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Am I Nervous About the Wedding Night?

By: Bethany Beal

I’m a 30-year-old virgin who’s getting married in less than a month. It makes sense why so many of you keep asking me if I’m nervous about the wedding night.

Honestly, this is a pretty personal question.

You are asking me if I’m nervous about having sex with my brand new husband for the very first time. Although it’s personal, I want to answer it. I want you to know what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling.

Here goes.

I’m freaking out and totally excited!!!

I am about to enter into a covenant and commit to be the wife of my lover and bestest friend in the world. I get to commit to love this man through richer, poorer, sickness, health until death do us part.

The marriage covenant is about so much more than sex. It’s about spending the rest of our lives encouraging, challenging, loving, believing the best in, and being teammates until we die.

Once David and I get married, we will get to do with our bodies what we are committing to do with our lives. Absolutely everything.

Complete and total intimacy will be an incredible aspect of our marriage.

Am I excited about sharing my body with the man of my ever living dreams? Absolutely!

Am I excited to experience his body for the very first time? You better believe it!

Am I excited about making the words of Song of Solomon a reality in my own marriage? Yes!

Am I excited to learn how to serve my man both emotionally and physically? Oh yes!

Am I excited to celebrate the covenant of marriage through intimacy with my husband? YES!

I believe that sex, within the covenant and context of marriage, is one of the most beautiful and intimate gifts that God has given. Through the experience of being deeply intimate with someone, we (as Christians), are given a glimpse of just how deeply and intimately God longs to know us. Intimacy is simply a mere reflection of just how deeply our Savior loves us and wants us to know Him.

Although I’ve said “no” to having sex for the past 30 years, I’m about to start saying “yes.”

You see, I wasn’t saying “no” because I thought sex was bad, gross, or dirty. I was saying no because of how much I valued sex. I was saying no because I wanted to cherish and preserve it. I was saying no because I wanted to experience that deep intimacy with the man I would say “yes” to with my whole life.

Am I nervous about the wedding night? Excited. Anticipating. Freaking out. But, not really nervous.

My fiance, David, and I are both going into marriage with the expectation to love and serve the other. There are no expectations to be “super sex pros” on our honeymoon.

There are no expectations to do anything other than be together and learn to love each other.

To be honest, we’re just freaking out over the fact that we get to kiss each other and be alone behind closed doors. We’re freaking out because we get to go on an amazing vacation together. We’re freaking out because we get to spend the rest of our lives learning how to be the best lovers for each other.

I am counting down the days and can’t wait to marry my best friend.

If you want to learn more about God’s INCREDIBLE design for sex and sexuality, I encourage you to read chapter 5 “Getting to the Heart of Love, Marriage, and Sex” in our newly released book, Love Defined.

I think you will find a ton of hope, encouragement and biblical insight on this very important topic.

Feel free to ask me more questions in the comments section below.

Dav and Bethany

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90 Responses to Am I Nervous About the Wedding Night?

  1. Karen Slabach says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your heart on such a special intimate topic Bethany. You’re going to find that waiting is so absolutely worth it and I’m so excited for you guys!

  2. Shanae B says:

    A very personal question that really is no ones business. But thank you for your honesty and openness about it Bethany! I think it’s awesome that you and Your soon to be husband have kept to this godly standard! Being a good example and an encouragement for younger girls and single women that it can be done! I’m still waiting and hope that I continue to keep that regardless of how long my singleness lasts! Have a wonderful and blessed wedding day! 🙂

  3. Bella D. says:

    Wow, I’m so excited for y’all! Praying for blessings and grace to be showered on you and give you the best start ever!

    Also, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing about how wonderful you feel about having saved intimacy all these years!

  4. Grace Jordan says:

    I’m so excited for you Bethany! Waiting is absolutely worth it. And the longer you wait for something, the sweeter it is when you finally reach it.

  5. GirlDefined says:

    It doesn’t have to 🙂 There is a lifetime to learn to love each other!

  6. Livia Batista Gomes says:

    Hi girls! I don’t have any questions today, in fact, this is my very first coment. I am just happy e excited for you Bethany, congratulations! Thank you girls for everytinhg, I have learn so much e and I can’t just explain hou much I grow up since I started read this blog, personaly and as a christian girl. God bless you! Sorry about my english, I am from Brazil.

  7. Kace Ann says:

    Although this was personal for you, thank you so much for being open and honest about this topic. I REALLY REALLY appreciate it, Bethany! Congratulations!!!!!

  8. Suzie says:

    Hi Bethany! Wow! Thank yoy for being so open! You really are a brave woman of God. One question though, when you say you are “freaking out” about a few things in your article does that mean you are scared?

  9. Rebecca says:

    So excited for you! God works beyond all we could imagine or hope for! Will your wedding be streamed? Or put online afterwards?

  10. concerned says:

    Hey Bethany, don’t you think that your husband should also be willing to serve you? I think your thing about serving him is a little… retro in its attitudes.

    • Em says:

      I don’t think it’s mutually exclusive

    • Jess says:

      Did you read in the article where Bethany talks about them BOTH going into marriage with the idea of serving the other. It’s not one-sided. If it was, that definitely would not be Biblical. Maybe it seems that way because you don’t hear what her fiancée thinks but I honestly believe he would share the same sentiment in wanting to serve his future wife.

    • Caitlin says:

      I think it might just come across that way because she is writing from her perspective in this article! We should desire to serve our future spouse but they should also desire to serve us! And it doesn’t necessarily mean doing everything for him either, it’s about loving each other through actions.

