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5 Reasons Girls Aren’t Honest About their Sexual Struggles

By: Kristen Clark

Being honest about my past struggles with sexual sin and masturbation wasn’t easy. In fact, I didn’t want to be honest about it. I didn’t want to confess it. I wanted to shove those sins into the deepest darkest corner never to be seen again.

But I knew that wouldn’t work.

Sin always has a way of making its way to the light.

As a “good christian girl,” I felt so ashamed and embarrassed inside that I struggled with lust. I was positive that I was the only Christian girl in the entire world who struggled with masturbation.

Sexual sins like that were supposed to be guy issues…not girl issues.

Right? I assumed I was the odd one out, which made me less interested in sharing honestly about my struggles. I figured I was just a strange female with hyper sensitive sexual desires.

Wrong.

If only I had known then what I know now. I wasn’t the odd one out. I wasn’t a weird female. I wasn’t even hypersensitive. I was (and am) a very normal female with common sexual temptations and struggles.

To my surprise, sexual sin isn’t just a guy issue.

It’s a human issue. Lust isn’t a male problem, but a humanity problem.

This became extremely apparent to me as I worked in GirlDefined Ministries for the past few years. We have received hundreds of emails and comments from Christian girls — just like me — who think they’re the only ones struggling.

Maybe you’re one of those who have sent an email.

As I scan the emails I feel like I’m reading my own story. Each one shares how hard it is for her to be honest. To be open. To tell someone. She feels alone and isolated in her struggle.

This seems to be a really common theme amongst Christian girls and women.

Being open and honest about our sexual struggles isn’t easy.

This really got me thinking.

Why is it so hard for us to speak up? To get help? To confess our sexual sin?

As I’ve examined my heart from the past, and interacted with dozens of girls, the answers seem to be the same. There are common threads in how we’re all feeling. I’ve been able to narrow it down to 5 common reasons for why we, as Christian girls aren’t honest about our sexual struggles.

What I’ve discovered is that each “reason” begins with a lie. A lie that keeps us trapped in our sin. A lie that makes it hard to be honest.

If you struggle to be open and honest about your own sexual sin, see if any of these 5 lies are at the root of your struggle:

1. I’m the only female who struggles with sexual sin and temptation.

I believed I was the only female who struggle with sexual sin, and this made it feel impossible to be honest. However, the more I realized that I wasn’t alone in the struggle, the easier it was for me to confess my sin and seek accountability.

2. Sexual sin is supposed to be a “guy issue,” so I must be weird.  

Bookstores are filled with “purity” books for men. Churches often host purity studies for men. Whenever lust is mentioned, it’s often referred to as a “man’s struggle.” This reality has caused many Christian women to feel isolated, alone, and weird when it comes to their own sexual struggles.

But the reality is, we are not weird. We are simply sinners who struggle with sin. Yes, even sexual sin. Lust is a girl problem too.

3. My family and friends would be shocked if they knew what I struggled with.

Sure, they might be shocked. That could happen. But they probably won’t be as shocked as you think. We tend to think that our sexual struggles are “the worst.” We forget that other people wrestle with sexual sin as well.

Your parents have their own past and present struggles. Your friends have their own temptations. Even leaders and pastors battle with sexual temptation on a regular basis. As Ecclesiastes says, “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

4. Everybody views me as the “good christian girl” so I can’t tell them.

Our reputation and pride is often what keeps us from being honest about our sin. But the ironic thing is, by staying silent we’re actually being even more dishonest about who we truly are. Don’t let your “good christian girl” image keep you from being authentic about where you’re at.

Christ died on the cross because we’re sinners — not because we’re perfect Christian girls. We need His transforming grace and forgiveness in our lives.

5. Maybe what I’m doing isn’t really that bad after all.

The longer we keep our sin hidden, the more we try to protect it and shield it. We tell ourselves the lie that “it’s not that bad.” We convince ourselves time and time again that it’s okay. That it’s not hurting anyone.

What finally brought me to my knees and compelled me to confess my own sexual struggles, was the reality of how ugly my sin was. When I held my sin up next to God’s holiness and beauty, I fell to my knees in brokenness and repentance. He is worthy to be honored.

Did any of those 5 lies ring true in your own heart?

