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5 Truths to Help You Destroy Secret Sexual Sin

By: Bethany Baird

I wouldn’t be surprised if nearly every one of you reading this post has struggled with, or is currently struggling with, secret sexual sin.

Why do I assume that so many of you struggle (or have struggled) with secret sexual sin?

Because (at times) I’ve struggled with this in my own life and I’ve received enough emails through GirlDefined to know this is a big problem for many of you.

I want you to know upfront that today can be a turning point in your life!

I hate the thought of you feeling alone, helpless, or hopeless in your struggle. I’m writing about this topic today to offer you hope and encouragement.

Before we officially start this blog, I want you to take a deep breath and pray.

Pray that God will open your eyes to the truth and give you the courage and strength to break free from all of your sin (no matter how great or small).

Keep in mind, you can do this only through the power of Christ’s strength.

5 Truth’s to Help You Destroy Secret Sexual Sins

1. Sin must be put to death in order to find freedom.

The only way that you (or I) will ever achieve freedom and true pleasure is by putting our sin to death.

Josh Harris explains it perfectly in his book: Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is). He says,

“The call to follow Jesus is a call to put our sin to death, to crucify it and then let the Holy Spirit control every part of our lives – Including our sexual desires. He asks us to give up chasing the lustful desires that could please us temporarily. Yet, on the other side of that sacrifice is freedom and true pleasure.”

It is absolutely impossible to experience lasting freedom if we have current sexual sin (or any ongoing sin) in our lives. The first step in your journey to freedom is to admit you have a sin struggle and recognize that you will NEVER have true freedom, peace, or joy until you put that sin to death.

2. Your secret sin must be brought to the light.

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).

God says that if we conceal our sins we will not prosper. I don’t know about you but I want to prosper in life. I know that according to the verse above, that will not happen unless I confess my sin and forsake it.

Bringing sin (of any kind) from the secret darkness into the light is not an easy thing to do. Even though it is difficult (and down right hard on the pride) freedom can be found through confession and openness.

It’s very important that you not only confess your sin to God but that you bring it into the light by confessing it to your parents (mentor/older woman), and to anyone that it has directly affected. This is vital in the process of breaking free from the bondage of sin.

“Have you ever noticed that most fungi grow best in the dark? If you were to turn the light on the fungus, it would be sapped of strength, wither, and eventually die. Sexual impurity is the same; it, too, thrives in the darkness. Typically pornography [or any sexual sin] is done in secret, where nobody knows, and as long as sinning remains in the dark, it will no doubt continue.” -The Way of Purity

3. God promises to forgive you of your sin.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).  

Don’t believe the lie that your sin is “too big” to be forgiven. Notice that God didn’t put any disclaimers in that verse or in any other verse in the Bible. He (if you ask) will forgive you.

Erwin Lutzer is wise to remind us of an important reality, “Forgiveness is always free. But that doesn’t mean that confession is always easy. Sometimes it is hard. Incredibly hard. It is painful to admit our sins and entrust ourselves to God’s care.”

Admitting our sins to God is hard. But living with those sins in secret is even harder. Trust in God’s perfect character and believe that He will forgive you if you ask.

4. It’s time to forsake the sin.

It’s one thing to confess your sins to God and your parent’s, but it’s another thing to forsake your sin. This is a huge *and key* part of getting free and staying free. Satan is no dummy, He knows that if you hold on to activities or relationships that tempt you to sin, you will most likely fall back into them.

That is why God made it clear that we must forsake our sin.  

But what does it mean to forsake your sin? Forsake means to “renounce or give up”. Are you willing to give up all of your sin? Not just most of it, but all of it? When it comes to sin, we have no room to leave a little here and there and think that we can control it.

“This is the nature of sin. It takes us farther and farther, and though it promises to satisfy, it never does satisfy eternally. This is why we keep coming back to it over and over again” – The Way of Purity

I can’t encourage you enough to remove even what seems like the tiniest form of sin or temptation in your life. “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…” Ephesians 5:3.

5. You need God’s power to change.

Remember that you do not have the strength within yourself to conquer sin. You have to go to Jesus who has all the power in the world. He must be your source of strength now and in the future.

“We can’t save ourselves and we can’t change ourselves. Only faith in Christ can rescue us from our prison of our sin. And only the Spirit can transform us. Our job is to invite His work, participate with it, and submit more and more of our thoughts, actions, and desires to Him.” – Josh Harris

You have to willingly humble yourself before God, admit you have a problem, seek His help and willingly seek the help of the Bible (and wise mentors around you). Don’t try to change on your own, it won’t work.

Practical tips for making that change.

Use God’s Word to fight off temptation. A great way to fight immoral thoughts is to find a verse, memorize it, meditate on it and know it like the back of your hand. The Word of God is powerful (Hebrews 4:12) and can help you resist those temptations with its power.

Fill your mind with Scripture.  As you find a key verse to fight the temptations, don’t stop there. Start to fill your mind and heart with Scripture until your mind is overflowing with it. I can’t encourage you enough to read your Bible every single day.

