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4 Tips Your Future Husband Wants You to Know

By: Kristen Clark

I love road trips. Especially road trips with super fun people like my husband, Zack, and my awesome siblings. Several weeks ago I ventured with those people on a road trip to my 3rd favorite state, Colorado (Texas and Alaska ranking higher, respectively).

The entire trip was great until the last leg on the way back home. Zack brought up a topic that instantly sparked some heated discussion between the five of us.

As the conversation progressed, sides began to form, leaving it 3 against 2. I ended up agreeing and siding with one other person (and it wasn’t Zack) as we unashamedly voiced our opinions. The conversation wasn’t ugly or mean, we just couldn’t seem to agree with the other side. Of course, I thought my view was better and I went way overboard on voicing that opinion.

We agreed to disagree.

The conversation finally ended with a mutual “we agree to disagree” kind of acknowledgment. Thankfully, my marriage is still intact and no sibling relationships were damaged that day.

Several days later, once we were home from the trip, Zack and I had a good heart-to-heart about that same conversation. As he shared his thoughts with me, my eyes were slowly opened to a very large blind spot in my life. Me… a blind spot – no way!

I carefully thought back on the entire road trip and realized that Zack was right in what he was saying.

It was a humbling moment for me.

My “blind spot discovery” isn’t something unusual or out of the ordinary. In fact, it’s so common that most people don’t even realize they have the problem, but it can do great damage to any relationship.

What is it? Simply this: Speaking critical words and having too many opinions.

Up until that point I viewed myself as an encouraging and positive kind of person. And I am – to most people. Sadly, the one person I love the most takes the brunt of my opinions and critiques. I’m not talking about voicing an opinion here and there about something important.

That wouldn’t be a problem.

I’m talking about constantly voicing an opinion about teeny-tiny little things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of life. That is a problem.

The Holy Spirit began convicting me about the quantity and quality of the words coming out of my mouth. After doing some serious praying and heart searching, I came to the shocking conclusion that 80% of my “opinions and critiques” are completely unnecessary to say. That meant that 8 out of the 10 times I gave an opinion, it would have been better to keep those words in.

Yikes!

The next day I was talking to my dad and decided to spring a random question on him. I asked him what he thought was one of the most harmful things a wife could do to her marriage? His answer astounded me. He said, “The worst thing a wife can do in a marriage is to have a critical and opinionated spirit towards her husband.”

Did he read my mind?!

He had no idea about my personal discovery. I couldn’t believe it! If God was trying to get my attention, He just did.

I‘m sharing this story with you because I have a feeling I’m not the only girl who struggles with this problem.

Whether you’re a girl who talks a lot or not, I’m guessing you let things fly out of your mouth that would have been better left in. Girls, let me tell you – if you don’t zero in on this problem now, it’ll rear its ugly head even more when you get married. Trust me, it doesn’t go away.

As a single girl, you have the opportunity to practice guarding your mouth now and avoid becoming a critical wife someday. Imagine what a blessing it will be to your future husband to be married to a girl who understands the value of this!

A message from your future husband.

I want to leave you with four practical tips on what you can do now to become the woman of your future husband’s dreams. If your future husband could send you a message today, these 4 tips would probably be high on his list:

1. Choose quality words over quantity words. Less talking is usually better. “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

2. Speak encouraging words. Practice now. Tell your parents, siblings, or friends something encouraging everyday.

3. Develop a grateful heart. A grateful person doesn’t have time to be critical. When you’re tempted to say something critical – stop – and choose to say a word of gratitude instead.

4. Memorize Scripture and pray. This verse is a great place to start, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Becoming an encouraging girl won’t happen by default. You have to work at it everyday.

Trust me! As a married girl I’m telling you – this is huge for the happiness of your future marriage. Your future husband will be so blessed to have a wife who knows the power and impact of her words. Start practicing these valuable skills today.

Do you view yourself as a critical girl or an encouraging girl? What does your family view you as?

Other than the four tips from above, do you have any other ideas on how to develop a less critical and more encouraging spirit?

 Photo credit: www.flickr.com | Vancity Allie

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  • JessicaLetchford

    Thanks Kristen! I’ve been thinking about speaking words of LIFE lately, and what kind of things God wants to come out of my mouth. I’m sure I give my opinion on the unimportant things of life way too often, and I can see myself heading down the wrong path of criticism. Thing is, I’m told I’m an encouraging person – always have been – so I think I coast, or pride myself on that, rather than ‘loving others more and more’ (1 Thess. 4:12?) and taking my words the next step. So thank you for the challenge to be grateful, rather than critical, to choose my words carefully, and to speak encouraging words to others frequently.

