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Should Christian Girls Kiss Before Marriage?

By: Bethany Baird

I’m just going to be honest from the get-go.

I’m twenty-five years old, I’ve been in two serious relationships, and I’ve never kissed a guy. It’s not because I think kissing is gross, or that I’ve never wanted to kiss. The fact is, I’m saving my very first kiss for my future husband on the day of our wedding.

Kissing is totally the norm.

In a day and age where kissing is the norm for elementary schoolers and losing your virginity in, or by high school is expected, it seems absurd and ridiculous that anyone would possibly save their first kiss for marriage.

I’m totally aware of the fact that many of you reading this might have already given your first kiss away and possibly your virginity. If so, check the note at the bottom of this post before you continue reading.

I want to take you through five points that will help you better understand why I’m saving my first kiss for marriage, and why I think you should too. Even if you’ve kissed in the past, I want to challenge you to stop kissing and start waiting from this point forward.

1. Your Kiss is a gift.

As the years have gone by I’ve to come to view my kiss as a gift. I view it as something very special, something I can treasure, something that I can save and share with my future husband alone.

I love the story told by Jennie Bishop titled The Princess and the Kiss. The royal parents have a baby girl and give her the gift of her very first kiss. They explain to the princess that it is her gift to keep or give away as she chooses.They then go on to warn her that many man will try to take her gift, but she should be wise and save her it for the man she would marry.

Instead of viewing your kiss as something meaningless and cheap, I want to challenge you to view it as a very expensive treasure box. It’s your job to keep your treasure safe until the person with the right key comes to unlock it.

Like the princess above, you will probably have some guys stop by with hopes to get a piece of your treasure. If they don’t have the key (the wedding band) don’t let them open the box.

Don’t let the way Hollywood devalues the kiss deceive you into thinking it’s not that special. It really is a gift from God that you should one day enjoy to the fullest with your husband. Once you are married I say “the more kissing the better!”

2. Viewing guys as brothers in Christ.

Have you ever thought about the fact that Christians in the Bible are considered “spiritual family.” Brothers and sisters in Christ. Son’s and daughters of the King. Every Christian guy that you interact has the same heavenly Father as you. He truly is your brother in Christ.

In the Bible we see three different categories of people. They are either a “neighbor” (Mark 12:31), a “brother or sister” (Hebrews 13:1), or a “husband or wife” (Ephesians 5:31).

“With the exception of husbands and wives, there is no sexual dimension to “familial” relationships.”Scott Croft

Isn’t that crazy? The only time we see any (approved) sexual dimension in a relationship in the Bible, is with the husband and the wife. Never before that (not even in betrothal) and in no other relationships. Not with the neighbor or the brother. Only the husband and wife.

It’s our job as Christian girls to live out a Biblical mindset. Even if you are a dating a guy, according to Scripture he is your brother in Christ until the wedding day. It’s not until the wedding day that he switches to the husband. Only then do we see the sexual dimension come in to play. No sooner and in no other type of relationship.

3. Relationships with a purpose

We need to ditch the “dating around” mindset that is so expected in our day. It makes me sad to think of three little eight year old girls that I mentor who regularly discuss “who’s with who,” “who broke up with who” etc.

Dating around for fun and personal fulfillment is the absolute norm these days, even amongst eight year olds.

We as Christian girls need to look to the Bible as our example and guidebook. The entire point of “getting to know” a guy or girl shouldn’t be for the goal of fun and pleasure, it should be for the purpose of discovering whether you two should marry.

Keep in mind being purposeful in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to ditch all the fun. Have good & pure fun as you work towards the goal.

When you start to view relationships with purpose and intention, it makes purity so much more attainable. Instead of “dating around” and having a boyfriend for years on end (with marriage nowhere in sight), you only pursue a relationship with prayer and an end goal in mind.

4. What does the Bible say?

The most important question you can ask yourself about romantic relationships is this, “What does the Bible say?” I realize the Bible doesn’t say “thou shalt not kiss,” but it does give us some incredible principles and some pretty clear direction on where we should be headed.

Think through these verses with me.

For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. (1 Cor. 6:20)

Because of what Jesus did for you, He gives you incredible value. You are not a cheap toy that should be casually tossed around. You are loved and were purchased by the blood of Christ. Honor God with your body.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1b-2)

The very last line “with absolute purity” is key. We as Christian girls need to make sure that our relationships reflect that standard. God desires absolute purity as the goal in your guy relationships.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Tim. 2:22)

We are to run away from youthful passions and run towards righteousness. This verse seems to fly in the face of guys and girls flirting, dating around, etc.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph. 5:3)

Wow. Our relationships should have “not even a hint of sexual immorality.” Think about that phrase with me. Not even a hint! People often complain about Christians being so “oppressive” and “overly expectant” of girls these days. They say “girls already have so much to deal with, you are only making it worse.” Well excuse me, I didn’t write that verse, I’m just relaying God’s message. He is the one saying there should be “not even a hint.”

5. The Pure Bride.

Did you realize that as a Christian your future marriage represents the Gospel? Just check out Ephesians 5. The chapter is filled with illustrations that compare an earthly bride and groom to Christ and the Church. A huge goal in each of those relationships is absolute purity, holiness and blamelessness.

Instead of trying to scrape by until your wedding day, shoot to arrive as completely pure and undefiled as possible. Don’t ask, “How much can I get away with?” Instead ask, “How pure and undefiled can I be?”

