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7 Major Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage – Part 1

By: Kristen Clark

I didn’t have sex until I got married. Zip. Zilch. Nada. According to our modern culture, I am nothing more than an ignorant, non-liberated, trapped female, stuck in the age of patriarchy.

I didn’t express my sexual “freedom” like I should. I didn’t take advantage of the feminist’s offer to access free birth control as a teen. I didn’t follow my heart and do whatever felt right.

Instead, I rebelled.

I rebelled against our culture’s expectations for sex and the single girl, and instead, chased after something better.

Saving sex for marriage is now considered “so 1800’s.” It’s a thing of the past. It’s for lame girls who can’t get a date. It’s for strict religious girls who can’t have any fun. It’s for insecure girls who don’t know how to get “out there.”

The messages we hear and the pressures we face to throw away our virginity are relentless. A famous female celebrity recently commented in Cosmo Magazine saying, “I’m grateful Planned Parenthood was there for me as a teen to provide me with all the birth control I needed.”

That’s the new norm. That’s mainstream thinking. Sex unrestrained.

Here’s my question though: Is having unlimited premarital sex really as amazing and liberating as our culture is telling us? Is it better than saving it for marriage? Is it really producing more happiness, fulfillment, security, and peace in the lives of women?

I. Don’t. Think. So.

Just take one short peek inside the lives of modern girls and women today and you’ll find this: Struggling lives, broken hearts, lack of joy, dissatisfaction with romance, and dysfunctional relationships.

What a great trade-off.

It sounds to me like we’ve been duped.

We’ve bought into the latest and greatest “drug” without checking the long list of side effects.

Here’s the deal, girls. I rebelled against the status quo for women, and I am SO glad I did. It was worth every day of “waiting.” It was worth every day of controlling my inner passions.

If you’re on the fence about this issue, or you just a need a good reminder that God’s ways truly are better, keep reading.

Here’s what this 24 year old wedding-night-virgin has discovered about saving sex for marriage. Listen up Cosmo.

Here are 7 Major Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage:

1. You Give Your Husband a Rare, Rare Gift

When Zack and I got married, I gave him a $400 deluxe tool kit as a wedding gift. He loved it! But that gift paled in comparison to the other gift I gave him. The gift of my virginity. That gift meant more to Zack than 100,000 new shiny tool kits.

Saving my body for my husband, alone, meant the world to my man. It sent him the message that He was worth the wait. He was worth 24 years of patience. He was worth more to me than any guy in my past.

He was worth my commitment and loyalty, even before I knew him.

Saving sex for marriage truly is the most incredible and rare wedding gift you could ever give your man. It lays a strong foundation of trust, loyalty, and commitment right from the beginning.

2. Sex Becomes About Two, Not Just You

Our modern culture tells us that sex is about one thing: YOU. It’s about you doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, in order for you to experience pleasure. However, this type of selfish, self-focused, all-about-me sex is not God’s best for us.

God created sex to thrive in a committed, marriage relationship (Genesis 2:24). Giving is always better than receiving.

Sex was designed for two, not just you.

When you save sex for marriage, you’re making the choice to serve and love your future husband in a very intimate way. You’re sending him the unspoken message that sex isn’t just about you – it’s about you AND him loving one another together. 

3. You Avoid Heavy Sexual Baggage

Let me tell you – walking down the aisle without a bunch of extra baggage makes for a much lighter walk. Every Christian girl I’ve ever talked to who has engaged in premarital sex has ALWAYS regretted it. Even when they ended up marrying the guy.

They have to deal with things like shame, guilt, unwanted images in their mind, the struggle to trust men, “relearning” how to be intimate with their own husband, and in some cases, sexually transmitted diseases.

Actions have consequences, and this is the side of the coin that romance novels, chick flicks, and Cosmo never, ever show you.

Having premarital sex will come back to bite you down the road, whether you like it or not.

One of the greatest benefits of saving sex for marriage is that you will detour right past Sexual Baggage Lane. You will avoid months – and many times – years of struggle and heartache. You will enter your wedding night with a clean, unblemished slate.

And that will conclude part 1 of this blog series.

To read part 2, CLICK HERE. 

For now, let’s chat.

  • What kind of pressure have you faced to view sex in a casual way?
  • On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest), how committed are you to saving sex for marriage?

