4 Reasons You Should Let Him Open Your Door
I married an amazing gentleman who has never failed to be chivalrous in our marriage. Even before Zack and I got married, he always did one little thing that I absolutely adore.
He always opened the door.
Not just restaurant doors and house doors. He opened (and still does) my car door too. Every time I get in or out of the car, he opens my door for me – regardless of who is driving.
Does he need to open my door? No. Am I perfectly capable of opening my own door? Yes.
But this little act of chivalry has taught me huge lessons about our God-defined roles as men and women.
As common as male chivalry used to be, these small acts are no longer esteemed in our society today. In fact, I read a crazy article about a woman who bashed all men for trying to open her door (any door!). She claimed it was sexist, rude, and completely demeaning.
Ummm. Excuse me? He’s serving you by opening your door and it’s rude and demeaning? Interesting.
Sadly, that is the perspective of many in our culture.
Even though a guy opening a door for a girl is such a small and seemingly insignificant act, it is a reflection of much deeper meaning.
This meaning can’t be fully understood or appreciated without understanding God’s design and purpose for males and females.
As we’ve written before on this blog:
“In order to give us a small glimpse of God’s divine nature, He carefully crafted the human race to be a reflection of His personal image (Genesis 1:26). He designed the man and the woman to display the glory of God in ways that are unique to each. He designed us as equally valuable humans with two different roles and purposes in this world.”
As Nancy Leigh DeMoss points out, “Men were created to reflect the strength, love, and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women were created to reflect the responsiveness, grace, and beauty of the bride He redeemed. And marriage was created to reflect the covenant union of Christ and His bride.” – Divine Design.
In a nutshell, the overall theme of Scripture teaches us that men were created by God to be humble leaders, initiators, protectors, and providers.
Women were created to be gracious responders, nurturers, and helpers. These roles point to the character and nature of our God and His relationship with His bride (the Church).
God-defined gender roles are not popular in our culture today because radical feminism has taught us to despise gender differences. However, God is our designer, and our life goal is to glorify Him and reflect His image in the way He created us to do that.
As small as “male door opening” may seem to you, it truly does point to God’s amazing design for the male and the female.
And honestly, the only reason I’m even writing about this topic is because I’ve seen Christian women get angry over this simple act of male chivalry.
If you’re striving to embrace God’s good and beautiful design for the male and female roles, I want to challenge you to embrace His design in small and big ways.
One of the small ways you can embrace biblical femininity (and promote biblical masculinity) is by letting guys open your door.
Seriously.
Here are 4 Reasons You Should Let Him Open Your Door:
- You encourage and show appreciation for male chivalry.
- You affirm his actions to be a servant-leader.
- You promote God-defined masculinity in a small way.
- You force yourself to be the responder by allowing the guy be the initiator.
As Christian women, we should embrace and applaud this small act of male leadership and chivalry.
This small act points to God’s greater design for male and female roles.
Now, on a side note – and I laugh that I even have to address this – here are a few myths I’ve heard when it comes to male door opening.
Just to clarify, I DO NOT believe any of the following ideas regarding the female gender:
- Girls are too weak to open the door themselves.
- Girls are too selfish to open their own door.
- Girls just want to be served like queens.
- Girls think they’re better than guys.
Of course girls are totally capable of opening their own door. Of course girls are capable of opening a door for a guy. Of course it’s “kind” to open doors for others.
However, when the opportunity arises to encourage, promote, and kindly accept male leadership, why not take it? In fact, why not jump on it?!
Let’s allow the men in our lives to be manly and chivalrous while we graciously respond to their actions.
The greatest way a woman can encourage biblical manhood is by living out biblical womanhood in her own life. It’s as simple and as profound as that.
And that is why male door opening is something I think you should embrace and encourage.
Let’s chat about it below.
- In what small ways do you encourage guys to be chivalrous in your life?
- Do your actions encourage and promote male chivalry, or do they discourage it?
