conference conference

Photo

Bored, Single and Still Living at Home

By: Lisa Hallahan (guest)

This goes out to all the single girls still living at home!

I sat down on a lawn chair on our pool deck. The summer wind blew in my hair and the sun shined warm rays on my face. I took a deep breath and a sip of my sweet tea.

I stretched my legs out and wiggled my toes. Everything was quiet and peaceful. This was the beginning of a beautiful lazy afternoon and a perfect time to finish my book.

I guess my mom had other plans.

She loudly pushed open the screen door disrupting the fantasy world of my book.

“Lisa! I’m gonna need your help this afternoon. I’ve got to go into town to run errands, I need you to clean the house and make dinner,” she said smiling as if there were something to smile about!

Wow. Talk about child slave labor!

I followed her inside and she handed me “the list.” I physically, not verbally, showed my disapproval and anger. I shrugged my shoulders and pouted while mom was explaining what to make for dinner.

Mom hates leaving the house with her oldest daughter in a resentful mood. But she left anyway, hurt and disappointed. This wasn’t the first time this scenario had taken place. As I sulked around the house cleaning and making up things that “I would say” to my mom if I could, I looked out the window.

What did I see?!

The boys running around the yard playing in the sprinklers and laughing the whole time! Why did they get to play? Why didn’t they have to work and cook? Couldn’t mom have given them some chores to do too? I got even more frustrated and angry.

Well I can tell you! At the end of that day, I had made each of my family members an enemy (in my own home) and disrupted the whole evening with my terrible mood.

I have a short questionnaire for you:

  • Does the above story sound like how some of your days turn out?
  • Are you tired of being asked to help out in the home?
  • Do you have trouble wanting to help out in the home?
  • Do you think that you shouldn’t have to be the one to clean, decorate, cook, or help with the kids?
  • I mean you aren’t going to live there forever are you?
  • Your mom is the woman of the house isn’t she?

If you answered “Yes” to any or all of those questions KEEP READING.

Girls, first I want to point out that it is your God-given duty and responsibility to honor your father and mother in ALL things. You will not get far in your life or relationship with God if you don’t.

And second, it is your God-given duty and responsibility as a daughter, living under the same roof as your parents and family, to serve, bless, and do whatever your parents require of you (within biblical boundaries of course).

In the above story I did what my mom asked me to do.

I just didn’t do it willingly or with any diligence. I didn’t have even a hint of honor in my heart that day for my mom. I had nothing but laziness, lack of respect, pride, and selfishness in me that day.

You were put in your family as a daughter to be the helper to your mom. You were called to serve, not BE served. You were called to bless, not BE blessed.

You catch my drift.

We think that because we are still single we have a license to do what we want. We lay around and wait like our parents’ home is temporary and sort of like a jail. We sit around reading romantic novels and creating the perfect dream boy in our minds. We pin wedding ideas on Pinterest just to pass the time until that day really comes! Why?

Because we are not content.

We think “home is boring, brothers and sisters are annoying and I’m still waiting for lover boy to fulfill my needs and dreams.”

I am sure that you love the Lord and want to do what’s right. You want a godly man and maybe someday a wonderful family and home of your own! Your ambitions aren’t wrong, so then what is?

Let me tell you a little story.

Allie was 18. She lived at home with her mom and loved attending church, youth group and other such godly events. Oh, and she was always on the lookout for a “possible” (A.K.A., possible suitor). She had 4 other brothers and sisters who were all younger than herself. Allie had great potential of getting married and being a good wife.

She loved God, she already had younger siblings that she knew how to care for, and she could cook a dinner! These are all great attributes according to the world’s view of a young lady in line for getting married. But Allie didn’t know what was going to be expected of her once she was married.

At home she was lazy.

She lived for Friday nights. She watched tons of movies. She engaged a lot of her time on Facebook and other social networks. Allie didn’t like helping her mom with chores around the house. Allie hated making breakfast first thing in the morning and she was always texting and thinking of her friends and her social life.

Maybe this will catch her a man. But do you think her “godly man” will want to put up with a lazy, unlearned, social queen?

If you want a long lasting relationship with your husband, you’re going to have to wise up and buckle down for a long ride of preparing. Preparing to be a wife, mother, homemaker, coach, mentor, and all the other qualities and requirements that come with having a husband, house and children.

And where is the best place to start learning?

That’s right, you guessed it! In your own home. Before the marriage, before the children, you have to learn right here, right now. Ask your mom for help and advice. Start cooking and baking more for your family. Read more books about being a housewife and mother. Exercise and eat healthy food before entering marriage and motherhood.

Begin long lasting habits that will prepare you for your life and future ahead that God has in store for you.

