4 Creative Ways to Love and Minister to Other Girls

By: Kristen Clark

Have you ever been left out by a friend? Have you ever felt like a certain friend wasn’t reaching out to you enough?

Unfortunately, when stuff like this happens, our natural tendency is to complain and whine about what the other person (or group of people) isn’t giving us.

We complain that they aren’t loving us enough, caring about us enough, initiating conversation with us enough, etc. Instead of doing something about it, we sit back and throw ourselves an internal pity party.

I know, because I’ve done it many times.

However, about six to eight years ago my entire perspective took a 180 degree turn. I learned one of the most valuable truths about relationships. Instead of selfishly viewing myself as the “victim” of other people’s “lack of care,” I decided to change my entire focus.

When it came to any relationship, someone had to take the first step (and the second, and third, and fourth). Instead of waiting around for someone else to take the first, I realized that I could take the first step.

Instead of waiting for the initiative, I could take the initiative.

Although this concept seems simple, it radically changed the way I viewed family, friends, neighbors, and future friends. Someone has to take the first step, so why shouldn’t it be me?

From that moment on I decided to be the initiator instead of the complainer. And guess what happened? I began building deeper friendships like never before. I began making new friends like never before. And I began to love and minister to other girls like never before.

When I took my eyes off of myself and instead focused them on other people, I was amazed at how many opportunities I had been passing by. When my focused shifted from “waiting for friends” to “initiating friends,” everything changed.

As Christian girls, we are called to take the first step.

We are called to love others. We are called to minister to other girls (Titus 2).  

Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

For the past six to eight years, I have been intentionally cultivating a heart of initiation and care for others, and I want to challenge you to do the same. Don’t wait for someone else to reach out to you…reach out to them first.

If you’re new this whole idea of being the initiator, I want to share with you 4 of my favorite ways to do this.

Here are 4 creative ways to love and minister to other girls.

1. Everyday Life.

This is the easiest and most practical way to love and minister to other girls. Simple invite a girl to join you in your everyday life. What fills your week right now? School? Sports? Church? Youth Activities? Exercising? Bible Study? Hanging out with Friends?

Think through your entire week and look for activities that would be fun to invite someone along to participate in. Initiate a relationship with that girl and invite her into your life. This is one of the simplest, and most impactful ways to initiate a relationship with a new friend (or old friend).

2. Sunday Morning.

I’ve always viewed Sunday morning as a time for fellowship and growing in the Word…but I’ve never viewed it as a prime time for ministering to others until recently. I was at a conference last week where several of the women were sharing about their Sunday morning habits. They view Sunday morning church as a prime time to show love and care for other women.

They challenged all of us to purposely arrive to church early and stay late in order to initiate conversations with others. They challenged us to look for the women/girls whom we had never met and to go up to them and meet them. Instead of viewing church as, “what’s in it for me,” we need to view it as, “how can I love others this morning.”

3. Intentional Parties.

Don’t complain about never getting invited to any parties…instead, plan your own parties! Growing up, my sisters and I would host super fun parties and game nights for every season and occasion. We would invite all sorts of different people and loved getting to know them. Our house quickly became known as the “fun” house because of our regular get togethers.

Maybe you’ve never hosted anything before…but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start now. I have a friend who hosts one game night a month and everyone looks forward to it. Don’t wait for someone else to plan something…be the initiator and use your home as a place of loving and ministering to others.

4. Coffee Dates.

Nothing can beat a one-on-one coffee date (or tea date) with a new or old friend. After you meet that new girl at church, choose to take the next step and invite her out to coffee or tea with you. Choose to be the initiator in building a friendship with her. Once there, take an interest in her life by asking her good questions that help you get to know her better.

Ask her how you can be praying for her. Show her Christ’s love through your words, actions, prayers, and  genuine interest. Wouldn’t you love if someone did that for you? So why not be that person for someone else?

Being the initiator isn’t easy at first, but it does become natural over time.

If we don’t choose to reach out to other girls, we won’t be able to show them Christ’s love very well. If we truly want to minister to others, we must choose to look outside of our selfishness and reach out. Even when it’s hard.

CHALLENGE: I want to end by challenging you to be the initiator this week.

Think of one girl that you could reach out to this week. Then, choose to love her by doing one of the 4 things I mentioned above. Once you do this challenge, come back to this post and leave me a comment below telling me what you did!!

For more on this topic, check out my post titled: 15 Fun Ideas to Help You Deepen Your Relationships.

Now, let’s chat.

  • Do you view yourself as the initiator or the receiver? Why?
  • Has someone ever reached out to you? What did they do and how did it make you feel?

Photo Credit: Here

Girls having a picnic

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  • May

    I love this, thanks Kristen!