Photo credit: Here
Good post Kristen! Great reminder on why we should allow the men in our lives to be chivalrous. I know a Christian girl who is against this, as mentioned in the article. I’ve seen her fiancé slam the door in her face time and time again, or her getting out of his car struggling with an armload and he’s already back inside. Just recently, she asked him to start her car (it was barely 30 degrees out) and he literally slumped down in his chair and said “But I don’t feel like it” so she went herself. I feel bad for her honestly. The way I encourage them is by saying “Thank you for ____________. That was very kind.” Normally they’ll tend to do it more often after recognition haha.
I don’t even understand girls getting mad or offended when a guy opens a door for them. It just doesn’t make any sense. I don’t feel demeaned when a guy holds a door open for me or pulls out my chair for me or has a “ladies first” attitude about things. I think it’s sweet. It’s also just common courtesy for any gender. If I’m walking through a door and someone is close behind me, I’m going to hold the door open for them. I mean if a man is walking through a door and there’s a girl behind him, he should just let the door slam in her face behind him?. It’s just ridiculous. It went from laying his coat over a puddle for her to walk on so her feet didn’t get wet, to not even being able to open a door for her. I mean what happened to the days when guys were more gentlemenly around the girls. They wouldn’t smoke or cuss in our presence. Sometimes my little brother opens the car door for me which I think is really sweet. I don’t know. I like being a girl. I like the thought of a guy protecting and taking care of me and being chivoulrous.
Haha no.
I have this really great guy friend AT&T church. And one night I got something from the vending machine bit it was tearing soda. I only had one dollar and I just used it. And also it was the last time is be able to have a soda for a month. I told him this more so out of frustration than anything else. I didn’t see it comin but he gave me a dollar to go for he cafe and buy a soda. At first I didn’t want to except it but he insisted. Later when I tried to pay him back he refused! Which I thought showed true Christian Gentlemanliness. And he’s always opening the door for not only me but everyone! And also displays a servants heart!
Love this post!!! Back in Dec. I spent a week with some really good friends that I have known for 15 years, but have not seen in two years. Their youngest son is a great example of what you are talking about. He paid for three of my meals, and would not let me reimburse him later and not only did he open doors for me, but for his mom and sister as well.. Truthfully it really makes a girl special knowing that some men still respect the fact that they try to behave in the manner that is God – designed. I have also been thinking and am amazed at how far we have come. Years ago, This kind of thing was expected. and the man was even looked down on if he failed to treat a lady with the respect God designed for her. We have come so far! Several years ago I overheard one young man telling my ( now Bro in Law ) how at his collage one of the rules was that the guys and girls were not allowed to touch in any way. So one day this young man and a friend watched a young lady fall down two long flights of stairs because they were afraid of getting in trouble for braking the rule. THAT”S JUST WRONG!!!! OK, I’m done shouting!! I love how you compared the different roles with Christ and the bride (the Church) to this. It also makes since that if we as ladies stay in our place in the small areas such as letting the man lead by opening the door, then it will make it easier to stay in our place in the big areas.
I highly respect my younger brother who truly has a heart to be chivalrous. He’s an incredible guy at only 14 years old!
The guy that I dated who had become my best friend was also an incredible gentleman. From opening doors and walking on the outside of the road, to bringing an extra sweatshirt along with him when we went somewhere because he knew I’d be cold…truly thankful for the care and strength that he shared. I was blessed exceedingly!
I read one of your previous posts about guys opening the doors for girls and have since gently encouraged and promoted my younger brothers opening the door for girls. Most of them now do it all the time. The other night I was honored when my little brother walked to my side of the car first so He could open my door for me. I always let them know how much I appreciate their chivalry and I think they are proud to be gentlemen.
I love this! I have been blessed to have grown up with guys that always open doors for everyone, and girls who do it for the elderly people and people carrying loads. Also when our youth group went out to eat the guys would go around to the girls tables and take our trays and trash. This wasn’t just a blessing for us but it was also a testimony to the strangers who commented about how sweet it was to see.
I love when guys open the door for me or help me carry/reach things! I’m a teacher for first, second, and third graders. I’ve been intentional this year about setting my boys up to put the girls first. When I call them to line up, I call the ladies first and then the gentlemen 😉 I also ask the boys to grab a textbook for themselves and for one girl so that they can practice serving and being manly and strong, carrying those heavy textbooks! It’s so sweet to see them serve and be gentlemen.
