6 Guys You Definitely Don’t Want to Marry
I’ll never forget the days of being an innocent teen girl who viewed the world through rose colored glasses. I assumed the best of most everyone and figured a guy who claimed to be a Christian, had good manners, and was interested in me, must be a solid catch.
And then I grew up. Reality hit. My eyes were opened.
I learned very quickly that there are some solid Christian guys who would make for great husbands, and some who would not.
I realized through personal experience (and observation of other relationships) that there are 6 types of guys I would never consider marrying (unless he had some serious life change occur).
Let’s just be honest, life’s too short to spend it married to someone whose heart isn’t totally turned towards God.
There isn’t time to settle for a guy out of hopelessness, desperation or just plain emotional want.
Here are the 6 types of guys I personally would never recommend for you to date, court, or marry.
1. Mr. Talk
He’s the guy with all the words, but lacks the actions to back it up. As they say “talk is cheap.” It’s easy to “say” all of the right things. It’s another thing to do them. Be observant of the guy you are considering as an option. Does he back up his words with actions? Take the time necessary to get to know who he really is. Not just who he says he is.
2. Mr. Anger
Small things can really set this guy off. He gets angry when someone messes up his plans. His temper can heat up quickly and he often ends up yelling to make his point. People feel like they have to walk on eggshells around him because you never know what might tick him off. This is a guy who needs some serious time with the Lord. He’s in no position to lead a wife (much less children) until he finds freedom from this struggle.
3. Mr. Struggle
“I’m trying.” “I’m doing my best.” “I’ll do better next time.” Mr. Struggle is the guy that always seems to be…well…struggling. His sins, struggles, and personal issues never seem to improve. He says he wants to change, but never does. If a guy has a major struggle in his life (i.e. pornography, irresponsible spending, laziness, etc.) be very careful about entering a relationship with him. You need to see firsthand that he is taking steps toward overcoming those struggles and actually see progress in those areas before moving forward.
4. Mr. Obsessed
When a guy’s life, time, passions, energies, and thoughts revolve around you, you’ve got a problem. A guy who is obsessed with you has major priority issues. God should be number one in this guy’s life, not you. Despite how flattering it may feel to be the apple of his eye, you have to realize that this guy has placed his desires for love and romance above God. His lust for a woman has become the idol of his heart. Until God reclaims the throne in his life, you have no business considering him.
5. Mr. Pressure
If you’ve ever felt pressured by a group of friends (or by anyone) to do something you didn’t want to do, you understand this guy. He’s the guy who pushes the physical boundaries. He’s the guy who’s in a rush to move forward. He’s the guy who’s always pressuring you to do things you’re not quite sure you should do. This guy is thinking about one thing, and it’s not you. He’s putting his feelings, emotions and desires on the front row and using you to fulfil them. He is not seeking to please the Lord or draw you closer to God (despite what he may say).
6. Mr. Unsaved
He’s cute. He’s nice. He’s a gentleman. He’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of. There’s just one problem. He’s not a Christian. Deep inside you know you shouldn’t consider him but…he’s just sooo nice. Girl, I’ve got a word for you. The Bible says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). There you have it. Do not date, court, or marry an unbeliever. God strictly forbids it. You should never consider any non-Christian guy (no matter how cute).
There you go.
6 guys you should never date, court, or marry. I’d love to know your thoughts. Have you ever known someone or been in a relationship with a guy like one of the 6? If so, what happened?
Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.
Always enjoy reading your posts. I have learned so much from you guys. Please don’t stop what your doing! I hope one day I can do something similar to what you guys do!
Thanks Hannah 🙂 We appreciate the encouragement! -Bethany
Wonderful post, but I wonder: is there anyone left? I think most boys are one of the above…
I met a boy – it was before I started my relationship with God and this boy wasn’t/isn’t a christian either – who was a mixture of number 2 and number 4 (and also a little of number 5). Where I like freedom, he was obsessed with me and wanted to do everything together. Even though we hadn’t a relationship yet, he claimed me (#2) and tried to make me spend the time with him (#5). I had the feeling I couldn’t breath. In my opinion, not that healthy. He also became angry fast (#4). Because I was a little mad at him (he laught at me), he told me he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I never saw/heard someone that angry. And than I knew for shore – he wasn’t the boy I wanted a relationship with.
Now, I’m glad. Also because I’m absolutely sure I wouldn’t have met God again and he would have let me do things I don’t want to do.
I did thank God for this save!
I think there are guys that don’t fall under these categories. I don’t think Bethany is saying that if they ever do any of these things, even just once, that you shouldn’t be involved with them; that would definitely make it harder to find someone because we all sin. But I think it is important to remember that marriage isn’t our goal. If God doesn’t bring a man like this into our lives as an option for a relationship, then it just isn’t meant to be; God must have a wonderful plan for us to serve Him in singleness.
Hey Sandra! I am so glad you decided that that boy wasn’t for you. That must have been a very hard situation for you and I’m glad to see that you are no longer with him. And don’t get discouraged, there are definitely godly young men out there. I personally know several and am confident that God hasn’t “given up” up on guys. God is working in their lives just like he is working in yours. -Bethany
Thank you for sharing. I’m blessed to know a lot of great Christian guys who do not fall under any of these categories….However, I definitely am aware of some young men who do! I think as a young woman it’s really important to be observant and to pray for wisdom when it comes to young men. I know I have matured a LOT in the past two years so it’s much easier to spot these things now. This post is a great help and a reminder of what we should be looking for and what we must avoid. Thank you!
