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50 Questions to Ask Before Falling In Love

By: Bethany Baird

You like him. He likes you. The chemistry is jiving. Now what? Where do you go from there?

Working through the nitty gritty of a relationship can be exciting and totally confusing at the same time. Figuring out if this guy is someone you want to spend your life with can be really *really* hard.  

I’ve been in my fair share of relationships and I understand the confusion and difficulties of the process. Trying to figure out if he’s an option worth getting to know can be a challenge, to say the least.

Throughout the years of doing this relationship thing, I’ve consistently fallen back on this one strategy. Asking questions.

Asking questions is a key factor in the relationship process.

Taking the time to slow down and ask yourself (and your man) questions is key. Don’t rush into a relationship and close your eyes and ears. Take the time needed to dig deep and ask questions. Each question could lead you to another question that will help bring clarity.

This list of 50 questions is a great place to start. These are all the types of questions I’ve asked in my previous relationships.

This is not an exhaustive list by any means. It’s a great place to get started though. I’ll also link to a few other blogs, books, and websites to help you continue the process.

50 Questions to Ask Before Falling In Love

Spiritual Questions to Ask Him

Can you explain the gospel to me?

How important is your relationship with Jesus?

What importance does prayer play in your life?  

What is your view on church involvement?

What does your personal quiet time look like?

How would you lead your family spiritually?

What is your perspective on sharing the gospel?

Do you have regular accountability in your life? What does it look like?

What are the last five spiritual books you’ve read?

What is your favorite book in the Bible and why?  

Who is your spiritual hero and why?

General Questions to Ask Him

Why do you want to be in a relationship with me?

What do you see as my best character qualities?

What do you see as my weakest character qualities?

What does your vision of a happy family look like?

What motivates and excites you?

How would you describe a good work ethic?

How important is integrity to you? Why?

How would you maintain purity in our relationship?

What are your convictions on alcohol?

What are your convictions on dancing?

What are your convictions on modesty?

What are your convictions on speeding?

Questions To Ask Each Other

What is your testimony?

What is your ideal church to attend?

What is your understanding of Biblical Womanhood? Use Scripture to make your point.

What is your understanding of Biblical Manhood? Use Scripture to make your point.

Do you have any interest in working in ministry? If so, what specifically?

How important is entertainment in your life? (movies, TV, video games, social media, etc).

What are your views on health and exercise?

What is your perspective on finances and debt?

What kind of legacy do you want to leave?

Questions to Ask Those Who Know Him Well

Is he a man worth getting to know?

What cautions or red flags do I need to know about him?

What is his reputation like?

Can you see the two of us making a great marriage?

Would you encourage your daughter to get to know him?

Questions You Need to Figure Out

Why do I like him?

Does he push me closer to Christ?

How does he treat/talk about his mom?  

How does he love those closest to him?  

Is now a good time for us to pursue a relationship?

What gets me most excited about this person?

What do his actions/priorities say are important to him?

Is he secure in Christ or does he “need’ me in order to be happy?

Could I see myself living the rest of my life with this person?

Do I WANT to be with this guy?

Have I spent a sufficient amount of time praying about him?

What do the people closest to me think about this relationship?

What cautions do my parents/mentors have?

What cautions or red flags do I have?

Those questions are only the start.

I encourage you to use those as a launching pad to help you discern if this man is someone you should get to know.

What additional questions have been helpful to you? Share them with the rest of us in the comments section below.

Additional Resources:

Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage  

Courtship Questions for Potential Suitors

Single Girls: Look for a Guy With Vision, Passion, and Purpose

How Do I Know if He’s the One I Should Marry?

PHOTO CREDIT

Girl and Guy

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  • Laura

    Haha, I just imagined what it would look like to sit face to face to your crush and ask him all these questions :’) Although I think that would feel more like a job interview – many of the questions are totally worth of thinking (and praying) about! Thank you for this post <3

  • Catherine D

    God is great isn’t He? This article popped up at just the right time in my life. I’ve been thinking about the guy I have a crush on and these questions are exactly what I need to be asking myself (and him). So thanks for this article! It truly is a God send!!

  • Erin Fleishman

    I don’t know about that first question. It seems manipulative, almost, like he would be “in trouble” if he highlighted things I wouldn’t highlight, or didn’t mention the same details I would mention, or wasn’t fully formed in his faith (which none of us ever really are, right?).