You are brainwashing them (boys) to have a servant’s mindset, that is not sweet – it’s disgusting! Of course you like when men need to open doors and carry things for you – queens and kings also liked to have lot of servants. For your type of people “manly” = “inferior human” and I shall never agree with you.
I get the point. I even agree to a certain extent. But there is one exception for me personally. Back in junior high, when chivalry was furthest thing from most guys’ minds (and mine too), on the way out from chapel, I would hold the door, because I was often the closest. Then last year, our assistant principal got on the guys for not holding the door. Now I hold the door for guys and girls going in and out of buildings as a challenge, and count the number of guys who don’t even notice, or just say thank you. Then I report to one of my chivalrous guy friends, and he gets on the guys for me. I am not opposed to guys holding the door…in fact, I love it, and show my appreciation for them! But I challenge them to do something by doing their job.
Great post. I ( a girl) open the door for people at my school as a way to show them the love of Christ. I think it is great if guys open doors for girls, but it just doesn’t happen to me a lot.
In Canada, we all open doors for everyone else, regardless of gender. Because we’re nice people and don’t turn everything into a genre issue. It’s pretty funny when we get into awkward standoffs where two people are trying to convince each other to go ahead first.
Haha, I’m Canadian too and I can say that I’ve been in the same situation! Really not sure what this has to do with gender. Everyone should just learn to be more polite.
THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
I often find myself opening the door for myself and even opening it for guys sometimes. It’s just a habit I have. Because I read this article however, I’m going to make a conscious effort to let guys open the door for me.
How about just open the door for people, regardless of gender, because if it’s a polite thing to do? If a man gets to the door before you and he holds it open for you, great! Thank him for the nice gesture. But likewise, if you get to the door before him, hold it open for him. Again, it’s just a nice gesture. All people should hold doors open for each other and foster courtesy and politeness. I really will never understand why it has to be about gender roles.
I agree with that, but I also think that it’s important to acknowledge when a guy opens the door for me. I was trying to say that I am just going to acknowledge when a guy (or anyone, for that matter) opens the door for me, because it’s important for guys to know that when they do little things for us, it makes a difference. I realize that my comment didn’t say that, but it’s what I believe. Gender roles are incredibly important in our society (though culture would beg to differ) and I believe that it’s important to acknowledge when a guy does something that breaks the stereotype of girls being leaders, no matter how small.
I disagree that gender roles are incredibly important to society. I would argue that gender roles have done a lot to harm society. They keep people locked in tiny boxes, only able to express themselves in certain “approved” ways. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging or thanking a guy who holds a door open for you, in fact I believe I stated that in my original comment. If a guy opens the door for you then he is being a courteous person and you should definitely acknowledge that and thank him. Just as I would hope that you would acknowledge and thank another woman who opened the door for you. Or a child. I actually had a family with a little girl walking ahead of me the other day and her parents letting her be a “big girl” by opening the door. I said thank you to her, and she was all smiles. To me, this is not a gender issue at all. It’s a general politeness thing. And girls can be leaders. Nothing at all wrong with female leaders. Female leaders do not cancel out the need for male ones, as well.
I think that female leaders are important, I completely agree with you there. I think that, yes, gender roles have “put people in a box” in some ways, but many of those ways are God designed. For example, God’s design is for men to take the lead in a relationship, but women as a whole have squashed this God given purpose by attempting to take the lead in relationships. Now, this goes much deeper than just opening doors, but by letting men do small things for us, like opening doors, we are showing them that it’s okay to take the lead and do something for us. I agree that it’s important to acknowledge when someone opens the door for you, but I also believe that gender roles are hugely important, because they are 100% God designed.
Women have not “squashed” anything. I have not seen women attempt to take the lead in relationships. I am sure this is true for some women, but in my experience, women just want to be treated like equal partners in their relationships with men. A lot of women (and men for that matter) are sick of power dynamics in general so that is why they are striving more egalitarianism in their lives. At least that’s how it is where I live. Maybe it’s different where you are? All I can say is that I have never observed what you are talking about. And if gender roles are “God designed” then I guess God must have made a huge mistake when he made me. Anytime that I’ve tried to live in accordance to traditional gender roles, by making myself smaller so men could feel bigger, it only made me miserable and my relationships suffered as a result. If that’s God’s plan then I want no part of it.
