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3 Ways to Encourage the Guys in Your World

By: Bethany Beal

It was a hot, Texas day about eight summers ago when I had a huge revelation about guys. I was with my team of twelve, six guys and six girls, preparing for a national sporting competition. After one of our many practices under the boiling sun, our coach suggested that we take turns offering up words of encouragement to each other. I guess it was supposed to be a team building activity of sorts.

To say the least, I wasn’t really excited about this time of “sharing.” Typically, they contain awkward moments of silence with lots of crickets chirping.

But, I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Our coach said, “Okay, whoever would like to encourage someone can go ahead.”

Silence and . . .

More silence. (You can here the crickets now, can’t you?)

Then, to my surprise, the most unlikely guy broke the ice. He was not the guy I would have labeled as a “warrior poet” or “noble gentleman,” so his words came as a big surprise.

He turned and looked at me and said something to this effect, “I’ve been watching you over the past few months and I’ve noticed how consistent you are with what you say and what you do. Your Christianity is real to you and you really live it out. I know it may not seem like I would be the one to care, but I want you to know that I’m inspired to do the right thing because of you.”

I was totally floored.

For one, I never expected those words to come out of that guy’s mouth and, secondly, he was the last person I would have ever suspected to notice or care about a girl trying to do the right thing.

Guys Are Truly Watching

The reason that I tell you that story is because guys truly are watching.

You may not feel like being a godly woman does any good. You may be convinced that guys could care less. But guys are inspired by a godly girl. I’ve seen it with my own eyes!

The guy in that story was the last guy I would have expected to notice a girl trying to do the right thing, but he did!

When you truly understand what it means to live a Christ-centered life and you choose to live out your design as a female, guys will take note.

How to Encourage Boys to Become Men

I want to take you through some practical ways that you, as a young woman, can encourage the “boys” in your life to act like true men.

1. Understand godly manhood

I recently read an article by Eric Ludy and he was encouraging girls to have a vision and understanding of biblical manhood. His point . . . How can a girl know how to encourage a guy towards godly manhood if she doesn’t have a clue what it’s supposed to look like? I want to extend his challenge to you. Take the time to learn and understand why God created the male and what His purpose is for them. Start in Genesis 1–3. Why did God create men and women anyway?

I’d also recommend Eric Ludy’s book titled: God’s Gift to Women and True Woman 101 by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Kassian.

2. Challenge guys to a higher standard

Guys seem to rise to the occasion when the bar is set higher. I’ve noticed that guys tend to treat a girl with the level of respect that she expects. In many cases (not all of course), I’ve observed that even “knuckle head” guys will step it up if a girl acts like a respectable lady.I know a set of sisters that attend a university nearby. The guys will curse and talk in a vulgar way towards the other girls on campus. But whenever these sisters join a group, the guys straighten up and act like gentlemen. They know that these sisters won’t stick around if the guys curse, so the guys rise to the occasion. I’ve experienced the exact same thing! I’m amazed by how gentlemanly 98% of guys act if I give them the chance and expect it of them.

Step it up a notch in your own life and the guys will take note. You will be an inspiration to guys just by living in a way that encourages them to act like true men.

3. Encourage the good no matter how small

One of the biggest and best ways to help the boys in your life to act like men is through words of encouragement! It’s a sad fact but I rarely hear a good word spoken about men from modern girls. I typically hear girls describe guys as dumb, stupid, lazy, out of it, clueless and more. Even if the guy is stupid and lazy, how do you think he feels when he is constantly called those names? Do you think he feels inspired at all to rise up and act like a godly man? My guess is probably not. Imagine what a difference you could make if you took the time to compliment the good and ditched the negative words. Here are some ideas of encouraging words:

“Wow! The lawn looks amazing. You are such a hard worker. Thanks for doing that.”

“Dad, I really appreciate how hard you work at the office everyday. You are such a faithful man to provide for you family the way that you do.”

“Thank you so much for holding open the door for me. You really stand out as a gentleman compared to most guys out there.”

Can you see the impact? Imagine if you started dropping words of encouragement like that to your dad and brothers on a regular basis. They may mock you and they may pretend not to care, but deep down they will take note. You will give them something good to strive towards.

Understand. Challenge. Encourage. 

It’s time for you to understand, challenge, and encourage the men God has placed in your life. Are you willing to take a step out on a limb and do what only a handful of girls are doing? Are you willing to stand apart from the average girl and encourage guys to live to a higher standard?

Eric Ludy said it this way, “Stop complaining and start studying what a true man looks like. Figure out what a God designed guy is and then encourage, challenge and inspire the boys in your life to become Men.”

This is my challenge to you. 