God did not create you or put you in a home so that you could sit around until you were married. He put you in a home so you could learn and prepare yourself for life! Our homes are a place of learning, of constructing, creating, shaping, molding and training.

It’s the calm before the storm.

Our homes and our mother’s guidance are like a cocoon for us. We are here to be trained and prepared for life before we spread our wings. Enjoy it while you are still at home! Learn with eagerness! Train with determination! And please don’t do it just so you can look good and catch a man.

Do it for the Glory of God. Do it for your future family.

The next time your mom asks you to help out when you were planning on doing something else, jump up and say “sure mom!” Think of it as good practice. How would you do it if your husband asked you? “What honey?! Make your own sandwich!” No. I don’t think so…

Don’t think of singleness as a sad state of life to be living in. Think of it as the beautiful training grounds for marriage!

-Lisa Hallahan is a blogger over at Young Keepers of the Home. 

 Photo credit: www.flicker.com | AvidaeBella

Sad Girl

images images images
  • Elisabeth

    Thank you this really helpted!I’m going to star getting better at and or trying some of these things!!Please, keep the articles comeing!

    • So glad you are enjoying the articles! We will keep them coming 😉

  • Jacey Faith

    I have to admite that I sometimes act that way when my Mom asks me to do things. But God always puts a reminder in my head that I need to do what my parents have asked me to do. Thanks!

  • “Preparing to be a wife, mother, homemaker, coach, mentor, and all the other qualities and requirements that come with having a husband, house and children. Ask your mom for help and advice. Start cooking and baking more for your family. Read more books about being a housewife and mother.”
    Being a wife doesn’t always look like this, stop endorsing a stereotype. Christian wife = cook, house maid, child bearer, etc etc. Not all marriages look like that. God made ppl as individuals with differing abilities and talents. Not all women in the Bible were stay at home moms. Go read about Junia, an apostle, and Apollos and his wife Priscilla who were pastors! I hate cooking and I hate with a passion grocery shopping. I get beyond stressed out in a crowded place with no windows trying to find tiny items. But my husband loves both of these things. Currently I’m working on my master’s and after that I’ll be working on a PhD in theology. My husband does more work in the home then me right now bc I’m constantly studying and writing papers and that’s what works for us. Now I won’t try and say being a housewife is wrong or my way is the only way but I can’t keep silent when I read posts like this! I grew up in a church that pushed this agenda on every woman! I almost lost all of my ambitions because it seemed sinful for me to work outside the home as a professional. Luckily I met a husband that supports me one hundred percent and wants me to succeed. He could even see himself as a stay at home dad…. oh no, we’re really turning things upside down. My reason for posting this is to support the going women who read this who are struggling with the idea of being a housewife, who have other dreams, I want them to know that it is ok, it isn’t sinful to pursue those passions! Being a housewife is ok and does deserve recognition and praise, being a wife who has a career, who may not have kids is ok and deserves praise and recognition. I don’t read anywhere that Apollos and Priscilla had kids, but I know they traveled to different countries and taught side by side!

    • DA

      I can’t speak for Lisa but in my opinion, no, Christian wives do not always act/look the way described above in the blog post. Especially nowadays since the current society and way of being necessitates that a lot of women work outside of the home to make ends meet (or, as in your case, go to school to get a degree and better themselves and their family). That being said, this is the first time I’ve read of Junia being listed as an “apostle” and Priscilla being labeled as a “pastor.” From what I read/learned in church these women were heavily involved in the ministry; but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t also heavily involved at home. The Proverbs 31 woman is not a housewife who sits at home sewing and cleaning all day; but neither is she a corporate executive or businesswoman bringing home the bacon. The Proverbs 31 woman is the woman who is able to fulfill multiple functions all at the same time for the benefit of her husband, her children, and herself. I think Lisa’s post about gender roles was based on the Biblical complementarian model; and although I recognize that not everybody may agree with those views, I do think that God created each gender with some specific roles in mind (but of course, we have wiggle room to do what works for our particular families) 🙂

      • Lisa Hallahan

        Thank you so much! I couldn’t have said it better. God bless!

    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective on the issue. When it comes to the woman’s role and her purpose and design, we like to go back to the book of Genesis and study why God created the woman in the first place. Understanding God’s original design for us as females is the key. I like to ask these types of questions: Why did God create females? Why did He create man first and woman second? Why did God create us with the ability to birth children and not men? Those types of questions really help get to the root of God’s design for us as females. We agree that every woman’s day-to-day life will look different, but the underlying (God given) principles should all look the same.

      • When you ask why women are created and you reference Genesis I would assume you mean the verses regarding the Fall:

        Genesis 3:16 “To the woman he said,
        ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
        in pain you shall bring forth children.
        Your desire shall be for[f] your husband,
        and he shall rule over you.'”