Final Thoughts.

At this point you might be thinking, “Seriously Bethany, it’s just a kiss.” I personally think it’s time we ditched the it’s-just-a-kiss mindset, and put the kiss back in it’s proper place.

We need to recognize the kiss as an incredible gift that God has given each one of us to fully embrace and enjoy in the right context. Instead of lowering its value and blowing it off as just-a-kiss let’s view it as a precious, sacred gift.

Soul searching questions.

When you think about kissing a guy before marriage (or think about past times when you have kissed a guy), ask yourself these questions:

  • Will that interaction reflect absolute purity?
  • Will there be not even a hint of sexual immorality?
  • Will God be glorified by what He sees?
  • Will it awaken love before its appropriate time?
  • Will it portray God’s holiness?

Having said all of that, let me leave you with one mind blowing and extremely counter cultural quote by Scott Croft. This is from his seven part series on Biblical dating which I highly encourage you to take the time to read.

“I believe the Bible teaches that all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin, and all romantically oriented physical activity is sexual activity. In my view, this includes premarital kissing.” –Scott Croft

Note: I realize that many of you reading this blog post have probably kissed guys and have possibly already lost your virginity. In no way am I here to condemn you or guilt you for what you have done. I highly recommend reading Lost Virginity: Practical Help to Reclaim Your Future.  Also, see 1 John 1:9.

There are so many great resources on handling past mistakes. If that is you, I want to encourage you to gain a new perspective on your sexual purity. I hope you view this as an opportunity to start saving your “gifts” from this point forward.

 Photo credit: www.flickr.com | Sean Molin

Should Christian Girls Kiss Before Marriage?

 

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  • RN

    So what do you think about hugging guys in general? I am not in a relationship, and there are a few guys that I don’t get to see on a regular basis that when I see them, I’m so excited I give them a hug!

    • Briana Soto

      Hey RN. In my opinion I think a guy and a girl if not married should give side hugs. Unless it’s family otherwise it’d be best for young ladies and young men to give side hugs because when you are giving a hug from the front it could possibly create feelings and emotions that you didn’t intend to be there. Hope that helps.

      • Alaska Momma

        Just found your awesome website! Way to go, Kristen and Bethany, for being faithful to embrace God’s direction for your lives and seeking His applause over your lives and not the world’s. It’s so encouraging to hear of young, beautiful women who are seeking to shine God’s heart and beauty through lives of purity. Personally, I didn’t save the first kiss for marriage. I would totally agree, though, that marriage is the place for it to begin and flourish. You ladies are on the right track!!!

    • Hey RN. Great Questions! Hugging guys is a great topic to think through. We have decided to limit our hugging to closer family friends. When we do hug we try to stick with a quick side hug. Hope that helps 🙂

    • Me112233

      Hugs of that sort aren’t an issue. And yeah, hugging a cute guy is a positive thing. I would say, however, if you are truly into the guy, then perhaps you need to drop a hint and get him to take you out to dinner? So many girls give hugs to guys as a greeting, that he probably doesn’t give the hug a lot of thought, in and of itself.

  • Hannah McIntosh

    This is a really good article, Bethany! I love the way you wrote it, and how you pointed out that kissing actually does awaken desires…that shouldn’t be awakened until marriage. Thank you for this website–I started following it a week or two ago and I really appreciate your relevance to modern girls’ struggles AND your consistency with God’s Word. 🙂

    • @hannahmcintosh:disqus So glad you are enjoying the blog posts!

  • nicole robinson

    Bethany and Kristen! Great article!! I’m 41, married for over 17 years and have 2 beautiful teenage children. I wish I would have saved my treasure (kisses) just for my husband. It would have saved me from a lot of heartache, grief and shame/guilt. I unfortunately was one of those girls that gave a kiss away to the wrong guy and was raped, got pregnant and placed the baby for adoption. WAKE UP, girls! This is what happens or could happen when you know better, but you disobey God anyway because YOU think you can handle things. God’s mercies are new every day. 1John 1:9 says If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He is a jealous God and loves us with an everlasting love.

    • @nicolerobinson Thanks so much for sharing a quick bit of your testimony. We appreciate your challenge and encouragement to us as younger women. We look forward to reading more of your comments in the future 🙂

      • Charis

        Hi Bethany! Thanks for this great post! My 2 older sisters are both now married and both saved their fist kiss till marriage! I have always understood and agreed why we would save our first kiss till marriage but now as I get older I read this and had a few questions to ask. You sister kristern wrote a post about ” how settings boundaries saved her virginity”. She struggled enough with keeping pure she said in it and she didn’t even kiss. So if your going to struggle weather you kiss or not is it bad? Also if he is engaged to you and depending on how old you are I think it would be ok to kiss your guy! But I do want to be our too I am confused! Love to hear from you. Thanks x

  • Anna

    Bethany, great article!!! My parents saved their first kiss for their wedding day, so they have been a great example of this in my life and the lives of my siblings!
    This was a great reminder, it can be easy to start to devalue the power and gift of a kiss, as our culture, movies, books, etc. toss it around so casually.
    I think the question should be, not how much we can get away with, but how much we can save for our future husbands.

    • @Anna. That’s so great to hear that your parents saved their first kiss. Watching a couple kiss for the first time is a beautiful sight to see 😉 I’m sure that your future husband will feel very blessed when he get’s to share that special moment with you!

