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5 Reasons I’m Ditching the “Me Time” Mentality

By: Bethany Beal

I grabbed my computer and headed to my bedroom for some Me Time. I was exhausted from the day’s work and just wanted to “veg” out in front of my computer.

Browsing through Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest was exactly what I thought I needed to rest up for the next day. The hours flew by and I lazily closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up the next day, went through the usual routine, and came home tired and in need of more, you guessed it, Me Time.

Day after day I cherished my Me Time in hopes of feeling energized, rested up and excited about the next day. But for some reason all of my Me Time was only leaving me more exhausted and less excited about the daily routine of life. I was not feeling lasting refreshment like the “experts” claimed it would.

Me Time is Bogus

As much as I selfishly like the idea of Me Time, I’ve realized that it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.

Here are are 5 reasons why I have decided to ditch the Me Time mentality.

1. Me Time doesn’t refresh.

I did some research about this Me Time mentality and the health and psychology experts are the biggest proponents. They compare Me Time to “recharging your batteries” and encourage women to schedule it like an appointment.

I like the idea of batteries needing to be recharged. I think that’s a great analogy. If we as Christian girls need to recharge and refresh in order to give and live to the fullest, we need to make sure we are plugged into the right charger. Our “batteries” are not going to last very long if they aren’t plugged into the right source.

When you veg out in front of the TV your batteries are not being recharged and refreshed. As a Christian girl your batteries will only recharge to the fullest when you spend time in God’s presence. God is the only one who can completely fill up your tank and give you the long lasting power you need to have excitement and energy for the next day. That is where you will find true refreshment.

2. Me Time leaves you feeling depressed with daily living.

One of the biggest problems with Me Time is that it gives you a terrible perspective on the day-to-day routine. God has given you a specific calling for this season of your life. Whether it’s finishing school, serving your family, watching kids or cooking meals, you can find complete satisfaction and joy in the job that God has given you.

Instead of viewing your daily tasks as a drudgery and something to endure, you can learn to view it as your calling from the Lord and as something you truly can find fulfillment and joy in.

Me Time tempts us as Christians to grudgingly endure the day and dream of our precious alone time.

3. Me Time puts the focus on the wrong person.

If I weren’t a Christian I would be all over this Me Time mentality. But I am a Christian and I have a guide book to live by. Maybe I’m missing it in there, but I haven’t been able to find Me Time in the Bible. When I scan the pages of Jesus’ life I see service and worship. I see Jesus pouring His life into others and then pouring His heart out to God. I see Him going to God for His recharge and strength.

We need to follow His example. Instead of buying into the selfish me, me, me, focus we need to put our focus back on God. When times are hard and living gets rough, don’t have a pity-party and run to get a manicure. Instead do what David did and worship the Lord. Cry out to Him and fill your mind with His Word.

4. Me Time is terrible training for being a wife and mother.

After reading an article by a wife and mother, I am convinced that this Me Time mentality is horrible preparation for the future.

The author of that blog post says that she tried out Me Time only to find herself “stressed and edgy and desperate for more.” She also says “I dreaded going to bed because it meant waking up to children’s needs and a disaster of a house.”

Her conclusion to Me Time was this, “In a moment of clarity, as only the Lord can offer, I saw my behavior for what it truly was: selfishness. Along with this epiphany came the conviction to quit seeking Me Time.”

She closes her article with these words, “Our need for Me Time will fade as we begin to see motherhood as a blessing not to be escaped, but embraced.”

I think that woman offers some invaluable insight. If you can avoid falling into the selfish Me Time mentality as a single girl, avoiding it as a wife and mother will be much easier.

5. You are not owed Me Time.

Whoever declared that you deserve Me Time was very confused. As sinners saved by the grace of God we only deserve one thing, Hell.

We live in a society that is so narcissistic and it encourages us to live out a completely self-focused lifestyle. We need to reject that idea and remember the example Jesus left for us. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

Once you learn to live life with an outward focused mindset, the need for Me Time will fade. Satisfaction and refreshment truly can be found in living a poured out lifestyle.

Wrap it up.

I’ll admit I am not a pro at this. I still struggle with wanting Me Time. I’m slowly but surely learning to spend my down time recharging in God’s Word and learning to view my daily duties as a blessing and not a burden.

Let me clarify: I absolutely enjoy peace, quiet and a good conversation with a friend over a cup of coffee, but if I am truly content in my God-given role and current season of life, I no longer cling to those moments as my life savers. I’m learning to view those as blessings not escapes. I’m realizing that I don’t need those moments to survive.

