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From a Bad Romance to Finally Finding True Love

By: Guest Blogger

Our world often portrays singleness as a condition of loneliness, doomed to the unfortunate. I struggled with this for years.

At one point in my life, “singleness” clouded my true identity with thoughts like…“since I’m not in a relationship, something must be wrong with me.” I allowed my relationship status to determine my value and worth.

We, as Christian girls, are constantly reminded through music, movies, tv shows, commercials holidays and even our friends that we are missing out. We consequently develop an unhealthy desire to be in a relationship because of what we see and what we hear.

We begin to glorify a “relationship” as our ultimate goal in achieving true happiness.

We then chase this dream of happiness to the point that we are willing to compromise or settle. Without even realizing it, the relationship becomes an idol.

I know this because I’ve been there.

I had a hard time accepting this because I was in denial. I couldn’t trust God for 10 years with a desire I claimed He gave me because I idolized the idea of a relationship. My desire to be in a relationship became greater than my desire to please God.

As a result, I lost all trust in God. Fear took root in my heart, and I was disobedient. I discovered that romance apart from God is always a struggle. I was in a bad romance.

Over the years I have learned that anything good can turn into an idol if our desire for that thing takes the place of God.

Whether that thing is a relationship, a job, friends, money, or beauty –  whatever it is – if it becomes more important than honoring God, it’s an idol.

I believe this is a device the enemy uses to take our focus off of the truth. We forget that our purpose here is not to meet our prince charming and fall in love.

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Therefore, he wants to rob our contentment in God. He wants to destroy our relationship with God and kill our desire to please God. And often the enemy uses something good – a romantic relationship – to get us off track.

Sisters, we have to guard our hearts.

We need to focus on our current calling and purpose in life. God is sovereign. What He has for you right now is what’s best for you.

We must remind ourselves that He knows what’s best for us. We must remind ourselves that His plans for our lives are good. We must remind ourselves that His thoughts and His ways are higher than our finite minds.

Life is not about a romantic relationship. It is about a relationship with our Creator. That is the greatest love of all. If we can’t learn to be content in our relationship with God and accept that He alone is enough, then we will never be truly happy.

Single or not, we’ll always be searching for something more.

We’ll be disappointed because our relationship won’t bring us the fulfillment we desperately thought it would.

God is the only one who can fully satisfy you.

In closing I want to challenge you to trust God and focus on your current assignment. What is God calling you to do today? If it’s God’s will for you to connect with someone in the future, it will happen. But even then, it won’t be about you. It will be about God’s glory.

Until we understand that and fully embrace that, He may just make us wait. 😉

And if we are too desperate to wait (like I once was), we will enter something that He never ordained.

Through trial and error I have learned that God’s timing is perfect. I have finally come to terms that He is all I need. My relationship with God is most important and everything else can wait.

Does that mean my desire for a family is gone? No. I would love to get married someday! But I can honestly say that if it’s not God’s plan for me, I will be okay. I want what God wants for my life.

My desires to get married and be in a relationship no longer consume me.

My new passion and desire is to please Him. My desire for His love is greater than my desire to be loved by a guy. I am now in love with Love Himself. I have found my true love and I wholeheartedly belong to Him!

I pray this post touched your heart and convicted your spirit as it has mine. Our Father longs to be in a deep and intimate relationship with each one of us. He alone is enough.

  • In what ways are you struggling to trust God with your romantic desires right now?
  • How do you think your life would change if you surrendered those desires to God?

*This guest post was written by Valerie Valcourt. If you’re interested in having a post featured on GirlDefined, check out our guest post submission guidelines and contact us here. 

Photo Credit: Here 

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  • Kay

    Wow, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I had this same struggle for years, and after a brief unwise relationship ended, I finally got back on track and found myself completely focused on God. But in the past few days, I’ve been feeling the same thoughts of worthlessness and desperation creep back in – it’s so difficult to get rid of! Thank you for this!