  • Rosalie

    Hey! This is such a huge help! I’m almost sixteen and have yet to be in a relationship, but I’ve trying to figure out whether or not I am going to save my first kiss for marriage. This post was such a HUGE encouragement and has helped me decide to save it! 🙂 🙂 I love this blog!!

    • @Rosalie I’m so so so excited to hear that you are saving your first kiss for marriage. Your future husband is going to be one blessed man 🙂 Way to go girl. We are so proud of you!

  • Moriah Mari

    Bethany, I love the point you made about three categories in the Bible “neighbor”, “brother & sister”, and “husband & wife” – it’s so simple and helpful! Thank you!!

    • @moriahmari. I am so glad you found that helpful! I heard it described that way by my pastor and it made so much sense. Glad it clicked with you as well.

  • Mama Baird

    Such a great post, Bethany! “Princess and the Kiss”… Love it! Moms-great book to read to your young daughters.

  • Graciela Acosta

    Thank you for this. I’ve always debated whether kissing before marriage was something I would do, and this was what I needed to confirm my decision not to.

    • @GracieleAcosta We are so excited to hear that you are saving your first kiss for marriage! 🙂

  • Julia

    My 6 1/2 year old daughter and I have read “The Princess and the Kiss”. I was frustrated with the influence of the secular princess stories and picked up a few godly ones. Another great one is The Princess and the Three Knights. It reveals what true love looks like. My daughter LOVES to read these over and over again. She is a romantic, that’s for sure!

    This is a very helpful post for us as I find it hard to explain the kiss to her when it is so easily given away by many. Thanks for posting! Thanks for bringing us back to the bible for our guidance! So blessed to have found your blog! My daughter is still a little young to really get it all yet, but I am collecting posts such as this to share with her in the future.

    • @juila. We love hearing from moms like you. Your daughter is blessed to have a mom who is taking the time to train her up in God’s Word. Keep it up! 🙂

      • Bev Morrow Williams

        I grew up in the era where my parents gave their blessing to anyone I wanted to date as long as they were a Christian…no questions asked, no interview, etc. I had never even heard of courtship, etc. When I started dating my husband, (20th guy I dated!!!) he told me on our second date that he had made a vow to God to never kiss a girl again until he was sure she was the one God wanted him to marry. I cannot tell you what a peace and freedom that gave to me…Even tho’ I had only dated Christian guys, it felt like most of them were only interested in seeing “how far they could go,” and that first kiss indicated this…A kiss for a guy equals arousal…pure and simple…and guys want as much as they can get…Maybe they don’t want to “go all the way” before marriage, but they want all the kisses they can get and often go for more…I wish I had had the “Princess and the Kiss” book when I was little…I wish I had had someone warn me about kisses and to value them! …Back then, it was no touching of private parts/no laying down/no unbuttoning of clothes, etc. How dumb! Instead of protecting the heart and the mind, the emotions and God’s testimony, it seemed we were mostly trying to prevent an unwanted pregnancy!!! I am SO thankful for God’s conviction upon my husband’s heart and His full blessing upon our marriage!

  • Joanne

    My husband and I just celebrated our 4th anniversary. Our first kiss was on our wedding day in front of our church family. In fact, we never even dated. We spent time in groups with other guys and girls from church. We got engaged at my husband’s best friend’s house, where he and his wife invited my dad and me over for lunch (as well as my future husband). This is the safest way to get to know each other, without putting yourself in a position where things could get out of hand, or where you give your heart away to someone other than your spouse. Our church has taught this for many years, and the fruit of doing it God’s way is incredible! I did kiss a few guys before I got married, but all that did was bring pain and regret. The blessing of The Lord makes rich and adds NO sorrow. I am one very happy and blessed woman! Joanne Chilcotte

    • eyeamnicegirl

      I get it. The setting you found yourself in made such courtship possible, and I would love to be living in such a setting. Yet reality is reality. I went to college 200 miles away from “home.” Then, I got a job that was 300 miles away from home. There is no infrastructure of older, caring people available to facilitate such courtship. And while I don’t discount the notion of hanging with groups from church, a certain level of alone time is needed to investigate the possibility of a one-on-one relationship that will last forever. For sure, some people behave very differently in a group than they do in a one-on-one setting (and marriage is definitely a one-on-one thing if there ever was). Can the guy hold a conversation without lots of people helping it along? Can the guy do stuff other than play games/sports for recreation? Does the guy have a solid foundation? Or does he just put on a good show? Groups sometimes have weird dynamics, too. Sometimes, the group members promote people as couples based purely on popularity (e.g., the most popular girl and most popular guy are paired, and the most difficult to deal with girl and the most difficult to deal with guy are paired, and the two “ugly” people are paired, etc.); and that’s not truly the best environment. So, I find myself in the traditional world of dating. Sure, I prefer to meet a guy a church, yet I recognize that not all Christian men on this planet attend my church of 250 regular attenders; so, sometimes I find myself having to decide about accepting an invite for a “date” from a guy that is not an attender of my local church. Sometimes these boards and posts are Pollyannaish in their approach; it’s great that it all worked out for you, but seriously, it just isn’t practical for the vast majority of us — if I had to follow your method of finding a husband, it simply would never happen. I don’t live in such a setting as to have married couples and older folks who genuinely are interested in fostering courtship opportunities for the single adults in the community, such a setting simply does not exist for me.