  • How have you bought into the Me Time mentality?
  • Do you think that it lines up with God’s Word?
  • Are you willing to recharge in God’s Word instead of trying to recharge in front of a movie?
  • In light of this blog, how can you better prepare for being a wife and mother?

 Photo credit: | Lulumière

5 Reasons I'm ditching the "Me Time" Mentality

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16 Responses to 5 Reasons I’m Ditching the “Me Time” Mentality

  1. MH5726 says:

    Really enjoyed this post… I am a wife and soon-to-be-mom (so maybe not your exact target audience!) but #2 and #4 really resonated with me. For #2, I sometimes do feel like the ordinary every day things in life are drudgery to be endured until I can get home and curl up with a good book, but God didn’t intend me to waste most of my day waiting for an hour at the end which I then spend on myself! For #4, I totally agree, striving to be a good wife means learning having a servant’s heart beyond anything I thought possible. If I could go back and give some advice to my single self, it would be: learn to serve! Thanks for all the encouraging words and godly insights!

  2. Kate @ majesticgoldenrose says:

    Hmmm… We just spent a week in the Smokies and having a week of “Me Time” in Gods creation was such a blessing to recharge and remember for when times get tough and I have to remind myself of his promises. “Me time” when I read (or for my blog review) a book inspires me to write my own novel and its the same with “Me time” when I fall asleep to my Christian acappella music…. What do you say to productive “Me Time” and where do you draw the line? Would you say that going to church or talking to a mentor is bad then, by definition? (*confused*)

    • Celtic Princess says:

      I think that the ‘Me time’ Bethany is talking about is more the ‘I deserve to veg out’ time than the ‘I need to be alone with God’ time.

      David, for example, was able to see so many of God’s attributes during his ‘me time’ worshiping God out on the mountains as he watched his father’s sheep. If David had been at war doing God’s job for him, like the other kings at that time of year, or if his ‘me time’ on the palace roof had included reading his Bible (the part they had) and worshiping God like his shepherd ‘me time’, even if he still noticed Bathsheba, he would have been in a more prepared state of mind and spirit to withstand the temptation. As it was, the ‘I deserve to be pampered’ frame of mind he was in put him in a position to compromise more readily when another pleasure to enhance his ‘me time’ beckoned.

      Most of us aren’t going to commit physical sexual sin during our ‘me time’ (especially since it usually entails a certain amount of alone-ness) but it is easy during ‘me time’ to rationalize things like an extra piece (or four) of chocolate or a little jaunt into fantasy-land over some actor or character in a novel… She that looketh upon (or readeth about, I would assume) a man to lust after him?… I think Jesus was pretty clear on that. Not saying that you should never read for fun, I _love_ reading, but we should be careful to avoid the self-centered mindset that seems to be at or near the core of the ‘Me Time’ movement, and which also tends to lead to most sin.

  3. lydia billings says:

    Great post! She isn’t against the Bibles definition of me time, which is being alone with God in a sacred place of prayer and meditation, i guess you could call it “Me & God’s Time” what she is rejecting is the worlds idea of “me time” which usually includes something very different. What a great challenge to my heart to be reminded that the greatest time is in the presence of our Savior and serving at the feet of others.

  4. Anna Joy says:

    Wow! This is SO me! My family is forever telling me that I spend too much time selfishly locked up in my room “doing my own thing” (nothing harmful – maybe just reading a biography – but off by myself rather than being with them). I AM one of those people who feels like I’m entitled to my own time, “just to collect my own thoughts.” I’ve been so selfish! Thank you for such an eye opening post!

  5. Elisabeth says:

    This is me all the way. Sad to say, it’s sometimes all I want to do, but I am realizeing that you can you time just as well will being with your family doing fun things as you can just stuff you want to do.

  6. emily says:

    I have never believed in me time and people literally get mad at me when I refuse what they say is “much needed” me time. But my kids have grown up knowing I was never needing a break from them and when others said I did they confessed they felt like maybe they were a burden on me. I reassured them those people were dumb and didn’t know what the we’re talking and I never ever needed a break from them they would walk away so happy. today they are adults and do not want to live a day of their lives away from me, I am so grateful I didn’t buy into that me time mentality. I always knew I had plenty of time to rest when they went to bed at night too and it was true.

