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4 Tips for Living at Home as an Adult Daughter

By: Bethany Baird

My younger sisters Ellissa, Rebekah, Suzanna and I sat in our kitchen nook late into the night. We chatted about the latest happenings in each of our weeks and then landed on the issue at hand.

How to be an adult daughter who chooses to live at home.

With Rebekah being 18, Ellissa being 25, and me being 29 years old, the topic of choosing to live at home is a big one amongst us.

First off, I want you to know that none of us are perfect at handling these dynamics.

We’ve each had our bad days, selfish moments, and unkind words. We understand that communication between adult daughters and parents is not always easy. It can be hard to balance honoring parents while still being an adult.  

It’s a hard topic and it’s one we are continuing to learn and grow in.

The four of us (Ellissa, Rebekah, Suzanna, and Myself) have really dug deep into this topic and have discussed what’s worked and what hasn’t.

As a twenty-nine-year-old woman who’s chosen to live at home, I’ve learned a few things along the way. I’ve learned what makes for a peaceful home and what makes for a contentious one. I’ve learned what nourishes relationships and what destroys them.

I’ve learned what attitudes help and what attitudes hurt.

If you’re an adult daughter who’s chosen to live at home, you can probably relate to the joys and struggles that that life brings.

In today’s blog, I want to share with you the tips that I shared with Ellissa, Rebekah, and Suzanna the other night when we were chatting in the nook. These are the things I’ve learned over the years and this is the advice I shared with them.

4 Tips for Living at Home as an Adult Daughter

1. Strive to Keep a Humble Heart

Humility. This is probably THE HARDEST part of living at home. It’s hard to be humble and consider others as more important than myself. It’s hard to say, “I was wrong!” It’s hard to accept wise advice. It’s hard to allow others into my life. It’s hard to get outside of myself and realize that I’m not the most important person on the planet.

Displaying genuine humility is hard for all of us.

Most of us (I’m guessing you are a sinner like myself) struggle with pride. We value our thoughts, our opinions, our ideas, our preferences, and our wants above everyone else’s. Choosing to repent of our pride and instead display hearts of humility is no easy task.

If you seriously want to have peace in your home and do this living at home thing well, you must work on humility. I love Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” This should be our goal as daughters.

2. Keep Communication Open and Regular

In talking with other adult daughters, I’ve found that keeping open and regular Communication is the most difficult thing for them. By the grace of God, this is something I learned early on and it made a world of difference in my relationship with my parents. It was literally a game changer.

Instead of having an attitude of, “this is my life, I’m an adult, and you don’t need to know where I am or what I’m doing!’ I worked super hard to have good communication with my parents (particularly my dad). My regular communication with my parents created such unity and bonds of trust. It’s been so helpful for our relationship and has made things so much easier.

I really encourage you to view your parents as your teammates.

Don’t view them as the enemy that you are trying to keep out. Open up and invite them into your world. Start the conversation and express to them what you are thinking.

Something else that has been super helpful is having regular conversations about “how’s it going.” This looks like going out to coffee or dinner and just sharing where I’m at with my parents. I share the positives and the negatives of my “status as a single at home” and they share their’s back with me.

Instead of waiting for issues to come up, we are proactively trying to share our hearts and find the issues before they appear. I would really encourage you to do the same thing with your parents.

3. Freely Offer Important Information

This one is KEY! We, as grown women, often times want to feel in charge and in control. We don’t like to freely offer information or feel like we are less “independent” by offering information.

This mindset will cause you serious problems if you’re still living at home. Instead of putting the big stop hand up that says “I’m an adult and I don’t need anyone knowing about my life,” try having the exact opposite mindset.

When you’re going out with friends just send a simple text to your parents that says, “Hey! Heading out with Kate and Jenny. Be back around 9:30 pm.” Try volunteering information. It seriously will work miracles on your relationships at home.

There is so much trust and freedom that comes from being open rather than keeping silent.

If your parents truly love you (which I’m assuming they do) freely offering information to them will only help build bonds of love and trust between you. I know my parents only care about knowing where I am and what I’m up to because they love me. They aren’t trying to control my life.

I’ve made a habit of offering information about my whereabouts so that my parents don’t ever have to wonder. It’s been one of the best things for my relationship with them.