  • Lovelyleblanc7

    I love this!! I haven’t had my first kiss either and I’m saving it for my husband! 🙂

  • Millie

    I totally disagree with this. Kissing doesn’t have to be sexual. Kissing can show caring, love, and devotion. I only kissed boys I was in a relationship with, and it was never random. I think random kissing and flings can be harmful, but kisses in a committed relationship show comfort, love, and caring for another. There are certainly all types of kisses, which makes this issue even more complicated.
    I feel strongly about this topic because I think sometimes this mindset leads some Christians to get married WAY too early, just to be able to kiss.
    Also, the side hug/front hug discussing is incredibly amusing to me. Yes, our culture is hypersexual sometimes, but I think worrying about hugs so much is hypersensitive. Again, this doesn’t have to always be sexual. I hug my grandparents, brothers, friends, to show I care, not because of anything sexual.
    If this bothers you so much, how do you feel about holding hands?
    Physical touch is a love language. Don’t you want to show someone you love them?
    I agree there are limits, but try thinking of it in a non-sexual, more comforting way.

    • Grace

      I think it depends on the kind of kissing, like you’re saying. And I’m sure it also depends on the people. I know my aunt and uncle saved really intense kissing for marriage. They only gave each other small kisses that were like you described. I don’t personally see anything wrong with those types of non-sexual kisses. 🙂

      • eyeamnicegirl

        What’s wrong with you people. You are worried over the wrong thing here. Kissing is fun. And if I decided to kiss a guy (I did say IF), I’m going to go for it with gusto — when I get done, he’s going to know he got kissed. You have to give people a healthy release or sexual tension, or you will end up with unhealthy releases (i.e., sexual intercourse). I’m not an advocate for random kissing of whoever is available to kiss at the moment, but if its a guy you are dating, I’ve have zero problem with it. And just as emotional aspects of relationships grow from zero when you first meet a guy to “everything” when you get marrried, the physical aspects of relationships also need a healthy growth pattern, from zero when you first meet a guy, to “everything” once you have gotten married. You would call someone an idiot if they advocated “no emotional intimacy whatsoever” prior to marriage, and it is just as idiotic to advocate for “no physical intimacy whatsoever” prior to marriage.

        • rajjmuhammed

          Amen. Thank you for some common sense. Unfortunately, many of the posters on here belong to legalistic churches.

    • Millie, great point! I agree that a kiss does’t have to be sexual if it’s between a mother/daughter, father/daughter, brother/sister, etc. I just can’t seem to find any (in the Bible) kissing between men/women in a romantic relationship that is non-sexual. I’ve never seen or heard of a couple who has ONLY kissed in non-sexual, comforting ways in their relationship before marriage. The next question is this, what does the word commitment mean? Committed for the week, year, month? How long? In a marriage it’s commitment for life. I think it’s extremely important to base all of our conclusions on this topic straight from Scripture. If you can back up your reasoning from Scriptural principles I would love to see it.

  • Emmakin

    I love this! It’s encouraging to have some one else put this into words. thanks!

  • DJ

    Absolutely, positively, great message! In this day and age, the world will tell girls that, “it’s only a kiss.” I think about how that “only” can spread into: only a touch, only a feel, and then only “having a little fun.” The act that was intended to be special, intimate, and sacred; is now just another form of entertainment. Bethany, I love the fact that while you are still young God has imprinted on your heart how special our bodies are to him. He has given you a wonderful task; stay strong in your faith.

  • KayLa

    I think this article is very well written and addresses the heart of the issue. So many times we try and give rules or we as teens receive rules but without a reason or good understanding. I know for me personally I have saved my first kiss but several kids in my youth group did not, or did for a while. I feel like if they had a better understanding of the why we should or shouldn’t do something we could make better decisions.
    For me the difference was really feeling like my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and I need to honor that. I am grateful for the additional verses and understanding here in this post. Now I am 21, single, and still keeping my first kiss for my marriage. Thanks for being someone else out there willing to wait. It is a great encouragement!!!

  • Toby

    You need to read the Song of Solomon. That couple certainly didn’t wait to kiss until after marriage.

    • Erin

      Yes, but the Bible never says that the content in the Song of Solomon is righteous or pure. In fact, I would say it is the opposite, as King Solomon was not a very pure man. We should learn from the mistakes he made, not use his mistakes as excuses for our similar behaviour.

      • Tiana

        “all scripture is given by God and is profitable for for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness….” – 2 Timothy 3:16

    • Dolly

      Actually, Song of Solomon is describing a married couple.

  • anonymous

    I kind of think that you should wait until you know it’s something serious and you are confident in it, but at the same time. I don’t think that it should have to wait until marriage

  • Caitlin

    Awesome post! I really enjoyed reading it!!! I agree with you 100%! 🙂 Thanks for sharing and for speaking out! We need more women like you! 🙂
    Blessings!