  11. Cameron Fradd says:

    Good on ya!! Congrats Marriage is so so amazing!! I’ve down a few episdoes on it Among The Lilies Podcast, I also have a whole series on Sec on Patreon, talking to other Christian ladies who are living a pure life & striving for holiness.. would love to share w/ you if your interested, reach out! 🙂 God bless you & all your good work! Cameron Fradd

  12. Anon says:

    I think it’s still important to consider opposing arguments. That’s how you learn more about your faith. Christian apologists are some of the most informed believers out there, and there is definitely a correlation between apologetics and faith. The words in the Bible used for “obey” are from Latin “ob-” (to, toward) and “audire” (to hear/listen.” Even under the scope of Christianity, God does not want blind faith; He wants informaed faith. Faith and reason work together. According to Christianity, God gave us each a beautiful human mind to come to better understand Him and the truths about our world and ourselves. We should use that to learn and debate and discuss morality, as well. It is better for someone not to murder because they understand WHY God said “thou shalt not kill,” not because they understand THAT God said “thou shalt not kill.”

  13. Ann Mathews says:

    Bethany, i was so glad to have read this post because you just gave us a very honest insight into your life as well as the truth for a Christian girl. Thank you for sharing these valuable things. I’m so glad for you and Dave. May the Lord bless you both abundantly. Continue to serve Him in your married life too.
    And please share the wedding date,so that we can pray for you.

  14. Anon says:

    My original comment was about how you should understand why you believe what you believe, and has very much to do with the topic.

    There have been NO cases of rape as a result of transgender-friendly/gender-neutral bathrooms.
    There have been NO cases of children raised by non-hetero$exual parents developing psyochlogical/$exual identity issues directly because of their parents’ $exual orientation that are greater than those developed by children raised by hetero$exual parents.

    There is absolutely no evidence (statistical or logical) to back up your claim.

    • HIS says:

      Yes there has been for the bathrooms look it up. I know what I believe you obviously go about believing everything you hear from Jason and others. Also there’s kids put that because their parents like boys only, change who they are then die because of their surgeries why?! Because of people telling them it’s okay to change their true gender tell me is that what God wants?

      • Anon says:

        Show me the evidence for evidence of someone claiming to be transgender for the sole purpose of taking pictures of children. I have been able to find zero evidence for this in my extensive search.

        • HIS says:

          It’s been awhile look up target women’s changing room…. I hope you know I’m not trying to be mean! I just think that it’s important that y’all see that the bible says it’s wrong! Where is your proof saying the bible wrong? Honestly Jason hasn’t given me any proof ignoring my comment.

          • Anon says:

            Mhm! I get what you’re saying. 🙂 But I don’t think we have a reason to believe what the Bible says, especially if it’s used as grounds for intolerance and discrimination more than any other text ever.

            Girl Defined specifically asked Jason not to post anymore. He cannot answer your comment. Did you have a question? I might be able to help!

            And when I looked up “target women’s changing room” and “target women’s dressing room,” I was only able to find two cases where someone tried to photograph women and children, and in both of those cases the perpetrators were heterosexual males, not transgender females. This is an EXTREMELY small minority, and the solution to this issue is not to spread anti-trans policy.

          • HIS says:

            I think your not seeing the bigger picture could you give me somewhere in the bible where it says such stuff?
            The only reason he couldn’t was because he ignored it… I posted it before lunch and he didn’t get asked to leave until just before 4… he was on all day. Jason and you believe Paul was mistaken when he talked about the wrong in homosexuality. I posted 2 comments of scripture that points out that Paul was being lead by the holy spirit, which means y’all are saying Gods wrong… which says you must not have good views on Christianity.

            Us letting them do it once leads to more.

          • HIS says:

            Anon… tomorrow I won’t be able to chat at all, and i’m not sure when i’ll be able to after that…. I wish we could continue our discussion… I don’t think it’s wrong talking about this stuff because it’s actually helpful but when it gets yo name calling and all… I also think Hannah wasn’t lying about her mom in other post, Hannah’s mom has used Hannah’s phone on other blogs before and Hannah’s used her mom’s phone before as well.

          • Anon says:

            “You still ignore my post though because you can’t give me a reason why men and women should be unhappy with the way God made them, he made them in his image why would you want to ruin that!?” Was this comment for me or Jason? Could you elaborate on the context? I’d be happy to answer! 🙂 I’d also like to assure you that I do NOT want to ruin the objective truth of the difference between certain genders.

          • HIS says:

            I’ve tried posting (why ) in the other post that we are talking on 5 times and it keeps disappearing…

    • HIS says:

      And there been cases of men taking pics of Women why? Because the men go into changing rooms claiming to be women then take pics for themselves! Tell me is that right in your eyes?

    • HIS says:

      You still ignore my post though because you can’t give me a reason why men and women should be unhappy with the way God made them, he made them in his image why would you want to ruin that!?

  15. Breanna says:

    This is so exciting! I’m so happy for you all and thankful for the example you guys are setting. But, I do have to ask. Are you taking any measures against pregnancy like birth control? Just wondering your thoughts on that. Love you all! 🙂

  16. wepajnc says:

    Your wedding night is gonna be great, you’re gonna put into practice those OMGYES video lessons for sure.

  17. anon :) says:

    Hi, congrats on getting married!! I hope you two will be happy together <3
    I was wondering your view on asexuality and if you think it is okay or not? I've never heard a christian viewpoint on it. I know a physical relationship in marriage is supposed to be a representation of God's relationship with us which is great, but what about the people who simply aren't interested in physical relations?
    Thanks in advance!

  18. me says:

    So girl, how was the D?

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