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Confessions of a Flirting Queen

By: Bethany Beal

Where it all began.

I was in sixth grade and knew exactly how to work it. Every girl at church camp liked the same guy and I was determined to get his attention.

He was cute, popular and I wanted nothing less than for him to like me. I wasn’t interested in a relationship or anything serious because I was only 12 years old. I just liked the way I felt when I had his attention.

I clearly remember the situation. We were playing knock out (a basketball game) on the camp sports court. I made my shot and then went in to lure my prey. I ran over towards him with my flirty face ready to go and grabbed the green bandana from around his neck.

Was I cool or what?!? I now had “Mr. Popular Boy’s” bandana and we were in a steal and chase game. Naturally he started chasing after me trying to get his bandana back or to steal mine. He was laughing, I was smiling and life felt good.

I had his attention and the other girls were jealous. Major score!

That is until I left camp, made it home and needed more attention. Mr. Popular was gone and I was back at ground zero. Life was boring and I needed another boy to make me feel good.

The flirting continues.

I wish I could tell you that my flirting started and stopped with me being 12 years old, but that’s just simply not true. My days of flirting really continued until I graduated from high school and started thinking seriously about guys and romance.

If I were left to myself I would most likely still be the “Flirting Queen.” Thankfully God didn’t leave me to myself. Due to the incredible insight and wisdom of my parents and close friends, I was finally able to see the truth about flirting.

I’m definitely not perfect and continue to grow and learn every day, but I am grateful to say that I’ve come a long way in this area.

Do you enjoy flirting?

If you (like me) are a “flirting queen” or just enjoy a good flirt here and there, this post is for you. Even if you’ve never flirted a day in your life keep reading.

As silly as that little story I just told sounds, it brings out a great point. Think this through with me. In my personal experience flirting typically has one person in mind – ME! I’m doing it to make ME feel good, to make ME look popular, to give ME something to brag about.

When I think back on my flirting moments (which I am not proud of), I have to confess that each of one them was very self-focused. In the moment I was truly only concerned about one person, me.

As embarrassing as this is to confess, I really did flirt because I liked what I got out of it. I liked the attention I got from guys and it was an easy way to give myself an ego boost. I enjoyed having guys “like” me and I liked have someone/something to think about as I fell asleep. *Wow! That’s a lot of I’s*.

With that being said, I want to share with you my current take on flirting and why I’m no longer striving to be the flirting queen.

Here is a quick dictionary definition of the word flirting:

According to the Merriam-Webster, flirting is to:

  • behave without serious intent.
  • to show superficial or casual interest or liking.

The word is also synonymous with the word trifle, which means something of little value.

Hmmm, according to that definition flirting doesn’t sound very thoughtful or loving. It sounds pretty…well…selfish. When I stop and evaluate flirting with that definition in mind, I realize how selfish my days of flirting really were. They were without serious intent and were totally superficial and casual.

I wasn’t concerned about building the guy up as my brother in Christ. I wasn’t concerned about his heart and protecting him. I wasn’t concerned about pointing his eyes towards Christ. Nope, not at all. I was truly only concerned about one thing, me.

Giving up on the flirting game.

As I thought through this topic, I kept coming back to one verse. It really clinched my heart. Check it out:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

Yikes! My flirting has always been totally selfish. It’s not been with the guys in mind but with me in mind.

Now that I am a grown Christian woman who understands God’s Word and understands that I am a daughter of the King of the Universe, I can’t continue on in ignorance. That verse says to do nothing from selfish ambition. I’m pretty sure that “do nothing from selfish ambition” would include flirting.

Why do you flirt?

Okay, enough of my confessions and flirting stories. I want to focus on you. Ask yourself this simple question: why do you flirt?

Be honest with yourself. Think back to a time when you have flirted and ask yourself why you did it. What’s going on in your mind and in your heart when you’ve flirted with a guy?