    I also think it’s really important to clarify that this ought to be a conversation. If you are going to have a relationship with this person that you are considering dating and marrying, then good communication starts from the very first word. I need to communicate that these are things I want to learn about him, and he needs to communicate his comfort level in responding to them. I don’t think it’s quite right to present them as though I should pepper someone with questions and demand answers! (Ok, you didn’t say that and you said it’s important to take it slowly — I just find the point worth emphasizing!) And plus! These answers are things we can learn over time! The process of learning and asking wuestions is important, but it may be overwhelming not to space these out over days, months, weeks, years even. It’s just as important to know what he thinks about little things and how he responds to little annoyances and big problems, because that will tell you more how he is going to be from day to day than he may be able to answer for himself.
    It’s just important to take your time, both with falling in love and with getting answers to these burning “starter” questions.

    • Ashley Delarosa

      The most important thing when we say yes to Jesus Christ and yes to be HIs disciple is that what we “think” goes out the window. I don’t want to depend on my feelings because ultimately I will start to go off on my emotions and not on the will of God. The first question is simple, the gospel is simple. The person that you marry, you want know if they know the gospel and it’s not an intrusive question, marriage is the point of God not about how perfect your relationship has to be and I know that Bethany has a serious passion for the Lord and it’s very admire a bowl but I don’t like reading comments like this one because it’s like “Please make a decision, are you going to back off and not do a God is asking you to do because you ‘think’ it’s not OK with you or you ‘think’ it’s not the best?” A guy could look great on paper to be a great husband but on the inside that’s not the case so these questions are great STARTER questions or down the life to START or continue your godly relationship and if you don’t like it, spend more time God ( trust me this applies to me as well) May Jesus bless you !!

      • Joshua Samuel

        Hi Guys ,

        Thanks a lot for the mail and its mean a lot to me . I have read the link and it’s very useful to know the characteristics of real godly women . Can you provide the practical tips to find a godly woman . My questions are as follows .

        1. I always feel nervous to talk to a girl and please advise me in this regard and I am not confident in this .

        2. I haven’t dated any girl so what are the tips you would recommend to seek a godly woman .

        3. Country like India always force their sons and daughters to get married as per their wishes so how to overcome that ?

        4. What are the practical ways to start up a conservation with the godly woman in the church ?

        Kindly help us by answering my questions !!!.

  • Daniela Hammond

    Thank you Kristen and Bethany! This came at a very good time for me.

  • Hannah B

    This is perfect timing {slightly mind blown} My friend got married over the weekend, and she and her husband followed a courtship before they’re engagement/ wedding and stuff relating to that has been on my mind a lot which was actually creating fear. This list helped calm my fear some and made me think about my personal life.

  • Thanks for sharing this insightful list. I would add these two questions that my pastor advised: 1. How quickly does he apologize when wrong or deal with arising conflict? 2. How does he relate to others who can do nothing for him – to the ‘weak and despised of the world’?

  • Shanae B

    Wish I had this list yeas ago when I went through my first relationship. Great post though, thanks for sharing!

  • Kaela Schultz

    This post is super helpful! This was totally the perfect time for me. I really needed to hear that! Thank you Bethany!

  • Horse Lover

    This is a great post! I love it so much as I am at the start of what could be my first relationship. Thanks for sharing!

  • Colleen Turner

    This is an AMAZING post!! I’ve thought of some of these questions myself, but many of them are new and I wouldn’t have thought to ask! This is God’s perfect timing because I like someone and I want to get to know him better (as God leads). This will definitely be helpful in my life. Thank you sooo much for writing it!

  • setapartforchrist

    Been look for something like this.

  • Mpumi

    Great post Bethany

  • Brooklyn

    WOW.
    I was reading these questions, but I could only feel conviction about myself. That is so not what I was expecting or going for. Looks like I have some things to work on!
    Thanks so much for another wonderful post!

  • Leah

    I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH! THANK YOU!!!

  • Hi Bethany, this post is fantastic. I’m a guy and this list of questions was very convicting for me. Thank you. You’re already at 50, but I would suggest an additional question about the girl’s parents. “Does he respect my parents?” or something like that.


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