That’s not it at all. Women are not designed to make themselves smaller so men could feel bigger. Men are designed to be a woman’s caretaker, lover, and friend. Women are designed to be a man’s friend, confidant, and many other things. We were not made to be small though. We have as strong a voice as men do, we’re just designed to use it differently. I agree that a lot of women want to be treated equally in a relationship, and I think that’s good and bad. I understand that it’s frustrating for women when we don’t get treated equally, but here’s the thing… we weren’t created the same as men. Men and women were created with different purposes and strengths, all of which compliment each other. But when a man or a woman tries to change what we were created for, that’s where the problems start.
No. The problem with this worldview is that not all men are the same. And not all women are the same. Men and women are of course different some ways but there also a lot of differences within the sexes as well. My purpose in life is not going to be the same as your purpose in life. Just because we are both women does not mean we have the same purpose or the same strengths. I was created as an individual, not a stereotype.
And equality does not even mean that we have to be the same anyway. It just means that, despite our differences, we should all be afforded the same rights and opportunities and not be held back because of our differences. You don’t have to be the same to treated equally to someone else. For instance, one of the main goals of modern feminism is to bridge the pay gap between men and women, because men still get paid more than women for doing the exact same job. Does the fact that a woman is different than a man determine how much she is paid? No, of course not. People should be treated equally even if they are different. That’s where traditional gender roles have it wrong because the simple fact that women are “different” in some ways than men has meant that women have often been oppressed and treated like second-class citizens and it should not be that way. Because of traditional gender roles women have often been made to shrink themselves. All attempts towards equality are trying to address these issues and rectify them. And like I said, this has nothing to do with holding the door open for people. Everyone should be doing that, regardless of gender.
Sara, the point really is that these roles are biblical. You are correct in saying that not all men are the same, neither are all women the same. But, that is beside the point. The point is that God ordained men to be the head of the household, and women to be the helpmate in that context.
Quite frankly, most men these days probably shudder to think of themselves in that role, and to assume that responsibility, and we see the results. The point of this article is to highlight how women can encourage men to be who the Lord ordained them to be, by simply affirming them in the small things and not resisting their efforts to try and live up to their responsibilities.
This isn’t making women less than men, because that’s not the case even in scripture. Speaking specifically of a marriage, both are equal but have different roles which God has ordained as proper.
That still doesn’t make sense. If this were truly God’s design for all people then you would think that everyone would just naturally fit and follow these roles. But they don’t. Diversity and individuality are key parts of the human experience. You said yourself that there are a lot of men who would shudder at the idea of being the “head of the household” and you’re right. But maybe they shudder at it, not because they don’t want the responsibility, but because that’s just not who they are. Maybe they would rather live with a woman as an equal partner and friend rather than being her “head” and having her be his submissive helper. The idea that all women were created to be helpers is ridiculous too, since a lot of women posses strong leadership qualities. And there are men who are drawn to that. My husband certainly was. He and I co-lead our relationship together and we’be been happily married for nearly 10 years.
So, you’re argument is that if it isn’t natural to a person, it’s not God’s will?
I really do not think it’s healthy to try to force yourself to be something that you are not. I tried to live that way and it almost wrecked me.
But, wait, what you think is healthy is not at issue here. What is at issue is what God asks of us, and what He has ordained. Right?
…No. A person needs to do what is good and healthy for them to be able to function. I tried to stick myself into the box of what I heard Christians calling biblical womanhood for years and I was so depressed. I prayed that God would change me and make me happier in my role, since it was supposedly what he wanted but nothing ever changed. I found that I was happier and healthier when I let go of what I thought I was supposed to be and just allowed myself to be who I actually was. I do not believe that God wants me to be depressed and unable to function, I believe he wants me to thrive, which I have been doing ever since I stepped out of those constrictive roles and allowed myself to just be human.