    Caitlin
    http://daughterofdestiny-generation78.blogspot.com/

  • anonymous

    I have done many wrong things. When i turn over to start again i fall in the same trap… i really don’t want to remember whatever i have done. But i fail miserably whenever i take any strict decision on not even thinking about it…:'(

  • eyeamnicegirl

    While waiting until marriage to kiss a guy (or girl if you are a guy) is a nice-sounding theoretical romantic thought, I don’t see the issue from a moral perspective. If that’s your thing, the by all means, go for it (or, don’t go for it); but it is a bit much to expect anyone out there to still have “virgin lips.” While a few of my friends (and me too) did make it to high school graduation with intact hymens, I can only think of one girl who never had been kissed, and she was both overweight and very shy; and we are talking about a girl who was 17 years old at the time, not a 25 year old. (Let’s just say that she lost that shyness once she got to college.) I do understand what you are saying; but your message is one that can only be understood by someone who has a certain level of maturity, and when I was 14 and getting my first kiss, I certainly didn’t have that level of maturity. And you made an astute observation in your disclaimer at the end of your post that a significant majority of people aren’t even virgins; so, surely you recognize that finding a “never kissed” guy that is in your dating age range (25 and over) that you would actually want to kiss (marry) yourself is a virtual impossibility. You will have accomplished something just to find yourself a virgin who is your age AND whom you likewise find attractive enough to want to marry. So, my only advice to you is, that in your pursuit of waiting until your wedding day to get kissed, that you don’t require that the guys you consider dating still have virgin lips (even expecting to find a virgin penis on a 25 year old guy is defying the odds, though it is possible).

    • Who said this was a Moral issue… I think its a way to receive a gift. unlock a new door that rushing into intimacy can destroy. No one is judging you for rushing into things this article is just showing a better way. I think its a beautiful thing to wait.

      • eyeamnicegirl

        Again, I refer you to the issue of maturity. At the age most people are getting their first kiss, they aren’t quite mature enough to fully appreciate the potential benefits of waiting; at least not to the degree to trump raging hormones and curiosity.

      • rajjmuhammed

        She said it was a moral issue when she posted the article. She is a legalistic believer.

  • Guest

    kk

  • Sammy

    WTF is wrong with you?? Why is it such a big deal to kiss someone? How can you marry someone you have never even touched? I call bullshit on all you brainwashed people, but it’s not your fault! You people are the reason why the IQ level of the American population is falling! Do you feel special just because you have never kissed? Well think again, you’re just plain dumb!

    Consider this, would you ever go to a surgeon that has 0 experience, but is still accepted at his current job? No you would not! This is the same thing your doing with your marriage! You are committing to someone that has no experience and you also have no experience, that is a recipe for disaster! That’s how couples get divorced! I hope you find some sense along the way of life, may God enlighten your mind!

  • Guest

    This might not have anything remotely related to Christ and his sacrifice. And of course everyone is entitled to their opinion and their preferences. Or maybe it’s just the critic in me. But why do blog posts like this make me think, (esp. the fifth point, the pure bride) that this is just the endless attempts of humans to do good, and earn his love, and in the process spit on Jesus and his sacrifice. God forbid that we should be impure and undefiled. God won’t bless my marriage now.
    And pure, undefiled girls might say, “No thanks Jesus, I don’t need you to cleanse me. See, I’m already pure, I am a virgin both in the upper and lower realm. But you can cleanse my friend, she had her first kiss in elementary and lost her virginity in junior high. But I’m good, Jesus, thanks.”

  • Somehow, I’m getting an interest to live nowadays… This article and this girl Bethany is adding up to those reasons for me to live.. I’m overwhelmed, speechless. A “peace” sets over me as I read this article and also some of the comments which is priceless. I really thank God for people like these who have made my life worth living… I can’t fully explain.. I’m kind of smiling with a deep sigh of relief.. O my goodness… I’m getting a hope that I’ll see better things in life.. worthy worthy.. God is glorified indeed.. “Let the pure become more pure” my language translation of Rev 22.11 “He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still.”

  • Libby

    I think it’s great to save your first kiss till marriage, though I don’t really thinks it’s wrong not to. My question is why is this only girls? Is it not also the guys job to not act as a stumbling block to his girlfriend (or fiancé)? Is it only our job as Christian girls? Or as all Christians? I personally don’t believe it’s wrong to kiss before marriage, but if that’s what you want to do that’s great! But isn’t it on both the girl and the guy to stay pure?

  • Lance Cembrano

    Again, I just hope that parents and communities start properly and actively educating young people about important issues such as this. I hope kids learn early on what is good and appropriate to do, and what are things they should avoid.

    I hope you retain the energy to keep doing what you’re doing. 🙂

  • Melonie

    I don’t think its wrong to kiss before marriage. The question is: if they kiss, would it arouse immoral thoughts? Because a Christian guy is still human, so if you kiss him who knows if he may be tempted for more? Or even the girl for that matter.
    I’m a high school graduate, never dated, never kissed, honestly Ive never had good prospects when it comes to guys. I always seem to attract the weirdest dudes. Like that dude that I had never talked to in my LIFE not even a Hello asked my dad if he could take me to the homeschool prom. Ah…..NO. I was having none of that. (My dad knew I’d say No so he let me do that myself–although he did think I’d be flattered. Lol I wasnt.), I also attracted an older dude who was short, over weight, immature, and had no ambition in life. Honestly my prospects have ruined my ideas of ever having a NORMAL and mature and godly dude for once.
    Any thoughts of kissing in my mind involve celebrity crushes lol. So I think I won’t have a problem

  • April

    I think it’s great if someone’s personal conviction is to save kissing for marriage – as long as it is for the reason of staying “pure” in their definition and not to brag about their “purity.”