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14 Responses to 7 Major Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage – Part 1

  1. Wow, this is awesome!
    This is the second time I visited your blog.
    In my early teen years, I decided to save my myself for my future husband.
    No matter what society tells us it’s okay, I won’t go through with it.
    Thanks for writing!
    I needed to hear this encouragement. 🙂

  2. Olivia Scott says:

    10! This is great, Kristen! You’re such an inspiration and awesome role model. I have worn a purity ring for the last 4 years or so (I’m 17 right now) and I plan on not only saving my virginity until my wedding night, but also I plan to not kiss until my wedding day (which I’m aware you did, as well). I’m excited about that because I know it will be SO much better that way and it will be so very special for my future husband and I. It also really glorifies God, which is totally my goal for my future marriage. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  3. Brielle says:

    Hi! I really enjoyed this! I think purity is such a wounderful thing as Christian girls and women. I haven’t really faced much pressure, because everyone around me knows my view on things. It’s disappointing though, that my friends (who are Christians) know how I feel, yet still choose to tell me that they slept with their boyfriends. Sometimes I don’t know what to think of them anymore because it’s very upsetting and I know they want me to happy for them, even if their relationships seem slightly unhealthy. But I know I just have to pray for God to change their hearts.

    Oh, and 10!

  4. Leanne says:

    I am completely a 10! At first it used to be very easy for me to keep my convictions, but as I’ve started my education at a secular school, it’s become a but more difficult to keep my actions to line up with that 10 because it’s easy to justify the want for hugs from guys (even just guy friends), which then can easily turn into physical impurity down the line if your thoughts are not controlled. The temptation is greater, so I have to fight a lot more than I previously did… But with God’s strength, I can overcome. Greater is He that is in me, than he who is in the world!

  5. Izzie Foltran says:

    I am TOTALLY saving myself. I have committed when I was around 10 that I wanted to save my first kiss for my wedding. I think that both those things will spare me from so much heartbreak and drama. People have asked me why I am saving my first kiss. I tell them that it’s a gift for my husband. They counter and say, “It will still be special if you kiss someone other than your husband.” I don’t believe that. Thank you for posting this.

  6. Free Speech (1st Amendment) says:

    I have many problems with this post, but I’m particularly interested in your opening lines. Your satirical tone denotes feminism as an inane movement lacking depth. Just a message to everyone reading this: FEMINISM IS NOT A BAD THING. Feminism doesn’t promote complete sexual freedom– some feminists do, but the message of a few in no way taints the movement as whole. To put this into perspective, some Christians also want to build a wall so Mexican rapists can’t get to White Privileged America. But no one is yelling, “Christianity is racist!!!!!”
    Feminists, first and foremost, care about political economic, and social equality of the sexes. If you disagree with this, you’re disagreeing with the fundamental beliefs on which every developed nation is built. Stop shaming feminism. If it weren’t for women’s rights, your blog would be run by men. I’d like to add that I am a devout Christian, but I’m by no means conservative. (Bernie Sanders, anyone?)

  7. married momma says:

    I wanted to offer a gracious reminder to you as a long time married woman. I do enjoy reading your blog and sharing it with others. However, coming to marriage as a virgin is not a guarantee that your marriage will be free from your list “Struggling, broken hearts, lack of joy, dissatisfaction with romance, and dysfunctional relationships” …. in fact i would guess that most marriages go through seasons of these very things. Also, putting virginity on a pedestal can be downright difficult for readers who have already failed in that area or had it taken from them. Thankfully Gods grace is sufficient and in Christ we are righteous and holy. There are guilt demons many women will go into marriage fighting. And for those of you who will have to go down sexual baggage lane along with all the other baggage two sinners bring to the table – there is Hope found in the forgiveness offered at the cross. Marriage is hard work and requires a love that can only be described as love like Gods – It sees the faults and says i love you still ….

  8. First Amendment says:

    You conveniently deleted my comment. How thoughtful of you to respect my opinion. You can’t silence the truth.

  9. Pingback: The Birth Control Pill: What Every Christian Girl Needs to Know

  10. Janice says:

    Is it more important for girls to be virgins? If so, why?

    • Casey Nagel says:

      I believe it is equally important for men to be virgins as women. I think that all of the points Kristen mentioned above, are the same for men. I personally want to marry a virgin. Not because being a virgin is better, or makes you more valuable, but just I really would like to marry someone who has been just as dedicated to saving their virginity as I have.

  11. Hannah says:

    Society and feminism doesn’t see staying a virgin till marriage as bad. It’s seen as okay as long as people choose it for themselves. Forcing an unhealthy emphasis on human beings when it comes to virginity is dangerous. That’s what culture is against.

  12. Casey Nagel says:

    I am very dedicated to saving myself for my future husband! I would say I am currently striving for 10, but falling more around 8… with the sin in this world, it sure makes this hard!

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