Sara, just to be clear, you have no interest in correctly understanding the matter from scripture as the authority, as if it is actually God’s revealed will for us? Is that a fair statement?
In other words, if I were to show you that scripture teaches that these are the proper roles for men and women, it wouldn’t persuade you, correct?
Huh, for some reason my comment is stuck in moderation. Let me try to rephrase it a bit.
I do not think you are hearing me. I did live out those “proper” roles for women. At least I tried to. I was raised to believe that there were proper ways for women to behave, based on a few bible passages. And it was very, very hard on me. I struggled a lot to be what everyone around me was saying God wanted me to be. But from that, I started to think for myself and just decided that it was better to be a happy, healthy person rather than a miserable, depressed one. I was not in a good headspace at that time and wondered if there was even a point to being alive because I didn’t feel like I was good enough…for God or anyone. Things changed when I freed myself from these so-called biblical roles. I still believe in God, but I have come to interpret the bible differently. You can think whatever you want about that. Maybe you think that I am not saved. But at this point, I don’t really care what random strangers on the internet think of me. I’m not going back to those roles. It was not good for me.
Sara, a couple of notes. First, I am not of the opinion that a person who is saved would have any difficulty living the way that God has actually ordained us to live. Jesus did say, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light,” did He not?
But, there is a yoke. And, there is a burden. It’s just not hard for a person who is in love with Christ to walk it out.
Second, what usually happens is that people are presented with interpretations of scripture that are delivered as authoritative and correct, but which upon careful study may come fall short of that standard (and I’m speaking generally, here.)
My only interest in this conversation is to properly understand what the bible is teaching. However, I don’t really want to make the effort if we are starting in different places, and if you are a person who has decided to chart your own course regardless of what scripture teaches; however, I am happy to discuss this if you are open to properly understanding this matter from scripture, and if you would be willing to concede that scripture actually teaches this (if indeed it does), even if doing so would mean that you would have to make a choice to either abide by or reject its teachings for your own life.
You assume that I do not “properly understand this matter.” I do. I just disagree. You remind me of a lot of the people I used to know. People I had to free myself from. They kept insisting that if I really loved God and loved Jesus that I would accept my lot in life, regardless of whether I actually wanted to or not. I couldn’t do it. My life is better without that toxicity. My relationship with God is better too.
Sara, you are dancing around the answer. The bible doesn’t say five things on this matter; it doesn’t say three, or two things. It says one thing. The question I’m asking is whether or not what it says matters to you as far as understanding the mind of God on the issue, or not?
I now understand what God wants for my life, and that’s enough. I’m done with this discussion now. Have officially had it with your pious condescension.
I’ll take your response to mean it doesn’t matter to you. And, that’s fine. You don’t live your life according to scripture, and that’s your choice. Just be honest about it, that’s all.
Please understand that it’s not my intention to come off as condescending, but just to understand where you are coming from. My only point was that scripture supports what the OP was saying. You were taking a different angle and trying to reason about this. The problem is your reasoning was based on your personal feelings, and not scripture.
Anyway, be well. Take care!
No, you’re wrong again. My interpretation and application of scripture is different than yours, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t apply it to my life. I have come to a new understanding of the Bible in recent years due to my own experiences and now understand that certain things are rooted in a cultural context. The Bible may be inspired by God but it has also been written and translated by men and it is certainly not the only way God speaks to us. And sometimes what is written in the Bible is not always applicable to our world as 21st century believers. The Bible explicitly states that slaves are to obey their masters, but yet I do not know a single person who thinks that slavery is okay in any way, shape, or form in our modern world. Just because something is in the Bible doesn’t mean that’s how we do it in 2016. I believe, ultimately, in the Golden Rue: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That simple commandment from Jesus goes a long way, and if you ask me, modern Christianity would be in way better shape if people actually did that instead of constantly browbeating women for not being submissive enough and casting judgement on anyone who is “different.”
Have a good day.
How do you interpret Paul’s teaching in Ephesians chapter 5 on this question?