  • Pick a book and start studying godly manhood.
  • Challenge one guy in your life to live to a higher standard.
  • Encourage your brother or your dad the next time you catch him doing anything worth encouraging.

Are you willing to rise to the occasion and challenge guys towards godly manhood?

Sign your name in the comments section below if you want to join!


3 Ways to Encouarge the Guys in Your World

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29 Responses to 3 Ways to Encourage the Guys in Your World

  1. Sb says:

    Susanna Bruce

  2. Elizabeth says:

    This is something I’ve been bringing before God and asking Him for strength. God works amazing results. It’s not me, but Christ, who lives in me! I pray that He will continue to guide me.

  3. Annie Edwards says:

    Thank you so much for your thoughts, they were very timely! Every time I get an email with a new post from y’all, it’s exactly what I’ve been praying for help and strength in. God’s providence is truly wonderful. This has encouraged me to make a change in my life.

  4. Elizabeth Williams says:

    So encouraging! This is timely because I’m actually reading Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy right now. And you know, I know this applies to guys definitely, but also, just in general, you never know who you’re influencing by your life!

  5. Abigail Cotton says:

    Abigail Cotton

  6. Jessica says:

    Count me in! This is awesome!

  7. Hannah Grant says:

    Count me in! Looking forward to see how the Lord works!

  8. Elyonara Borges says:

    Count me in! I really loved this post!
    Elyonara Borges.

  9. Christina <3 says:

    Definitely joining! {Christina Modrell}

  10. Big Sister says:

    Count me in. This is really good and it applies to our brothers as well as boys outside the family. Especially the encouragement part.

  11. SavedbyGrace says:

    Great Post!! It’s harder than it sounds though:) It’s funny bc, about a week ago, my family and I went out to dinner, and I ended up riding with my two brothers. When we got to Chickfila (our favorite place!!!), my little brother shocked me by opening my car door!! I was soooo excited that I told him how much that meant to me!! After dinner that “gentlemen act of kindness” wore off:( As we got out to the car, he got in and didn’t even bother in opening the door. So I waited outside in the freezing cold, waiting for him to get back out and open the door:) It was quite stupid, but I wanted to prove a point. So when he realized I wasn’t in the car, he asked me to stop playing games and get in. I told him very politely that I was waiting for a sweet guy to open my car door:) He sighed and told me that this game I was playing wasn’t gonna last forever! In my mind I had every intention on making it a habit!:) We had one last stop before going home. We got to my beloved Starbucks and went through the same process again:) My little brother got frustrated at this point and told me to get out if the car. I told him I would, just as soon as a gentlemen would open my door:) He opened it and we went in for coffee. My older brother and I got our coffee and decided to out ahead of my little brother. As we were walking to the car, my big brother than cut in front of me so that he could open the car door for me!!! I was speechless, that my big brother was actually listening and watching what my little brother was doing:) My big brother has never done anything like that, so it made me feel incredibly special!!! I got in and thanked him a few times for being such a gentlemen! Although it still is rather hard to keep them on the right track. I’m still continuing the process of treating them the right way, but they seem to have slipped back into their old ways again:( So it’s the times that they’ve done something really nice, that I try and hold onto for hope that real gentlemen aren’t completely hopeless:)

    • Jesusfreak17 says:

      At least you know they can be gentlemen. I’m not sure if my brothers know how. 😛 (the youngest one anyway…)

      • SavedbyGrace says:

        Haha:) lol! Don’t worry about it:) that was the first time in my life with them, that I really felt like they were treating me like a lady. Half the time they are telling crude jokes and completely ignoring the fact that I am a girl, and not “one of the guys”:) so it’s a long process, but really work at it and try not to give up. Do everything u can do, to show that u deserve to be treated like a lady aswell. Even consider telling them in a very loving way that u would like for them to treat u like a lady. And maybe u should speak up and tell them what u expect of them to b as a gentlemen. Just a suggestion:)! They aren’t gong to know that u want them to act like gentlemen, if u don’t tell them u expect better from them. And u have to do ur job of encouraging them to be better. Hope this helps u out a little bit:) pray for them as well:)

        • Jesusfreak17 says:

          Haha yeah I will someday. Right now one’s in middle school and one’s in 5th grade so I think I’ll wait a little longer. Let them be ridiculous little boys for now. 😛

          • SavedbyGrace says:

            true dat my sister!! Haha!! I thought u were originally talking about grown ups!:) ur sooo right about letting them be crazy kids while they are young:) I’ll be praying for ur brothers as they grow into godly young men!!!