  • Oh what great ideas! Thank you Kristen for encouraging me to be the initiator in loving others 🙂

  • Breanne

    I just started doing #4. I always felt like I didn’t really see my friends a lot, mostly because I’m homeschool and they are either involved in a co-op or they go to public school. But not seeing them meant that I wouldn’t see anyone(other than my family :)) throughout the week. My mom suggested that I invite my friends over that way I could see them and have fun. I never thought that I could use that time for other and not me though. Thanks for the idea! 🙂

  • Rebekah Teravskis

    Thanks Kristen, I’ve been struggling through some discouragement and your blog post reminded me that I need to be the one taking the first step in friendships and in encouragement. I totally try to do this, but I could always get better at it. I usually try to do #2 a lot. Question: how can I do #2 better when all the girls in my church seem to be in cliques? I reach out to them and try to start friendships with them but they either completely ignore me, because I’m not in the ‘IN’ crowd, or they chat with me for all of 5 minutes using one words answers to every question I bring up? Does anyone have any ideas?

    • Clarissa

      Dear Rebekah,

      I can relate to your problem. I remember my struggles through that
      It’s especially sad when it happens in church. First of all, I would remember that we are fallen, sinful human beings by nature. And we will never be completely perfect until heaven. So their behavior is a product of that. I would not hate them – Christ loved us, even in our sinfulness, to die for us. So that we are made a new man in Christ and He cleanses our sin habits to make us more like Him. I would treat them kindly, and pray that God will open their eyes to their sin so that they would repent and turn away.

      Second, could you talk to the female youth pastor’s assistant about the issue? She is responsible for discipleship of the youth, and building them toward Christ’s character.

      Third, and most importantly, learn to look past what’s in front of you for the loner on the fringes. Reach out to her. Show her Christ’s love and care. Build her up spiritually. Perhaps you can eventually be a mentor to her, training her in the ways of the Lord.

      Praying for you, and your church!!

      • Rebekah Teravskis

        Thanks Clarissa,
        Your advice is very sound. I love the girls at my church and am always trying to reach out to them, but as stated before, they don’t accept my attempts. Good idea about looking for the fringe girls. I have one or two at church who are like that whom I have already befriended and am encouraging. But it is a good reminder to keep myself on the lookout for girls, and even families, that aren’t being accepted and befriended. Now that I am a junior in college I am more in a mentoring position for the girls who are younger than me. I will talk with my youth pastor’s wife and see if she has any suggestions.

        Thank you so much for the time you took to respond to me and for praying for me!

  • Halee Westbrook

    OOh! Great article. Coming from a person who didn’t have any friends for her whole childhood and beginning of teen years, I can testify that you will very rarely meet girls or have any good relationships without work! I was sitting and waiting and getting frustrated that God wasn’t bringing friends to my doorstep, when I should’ve been seeking them! Granted, you should always be careful with who we truly seek out, but if God has placed someone on your heart to minister to, go for it! Don’t worry about that you’re shy, or you don’t think you have very good social skills. God wants you to reach out!

    Thanks again, for writing this convicting post!

  • Clara

    Thank you so much for this great post! I am struggling with friendships and will be thinking about how to initiate good friendships.

  • Anne Isabelle

    I love this post! I am usually not one to initiate a relationship with other girls– but now I am inspired to really reach out and get to know some of the girls at school and in church. I am always inspired by your posts– thank you again 🙂

  • Brooklyn

    Thank you so much for this post! I’ve needed it. Lately, I HAVE wallowed In the “I have no friends and nobody’s inviting me to anything” pitty party. But I can initiate friendships! Why did this not occur to me before?

    I do have a question. Do you think you can initiate too much? I’m the past, I’ve initiated conversations and get togethers so much that I’m afraid it was too much or that nobody else will ever do that to me because they never have a chance! I know that there’s a balance, and finding that balance is hard. Your answers would be greatly appreciated!

    • Hannah

      Yes, I would say you could plan stuff all the time and that would probably end up draining you or it could just give you too much busyness. 🙂 Basically everything in life needs balance. God bless you in your efforts!

  • Sydney Scott

    I love this!!!! It’s so true, putting our focus on how we can show Christ’s love to others really puts everything in perspective <3

  • Esther Rose

    Unfortunately, I am a receiver. The reason for this being is because I am not a very outspoken or outgoing person. I don’t feel comfortable talking to people and I don’t know why.

    I would be very grateful for any tips anyone has. Thank you.

  • Katharina Kusliwi

    I`m so happy to have you. You are like big sisters answering all the questions. We have Church at midday, so I`m going to invite the young girls for Sunday-Breakfast 🙂

  • Tameica Wright

    Thank you!!!I truly believe this is a gift from God. God has called me to minister to women all around me and I’ve always been the initiator… God is transforming me to become exactly who he needs me to be. The blog just gave me some wonderful guidelines, to continuing my walk with Christ…I know that he wants me to speak life onto other women, but I didn’t know the steps I needed to take in doing so… This week I exchanged numbers with a few women after bible study. After reading this, it gave me the courage I needed to make the next step… Glory be to God… Hallelujah.

  • So true!

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