Hey Rebekah, I am so encouraged to hear that you know young men who do not fall under the 6 categories. I know that must be refreshing 🙂 Thanks for sharing! -Bethany
I think this list also applies to us as women as well. We want to marry a godly guy but we often forget that godly men want to marry a godly girl. We must examine ourselves to see if we fall into any of these categories and if there is any area in our life that we need to change to become more Christ like.
Amen!
I am so thankful for your comments, because I really feel that the information shared apply to both Men and Women.
Hey Keri, I totally agree. We as christian girls should constantly comparing our lives to Scripture and striving to become more like Jesus. Thanks for that reminder 🙂 – Bethany
True Keri! I agree.
Thanks for the great reminders, Kristen! It’s so nice to read your posts…they always refresh my commitments and convictions! After reading this post, I remembered an idea I read about the other day. The idea was to insert your crushes’ name into 1 Corinthians 13. So it would be like “he is patient, he is kind…etc.” That exercise has been helpful for me, because it compares a guy’s character to scripture. Sadly, most of us don’t measure up. I know I often fall short. Thanks again for this post!
Oops, I meant Bethany. Sorry girl! Haha
HI Liz! Thanks so much for sharing your idea about 1 Corinthians 13. What a cool way to keep your mind focus on truth. 🙂 -Bethany
Great article! 🙂 I enjoyed this a lot!
This is true! Another idea is to ask yourself if YOU are any of these… Miss Talk, Miss Anger, Miss Struggle, etc. I think I am closest to Miss Struggle in my personal life. It’s so easy to talk about my struggles, but hard to work toward overcoming them! By God’s grace and through small, consistent, obediences, though, I will overcome. 🙂
I thought about that. I need to focus on what I am being.
I really like this!!! I’m going to have to share this one with my friends!!! And maybe even post a link on my blog!!! Thanks again ladies for an awesome blog!!!
Great list! Prayerfully seek the man the Lord has for you and get to know them before giving your heart or pieces of it or your flesh to anyone. Even then, one may never know the dark secrets one keeps. Even many years down the road. This is why you must make Christ your ALL and a mate your second priority. He will never leave you or forsake you. His love is unlike anything any human can provide. People, even the best, will eventually let you down, hurt you and you must rely on your faith and relationship with your Heavenly Father to be enough.
Great thoughts. I would think that 4. would be the most tempting. Though on the other hand in past if any guy around my age was being friendly, I would get incredibly nervous. So maybe I would be so attracted.
Mr. Anger and Mr. Obsessed are the ones that I have most definitely told myself that I don’t want. Oh, and of course, Me. Unsaved. I also knew someone in a relationship with Mr. Possessive. It ended badly. Overall, good advice!
Lovely blog ladies!
I think this stands true to ladies as well. If we’re Miss Talk, Miss Anger, Miss Struggle, Miss Obsessed, Miss Pressure, or Miss Unsaved, we shoild be seeking the Lord to renew and change our heart and attitudes first before we start seeking a man to court, date, marry.
Exactly right, Jacqui! It’s just as important to be preparing ourselves to be wives as it is to be on the look out for men with these qualities. 🙂
I definitely resonate with Mr. Unsaved! Religious differences can rip two people apart in no time!
so true!
I like this could you do one with the guys you should be looking for? I have read your other relationship articles and they are great. I’m using them like a guide.
I really appreciate this article. So much of the time, if the guy’s not number 6, we think there’s no reason not to be involved, but that is so untrue!
I have to admit, this is good advice and I would probably really need it right now.
Many Mr Unsaved guys appeared in my life.. -_-“
I was in a relationship with Mr. Obsessed. At first, it seemed so nice that someone would “care” that much about me. But pretty soon he became controlling, manipulative, and verbally and emotionally abusive. He was even beginning to disrespect my parents and their rules for our relationship too.. Praise God He opened my eyes to see how wrong this relationship was before it was too late. I ended things with him almost a year ago and he is still calling/texting me. It’s super frustrating. I learned that you should always follow God first and foremost and also your gut feelings. I suppose this is what happens when you “follow your heart.” Even the Bible says the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked.
I really needed this article as I am currently praying for a relationship and spouse. Sometimes it seems soooooo hard to wait, but I’m trying to trust His timing and leadership. I don’t ever want to settle for less than what He has in store because I just “couldn’t wait.”
Sometimes these problems aren’t even apparent. You really need time to suss out a guy.
I’ve known a Mr. Anger. He got a lot better but at the time he was pretty crazy to be around. My sister is married to a Mr. Obsessed and she is incredibly unhappy, but she keeps on in the relationship
Proud Mr.Unsaved here.I was formerly a religious person. Instead of taking my views from a pulpit preacher who defends organized crime and public deception, I decieded to let myself be guided by human empathy and compassion. I have had a faithful relationship for the better part of 5 years now. I love the woman I’m with. I plan to have children with her but I know her only purpose isn’t to be a baby factory and homemaker. I want to give her freedom and help uplift her to her full potential. Remember ladies that you are a your own person and some dude wearing j crew flannels with a skin fade who wants to handcuff you to an oven will not make you happy, only you can do that.