  7. Lana says:

    Thank you for sharing…….I needed this!

  8. Hurricane says:

    I was really incredulous as I read this. First off, I do agree that if your personal time leaves you feeling drained instead of energized then you should reconsider your choices in modes of relaxation. However, I feel as though this article takes an extreme position and in a world where society is constantly pushing us to do MORE MORE MORE this feeds into the guilt that many women feel when they really just need to take a break. After a hard day of work, we don’t need to be told that our relaxation time isn’t good enough or productive enough- that is the whole point of “me time”, to give yourself some time to take a break without the guilt. And the part about preparing to be a wife and mother? Really? Is that all we are, potential wives and mothers? Of course we want to prepare to best the best we can be for God now and for our families in the future, but guilt tripping young women about whether her personal activities are “good enough” when she is exhausted after a hard day just sets a terrible precedent that WILL last when she is a wife and mother. You should never guilt trip a mother for needing to take some time for herself or outright telling her that her activities are selfish when she needs a breather. We can’t serve others or God to the best of our abilities if we are not taking care of ourselves mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally- we need a BALANCE of spiritual time, veg out time, and hard working time and that goes for young single women now or wives and moms later. How about we be supportive of the stressed out mom or the overworked young professional instead of telling them that their desires are narcissistic and self centered?

    • So true, and I believe your stance is way more biblical. Jesus didn’t literally serve twenty four seven… He peaced out multiple times to essentially have “me time” like when He decides He needs a break and leaves the crowd to go out on a boat…. Where He passes out while it’s hurricaning (I just invented that word). “We need to reject that idea and remember the example Jesus left for us. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).” I’d use this same verse to argue the opposite point… Jesus did sacrifice himself…. So that we could be human, bc we are human, and so we have freedom and unending grace so we aren’t required to perform all the time!

  9. Rachael Allen says:

    I do like the majority of this article, but I feel like this may give people the wrong idea- feeling super guilty when they are doing something they enjoy.
    I don’t feel like a good example of “me time” is being on facebook, twitter and the like. Spending hours on social media is really bad for you, and really has no good outcomes. Of course that can make you feel more anxious and depressed.

    My “me time” consists of taking walks, drawing, reading, and creative writing. And let me tell you: those are GOOD times. I feel SO much more refreshed after spending a few hours drawing a picture, or writing scenes from a story in my head. I feel so much better after going on a walk and listening to music I enjoy. Granted, about half of those times I am also spending time with Jesus. But sometimes I don’t focus exclusively on him and I still feel extremely refreshed and like I can face the world again.
    Why? Because all that stuff is productive. It’s doing something with your time. Some can argue that even sitting around and reading a book or playing a video game can be productive because you interact with the stories. Facebook and pinterest isn’t productive: it’s staring at a screen and reading people’s posts about their life.

    The problem with “me time” lies on its priority in your life. I don’t think it’s wrong: but there have been plenty of times in my life where I crave “me time” above all else. Everywhere I go, and everything I do I want to be alone so I can do whatever I want to do. When “me time” is priority over God, husband, friends, etc, of COURSE that’s wrong.
    But everything should be in moderation, including this.
    Don’t feel guilty about doing things you enjoy: just make sure they don’t take over your life.

  10. Jessica says:

    I think it’s important to have “me time” in the sense that it’s important to take care of yourself as you take care of others. Human beings were not designed to ‘go go go’ all the time, and we each have personal limits. I know because two years ago, I was ‘go go go’ all the time doing ministry as a single girl, and I got depleted really fast. Yes, I was responsible to spend time with God and be in His Word, but I was also responsible to make sure that my body needed rest, and that I needed to release some outcomes rather than trying to live up to other people’s expectations. As women we play many different roles in life and have many different responsibilities as a daughter, a wife, a mother, a church member, etc. Rest is a biblical concept. As an older single woman (31 years old), I appreciated some of the points of your above post, but from personal experience working outside the home, and also doing ministry, I would have to respectfully disagree with some of your points above. There is nothing unspiritual with learning how to say ‘no’ with grace, because saying ‘no’ can give way to a greater, more God-honoring ‘Yes!’

  11. Jen Fair says:

    I love this! I used to focus so much on having “me time” yet I would never feel refreshed but more exhausted. This is such an encouraging and informative blog post! Thank-you so much!

  12. Skarlet Pike says:

    I appreciate the desire here, to serve Christ, to put one another’s interests ahead of one’s own.

