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How to Change a Guy from a Frog into a Hero

By: Kristen Clark

“Guys are stupid.” “Girls are smarter.” “Girls are better than boys.” “Guys don’t know anything.” “Guys don’t have common sense.”

These are some of the statements Bethany and I heard again and again from the girls we interviewed during our GirlDefined video (watch here). Our poor brother was behind the camera and later commented on how negative the comments had been.

The theme was obvious. The average girl doesn’t view the average guy in very high regard. The “girls rule and boys drool” chant has traveled far beyond the playground.

Our society as a whole portrays the average male as nothing more than a stupid, helpless, good-for-nothing slob.

Although some men might accurately fit that description, not all men do.

Do we, as females, really think that bashing men will motivate them to suddenly rise up and become knights in shining armor? What are we trying to accomplish with our negative and degrading comments?

The fact is, not many guys rise up and become men as a result of our negative chanting. If we want better results from our brothers, dads, boyfriends, and husbands, we need a better course of action.

Changing our language and actions are some of the keys to turning a frog into a hero.

Listen to how empowering this one wife’s simple words are. “Some people don’t believe in heroes, but they have never met my husband.”


Simple but powerful words. Is her husband perfect? No way, but she believes in him and uses her actions and words to call out the best in him. Her man is motivated to become her “hero” because he knows his wife thinks he can do it.

Let’s learn from this wise woman.

As Christian girls, we should be the first to encourage the guys in our life.

We should be the first to call out the good in them. We should be the first to believe in them.

Here are 3 practical things we can do to encourage “hero status” in other guys.

1. Speak words of life.

Get rid of all negative language in your vocabulary. Don’t criticise his every move. Don’t cut the legs out from under him. Refrain from speaking your mind every time you disagree. Instead, choose powerful words of encouragement. Call out the good in him. Compliment him when he does something honorable and kind. Praise any signs of godly character, actions, and manliness that you see in him…even if it’s small.

2. Encourage his leadership.

God designed the man to be the primary leader in the family, so encourage godly leadership in the guys you know (even young ones). Wait for him to ask you out. Wait for him to make his own moves. Don’t always have the “best answer” before he can even get a word out of his mouth. Ask him what he thinks and listen. Let him make decisions. Ask for his advice on small and big things. Affirm him when he makes a good decision (even if it’s a simple one).

3. Allow him to practice chivalry.

Encourage his God-given masculinity in every way possible. Instead of rushing in and out of every door, slow down and give the guy a chance to open it for you. This allows the guy to exercise kindness and chivalry. Don’t be an “I’ve got this…” kind of girl (all the time). Let him “get it” too. Ask him to help you carry heavy things when you can’t. Ask him to escort you to places that feel unsafe.

Whether you realize it or not, your words and actions can have a tremendous influence on the guys in your life.

Instead of mimicking our culture’s negative treatment of men, let’s practice turning frogs into heroes. If we don’t do it, who will?

Let’s chat about it.

  • Is your view of the male gender positive or negative? Why?
  • In what ways have you diminished manhood through your words and actions?
  • How can you change your actions to encourage and affirm the guys in your life?

Can you think of other good ideas to add to my list from above? If so, share them with me in the comment section below!

Photo credit: | 6575395943

Guy looking. Girl Defined


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17 Responses to How to Change a Guy from a Frog into a Hero

  1. Rosalie says:

    Wow! Great post!! I don’t necessarily view all guys as slobs and idiots, but I can get really sarcastic and biting when I talk to them pretty quickly. :/ Thanks so much for this post and these great ideas! 🙂 🙂

    • GirlDefined says:

      Thanks for reading this post and sharing your thoughts, Rosalie! I know what you’re talking about…it’s so easy to be sarcastic to guys. But… it in the end, it doesn’t help them become godly men. I’m so glad you’re on board with encouraging guys instead. 🙂 -Kristen

  2. Allie says:

    This is awesome! So true! Thanks! 🙂

  3. keke says:

    Countless times I’ve been disappointed by boys and I’ve become heartbroken over it. I’ve wondered if guys are worth it at all. But I will encourage them and if I ever find the right one then I will encourage him.

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey Keke, heartbreak seems to be a part of this life. Because of sin, we will always face hard times and disappointment. However, we can only change ourselves and our perspective. I pray you will use your words and actions to encourage the guys in your life towards godliness. May your life be an inspiration to those who know you. Keep shining for Christ! -Kristen

  4. Elyonara Borges says:

    Thank you for this post. It encouraged me a lot!
    I need to follow these points you mentioned. I agree with you, our words (and actions) influence a lot!!!

    May God bless you.

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hi Elyonara! So glad this post encouraged you! Keep striving to honor God with your words and actions towards guys. You never know the impact your life could have on someone else’s. 🙂

  5. Dani B. says:

    Loved this post, thank you for speaking truth.

  6. Irene Miller says:

    This is a great post. It breaks my heart to hear women degrade their husbands. Your post on feminism is also 100% true. Thank you Ladies for sharing these long overdue truths. Continue to let Jesus be your teacher.

    • GirlDefined says:

      We really appreciate your encouragement Irene. We pray our posts always reflect God’s truths and His design for our lives. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  7. Elizabeth Williams says:

    Thanks for this reminder. I think we all need it from time to time. It’s encouraging to think that the actions of a Christian lady can influence a guy 🙂

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey Elizabeth! I agree…I need to be reminded of this all the time as well. 😉 The impact we can have on a man’s life is huge. Our words and actions can truly motive a man to do great things for God. Keep pointing others to Christ through your life! -Kristen

  8. Greg says:

    I appreciate what you’re trying to say, but am just wondering how acceptable to women the title of this post would be if the shoe were on the other foot (if a guy wrote it) and it was entitled:

    “How to change a girl from a frog into a Princess”

    Women have sway, yes; but is it about changing men or respecting them?

  9. Thank you for this encouragement, Kristen – I’ve read it multiple times by now (on different days), and it’s challenged me every time! It’s helped me in conversations several times, too. 🙂

  10. Nola says:

    1. I completely agree that the way society talks about and perceives men is wrong and that we should not cut down and say bad things about men and act like women are better.
    2. We should all strive to be “hero’s” in this world, in that we try to make a difference, lead people to Christ, and help and serve other people, just as Christ would. Not just men.
    3. What is manliness?? I think people say that but don’t really even know what that means. There is not just one way to be a man. Men should just be themselves, not try to fit into our cultures mold of what a “man” is. A lot of ideas of what a “man” is come from our culture, not from the Bible or God.
    4. Even if you think men are supposed to be the leaders of the family, men do not need to be leaders in every context. No where in the Bible does it say that. We are all supposed to be leaders in this world and try to set a good example for other people and lead people to Christ.
    5. I absolutely agree that we should allow other people to help us and that we don’t need be ‘I got this” kind of people all the time. However, I think that men should also let women help them sometimes. I think that everyone, because of how much or culture plays up “independence” and “not needing anyone else” that people don’t want to accept other people’s help. However, I think that everyone should let other people help them more, not just women.
    6. Of course you should ask for help if you are having a hard time carrying something. But if he looks like he is struggling to carry a lot of stuff, you should be willing to serve him and help him too. And also, of course you should ask him to walk with you if you feel unsafe somewhere, and in this context, I do think that you should ask a man specifically, because its just a fact that you are less likely to get raped or whatever if there is a man with you.

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