  • Meredith

    I needed to hear this today. I’m single right now and have come to terms with that, in fact I’ve never really had too much of a struggle with singleness. What I am having trouble with is, and I’ll just be honest and open, something else I’ve made an idol of. My dream of going to college and becoming a nurse. This week I realized just how much of a sin that had become, how much of an idol. I’m currently stuck at home, with medical issues keeping me from going to college and even finishing high school. I have such a desire to go to college and enter the medical field, that I think its actually hurting my relationship with God. I made it into an idol, instead of surrendering to Him and patiently waiting for His timing. It’s kind of hard to explain, there’s such a fine line between a healthy desire and a desire that’s become and idol. Yesterday in church, I realized just how much of a ministry I have right where I’m at… I may not be where I hoped I’d be by this time in my life, but… I’m beginning to realize that it’s exactly where God wants me to be. I’m trying to learn contentment and happiness where I’m at now, and not necessarily to give up my dreams of nursing, but to lay them down for now and wait on God.
    Something that clicked last week is that I need to surrender everything to Him on a daily basis. I’ve done it before and it didn’t last long. But if I surrender to Him and lay everything I have at His feet every morning, I hope my life will begin to reflect that. ^^

  • Olivia

    Thank you so much for this! I find that even though I’m not even graduated I can let the dream of a relationship someday take over. Keeping our focus on God is definitely a key, and I am learning this slowly but steadily

  • Madison

    I needed to hear this today! Thank you so much for this post. What a great reminder that God has a dream for us far greater than the dreams we come up with ourselves.

  • Marie

    Does anyone know of some verses about doing everything for God’s glory and making him the most important part of your life? It would really help me to have some verses to recite when I am struggling with becoming obsessed with some other aspect of life.

    • Kay

      … whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.
      – Colossians 3:23-24

      Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
      – 1 Corinthians 10:31

      Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
      – James 4:7-8

      I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
      – Galatians 5:16-18

      Nevertheless I am continually with You;
      You hold me by my right hand.
      You will guide me with Your counsel,
      And afterward receive me to glory.
      Whom have I in heaven but You?
      And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
      My flesh and my heart fail;
      But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
      – Psalm 73:23-26

      As for me, I will call upon God,
      And the Lord shall save me.
      Evening and morning and at noon
      I will pray, and cry aloud,
      And He shall hear my voice.
      – Psalm 55:16-17
      These are some of my favourites – I hope they help you as they have helped me!
      Just a suggestion: I’ve struggled with obsessing over other aspects of my life as well, and one thing that helped a lot was making a little scrapbook of notecards with my favourite verses (such as those^) written on them, and going through them and memorizing them. That way when I’m having a tough day, I can recite them – it helps!

      • Marie

        Thank you so much! I know it must have taken you a while to type all of those out. I really appreciate how much you care. And I think I will write some of the verses on notecards and out then in my journal. Thanks for inspiring the idea. 🙂

        • Jenna

          These verses have been helpful for me as I walk through a committed and serious relationship journey that ended…

          “The L-rd your G-d is in your midst, the mighty one will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

          “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the L-rd in the land of the living. Wait for the L-rd; be strong and take heart and wait for the L-rd.” Psalm 27:13-14

          Those that sow tears in joy…shall reap <3

          …happiness is a matter of circumstance but true joy exceeds ALL circumstances…

  • ThePoeticMusician

    So, so, SO perfect. Our dreams, no matter how godly, can never and will never take the place of the God-shaped hole in our souls. Until Christ comes first, we will never be able to have a God honoring relationship with a man. Godly interpersonal relationships flow OUT of a healthy and vibrant relationship with Christ. And a relationship with Christ can only be healthy and vibrant if it comes first–before any dream, and before any goal.

    My goal as a older teen was actually not primarily marriage–though that was a dream too. It was actually a masters & a PhD from an Ivy League university. My academics were there–but the funding doesn’t fall out of the sky. My relationship with Christ deepened as I realized the Lord was closing that door, and I had to learn to place His will first, before my dreams.


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