Surround yourself with godly women. Make sure to surround yourself with godly Christian women who will push you toward Christ. Involve yourself in their Bible study groups, small groups, prayer groups, activities and whatever else they are doing.

Find accountability. Lastly let me encourage you to find accountability in your life. It is soooo much easier to fight off impurity (and to hold on to purity) when we have someone older and wiser prodding us on and encouraging us towards holiness.

I would love to chat with you in the comments or through e-mail. Feel free to ask any questions. I am cheering for you!

P.S. The blog post called Chocolate Covered Sin goes hand-in-hand with this topic.

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5 Truths to Help You Destroy Secret Sexual Sin

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  • Leisha

    Thanks for this blog!!! I think this was meant for me and God wanted me to see it. I guess one of my questions would be what’s the best way to approach parents if your not comfortable or you just don’t like talking about it? I would also like prayer:)

    • Hey @disqus_AvNH9UsBOU:disqus I am so glad this post was a blessing to you. God is so good in directing our paths and giving us exactly what we need, when we need it. Let me just start off by saying you’ve taken the first step already. You’ve recognized your struggle and see the need to open up about it. That’s hard to do and you’ve already done it!

      Let me remind you that Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Every single human being on earth has sinned and is in need of a Savior. Your parents included in that. Your parents have their own sin struggles, so there is no need to feel embarrassed by the fact that you are a sinner. They will relate.

      You said that you feel uncomfortable and don’t like talking about it with your parents. Ask yourself why? Why do I feel uncomfortable? Why do I want to avoid talking about it?

      When I personally find myself “uncomfortable or awkward” it’s usually rooted in pride. I want to look good and I don’t want people to think I have problems. The Bible sheds light on this issue, “When pride comes, then ones disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Prov. 11:2).

      My best recommendation would be to humble yourself before God and seek His forgiveness first and foremost. Next, I would recommend setting a specific time and date with your parents. If you don’t do this you will never “find the time” to make it happen. Just explain to them that you have something serious you need to talk about and get the date on the calendar.

      It won’t be easy. It won’t be fun. But it will start you on your journey towards true freedom.

      Proverbs 13:1 says, “A wise son heeds his fathers instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.” I want to encourage you to heed your fathers (and mothers) instruction by intentionally opening up and seeking wisdom, input and accountability. If you truly want freedom and success in this area, you have to do whatever it takes (no matter how uncomfortable).

      In a nutshell, just go for it. Don’t over think it and don’t wait another week. Get a meeting set up and make it happen.

      I will be praying for you! 🙂 -Bethany

      • Leisha

        Thanks Bethany for taking the time to respond to me to give me wisdom. I appreciate it:) Thank you for praying for me and may God bless:) Thanks so much;)

  • A

    “I want you to know upfront that today can be a turning point in your life!” Oh, goodness, was that true.

    I can’t count the number of times I’ve read similar articles and posts on this blog and over at Lies Young Women Believe. Your words have been pricking my conscience for months now, but I kept getting hung up on the “tell someone” point. So I’ve read the articles and tried to apply everything else, but couldn’t bring myself to confessing to another person.

    This evening I found this post in my email and while reading it, God let me know I couldn’t ignore that step any longer. Tonight I asked my mama to read the post and then we talked after. No, it wasn’t easy; there were tears, and honestly, I didn’t feel any instant peace and freedom; but it’s a start.

    In closing, one of my chosen verses for this struggle is from 2 Corinthians 10. Verses 3-6 all apply, but it is the last half of verse 5 that sticks out to me: “…bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” Most sins start with a thought, and I find it helps to repeat those words to myself when tempted.

    Thank you and God bless!

    • Wow! I am so glad that God convicted your heart to share with your mom and that you obeyed. That is HUGE. I will be praying that God continues to bring conviction to your heart and gives you strength to carry out His truth in your life.

      You may feel week but Christ is strong. “But he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9)

      Praying for you and cheering you on! -Bethany

    • Emma

      @A
      I’m getting hung up on that step too…I have no clue how to tell my mom. If you have any more advice on how or when to tell her, thatd be great. I’ve been keeping secrets for too long and I need to get rid of them. Thank you. 🙂

  • M

    I have been looking for answers on this topic for a long time and I have some questions that I would like to ask you guys, is there a way that I could send you like a private email? I went to where it said you can send an email but for some reason it wasn’t working.

    • Hey, If you go to our contact page and click on the link it should pull up an e-mail box for you. Let me know if you have trouble with it. -Bethany

  • Light177

    This blog post speaks to me on so many levels, you have no idea! Thank you for taking the time to write this. I just have one query: The last time I talked to my parents on something I struggled with, their response was not the most encouraging. Plus there’s no one else I really trust enough to talk to about my problem. I really have no idea as to what I can do because I can almost anticipate that my parent’s reaction will be nothing to look forward to.Please help me

  • Isabella Hamilton

    I just watched one of your videos that lead me here! Thank you for the information it have been really helping me. I have been striving for purity and freedom for some time now. Please pray for me.


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