If you’re struggling to be honest about your sexual sin, I can’t encourage you enough to reject the lies, and pursue truth. Talk to someone. Maybe your mom, your pastor’s wife, your youth leader, or a godly woman. Freedom begins by bringing your sin into the light.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Don’t stay trapped any longer! Whether it’s porn, masturbation, erotic novels, or something else…don’t keep it a secret any longer. Freedom is worth fighting for.

In closing, I want to recommend some extremely helpful resources for battling sexual sin:

Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World

Sex and the Single Girl

Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace by Heath Lambert

Come chat with me below by answering this question:

Which of the 5 lies do you find yourself most tempted to believed? Why?

Photo Credit

Girl struggling sexual sin

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  • Hannah B

    Wow this is a really good post, and though I’ve not dealt with a whole lot of sexual temptations this hit me smack in the middle. This post is so applicable to many sins. This very freeing.

  • Katie

    3 and 4 tho…. 3 and 4…. like SOooooo much those two points. Also! I have always thought it was INCREDIBLY COURAGEOUS of you TO be honest and open about your struggles the way you have!!! It has probably helped encourage and helped to free SOoooo many young women who struggle and feel so alone bc they feel they cannot tell anyone and do not have a safe spot.

  • Saira Esther Thomas

    I’ve been dealing with the same struggle even to this day of my life. However, Holy Spirit helps me a lot to improve once I surrendered completely unto him. I haven’t told anyone about it, including my family. I do believe I’ll overcome completely from this sinful nature that is holding me back more towards Christ.

  • Ann

    Thank you so much. I REALLY NEEDED this. Do you think I can regain my innocence, cause I struggle with s-xual sin quite often. One of my biggest issues.

    • yay

      I don’t know if you can regain your innocence, but I know something that really helped me, i used to struggle with this too, but at the moment i realized that God doesn’t like this, that he is against this sin, I was okay why are you against this? this is okay, we are in 2017! and is hard to stop doing this ( Satan was putting those thoughts there), but one day the lord talk to me through the scriptures, and he let me know That this sin will give me huge problems and pain in the future when I’m married, this sin will drive me farther and farther away from God and that’s what the Satan wants, that I’m not honoring God doing this, and my body is the temple of God “Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own;for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.”
      -‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:19-20
      Something you can do is try not to be alone, and the moment you feel like you want to do it again Pray about this ( I don’t know if you pray or not, I know sometimes when we pray we don’t feel Like the Lord is listening, but he is listening, we just have to be consistent and have faith in him that he will help you) read your bible everyday, the Lord will talk to you through his word, and memorize scriptures, memorizing scriptures is important, because when the moment of temptations come, you will be able to remember that scripture, and will help you not do it again
      I hope I help you, have a good day!

  • Jasmine Mebane

    So glad you shared this blog !! I definitely struggle for years in the past we can all get freedom we just need to be real & honest !! The enemy is a lie your not unworthy or gross , you will be able to have a healthy godly relationship!! Pour your heart to the Lord and a trusted godly woman!! So proud of you girls for taking courage and sharing!!

  • C

    What do you do if healing from your struggles and sins is something you really want, but you literally have NOBODY to talk to about it. I pray about it, but I do feel like having that personal confession in person would help to. My mother is totally out of question, she’s too busy and wouldn’t understand any of this. I don’t go to a church, so I don’t know a pastors wife or anything. And with my current situation right now, committing to going to a church and building fellowship with the people there isn’t probable. If I was to confess this to anyone , I’d like it to be with someone that I could build a trusting and lasting relationship with so I feel comfortable with them, but I don’t have anyone like that. I don’t have any friends that are Christian. I have no idea who to talk to about this. Any suggestions?

    • Adele

      If you’re in high school or college there are a number of Christian groups that you could be involved in. Many are based at people’s homes or in public places so you wouldn’t be going to “church”. You would be able to meet loving, caring people who you could talk to about this struggle. You’d be able to build the trusting, lasting relationship you want to have.
      Young Life and Cru are organizations that are in both high school and college campuses across the US.
      Youth for Christ is another ministry in high schools.
      Intervarsity, and Chi Alpha are in public colleges across the US.
      I hope that helps you create some solid relationships with people.

  • mavis

    I love your openness. May God continue to open doors for you to help out young ladies.

  • John

    Wait a sec!

    my girlfriend told me that she never masturbated before and she doesn’t even struggle with that kind of problem.

    so she have been lying to me all this time !

    she is christian !

