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3 Signs You’re Looking to Guys for Satisfaction Instead of God

By: Kristen Clark

I knew exactly where he was in the room at every moment. I was desperate to know more about this tall good looking guy.

As a single girl in high school at the time, I was highly intrigued by this handsome face.

As my head hit my pillow that night, my thoughts were flooded with dreams of “this guy.” I woke up the next morning anxious to see him again. Even though I barely knew his name, I did whatever I could to be near him. Whether purposely walking past him, staring at him from across the room, or simply making myself available, I was consumed with this guy.

As the days and weeks stretched on, I found myself happiest when I was near him, and completely dissatisfied when I wasn’t. The more we chatted, the happier I felt. But if several weeks went by and I heard nothing from him, I would cry on my pillow at night and wonder what was going on.

Slowly but surely, this guy, without even knowing it, had become the source of my satisfaction as a girl.

I was no longer satisfied in my relationship with Christ, but was searching for satisfaction through a relationship with this guy.

Have you ever experienced something similar?

Looking to a guy for our satisfaction is something most of us, as Christian girls, struggle with. Whether you’ve struggled with this in the past or are struggling with it right now, looking to guys for security is a common pitfall.

However, the hardest part for us as Christian girls isn’t the fact that we struggle, but seeing clearly enough to recognize when we’re struggling.

During my short-lived obsession with that cute guy, I was blind to my own struggles.

I couldn’t see clearly and didn’t even realize that I had shifted my satisfaction off of Christ and totally onto this guy.

Even though the signs were clear to my parents and others, it wasn’t clear to me until I was totally out of it. I’m guessing you’re the same way.

To help you evaluate the current condition of your own heart, I’ve come up with 3 clear signs to help you determine whether or not you’re placing your satisfaction in a guy(s), instead of in God.

See if any of these signs match your current (or past) actions.

3 Signs You’re Looking to Guys for Your Satusfaction Instead of to God:

1. You Desperately Want Guys to Notice You

You don’t really care which guy it is…you just want to be noticed. You desperately want some guy – any guy – to look at you and think you’re gorgeous. You want some guy to single you out and give you special attention. Thoughts like these consume your mind and you regularly wonder why more guys aren’t noticing you.

At times, you might even feel tempted to post some highly filtered, semi-sexy pictures of yourself on your social media accounts to get guys to notice you. You’re just desperate to be noticed, and you’re beginning to feel like you’d do anything to get some male attention.

2. You Manipulate the Circumstances to be Near that One Guy

Just like my story from above, you always know exactly where HE is. If you’re in the same room with him, your eyes are constantly scanning the crowd to make sure you’ve got tabs on his whereabouts. You purposely place yourself in strategic positions to make sure he bumps into you.

If he’s on a certain sports team, you’re always at the game. If he’s on social media, you’re constantly liking and commenting on his images and videos. You’ve even attended certain parties and events just to be in the same room as him. You’ve become a pro at manipulating the circumstances to make sure you’re around him as much as possible.

3. You Think About “Him” Every Waking Moment

You can’t seem to get him off your mind! You think about him and dream about him almost every moment of the day. You regularly check his social media profile to see if he’s posted anything new. You constantly search his old posts and browse his photos all the time.

Your thoughts about this guy fill the pages of your journal and you fall asleep at night dreaming of life together someday. Whether you’re cleaning your room, doing school, working out, sitting in church, or watching a movie…this guy is on your mind.

Could you resonate with any of these 3 signs?

Could you see your actions and motives in any part of those 3 descriptions? If so, you’re struggling with exactly what I used to struggle with – placing your security in guys, instead of in God.

When we place our security in guys, our actions and motivations instantly change and we become desperate and consumed, as shown in those three examples. We become frantic and dissatisfied with life, turning our emotions into a crazy roller coaster ride.

We’re impatient in our singleness and are always “on the hunt” for attention and affirmation.

However, when we’re secure and satisfied in our relationship with Christ, we don’t need the attention and affirmation from guys to be fulfilled. We’re content and peaceful in our walk with God and that shows in our attitude, actions, and emotions.

Our lives are marked by peace and our emotions are marked by stability. We care more about serving others than manipulating the circumstances around us.

Only Christ can fully satisfy the deepest longings of your heart.

If this post has helped you discover that you’re looking to guys for your security instead of to God, I really want to challenge and encourage you to do the following things:

  1. Repent of your misplaced affection and idolatry and ask God to help you desire Him more than guys (1 John 1:9).
  2. Every time you’re tempted to be consumed with “that guy,” choose to redirect your thoughts by pausing and praying for strength to stay focused on God. Memorize a few solid verses to meditate on when you’re feeling tempted (Psalm 107:9, Psalm 17:5, Psalm 37:4).
  3. Don’t browse his social media profile anymore.
  4. When you’re with a group and he’s there, choose to pursue meaningful conversations with other girls instead of chasing him down.
  5. Get in the Word every day so you can learn more about your Savior and develop a deeper love for Him (Psalm 16).
  6. Pray for your future husband and focus on staying faithful to him. If God has marriage in your future, your husband is out there, so choose to honor him while you wait.