  • Was your goal to build him up in Christ or was it to pull his attention and affections towards you?
  • Were you concerned about his feelings and his heart? Or, were you concerned about making yourself feel good?
  • What happened when the flirting moment was over? Did you find lasting satisfaction from that moment?
  • Can you honestly say that God was glorified from the different times you flirted?
  • How does Philippians 2:3-4 match up with your excuses for flirting?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section on the topic of flirting. How did your answers turn out to those questions? Be honest!

P.S. Don’t forget that this is #GuyWise week. Share this blog on Facebook to be entered into our book giveaway!

Photo credit: | ohwaitnvm

Confessions of a Flirting Queen

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20 Responses to Confessions of a Flirting Queen

  1. Briana Soto says:

    Thank you Bethany this was amazing I am very excited to start applying. #GuyWise

  2. Hannah Jane Lynch says:

    Amazing! What you said about church camp is so true! Thank you for doing this #GuyWise week!

  3. Elisabeth says:

    I definitely done this before, and I always thought the way I did it was harmless compared to others, but it’s really not.

  4. Tammy says:

    A few month ago I realized the error of my ways about flirting, and repented of this sin. I realized that if I really want to do good for one of my brothers, flirting is not the way to go. I do have a huge crush on someone at my church, but have decided that instead of flirting or trying to put myself in front of his face, I would pray for him. Not for me and him, but for him & his welfare and that God would draw him closer. That God would bless his relationships with other people and that he would grow in his walk and produce fruit that glorifies the Lord. I also have been reminding myself that love is an action, that if we want to love the way God wants us to love, it is to be selfless and not putting my own needs first. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

  5. Re Tammy

    That is really good. 🙂 I totally agree

  6. beppy7 says:

    Thank you so much for doing this #GuyWise week!! It’s beeen a huge blessing to me and it’s only day #2!!!

  7. KimberlyAmici says:

    I love this! This was so me when I was younger. My mom said I was a social butterfly but really I hopping around looking for attentions. Could have used this post back then.

  8. Jacey Faith says:

    Great article. I sometime get tempted to do that short of thing when I feel like no one is paying any attention to me. But it feel awkward to do it. Thanks for doing this

  9. Neile says:

    I’m not usually one to flirt,but if a guy does like me I realize I tend to continue talking to him and I start flirting a little. I have to admit that I do like it when guys like me, even though I don’t feel the same. Recently there was a guy that liked me and even though I wasn’t interested I continued talking to him. After a few months we started to get really close. They way our conversations were would seem like we were in a relationship. I felt like I had to let him know that we were not going to be more than friends, He accepted that but he started talking to me less. I began to miss our conversations so I tried talking to him like we use to but he mentioned to me that his feelings is not a see saw. I felt like I was playing with his feelings. I apologized but it seems like he doesn’t really want to talk anymore. I know what I did was not glorifying God. What should I do? Should I just leave it alone? I’m thinking that would be a little awkward considering that I would see him around church sometimes.I don’t want it to be awkward between us.

  10. Country Girl says:

    Thanks for this post! My personal opinion is that its okay to do a little “flirting” with ONE guy if you want to show him that you might be interested in a relationship with him (you should probably be at least 16 to be considering a serious relationship) 🙂 So, In my opinion that would be the only situation where flirting would be considered okay!

  11. Hurricane says:

    I found this article to be a valuable tool for a young person to self reflect on some of their behaviors. A constant need for attention tends to be rather childish and I know most young women would like to avoid that perception.

  12. Camila Diniz says:

    Amei o texto! Bem atual e pratico!
    Um assunto pertinente e que infelizmente eu não acho conteúdo em português.
    To gostando muito desse site, conteúdo rico e jovial!

  13. Ariadne Hazelwood says:

    What do you think about people who ‘flirt’ without meaning to? I’ve never purposefully flirted a day in my life that I can remember, but I’ve often been accused of it when simply making small talk with someone of the opposite gender. I simply treat boys similarly to girls, talking to them as I might anyone, and I’m accused of ‘flirting’. Should I change my attitude towards them? Or just continue, knowing that I only want to be friends and act that way?

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