          • Jesusfreak17 says:

            Haha slight miscommunication there. 😛 The older one I might slightly encourage but he probably won’t listen for awhile. 😉

          • Anna Joy says:

            I wouldn’t be too sure about that…. My first experience with treating guys like young men was when I went to a camp and encountered some true gentlemen. Like, the “it’s SHAMEFUL for a girl to carry her own bag or get her own door” type. I was so blessed and encouraged by how they treated me like a queen, that I came home inspired to call out the man in my brothers too – all 4 of them. 🙂 One of them was in 5th grade at the time, and he was actually the one who responded the best. One thing that really helped was just constantly telling him, “You’re the man!” and asking him for help with things (like carrying something heavy, getting something from the car, etc.) which I could have done – but which made him feel chivalrous. I used to feed my 3 youngest siblings (7, 4, and 2) lunch every day, and I started telling my 4 year old brother that it was the responsibility of the “man of the house,” (the oldest male present) to lead us in prayer. It was incredible how he rose to the occasion. For little boys, simple things like, ” A gentleman holds the door for the girls”, or “Oh Jesse, will you get the door for us? Thank you sooo much!! Such a gentleman!!” are super effective. Even my 2 (now 3) year old brother tries to get the door these days. Its something that he never had to be told cause it was normal – learned from watching his older brothers. I think the key is to act like you expect it. Especially for little ones who are still learning social graces. Its actually way easier with them.

          • Jesusfreak17 says:

            Cool story! I guess each family is different! 😉 My brothers tend to resent words like gentlemen and handsome. But I’m defiantly trying to break them of that!

          • Anna Joy says:

            Just don’t forget that the thing they’ll resent the most is you trying to change them…and then you can do more harm than good. Perhapst they’re reacting to those words because they have associated them in their heads with you trying to control them. The thing guys want most out of life is to be respected. I found that the best way to encourage my older/young brothers (15 and 11) was to defer to them; to let them know that I valued their opinion and to let them lead. It was super hard…cause I’m 17, and 98% of the time, my way of doing this or that project was a WHOLE LOT SMARTER than theirs. But it’s crazy how when you say, hey, I need your help and can’t do this without you; I think your way is great and I’m gonna let you lead here, they rise up to that. If you support them, listen to their ideas, and go along with whatever they want to do, they will be able to take full responsibility when it utterly fails. Talk about helping them grow up! Plus, they’ll look back and appreciate how you stuck with them even when you probably knew what was going to happen. And as hard as it is, it’s awesome life training for our marriages too; cause we’re going to have to learn how to support our husbands even when they do stupid things. Its a whole lot easier to learn now than later.

          • Jesusfreak17 says:

            Good advice. Thank you!

  12. Holly says:

    Count me in too!!! Holly

  13. Vanessa Braun says:

    Count me in! This post really inspired me!

  14. Carolyn Lucas says:

    Yes I’d love to do this! Carolyn

  15. Andrea M says:

    The guys in our friend group (the guys are 19-21) used to not be gentleman. They would tell crude jokes, laugh at dirty things, etc. Me and my one friend decided to stop laughing at their jokes (which was kinda hard, cause they were funny sometimes) and the guys really grew up. Not instantly, but we all noticed a change gradually. Maybe they were just becoming more mature haha. But seriously, when these guys are around other girls who are unladylike, they don’t act the same way. I helped one guy start opening my car door. We were casual friends (and I’ll admit I had a teeny crush on him at the time) and I was like ‘a gentleman opens the doors for ladies!’ The guys are really good about opening doors..I was talking about a car door. Lol. He began opening the car/truck door for me at every single stop (we were on a missions trip and drove around a lot) and I thanked him respectfully. We’re dating now 🙂
    another story…i used to be really good friends with a guy (ya know..the bff/brother n sister type friendship) and he told me that he wants to “be like me when he grows up” and that “I’m really sweet and i’m so different from his other friends”(that would drink, swear, be mean) That really really really encouraged me to keep on being a godly girl even when it seems like nobody is noticing!!
    I’m not trying to “blow my own horn” and gain recognition, but I think the above will help encourage other girls!!
    Follow God! You never know who may be watching!!! 🙂

  16. Victoria G. says:

    Definitely count me in! Thank you for the encouragement to encourage!! 🙂

  17. Merci Cepeda says:

    Every girl needs to read this 🙂

  18. Victoria Morrison says:

    Great challenge! Victoria Morrison

  19. Sandra says:

    This is an amazing post. Thank you for charing so helpful tips.
    I want to become more like Jesus and the post shows me what Jesus would expect from a godly girl.

    Be blessed


  20. Sarah says:

    thats a really great thing to do but what if a non christian guy sees you encourage them (or any guy) and they think you like them? how do we deal with that?

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