22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.a 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body. 31“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Again, I left you a reply, but I am stuck in moderation. Probably because I linked to another website. Just Google Rachel Held Evans and check out the blog series she did on mutuality in the Bible. There is a post called “Submission in Context: Christ and the Greco-Roman Household Codes” that should help you better understand how I interpret these things. Also, you can check out the Christians for Biblical Equality page for further information on egalitarian perspectives on Christianity. Thanks.
I am a girl, I open doors for people whenever I can, just because I can. I enjoy serving others, but I can 100 percently agree with this post. My dad has always opened my car door for me whenever he can, and I really appreciate when a guy opens a door for me (even though I used to try to stop them). Now this is not talking about the simple, everyday, I’ll hold the door for you, that every polite person should do, but I’m talking about when a guy make the effort to OPEN your door. Example; He will see you coming, so he opens the door for you in advance, He will stride ahead just to get the door for you, He will walk around the car to get your door. These are the types of things I appreciate in a guy because it shows he puts in thought and effort to be chivalrous towards you as a female, He is willing to be a leader, He is respectful to you as a female, etc. This isn’t saying that if a guy opens a door he IS these things, but it definitely is a good indication. Now instead of trying to beat a guy to the door, I just thank them for opening it for me, I even sometimes get disappointed when I am out, and a guy is very much in the position to show some chivalry and he doesn’t. Sadly chivalry seems to be dying in my generation and I don’t see that as a good thing. I sometimes joke that I seem more gentlemanly than some guys, disappointingly this is becoming more and more true. When guys go out of their way just for chivalry, it makes me think, ‘what am I doing to make someone’s day easier.’ My Dad will unlock my door and open it for me first, but then I will reach over and unlock and open his, it gives me the opportunity to think about someone else for a change.
Pingback: 4 Razones por las que deberías dejar que ÉL abra tu puerta. |
How can men have been created to reflect Christ if they were created before him?
Christ wasn’t created. He was there when the world and humans were created (John 1:1-2, Ephesians 1:4, among other verses that you can also look up). He just came in human form later on.
What the actual heck??? I won’t debate you on weather men should be leaders in the home, although I do have thoughts on that. But in a household context is really the only time that the Bible really says that men need to be leaders. In the regular world, as Christians, we are ALL supposed to be leaders, by leading by example and by trying our best to people closer to Christ. As women, we can’t just always wait for guys to initiate everything. Even if you thing there are some contexts where guys should be leaders, the Bible does not say that guys ALWAYS need to initiate and lead things. Also, even if you think that men are supposed to represent Christ and women are supposed to represent the church, this is ONLY in a marital context. No where in the Bible does it say that just some random man who doesn’t even know the woman needs to open her door in order to “represent Christ”. That makes no sense. I would also like to point out that we are ALL supposed to reflect Christ and follow his example, not just men.
“No where in the Bible does it say that just some random man who doesn’t even know the woman needs to open her door in order to “represent Christ”. ” Thank you for bringing common sense here!!!! 100% agree.
“No where in the Bible does it say that just some random man who doesn’t even know the woman needs to open her door in order to “represent Christ”. ” Thank you for bringing common sense here!!!! 100% agree.
As a man I can tell you that I hate opening doors and being servant to women, just because I was born a male. I feel like second class citizen, like a mere peasant compared to queens.
Thanks for writing: “Does he need to open my door? No. Am I perfectly capable of opening my own door? Yes.” This itself reveals the whole trickery – it is not done to help women, it is practiced to show men their place. I even read in one savoir-vivre book that woman should not even thank man for opening the door as it his duty.
“truly does point to God’s amazing design for the male and the female…” Wrong! You should know that this design to open doors for woman is a byproduct of a so called chivalry, which was mainly a medieval warfare code for knights, not a guide how to serve women. This custom was not around, until middle ages and only applied in European culture. For e.g. Japanese men were surprised how badly western men are forced into servants’ roles. It is a product of a culture in which men are disposable, and not an universal design of God.
When nobility claimed that their status comes from God and other people are worthless trash, French revolution followed by People’s Spring rolled through Europe. I hope one day men will see through their eyes how our “lovely” gyno-centric civilization treats them.