    However, I don’t think it’s great to write articles like this because of the girls who have kissed or done worse and already feel shame from it. Because God’s grace will allow that beautiful wedding to be “pure and undefiled” no matter what they’ve done in their past… even if that bride and groom wait until the night before their wedding to genuinely ask Christ for forgiveness, then their wedding will be pure and undefiled. It’s NOT based on the works of their past, but on God’s amazing grace only. Maybe it’s a kiss for you, but it’s gossip, pride etc… for someone else. I’ve seen more sexually experienced girls have a much more tender heart for Christ than many girls who did save their kiss for marriage.

    It’s about the heart, no matter which side you fall on.
    Don’t add law to a salvation that is based on grace.That’s all I wanted to say. 🙂

  • JTNSC

    I was a virgin, when I married at the age of 22. Did I kiss before marriage? Yes. It did not defile me, or rob me of any virtue. If a girl feels she shouldn’t kiss, that’s her opinion. And it isn’t based on Biblical “teaching”. Let’s be clear about that. It’s based on “human interpretation”. Many Christian churches have no problem with couples sharing a kiss, holding hands, etc. In fact, MOST of them don’t. So, let’s not push the “human interpretation” of the Bible by a few as “the norm”. It isn’t — not even among Christians!

    • rajjmuhammed

      Amen. It’s not Biblical at all. It’s legalism and the traditions of men. Even the Puritans allowed people courting to sleep in the same bed in the bundling custom.

    • Dolly

      True, a lot of it may be human interpretation, but it does seem wise to hold off as much as possible, doesn’t it? I’m saving my first kiss for marriage, and to tell the truth, I’m relieved. I’m very affectionate, and I’d be concerned that my need for physical affection would get me in trouble one night, and lead to something that I’d truly regret later.

      Though I do think that saving your first kiss for marriage is a great idea, one can do what they like, but to my fellow ladies, I ask you to wisely consider this and pray about it before you make a decision.

  • Pooja jersy

    its was really awesome msg for every girl every youth should read… Bcz now a days there is no value for kiss and verginity…. This msg help us to make us holy infront of god and glorify the name of jesus…. So please try to post more and more usefull msgs like to encourage not to committe for sin… Your web site really help me to focus on gods will and i m trying to make me holy in everything i do……

  • Eve

    Don’t ask, “How much can I get away with?” Instead ask, “How pure and undefiled can I be?”

    This right here is everything. I notice that so many of us get sucked into the mentality that we should get as close to sin as possible without crossing over the line when really Christianity is about the opposite. Jesus even said that simply hating someone is like murder. Thinking about that I realized quickly that what God wants from us is total purity in thought and deed. We have a sin nature therefore whenever we seek to “get close to sin” we merely tempt ourselves to cross that sin line. It is far better to seek purity even to a degree that may seem “extreme” because our sin nature is more powerful than we think and so many people fail to maintain purity due to small compromises. I am so grateful for this article it really gave encouragement for maintaining a level of purity that is certainly counter cultural. Praise God for this site!

  • rajjmuhammed

    What nonsense. Unless full-on making out, it’s fine. Purity does not forbid affection, and let’s be real, if you wanted to be truly pure for your boyfriend and not tempt him to lust, it’s impossible.

  • rajjmuhammed

    And I would not date a legalistic prude like this.

    • Dolly

      I’m a legalistic prude, too.

  • rajjmuhammed

    I don’t share her legalism, no. If she doesn’t want to kiss a boy until the altar, fine. But, it’s legalism to think that makes her more pure. In reality, even holding hands or looking at a girl can tempt a boy.

  • Nonameplease

    Bethany or Kristen, do you think it’s ok to kiss if your relationship is very serious (like engaged? ) would really appreciate some advice….Everyone around me has suchh different opinions!!!!

  • Zoi

    I’m actually from a (pretty liberal) Muslim background (grew up in the states and all that). This post totally resonated with me and the sort of relationship I have with the man who proposed marriage to me. We have been together for almost 1.5 years, and are planning on getting married once each of us finishes grad school. We haven’t even hugged or held hands yet, though, haha! And so many people either don’t believe us or if they do, say some very strange things to us. 🙁 Oh well; I’m just happy someone else went through the same thing and made it work! Kudos to you for wanting to save your first kiss until marriage!

  • Karoline

    I, as a Christian whole-heartedly agree that we should stay away from anything that tempts us to sin. However, the bible does not say that kissing before marriage is sinful. And I’m inclined to think that if pressing lips with your partner always makes you want to go all the way…you may have some self-control issues you need to bring before the Lord!! haha. Seriously, if we teach boys and girls that if they hold hands/kiss that they may be tempted to have sex…they’re going to hold themselves to that weak standard. I say let people figure out what is best for them. Different people need different standards. There is no one size fits all. If kissing DOES tempt you, then sure, don’t do it. But maybe consider that you need to be able to express normal affection, without getting sexually excited hahaha. You may have issues.

  • Bethany Perez

    Girls and guys definitely shouldn’t kiss before marriage! By saving their kiss, they’re offering something to their spouse that no one else has had. A treasure. They’re saying they love their future spouse enough to wait.

  • Gabrielle

    “Even if you are a dating a guy, according to Scripture he is your brother in Christ until the wedding day. It’s not until the wedding day that he switches to the husband. ” Wow, something to think about…

  • Gabrielle

    I too am saving my first kiss for the man I marry!! Among Christians this is quite a topic!! Some say it’s fine if you’re engaged, because after all you are getting married. Some make the case that it’s quite weird and awkward to share a first kiss in front of so many people, even if it is just family and friends. Additionally, it is the first, so can’t I have it in private? I’ve heard all of that. I too would be nervous kissing for the first time in front of tons of people. Also, it’s a nice sentiment to share your first in private, but I think it’s something special and important about it being done in front of witnesses. Not sure exactly……hmmm…. What do you think about all of this?