For more helpful posts on this topic, I highly recommend reading these as well:

Is it Okay to Be Obsessed with Guys?

Chasing After Something Greater Than Guys

5 Strategies for Living With Purpose as a Single Girl

I’d love to hear from you below!

  • Which of the 3 areas from above is a struggle for you now, or has been in the past?
  • What has been personally helpful in your life for overcoming your obsession with a certain guy?

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8 Responses to 3 Signs You’re Looking to Guys for Satisfaction Instead of God

  1. Sea Star says:

    So then, what’s the difference between ‘making yourself available’ to a guy in a manner that’s obsessive, and a way that’s normal leading up to a relationship? This is assuming the girl only exhibits one or two of these behaviors, not all of them (which would definitely appear obsessive).

    • Ruth says:

      Making yourself available would be, in my opinion, just being out there. Be present. For example, attending events at school, church or when a friend invites you for a fall party or ugly sweater party. Maybe even hosting something at your place and inviting people over. In other words, not sitting at home reading or watching Netflix all the time. Try something new (for me that would be snowboarding or maybe a festival I’ve never been to or hiking up a trail I’ve never been on). If there is a guy you’re interested in getting to know (this is what I do) introduce yourself or see if any if your friends know him and get an intro that way. You can also invite him to a party you’re hosting or sometimes I invite the guy to a meetup(meetup app) activity like bowling or rollerskating or whatever is of interest to the both of us.

      I’ve been through number three many times. I try to think of other things, but more often than not that guy pops up into my head more than I need. Thinking about guys are normal but being obsessive is the problem — we each have to refocus on things that are more important in life. Whether or not that guy we really like wants to go on a date with us, we have to keep God first. It helps me to constantly ask God to help me be patient. (Sometimes it takes guys awhile to ask girls out).

  2. Tiffany Wright says:

    Nice post, but I’d like to offer my opinions:
    – It’s one thing if you want attention from ALL the guys ever, and you’re gonna do stupid stuff for that attention. But this sounds more like a schoolgirl crush, Kristen. What’s wrong with getting attention from a guy that you might get to know better and maybe even have a relationship with?
    – I was head over heels in love once. Yes, I tried pursuing God during that time. Yes, I TRIED mentally pushing myself away from being so consumed over a guy. And guess what? I had religious neuroris over the self-guilt and stigma that I was being “too obsessed over the guy.” Trying to be with a guy as much as possible is okay. Stalking him on social media is okay. Heck, being “guy-obsessed” is not only normal, it’s perfectly natural. There’s a difference between being obsessed (which is a phase most girls go through) and clear-cut idolatry. And trust me when I say that when I stalked, cried, and thought of my crush every single day, I was NOT thinking them more perfect than God in any way. Im happy to say that it was a perfectly natural process for me that did not ruin my belief in God.
    Bottom line, I think there are two loopholes you should address here: 1) how and why should I find love in an invisible God who is neither proven nor disproven to exist, and how exactly young girls should regard their crushes…without trying to squelch their feelings of affection. I’d know, because ‘trying to focus on God first’ rule was the most counterproductive thing that ever happened to me.

    • Ruth says:

      This post is for the girl/woman who is a child of God. From what I understand, you’re saying you don’t believe in God which is why you’re asking for clarification on the two loopholes you’ve mentioned?

      You’re right when you said that being “guy obsessed” is normal but for the Christian girl Christ should be first. I like to remember the acronym – JOY. Stands for Jesus, Others, Yourself. It has served me well over the years, but I have experienced numerous times “guy obsession” to the point where my homework didn’t get done and I couldn’t concentrate on work. Now that I think we can agree — is a problem. Nothing is wrong for wanting attention from a guy. I think it’s safe to say we’ve ALL been there. The problem came when he consumed me — my mind, how I acted, where I went etc. When a girl starts to dress and act just to get attention — she is not seeking God but rather the boy.

      I’m glad that your experience with guy obsession hasn’t caused you to wander but it’s still something to keep in check as you grow closer to Him.

      Sorry “trying to focus on God first” rule was counterproductive. Maybe there is someone older/wiser who you feel comfortable talking to about this? They would know you better to figure out what might work for you.

  3. Elena M. says:

    This post was really great for me. Thank you, I needed this sooo much!

  4. Mary Harris says:

    Thanks, SO much Kristen for this encouraging post! I’m pretty new to the blog(I heard of your ministry through LYWB blog), but have been so inspired by all the posts I’ve read. After reading this post I thought of Matt. 6: 33: “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” I am so thankful you and Bethany are addressing tricky issues young girls face today … it’s SO helpful and clarifying.

  5. Shadow says:

    Liking a guy? Sin. Feeling attraction to anything more than a God? Sin. It’s all sin.

  6. Clara says:

    This is such an encouraging post! I’m definitely guilty of both two and three. Thank you especially for the list of things to do from this point! I think I’ll print it out and keep it near my bed. 🙂

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