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3 Practical Tips for Conquering Secret Sexual Thoughts

By: Kristen Clark

“I struggle with lustful thoughts all the time and I wish I could stop!”

“I thought my sexuality was supposed to be a blessing…but I can’t seem to keep my mind pure! It doesn’t feel like a blessing anymore.”

“Being single is a lot harder than I thought it would be! I battle against my sensual thoughts every night and it’s getting really old. Help!”

Have you every has similar thoughts? Sexual thoughts and struggles are something that every Christian girl will battle at one time or another. Unfortunately, unlike most other struggles, this is one that can easily be kept under wraps.

Many girls who struggle against lust keep it completely to themselves.

Are you struggling with impure sexual thoughts in your life right now?

Do you lay awake at night imagining the perfect romance story? Do you dream of yourself being sexually involved with your crush?

I know what this is like because I’ve been there.

Thankfully, I have learned the power of freedom through the power of Christ.

Whatever your specific sexual sin may be, the Bible has the answers to every single one of your struggles. Let’s go through some basic truths that will help you in your fight against impure sexual thoughts.

Our “secret fantasies” are not secret. Every thought, action, and word is laid bare before the eyes of God.

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13).

God commands us to live without a hint of sexual impurity in our lives. That would include our thoughts.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Ephesians. 5:3).

The Bible gives clear direction on what our thoughts should be focused on.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

According to those verses, God is very serious about avoiding even a hint of sexual immorality. Instead of excusing our sin as small or not a big a deal, let’s choose to view sexual sin the way that God does.

Are you ready to get serious about making changes in your own life? Do you truly desire success in this area?

Here are 3 practical tips for conquering secret sexual thoughts:

1. Go through your entire bedroom and throw away anything that tempts you towards impure thoughts. That includes movies, magazines, books, music, websites, and anything else that fuels your impure fantasies.

2. Memorized Psalm 51:10, which says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Recite this verse any time you’re tempted with an impure thought.

3. Purpose to read Scripture every night before you fall asleep. This will help you to keep your thoughts focused on the truth as you drift into dreamland.

Those tips may seem simple, but if you discipline yourself to put them into action, you may see a huge difference in how often you conquer your sexual struggles.

Let’s chat below.

  • What other tips would you add to my list?
  • What has been helpful to you in fighting off sexual fantasies?

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34 Responses to 3 Practical Tips for Conquering Secret Sexual Thoughts

  1. Pooja jersy says:

    This ll be much difficult to com out of this temptation bcz its kind of magic we doesnt no that where its taking us… But we have to we must n should com out of that circle then only wil get freedom completly .First We have to think where our mind is going wat its expecting and wat its desiring .. Later we need to see a solution first we have to surrender this things to god n confess our sin completly and we need to praise more when we got this kind of this to mind and shut down all worldy thing and try to be alone … When we r alone we will be much close to god that time our mind ll set to gods words.. But some time alone is approach also for this kind of things but nw we have to be alone bcz of we need to com out this temptation so cut off all contacts confess praise him ask him to give delivernce from this ask him freedom from this…

  2. Caroline says:

    I used to welcome sexually impure thoughts. At first I had no idea it would be harmful, but it was! I definitely got caught up in fantasizing and even masturbation, which is so shameful to me. However, as I began truly seeking after Jesus by reading His Word, fasting, and praying, I began to see how serious this was…it was sin and there was only ONE who could be my helper and that ONE is JESUS. In the past year, the Lord filled me with the Holy Ghost and I finally felt convicted (compelled to change) rather than condemned (destined to fail). Jesus turned my mess into a message of His redemption power by His Blood shed on Calvary! I am free from these deliberate sins, some days I am tempted, but I have the Power of the Holy Ghost to no longer live as a slave to sin. Praise the Lord!

    When I was serious about calling on the name of the Lord for redemption and restoration, He too showed me to get rid of movies, music, clothes, magazines, etc. He was calling me to a cleansed life and I am so thankful! I love knowing that I am cleansed in His precious Blood! Free of guilt and shame! I have a new name! And all that the Lord did for me, He will certainly do for you! What are you waiting for? Start seeking Him today! You can be FREE in JESUS’ NAME!

    1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;”

  3. anonymous says:

    Is there anyway we can change by ourselves without the knowledge of our parents. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey! I’m sooo glad you commented and are seeking advice. It’s important to remember that talking to your parents won’t bring forgiveness. Only God can grant you forgiveness of sins and give you the power to forsake them. That is the first step in any sin struggle. Confess to God and seek His forgiveness first and foremost. The Bible makes it very clear that,

      “Whoever conceals his transgressions [sins] will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

      Key Step: Confess your sins to God, forsake them and you will obtain mercy.

      Forsaking sins can be a REALLY REALLY hard thing to do. Without a HUGE effort and serious action, the sins can easily come back into your life. If you are truly serious about forsaking your sins, you will do whatever it takes.

      The question is, how serious are you about finding freedom from your sins? If you are really serious and truly desire freedom, here is what you can do.

      The Bible gives us very clear guidance on how to overcome sin. It says,

      “Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24

      Step 1: Put off the sin you are struggling with. Basically stop sinning. Get rid of it. Destroy it. Throw it away. Remove it. Do whatever it takes to “put off” that sin.