  • Samantha

    I am 31 and I have never kissed a guy. I’ve been in several relationships/courtships, including one that lasted 5 years (I never recommend a relationship that long) and I still have never kissed or been kissed. I agree completely with this and would like to add another verse (or 3). Song of Solomon commands girls to “not stir up or awaken love until it so desires” on 3 separate occasions. For me, and maybe for a lot of others, I think that kissing is hard wired to our hearts. If we are to flee youthful lusts and to keep our hearts our own until the day we get married, then it is my belief that kissing should be out.

    God wants us to be pure, it’s as simple as that. Kissing, though in and of itself may not be bad, is a gateway to so many things that are sin. So I stay away from that gate.

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  • Anna Zimmerman

    Thank you so much for writing about this! I have been very tempted over the last few months to kiss someone I deeply admire. The temptation got so bad that I had to stop seeing this guy for awhile, and ask my parents for godly advise.
    However this blog really helped me to focus on my purity, and not my fleshes desires. Thanks once again.

    • Lb

      googled “what does God think about kissing before marriage” and found this post. I normally read this blog but had somehow missed this one. I haven’t kissed anyone for two years and I plan to keep it that way. However as of late I’ve been tempted! I’m not in a relationship but there’s a guy I’m talking to who I know is interested in me. I read your comment and am thankful I’m not alone in this! Praying for you sister from Alberta Canada

      • Anna Zimmerman

        Wow, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one dealing with this. It sure is hard.
        One verse that really helped me was Song of Songs 8:4 and basically it say we aren’t to awaken love until the time is right. Whenever you are tempted, remember this verse, and at the same time ask yourself if this is glorifying God (like the blog says).
        You are strong, and if you pursue things with a pure heart, you can overcome this. I will also be praying for you. I have faith in you. 🙂

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  • Martin

    I won’t kiss before – OR AFTER I’m married.

    Who is the purest now?

    • Jenny

      Why?! Do you think it’s wrong? or Unbiblical? Kissing after marriage is not a sign of purity!

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  • Anonymous

    I want to start off by saying how thankful and grateful I am to know about your blogs and the wonderful things you do to encourage young girls. I grew up in a christian home and would say i never took anything to heart until recently (my teen years). over the past year, i started getting convicted of my sins and think deeply of all the things I’ve done.
    I’m currently sixteen and still a virgin but I’ve kissed a guy before.
    I just started reading lots of blog posts and asked questions about kissing before marriage and even though i justify myself saying i didn’t really sin ever since it was a “light kiss” (literally 2 seconds) but i feel horrible like I’ve committed such a bad sin against him, my parents and God. When i think about my motive behind kissing, it was sinful (to “fit in” with everyone else and feel loved.) It makes me question why God didn’t save me from doing so. I’m finding it really hard to get pass this even though the kiss happend before i would say i actually became a born again christian (started spending time reading my bible and living a godly life.)
    I dont know how this will work out for my “Good” but i prayed alot and keep on praying for forgiveness. I feel like I will be punished for what I’ve done.
    I’ve also decided that i won’t kiss again until the day i get married (if its Gods Will) but i feel the damage is done. what can I do?
    Thank you very much

    • Val

      Dear Anonymous,
      I see a lot of worry in your words and I would like to comfort you: nothing will happen to you, and you definitely won’t be punished by God. I don’t believe that kissing a boy for three seconds is a sin, but in any case the right attitude after regretting an action is to repent and change, obsessing over it is only going to ruin your present.
      I suggest you to start researching, reading and praying about saving your kiss and see if it is really something you would like to do, not out of fear but out of love for yourself, your future husband and God.
      🙂

    • Caroline

      1 John 1:8-9, 2:1 “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness…My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.”

      Psalm 103: 10-12 “He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”

      Be encouaraged in knowing that the Lord sees your heart of repentence and has forgiven you for your past sin since the very first time you repented for it! I grew up in a Christian home as well and made SO many mistakes before I really even understood them to be sins. When I chose to say yes to a relationship with Jesus for myself, I started realizing all of my sin and carried around a feeling of guilt about my past but that is not the way God wants us to feel! He wants to cleanse us and make us new with a new mindset because of the salvation He has provided for us! He wants us to be able to run to Him for help when we realize sin in our lives. He wants to change us and help us become new creations in Him! Now, when I mess up…I can run to Him and ask for forgiveness and new strength to resist the temptation to sin when it returns. And when I fall, I get back up again by God’s grace toward me in my repentence! Just keep turning to Jesus, my sister! He loves you and is the forgiver of our sins! ❤

    • MariR

      Girl, you’ve got to live YOUR OWN LIFE!
      Don’t hang on every word in the Bible. Pick
      and choose wisely. Don’t only look at one side of the issue!

  • Lizzie

    I just wanted to mention that my mom read that book to me when I was little. I really liked it, and it’s soo true!☺

  • Thea

    I wished that I read this article before entering my relationship!
    I am currently seventeen and a virgin, but I have kissed my current boyfriend. When I read this article a few weeks later, my automatic reaction was “I understand keeping my virginity for marriage, but my first kiss?! That is too far, Bethany.” But I realized in my relationship that kissing can lead to more intimate and passionate kissing, and I do not want to give it up to several men. I have a different perspective on kissing now thanks to you.
    God bless.