4. Look for Ways to Invest and be Involved

There are so many practical ways for us to be a blessing at home. One of the biggest ways I’ve strived to be a blessing to my family is by mentoring my two younger sisters. I’ve been officially mentoring Beks and Sue for going on 3 years now. Because I live at home with them, I have a unique perspective into their lives.

My mentorship of them is a way for me to link arms with my parents and help them out.

I also try to make regular efforts to be around my family. I try and do meals when I can, chat with the family when they’re home, and hang out with my siblings whenever possible. Instead of viewing my home as a hotel (come and go) I try to view it as MY home. I want to be invested and making a difference.

I would encourage you to look into your own home life. What are a few ways you can get more involved and be a blessing?

Chatting in the Kitchen Nook.

If you and I were sitting in the kitchen nook having this conversation, those 4 tips are the very things I would say to you. Those are the very things I shared with my younger sisters and they are exactly what I share anytime I’m chatting with a young woman on this topic.

My prayer is that you can make these single years at home one of joy and encouragement.

These years don’t have to be miserable. Take the first step and began living in a way that is a blessing to those in your home.

What about you?

Why have you chosen to live at home?

Which of the four tips did you find helpful?

PHOTO CREDIT 

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  • Thank you so much for writing this post! What is so neat about it is that these principles don’t just apply to living at home after college; these tips apply to interacting with roommates, and even to some extent, your spouse.

    Communication, humility, and taking time for deepening relationships are all important things when it comes to your roommates. I’ve discovered this semester that you CAN be best friends with your roommate. 🙂 You just have to practice humility and learn to communicate better.

    Thank you!

    • Great insight, Anastasis! That’s all sooo true 🙂 -Bethany

  • Girlady Bouvier

    I decided to live with my parents even after college and being employed. It wasn’t a voluntary choice at first, and my parents wouldn’t mind if I had enough money to move out, but now I understand it was the right decision. I’ve learned to trust my mother and see her as a team mate. It’s not unusual for me to knock on her bedroom’s door late at night to vent to her – and she never patronized me regardless the subject of my worries. We do take care of each other. Of course it gets though sometimes, but we’re able to work on that.

    • That’s so awesome! It’s so cool that you’ve decided to view your mom as your team mate! I love it 🙂 -Bethany

  • Katherine

    What about those who don’t chose to live at home?

    • Hey Katherine,
      This post was specifically written for the young women who choose to still live at home. If you don’t live at home but have roommates, the tips can still apply. 🙂
      -Bethany

  • Great post, Bethany! Thank you! 🙂

    • <3 Aww so glad you liked it!! BTW – It was soooo fun seeing you in Nashville 😉

  • JN Mullaney

    My parents are divorced so a lot of times I am letting my Mom know what I’m going to be doing. I’m not quite 18 but I still found this list very helpful. I’m planning on staying at home after I finish high school and for me communication is a big thing between me and my Mom. Thank you Bethany!!

  • Shanae B

    I’m so glad you all finally have a post on this topic! Hope to see more in the future! Initially I stayed home because I just worked instead of going to college, and to help out at home until I’d get married! Within the first two years after high school my two youngest siblings were diagnosed with special needs. Even though my siblings get medical services and therapies, my parents still need a lot of help. So I’ve continued to stay home cause it’s easier for me financially and no roommate troubles! And I help with and spend a lot of quality time with these particular siblings! Which I don’t regret, and am thankful for! The saying where I’m going and such has never been an issue, but it’s easy to have moments where it seems like my mom nitpicks my life. I fully believe this results from other people who have a problem with me still being 29 single, at home, and not spending the amount of time they think I should be with other people. I know my parents get a lot of negativity about me, especially since I have a sister and two girl cousins (all younger than me) getting married this coming summer. People can’t seem to wrap their heads around it and let it be. I’ve always had this problem of people wanting to make me feel jealous or bad about where God has me currently. Is there a godly way to tell people to shut up? I’d especially like to know if and how you deal with people in this aspect Bethany! 🙂

  • Angie Garcia

    When I saw the title of this article,I was so hopeful this could help me cope with my actual situation, but sadly I must confess it didn’t. Maybe there’ s a cultural barrier,but I didn’t felt like this related to me at all.
    In my country, we don’t choose to live with family after a certain age. We have to, because of money, culture, insecurity,etc,etc. I love my family,but I’m so tired of living in a house that doesn’t feel like home. I’m thankful for having a extended family that helps each other and most are fearful of God, but it can be so messy (and I hate mess!) and sometimes I want my personal space to be respected, or do some things in a way that is better,cleaner and faster, but they won’t let me be.
    I don’t have any sisters, just two brothers,and sometimes I feel like my mom wants me to do everything for them, but they don’t even help in the house.

