage the guys around you? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

Meet the Author: This guest post was written by John Kraemer, a blog writer of Joysuf, a ministry which focuses on joyful living in daily suffering.

Photo Credit

guy looking out over city

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  • Christian Country Girl

    Thank you so much! This was an amazing article and I like the fact that it’s from a guys perspective.
    The most important characteristic, in my opinion, would have to be his spiritual walk with God. If he has that closeness with God, then he will be a leader and if he loves God with all of his heart, then he will sacrifice himself to live for Him.
    Us girls also need to remember to have a close walk with God too. After all, we can’t expect guys to be faithful Christians if we’re not living that life ourselves. I think that can help encourage guys. Maybe if they see that we’re serious about our walks with God, then they will get serious about theirs.

  • proudcitygal

    so what do you do when you know that God is calling you for the moment, to be single, right now… but how do you NOT crush on godly guys that you know God isnt leading you into a relationship with??

    • Ashley M

      I’d also like an answer to the same question too! 🙂
      I confess I have the same dilemma !

      • Leanne

        If it’s not God’s will for you to be in a relationship with that person, then you must, by God’s grace and His enabling power in you, resist any feelings you have toward him. The biggest way is not to think about it. If the thought comes into your mind, immediately turn your focus to Scripture, praise, or prayer. You can appreciate the Godly qualities in this guy without harboring romantic feelings toward him, kinda like how you would appreciate certain qualities you see in your parents or siblings. If it’s God’s will for you to be in a relationship, then the guy should make the first move. And he will pursue you or be willing to wait long enough if you feel that God hasn’t given you the green light yet. But with that part, ultimately trust the Lord! There’s nothing wrong with being too careful!

        • Ashley M

          Thank you, that’s perfectly said and I will be applying this ! 🙂

          • proudcitygal

            thank you. that does help! I must surrender those thoughts to God.

  • Ashley M

    Oh that was very well said and very timely for me today!
    Thank you for posting, I’m going to be using this to encourage my brothers here at home and then get out and encourage my brothers in Christ! May we see a reformation in godly manhood in this generation ! 🙂

  • Sarah A.

    A recent post on this blog and this one reminded me of something my dad said a few days ago. He said that a girl’s husband is going to take over for her father as her spiritual leader, so he needs to have “the walk” (if you will) to accompany that role. I think that that’s one really important quality.

  • thehappygirl

    Love love love! I’ve been in one truly serious relationship (two others I thought were serious, but the guys did not lol). I am still single, but am praying about getting married. I don’t feel called to a lifetime of singleness, but at this very moment I feel it is best for me to remain single and build a really strong relationship with God. I will definitely be putting these traits on my “future husband list.”

  • This is a great post! It’s always nice to hear these things from a guys persepective.

  • Bibical Womanhood

    All Three are very Important! Lord please make my future husband a godly and good young man after you <3


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