  • lemme tell you bout Jesus

    I personally don’t see a problem with kissing, as long as it’s not frivolous and meaningless. Yes, it can lead to other things, but only if you allow it, and it shouldn’t be just so you can say you’ve kissed. In the case of me and my boyfriend, we are two Godly, responsible, & mature young adults and we know how to control those sexual inclinations because we’ve both seen the outcome of lack of self control (he was born out of wedlock although his parents did get married, and my parents were both promiscuous until marriage), and we are both striving for a pure and Christ-centered relationship. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with kissing—as long as that’s all that happens. We kiss but that’s it. Your kiss is a gift, so it shouldn’t just be thrown around. I know I’m going to marry him, and if we both are staying pure and JUST kissing, I don’t think there’s a problem with it. I feel like it’s your decision whether you do or don’t, but I wouldn’t make others feel bad about their decision to—seeing as that’s what they choose. There’s no reason to make anyone feel bad, whatever that decision may be.

    God bless xoxo

    • Ashley Carly

      I agree with you. As long as two committed people are just kissing, I don’t see a problem with that. And besides, Jacob kissed Rachel before they married (Genesis 29:11). And afterward she ran and told her father about him. I’m sure that if he had done something bad, she would have simply run away from him or told her father to make him go away. But nowhere does the Bible call this act impure. He kissed her because he loved her, and a kiss as a sign of love is pure, in my opinion.

      Also, kissing was more common in the Bible among fellow believers than it is now — at least in this country. Hence why Paul told the Corinthians to greet each other “with a holy kiss,” (2 Corinthians 13:12, NIV). So, while kisses can be used improperly, if the intention behind the kiss is pure, I see the kiss as pure.

    • Sandra Ifeanyi

      Well that’s your opinion, but we are talking about radical purity here. Jesus came and raised the moral bar, so should we. Matthew 5:27-28

  • Faith Metz

    I am saving my first kiss for marriage. But this post really helped me to see why! I had a friend who is a very godly young women and she was in a relationship and then got engaged and when I saw her E photos I was hurt to see that in some of the pics they were kissing. My sister said it was no big deal, and after that I’ve questioned why I should, as a Christian, save my first kiss till after I’m married. Thank you! This answered all of y Qs on this topic!

    • Marietta

      I think it depends on each couple. This post shows reasons why someone should wait, and I definitely agree that a kiss isn’t a small thing to be tossed around. I personally would like to wait till my engagement… but that’s me.

  • Smiley2863

    I need advise i am 25 never kissed a boy my whole life because i hold high princeple of purity and believe in keeping it for my husband. Now i started dating about 3 weeks ago a christian brother who thinks its ridiculous. I have felt pressurized by him because he has had previous relationships and kissing was not an issue.. Now that said he says he loves me and also i do love him. This issue might be a deal breaker for both of us. I wont kiss him, what do people think?
    S

    • Marietta

      I’m sad nobody commented for you! This was two years ago so no idea what has happened, but I think your gut is already telling you what you need to do. If he was a little disappointed with not being able to kiss you, well that’s one thing. The fact that he’s pressuring you and makes you feel like it’s ridiculous shows he doesn’t truly care about your thoughts or desires and his are at the forefront.

  • Leah

    what if.. you have already kissed guys, but you DON’T want to live like that anymore! i want to live a radically pure life. is it still possible?

    • Samantha Meliora

      Of course, it could. It means you repent your self from the same mistake.

      2 Corinthians 5:17-21 New International Version (NIV)

      17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

  • Leah

    what if you have kissed guys, but you DO NOT want to live like that anymore! is radical purity still possible for me? :/

    • Ashley Delarosa

      Of course it is beautiful! Get back to God’s design for marriage and relationships and don’t give up! May JESUS bless you 🙂

    • Cristy

      Absolutely! His mercies are new every day (Lamentations 3:22-23)

  • Leah

    sorry i posted twice.. it was an accident

  • Caitlin

    The Princess and the Kiss was one of my FAVORITES growing up.

  • Yossarian

    ‘The only time we see any (approved) sexual dimension in a relationship in the Bible, is with the husband and the wife.’

    What about Lot and his daughters? That must have been ‘approved’ becauase wasn’t Lot a biblical hero?

    • Samantha Meliora

      This is my opinion. Lot and his daughters are written in Bible, yet it doesn’t mean the relationship was approved by God. Like when Abraham who had so many wives, it was written in Bible, yet God didn’t approve. Even when God doesn’t approve, doesn’t mean God won’t love you anymore. So many figures in the Bible was described in their good sides or bad sides, yet God still with them. It also made the figures are so human like us, so easily making mistakes without God’s lead.

      I hope you @disqus_iP0gb7rmB9:disqus get what I mean. I’m not a native, so my English is limited. GBU!

  • Marietta

    Lol realized I said 2 years instead of two months 😛 I’m glad things worked out ok!

  • Ann

    Is it okay, to kiss people in a purly platonic sense, like as an expression of friendship, not of lust?

  • Horse Lover

    This is so great!
    I am in a relationship more just getting to know one another. We said we won’t date until we are dating, but now I want to wait until marriage. What’s the best way to approach him about that? 🙂


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