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How a Conference on Sex Helped Me in My Singleness

By: Bethany Baird

This past weekend I went to a women’s conference at my church. The topic? Sex.

Yes, I know I’m single. I know it’s a little weird that I went to a conference talking about something only married women should be doing. I know you’re probably wondering how in the world a conference on sex helped me in my singleness.

Although the conference was on sex (something I’ve never done and don’t plan do until I’m married) it was honestly amazing. I wish each and every one of you could have been there with me. The sessions were incredibly tasteful, biblically based, and super practical. Dr. Juli Slattery was so gracious and spoke in a way that made this huge topic much easier to understand.

In fact, her ministry Authentic Intimacy travels all over the country hosting this very conference that I attended. I encourage you to check out her blog, podcast, and conference.

Maybe you will even find one in your own city!

Anyways, I wanted to share my five biggest takeaways from the conference. I personally feel like we, as single women, often don’t know how to view love, sex, and marriage from a biblical perspective.

Our parents never really talk about it and our church definitely didn’t talk about.

We feel like it’s a taboo topic and something we should just figure out on our own. Out of interest and a desire to understand the topic of sex, we turn to friends, movies, music, magazines, and/or social media to figure out what we think. Sadly, those sources are often terrible places to find biblical truth. The perspectives are often twisted and completely messed up.

It’s time that we, as Christians, started talking about sex in a God honoring and biblical way.

God created it. He designed it. He encourages it big time within marriage. So, why aren’t we preparing singles for it in a way that is tasteful and appropriate?

I’m so grateful for Juli Slattery and her team over at Authentic Intimacy. I’m grateful that they’re equipping single women and married women with truth. I’m grateful that they are helping us view this topic in the way that God intended.

Here are my five takeaways from the conference.

I hope they encourage you in your singleness. Equip you to think biblically about sex. Prepare you for a thriving and passionate love life. 

1. My Understanding of Love, Marriage, and Sex is a Big Deal

God is the Creator of love, marriage, and sex. He designed us to be emotional, relational and physically capable of experiencing all three. Sex wasn’t an afterthought. It was a part of His best plan for us. Instead of waiting until marriage to think about these topics, let’s equip ourselves and prepare well for them. Let’s allow the Creator Himself to inform us of our worldview, not Hollywood. I really encourage you to check out Juli’s book, Sex and the Single Girl. You can order the digital copy and start reading today. You can also check out some of the blogs Kristen and I have written on this topic.

God’s Design for Sex is Way Better than Hollywood’s Cheap Imitation

7 Major Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage – Part 1

7 Major Benefits of Saving Sex for Marriage – Part 2

How to Handle Your Sexual Desires as a Single Girl

2. What I Do on This Side of Singleness Really Matters

During the conference, there was an entire session for Q and A. I was so saddened by all of the pain, hurt, and struggle that was apparent in many of the questions. Many of the married women had questions that obviously stemmed from bad sexual choices before marriage. The effects of those sinful choices were still impacting them to this day. Working through the emotional and relational issues was hard for them. The married women also had a lot of questions about God’s design for sex. These are women who are having sex on a regular basis and they don’t understand God’s design for it. They are confused, hurting and broken.

Single girl, we don’t have to make those same tragic mistakes. In the most humble and gracious way, I want better for our generation. My prayer is that we can learn from them and grow in our decisions and understanding. Let’s use our single years wisely and make sure we save sex for God’s timing. Let’s not toss it around like it’s no big deal. Let’s take our purity seriously and make decisions that will set us (and our future husbands) up for success.

Mind-Virgin: Saving More than Just Your Body

Lost Virginity: Practical Help to Reclaim Your Future

How Setting Up Boundaries Saved My Virginity

3. There Is an Enemy that Wants to Destroy Me

Satan wants to get single people having sex and he wants to keep married people from having sex. He’s working to destroy us in each season of life. He hates God’s design. He hates the sacredness of good marital sex. He hates good marriages. He hates how marriage reflects Christ and the Church. He hates God and He hates when we glorify Him.

The Bible says, Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8).

We need to remember that we have an enemy out there who want’s to destroy us. He hates purity and he wants you to ditch it. Let’s be women who are vigilant to look for lies. Lies about sex. Lies about our sexuality. Lies about our worth. Lies about our bodies. Lies that do not line up with scripture. Keep watch, be on guard, make sure your thoughts and decisions are in line with Scripture.

4. I Desperately Need Deep, Intimate, and Close Relationships

We, as women, are created to connect in deep ways. We are relational beings. We were made for meaningful relationships. Often times our desire to connect with a man in marriage, leads us to depression and dissatisfaction in singleness. We want that closeness. We want that relationship. We want to feel loved.

Instead of pining after marriage and feeling awful until it happens, let’s take advantage of the relational opportunities we have. Look for godly women to have deep and meaningful relationships with. Learn to share life with the women around you. Share deeply. Spend time together. Care for each other in a sisterly way. Love on each other. Do life together. Having solid community and meaningful relationships is an incredible help during the single years. It will help fill that desire for connectedness and closeness.

5. My Relationship With God is a Really Big Deal

The foundation for all of life? A solid relationship with God. Whether married or single, a solid relationship with God is the most important thing. This will always be the foundation of your life. Weak relationship with God, weak foundation. Strong relationship with God, strong foundation. We as single women desperately need to work hard on our relationship with God. We need to spend time in His Word. We need to pray. We need to study. We need to meditate on Scripture. We need to know our Savior.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37)

I encourage you to deepen and grow your relationship with God. For ideas on how to do that, check out these blogs.

How to Study Your Bible and Love it!

5 Tips to Help You Strengthen Your Bible Time

I would love to hear what you girls think.

Have you ever studied the topic of sex? Do you think it’s important to have a biblical perspective in this area? What was your biggest takeaway from this blog?

PHOTO CREDIT 

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Radical Purity
  • Susannah

    I am so glad that people are willing to talk about this topic in a really biblical way. I feel like in churches and families it is a very tabooed topic, and having a biblical perspective is SO important. The most helpful thing I found from this post was that what we do in our time of singleness really matters. I totally agree with what Bethany said about cultivating meaningful relationships with friends. When ever I start thinking about how much I would love to have a boyfriendhusband I turn to my group of friends, and knowing that they care about me in a loving, sisterly way, really makes a difference. Often what I want is just someone to talk to and do life with – and my wonderful friends are the people I turn too! Thanks Bethany Xx

  • Cassie Kellogg

    Guilt and fear often cause us to search for cures rather than practice acceptance and forgiveness. I think that is exemplified through issues like these. It’s so unfortunate.

  • Brianne

    Awesome post!! Thanks, Bethany :)❤

  • Emma Coates

    Love your blog posts!God bless!

  • Morgan P

    I think one of the hardest things is being patient to wait for God’s perfect timing.


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