        I believe you are stating that women are created to have kids and be subservient based on this verse (correct me if I am wrong) and my response is that this was the curse for sin. I do not believe in any way that God created women specifically for child bearing, yes it is a good and beautiful thing but I do not believe it is every woman’s calling. And since this is a curse, the curse has been lifted since Christ died on the cross in order to lift the effects of the curse on mankind. With that in mind I do not think God created women to be ruled over by their husband. When you look at Bible verses you see that women should submit to their husband and husbands should love their wife like Christ gave himself up for the church; look at the language used, love and submission. The word submission in Greek is hyptasso meaning, “a voluntary attitude of giving in, of cooperating, of sharing a burden. In other words, when the word submit is used in the Bible, it refers not only to a yielding and obedient attitude of the heart, but also, and equally importantly, to an attitude of co-operation and support …” Love is broken down in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” There is so much commonality between the words love and submission. Both bear the others burden, both give in to the others wants, and so both words seem to essentially imply the same idea. Submission and love are acts of dying to one’s desires and yielding to another person’s desires.

        Okay I digress. To answer your question about why God created females I would purport that it is to reflect another part of his image. Women reflect God’s beauty and beauty attracts people to God (and I believe beauty is way way more than skin deep). If you go back to the creation of woman in Genesis it states in chapter 2:

        “But for Adam[g] there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
        “This at last is bone of my bones
        and flesh of my flesh;
        she shall be called Woman,
        because she was taken out of Man.”’

        Go back to the verses on God creating man, it is only one verse long and it talks about how God created man from dust, or dirt; dirt definitely does not imply beauty. Now when you look at the verses on women and it is much longer and the language changes. The last few verses are poetic in nature and poems are an ‘art form’ used to capture a message but in a more creative beautiful way. Often the word help meet or ezer kenegdo is the focus of this verse to imply women were created to have children and be submissive to man/husband however this translation is completely misguided. Far from connoting subjugation, the Hebrew term ezer, or “helper,” is employed elsewhere in Scripture to describe God, the consummate intervener—the helper of the fatherless (Psalm 10:14), King David’s helper and deliverer (Psalm 70:5), Israel’s shield and helper (Deuteronomy 33:29). Ezer appears twenty-one times in the Old Testament—twice in reference to the first woman, three times in reference to nations to whom Israel appealed for military support, and sixteen times in reference to God as the helper of Israel. The word evokes both benevolence and strength, and is a popular name for Jewish boys, both in the Bible and in modern times.

        Women are created to draw people in to God’s beauty, to be a source of strength to men, and everything else listed above.

        • Awesome break down of this concept. I couldn’t have said it better. I especially liked how you cited the correct translation of ezer, as it’s often misscited and misunderstood.

  • DA

    “We think that because we are still single we have a license to do what we want. We lay around and wait like our parents’ home is temporary and sort of like a jail. We sit around reading romantic novels and creating the perfect dream boy in our minds. We pin wedding ideas on Pinterest just to pass the time until that day really comes!” Wow, you hit the nail on the head! Though I am not always guilty of this I can think of a few occasions where I acted this way. Thank you for pointing this out; I will be making changes in the future 🙂

    • She really did hit the nail on the head. We are so glad to have Lisa blogging for us!

  • JessicaLetchford

    This was really interesting read! Personally, I need to
    remember to serve and not let a selfish, lazy attitude take over, so thank you!

    I think what you said at the end is really key; “please don’t do it just so you can look good and catch a man. Do it for the Glory of God.” Essentially, it’s not about marriage or our future husbands (sorry, gentlemen. ;)). I do want to prepare for being a wife and mother, but beyond that, my life right now is here, at home, with my family. I want to throw
    myself into everything that finds its way into my hands with gusto, diligence, and enthusiasm to serve and love others, wherever that may lead me. Living at home is about training ground for the future and the values that are important to me, but also about honouring and blessing my family right now in this season, simply because it is the season God’s put in my way.

    • @JessicaLetchford:disqus Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic. It’s always encouraging to know that there are other girls out there working on the same things 😉 -Bethany

  • Marietta

    Your blog is so interesting and inspiring. Thank you!