      Step 2: Renew your mind. What does the Bible say about the issue you were struggling with? Fill your mind with God’s Word and His truth. Train your mind to think according to God’s Word.

      Step 3: Put on the new self. This is your action step. You have to replace the bad with the good. This is where talking to your parents, explaining your struggle and seeking their help comes into play. They can help you put on the good actions and keep you accountable. You can’t do this on your own, you need Christ’s power and you the need those around you to help you and keep you accountable. Don’t believe the lie that you are “strong enough” to overcome. Pull from the strength and wisdom of those wiser than you. Your parents are a great resource and will help you figure out ways to put boundaries of protection in place.

      The Bible says,

      “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

      On your own you will struggle to defend yourself and fight off the temptations and enemy. But, with the strength of your parents and the help from those around you, you will be strengthened.

      I hope this is a help and encouragement to you! -Bethany

  4. anonymous says:

    Thank you so much, for answering, I really appreciate it, this has helped me in so many ways, one of my parents know now.

  5. Christian Country Girl says:

    Thank you so much! This really is a common struggle (coming from someone who knows exactly what its like to have a secret thought life). I’m praying about it and seeking forgiveness from God. It’s still very, very hard at times, but I’m trying to give it over to Christ and let Him take it.

  6. Grace says:

    Great post! But you have a typo in tip #1, you say to throw away anything pure.
    “1. Go through your entire bedroom and throw away anything that tempts you to maintain pure thoughts. That includes movies, magazines, books, music, websites, and anything else that fuels your impure fantasies.”

  7. Daisy says:

    Thank you guys so much for this post! It was very helpful. I have prayed alot about this, but that verse was really helpful!

  8. Christian Country Girl says:

    Great post! I’ve memorized that verse and I’m going to start saying it anytime I start to feel tempted. Thank you!!

  9. Christian Country Girl says:

    That’s great!! What passage was it?

    • Brooklyn says:

      In the past I had memorized Philippians, but had forgotten exactly how that went. Also, my family is ever so slowly memorizing 1 John (its a tough book to memorize). So turned to both of those books when I was tempted to dwell on impure thoughts. It was mentally exhausting the first couple days, but it was sooo worth it 🙂

  10. Seeking truth says:

    One more typo in the fourth paragraph, first sentence: “Have you every has similar thoughts?”

    Should be: “Have you ever had similar thoughts?”

    But great post!

  11. JaLynn Rae Atnip says:

    Thanks so much for this!

  12. Deranda Smith says:

    My friends were just talking about dealing with this same thing last night. Thank you for such an awesome post. I will be sure to share this post with them!!

  13. Heather Hemsley says:

    Thank you so much, Kristen. I thought I was the only one who had those types of thoughts! I am trying to memorize Psalm 51:10 right now 🙂 Thanks again!

  14. JaLynn Rae Atnip says:

    Thanks a lot! Like Heather I thought I was the only one who had those types of thoughts.

  15. Kate says:

    Wow, thank you for this! It helps a lot.

  16. Jo says:

    Thanks a lot… May God bless your ministry. This post has helped me a lot.

  17. Daniela Hammond says:

    Hello! thank you for your article. This is very relevant to me. I struggle not just with fantasies, but with memories of past sins in past relationships. It’s hard. 🙁

  18. Hannah says:

    This is something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately. Thanks for the encouragement. Memorizing Scriptures does truly help!

  19. Celestria says:

    I think I need to go through my books. The majority of books I read are Christian, but even the Christian romance can be a little inappropriate at times or else just always on the edge of being so. Anyone else notice this??

  20. Eunike says:

    We don’t need to deal with the condemnation of it afterwards either! If we confess our sins to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us of all our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

  21. Shanice Harris says:

    I thank God for your ministry and all of your consistently helpful blog posts.

  22. Elize says:

    Hi Kristen! First of all thank-you for being transparent and open about this, bringing it into the light to discuss.
    I have one suggestion that has also helped me. In 2 Corinthians 2:5 it says to, “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” I always wondered how to do this, but lately I’ve actuallly been putting it into action, where if I have an inpure thought I will literally hold it before God, and say “Lord, this is the thought that went through my head. I don’t want it there and neither do you, so please take it and replace it with something new.”

  23. Adjeley says:

    Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind |-/

    Just a random thought. Thanks so much for this, I will keep this in mind 🙂

  24. agnes yalley says:

    Great post. I love reading loads but even the ‘christaian romance’ does not help neither do the ‘christian movies’.

  25. Ryleigh says:

    Thank you for your tips reading your blog helps me not feel alone anymore, I thought I was the only person struggling with this type of sin. I have been battleing for a long time and still struggle I believe the tips you have given will help me conquer this sin!

  26. Hannah says:

    Yes, memorizing Scripture does help conquer this struggle. One other things I learned: don’t intake content that feeds those thoughts and think it doesn’t affect you. Feed your eyes and mind with “whatsoever things are lovely, pure, etc.” and overcoming the wrong becomes easier. Also remember: don’t try to be victorious on your own. Christ has all power and you have access to it. Yours is the victory in HIM!

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