    However, giving up all personal time is not a good idea to reach that goal. None of the five points stand up to thoughtful reflection.

    Point 1 – “Me Time doesn’t refresh” and gives the example that vegging out in front of media (TV, computer) hasn’t helped her feel recharged.

    That’s a bogus conclusion for a couple of reasons. It refers to media time, which has a very different effect than say, sitting on a river front and watching the water. I agree that spending one’s me time “vegging out” in front of *media* won’t refresh. But secondly, even if the author finds every form of alone time non-refreshing, that would only lead one to believe that she is *not an introvert.* It would not lead one to believe that introverts are not recharged by time alone.

    Point 2 – “Me Time tempts us as Christians to grudgingly endure the day and dream of our precious alone time.”

    I don’t see how she is making this connection. If she enjoys the blessing of spending time along, why would she dislike the other blessings and challenges of the day? Is that like saying I shouldn’t eat steak for dinner because I might be tempted to enjoy eggs (breakfast) and sandwiches (lunch) less? If one truly has a hard time enjoying one’s day, then either one needs to get a less miserable job (if possible) or one needs to work on one’s own perspective. And when can one do that? Personal time reflecting on one’s own thoughts and character and growth is important for that.

    Point 3 – “Me Time puts the focus on the wrong person.” She says that she can’t find me-time anywhere in the Bible.

    First of all, personal time spent with God IS a sub-category of me-time (alone time, without other people). Secondly, let’s not forget the verses telling us to know oneself, examine oneself, and even “look to yourselves.” (2 John 1:8) As Christians, we are responsible for taking every thought captive, for instance, and we can’t do that if we refuse to spend time with ourselves and our own thoughts. Those who refuse to “look to themselves” are the people who are always looking for new and exciting ways of changing others, growing others, and telling others what to do – after all, it would be wrong (in their mind) to give all that attention to themselves!

    Point 4 – “Me Time is terrible training for being a wife and mother.” After all, she says, it is selfishness, and that’s the opposite of the self-sacrificial love that we are called to and exercise toward our family.

    Since when is taking care of yourself selfishness? We are called to be good stewards of ourselves. If a person does not take care of their own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, they will be running on empty with little to give to their husband, children, or community. They will have few thoughts to share, little joy in their life, and will always be on “their last nerve.” It’s *not* good practice for being a wife and mother to ditch caring for yourself. I’m saying this as a wife and mother myself.

    It’s better to shoot for what David describes in the Psalms: My cup runs over. Practice, in single life, getting your needs met in God and through the time, money, and abilities God has provided, and practice giving of your overflow to those around you.

    Point 5 – “Once you learn to live life with an outward focused mindset, the need for Me Time will fade. Satisfaction and refreshment truly can be found in living a poured out lifestyle.”

    My own mother, who bore and raised 11 kids while in an oppressive marriage, once told some of her church people about how tired she was. Instead of offering to help, or even affirming her needs, they told her that she needed to do more to pour more into others in order to feel satisfied and refreshed.

    Needs do not go away, when one gives of oneself to others. Only when one’s needs are met (for God provides) can one give to others in a healthy way, an encouraging way, a way that also provides role-modeling. When one is full of joy, that joy is contagious and blesses people more. When one is running on empty, and serving others, it sends mixed messages like: “I’m helping serve your needs. Imitate me as I imitate Christ, and I am not getting my needs met, so as you mature, you also will learn to not get your needs met!”

  13. Dalma Mészáros says:

    Hi Bethany! Me-time can be recharching if you use it the right way 🙂 For example, if you have creative talents, like drawing, painting, playing on an instrument, or singing, or you are very talented dancer, or a great writer, etc, actually these things can recharge you. Or sport can recharge you, or going out in the forests for a hiking, so nature could be a good option. So in all in all if you find a great hobby, this can recharge you. It is not sinful at all, to have hobbies. 🙂 Of course it should not overtake and rule your life, God should be the center and your family, but a creatively used me-time does good to you. Even Jesus had me-time when He went to the hills, to pray to God, and to medidate. So actually me time is not a sin, if you use it in a building, creative way, because this honours God! I also recommend you a book, called Flow, written by dr. Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, he is Hungarian psychologist, who lives in the USA, so this book is available also in English. Though it is not a biblical book, but it certainly helps you to find a hobby and also find an activity which you can truly enjoy,(and at the same time, honouring God. ) God bless you! D.

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