    • So glad are taking the time to read through them 🙂

  • Rebecca

    It is infuriating to say the least how one sided this blog is. I am honestly so saddened to see such a group of young women who are so greatly ashamed of their own gender. Young girls shouldn’t be put in charge of a household that was built before her age of consent, it is irresponsible of a mother to put that kind of pressure on her teenager. How many times is her mom going shopping, and for how long? Did the mother know that she wouldn’t have time to take care of FIVE kids all at once? Did she plan on not allowing room in her daughter’s lives for them to come up with their own life plans? Does the daughter even really want to have kids and give up a chance for another path in life that IS just as godly and fulfilling– if not more so than the path of her mothers life? This is very one sided. It isn’t a generational problem. And if this blog used male names and pronouns, the viewer would figure out pretty quickly that my point is that we are pushing adult parenthood, kalostrophobic boundaries, and unnecessary judgement onto teenage girls who have yet to decide what they even want for their live. Also, if a woman spends all day cooking, cleaning, taking care of children( instead of pushing of the responsibility onto the oldest girl of the bunch), doing yard work, taking care of the animals, taking care of finances, taking care of the elderly and sick people in the family, being her own handy man, taking care of any family drama, keeping up ” appearances” for her husband, and taking care of her husband and reminding him of his ver finite daily duties– her husband should be more than happy to make his own damn measly sandwich. He IS after all getting a feast for breakfast and dinner.

  • Dana

    I would like to help my mom and have a better relationship with her. I just moved out because of the chaos at our house (8 kids).
    I wasn’t lazy, I have a full time job. I’m sick with a chronic illness I got from the stress of college combined with a history of abuse.
    The way my mom asks me to do things fills me with anxiety, like the kind where my whole body feels like it’s being zapped with electricity and I feel disabled. Doing the dishes and working in the same room as my mom also makes me feel this way. I’m on meds for depression and anxiety and seeing a counselor.
    My heart aches to read this when my situation is so much more complicated. Is it this easy for other people? to flip a switch and start being perfect? What about parent’s do not grieve your children?
    A parent is to teach their children to honor them, but who shall teach a parent to stop grieving the child?
    where is grace? what would god say to my aching heart? does he not hold every one of our tears in a bottle?
    Please acknowledge that it is ok to feel emotions like anger, disappointment, ambiguity (emotions are caused by thoughts) but the way we guide and respond to our thoughts and emotions is by far the indicator of our human heart.
    How can I get my parents involved in helping me respond in the “right” way.

    • Lisa Hallahan

      Dana, I and every other person on this planet are far from perfect. No one can become perfect. Romans 3:12 says “For all fall short of the glory of God”. I don’t think it’s our place to tell our parents how they should or shouldn’t act but if there was abuse involved in the relationship I would seek help from a pastor. I don’t know your situation, but I do know that if you fix your eyes on Jesus and ask for His agape love for your parents, He will give it to you. Then your walk with the Lord won’t be based on other peoples sins, situations or holds on your life. It will be between solely you and God. I hope this helps. God bless!

      ~Lisa

      • Dana

        Thank you Lisa, for your response. I think I wrote too quickly in a passion. So I apologize, I probably came off in a bad way.
        You’re right, only God can change the heart. He offers the perfect relationship, and offers to have all our spiritual needs taken care of even though we be fighting our sin nature and Satan at every turn.
        we are commanded to obtain peace What does it mean to have peace? I’m curious about your opinion of it. Is peace a feeling, a state of being, etc. ?

  • Guest

    Thank you Lisa for your response. I think I wrote too quickly in a passion. So I apologize, I probably came off in a bad way.
    You’re right, only God can change the heart. He offers the perfect relationship, and offers to have all our spiritual needs taken care of even though we be fighting our sin nature and Satan at every turn.
    we are commanded to obtain peace What does it mean to have peace? I’m curious about your opinion of it. Is peace a feeling, a state of being, etc.?

  • Elizabeth Hunter

    God created woman to be “help-meets”, learning to cook, clean, and do housewife things are great, but helping your future mates goes beyond all this. God calls many woman beyond the cultural boundaries of home, readying then for a husband working in that field. Thinking specifically of Barbara Wilberforce, Deborah the Prophetess, Elizabeth Elliot,
    To pursue your God given passions, and never learn to cook, or garden, is not anti-helpmeet theology, but a different form of helping your mate.
    However to pursue these things, above the will of your parents(as in this article’s example) is contrary to the will of God. But with one’s authorities blessings, we should not judge young women who have moved to working beyond the “home” as God readies them for being the best helpmeet possible.

  • Hurricane

    I like that you are encouraging single women who live at home to utilize this time not to be lazy but to learn valuable adulthood skills, I just wish you would encourage them to pursue advanced education opportunities and learn to become financially literate and save money during this time. It seems as though this article is only concerned with the young women as a potential housewife/mother, not as an adult in her own right with the potential to go in any direction that God may lead her.

  • Gods_girlcoco

    This is awesome!!!!! I love this post. However, I have to say that not all women will end up being a housewives…..I plan to work and have a career. IDK maybe it’s my feminism side coming out. 🙂


Free
e-book img
img

Sign up to receive our blog posts via e-mail and get a copy of our free e-book:
Reaching Beyond Myself
30 Day Devotional

Privacy guarantee: We will never share your e-mail address with anyone else