    I’ve just signed up for your blog – I’m really enjoying it so far! Thank you! I’ve also just printed off the Reaching Beyond Myself devotional, which I’m really looking forward to starting this weekend.

    • You’re welcome Jessica! Thanks for commenting. I am so glad you found this blog post helpful! Being a “consistently” encouraging person isn’t an easy thing. We all need the help of Christ to speak words of LIFE (love that!). I hope you enjoy the 30 Day Devotional as well and thanks for stopping by and saying hi. 🙂

  • ohhappyheights

    Ouch! Wow so convicting. I struggle with the same thing. I can be way too opinionated and critical. What a blessing it would be to my family if instead, I said words of encouragement or maybe just didn’t say anything. 😉

    • Thanks OhHappyHeights! We’re all in this battle together…I’m convicted of this everyday. However, our goal is direction and not perfection. Making small improvements everyday is what counts. Keep up the good work! 😉

  • Hannah

    This article was convicting, as well as an encouragement to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this!

  • Al

    Thank you!

    I really liked the 4 tips! They are challenging and encoraging.

    May I translate them to Spanish for my friends?

    • @Al We are so glad you found the 4 tips helpful. Translating them into Spanish sounds like a great idea! Go for it 🙂

  • Elisabeth

    Thanks, I have been know to let my hot tempur fly off the handle alot!Also, saying things that later I realized were stupid or had no point.This is what I need to hear!

  • Alexis

    Thank you so much for posting this! I’ve been married only 6 months and reading this, I realize how many critical words come out of my mouth and I don’t even realize it! I’m really going to pray and focus on using words that build my husband up instead of giving my opinion right away from now on! You ladies are such a blessing! God bless!

  • Right on !

  • Ruth

    This is such a wonderful article! I needed to read this! Thank you 🙂

  • Haley

    Wow… this has really opened my eyes to some nasty things I say sometimes. I may not be a wife yet, but, being a teen and having my dad’s headstrong and outspoken personality, I can be pretty harsh to my brother sometimes. Same thing when it comes to my dad… okay, ESPECIALLY my dad. Two opinionated personalities disagreeing? Sheesh. My parents are divorced, and while my mom is remarried, my dad is in a dating relationship with a woman that I have not been very nice to, nor her to me. Luckily, we have been getting along a lot better lately and I know it has been God convicting us and helping us realize we should really be nicer. Anyway, excellent post and thank you very much!!!

  • Susannah Grant

    I definitely do this, and my family has let me know from time to time, but I keep forgetting about it, because I’m not the one that get’s hurt from my words. Thanks for the wake up call 🙂 I will definitely try hard to be encouraging instead of critical!

  • I’m having my own “are you reading my mind?” moment over here 🙂 A friend recently rebuked me in a gentle way on this exact theme. I’m on my school’s debate team and love to form opinions on things; but that carries over into regular conversation far too often, and I’m left trying in vain to prove my “rightness” for the sake of being right. It’s an issue I’m really trying to work on in my friendships; thank you for putting this into the perspective of marriage, too.

  • Melody

    Wowie!! Thanks Kristen. Very insightful and something I know I need to work on! 🙁 It is so encouraging to see other women striving to live Godly lives without a lot of the excess man-made rules that a lot of purity cultures put on; I really appreciate that!

  • Katherine Ndung’u

    I’m not too sure when this was posted but it’s so timely for me as I’ve just come to the stark realisation of the same regarding myself. For some reason at times I tend to see the other person as some kind of opponent I have to raise my opinion against or else I’ll be undervalued. It sort of stems from my upbringing where I watched my mum get walked all over. I recommend praying each day to speak life-giving words as per Colossians 4:6 that says, Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Take heart because God makes all things new.

    Thank you so so much for this beautiful platform. I just discovered it today and I am blessed beyond words. God bless you both and this ministry.

  • Allan

    What, so you have to agree with your husband on everything? You’re a bad wife just for disagreeing or having a two sided discussion? That’s so childish. Men are adults, they can handle disagreement and criticism. And just because someone is critical of you or disagrees with you doesn’t mean they don’t love you or aren’t loyal to you. A strong man can get along wonderfully with an opinionated woman, and in fact in my experience strong men prefer opinionated women.A marriage is a partnership, not an authoritarian relationship.


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