    Sorry for the rant, I don’t want you to think I didn’t like your article. This principles would be very helpful if I ever move out, but I couldn’t afford moving out right now, and I’m afraid my family would look down on me if I move out being single. Also, I’m afraid of being assaulted if I live alone.

    If anyone could point out some resources that could help me in this particular situation,I would be very thankful.

  • Bella D.

    Wow, I saw this right at the right time! I’m starting Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Surrender, where she talks about having a heart fully owned and run by God. It’s super tough, but I’ve been feeling convicted by how selfishly I’ve been living, and how I need to base the plans for my life on what God wants. I’ve been searching for this answer, and I think He’s calling me to remain at home for spiritual, emotional, and practical reasons. First, I wouldn’t have to spend a whole lot of extra money on separate living, and my parents don’t mind the expense as long as I’m contributing to the family by making meals, cleaning the house, watching the younger kids, involved in the church ministry, etc etc. Secondly, I really love my parents, and learning to be independent is worth as much to me personally as spending time with them, which melds into the third reason; they’re older and wiser than I am, and can offer me a lot of advice and aid as I continue to become a woman.

  • Imani

    Thank you for this article! I needed it! Please do a series on this, I’m 24 and I started living at home after college because I did not have a full time job and I could not afford to move out. I’m finally saving up money consistently to move but I find that my parents can be very discouraging and critical. I start to do some of the key points you mentioned but they just tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about and they dismiss me and they always place blame on me. I feel like a victim most of the time and I can’t move past the simple things with them and them respecting me as an adult. What can I do to make the situation better? Thanks!

  • Krystel Lumacad

    Thank you so much for this post! God bless you more 🙂

  • Katharine Menning

    Wow. This post is so good…and very convicting.

    I’ve chosen to live at home because it is saving me money while I go to college and focus on getting my degree. My wonderful and lovely parents have paid for my clothing, food, and so many other things while I live at home so that I can focus on working and save money for school.

    I’ve struggled with applying the four tips to my life at home. I have four younger sisters, of which I am the oldest. It can be hard to be humble and help out around the house when I really don’t want to. But I keep trying. This post came at a good time in my life and is a good reminder. Thanks Bethany! Hope to see more posts like this in the future.

    God bless!

  • Solie

    I don’t plan on moving out until I get married or unless a job opportunitiy pulls me away. I’m only 18 though, so that could be in short while, or years into the future. Striving to keep a humble heart was the most helpful tip! Love it!

  • GuessWho

    This is a perfect example of how myopic your perspective is, Bethany. You write articles that supposedly answer the all-important questions of a tiny, tiny fraction of humanity, and claim that you’re talking about something that pertains to everyone. You don’t expand peoples’ minds, you only limit them. That is what christianity does. If anyone, man or woman, has an ambition to make something of their lives, it won’t happen by staying with your parents until you’re married. That’s not the kind of atmosphere where individuality can flourish. Knowing you, I can say that you should have moved out on your own a long time ago. At the very least it would have given you a little variation in your blog topics. Just think–“How to be Patient with Your Crabby Landlord” or “6 Ways to Find Joy When You Forget to Pay the Electricity Bill”.

  • Bella & Gabby

    Wow! I love this post. I’m not gonna be moving out of my parents house anytime soon so this is really convicting and helpful.

  • V Penny

    Whoa! This is so applicable to my life right now! I am the youngest daughter in my family, and the only one still living at home. It wasn’t the plan, but circumstances (mainly not knowing what career to pursue after college) left me with very few other options. I think that what I struggle with the most is humility. This is definitely something that I need to work on more!


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