    • Lindsy

      John,
      I don’t think your girlfriend was lying. I don’t think every girl struggles with masturbation but I do think every woman at some point or another has struggled with lust. Maybe that’s just my opinion.

      • Chelsea Ejimakor

        Yeah, I agree with you, Lindsay.

  • John

    Does my girlfriend keep secret from me on that matter ?

  • Samantha Meliora

    I love this article so much. I believe that lust is every human weakness. I’m still struggling to not reading erotic novel and completely trust my problem in Christ. Yet, I think I couldn’t talk this things to my mom.

  • Katherine Ndung’u

    Kristen, thank you so much for sharing. You’ve just reminded me how my testimony is bigger than myself and is useful in winning souls to God’s beautiful kingdom.

  • Chelsea Ejimakor

    A good post. Thanks Kristen for giving young girls the idea that if they can overcome temptation. We all need to fear God and trust him. First thing every human being should ask themselves is”Does God like what I am about to do?”

  • Ellie Jackson

    Thank you for this post, Kristen! When I first started having sexual temptation, I was taken so off guard. Like you said, I thought it was a boy problem, not something I would have to deal with. After several years, when I had learned to deal with it on my own, I shared my experience with some close friends and found that their experience was the same. We all battled quietly, by ourselves, because we thought that we were the only one struggling, when it would have been so much easier to battle together.

  • Clara B.

    Thank you so much Kristen!! You have really helped me through all of your blog posts! I have struggled with this for a long time and you have really encouraged me! Just a quick question, do you think that it would be wise to share my struggles with my close friend? I’m really worried she might not want to be my friend any more if I tell her that I REALLY STRUGGLE with sexual temptation and lust.

    • Johanna

      Hey Clara! I may not be Kirsten, but I have some advice for you! I talked to my mentor about this kind of stuff when I was struggling alone with it (a girl who is about 4 years older than me). Oh my goodness it was hard, but totally worth it! After I told her that I had been hanging on to this so long and I told her she understood and still loved me and showed grace toward me anyway. Our relationship is so much stronger now and we are able to trust each other with a lot due to this being a defining moment in our relationship. Me talking to her has also helped me grow tremendously in my faith. And you know we all have struggles and she has struggles too and she probably is struggling with her own stuff and I belove that that helped her to be so understanding.
      So to answer you question, I think it would be wise to share it to help you move past it, but I think it might be helpful if you went to someone a little older, a little wiser. You
      can go to your closet friend you mentioned (assuming that she is your age) and talk to her about it, but I think it would be better if you talked to someone who you look up to and trust likep maybe your mom or a godly woman in your life.
      Oh and honestly, in my opinion if I can’t be real with someone then I don’t conceiter them to be that close of a friend.
      I hope this helps! ❤️

      • Clara B

        Thank you so much!!!! You are so sweet and helpful!!!

  • Marissa Maiden

    Thank you so much for posting, I found your blog through pintrest and it has been helping me a lot. Thank you for all you do!

  • Mariel Esthefany Cuevas

    Just trust in the Power of Christ,you will overcome that sin,believe me,I was struggling with lust,masturbation,pornography,erotic novels… for a very long time. The past year I decided to end with that sin.I was living with guilt, and I felt so dirty,ashamed,I could not live like this.I had confess my sin to God and he gave me strength to live free of lust.And now I´m living in holiness, with Jesus everything is possible! WE CANNOT LIVE IN SIN JUST BECAUSE ANYBODY ELSE DO THE SAME THING.It feels good to be free,I´m full of peace,my consciencie is clean,IF YOU GO FOR IT, JESUS WILL GIVE YOU THE VICTORY. DONT Give up to live in holiness and purity, even if the world do it.

    Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32.

    Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12.14

    Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again”.John 3:3.

  • Thank you for writing this, Kristen!

  • Flora

    Hi Kristin,
    Thank you so much, I recently was able to overcome an addiction to eroticas through God’s grace. Points 3 and 4 were my problem, in fact they still are as I’m not using my actual name here. I’m not quite ready to let others know but I will in due season. I only really read one fugly like five times and then u sped through the other times as I knew it was wrong but still liked the so called “romance”. Now that I know God’s true plan for Romance I will wait on God for my time to experience it purely. Thabus so much Kristin, I needed this to remind me that God still loves and wants me regardless.


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