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Confessions of a Skinny Obsessed Girl

By: Rebekah Baird (Guest)

There I was, waking up every morning with a new resolve to not eat as much as I did the day before. I was determined to eat less so I didnʼt gain weight, but every day it seemed like I failed.

My thoughts as I stood in front of the mirror went something like this: “Why can’t I just be skinny? I would be so much happier if I was as thin as a Gap model. I’m not going to eat anything till dinner, and when it comes, I’m going to have bird size portions.”

I hated thinking this way, but I felt helpless.

I would remind myself that it was not that big of a deal and I was blowing it way out of proportion.

I wondered what the matter was with me. Why did I always want to be skinnier? Even if I felt skinnier I never felt happy about myself. I would have days where I felt better about myself, but I could never completely solve the issue.

This battle of wanting to be skinny lasted for a while. It started out as just a small thing, but as the years went by I became much more aware of my figure. Over time it became a HUGE problem for me.

I literally thought about food and being skinny all day long.

It ruled my life. If I ate something “naughty” I became discouraged. That discouragement led me to thinking I was fat and of course made me feel unhappy.

From the outside no one could tell I was struggling with this issue. In my heart I felt like I was trapped in a box and couldnʼt get out.

Freedom didn’t come quickly. It took several months till I was truly free from this battle.

How did I break free?

I realized I was totally consumed with my figure and how skinny I wanted to be. The skinnier I could become, the happier I thought I would be. The reason I never found a way out was because I was trying to change my outside, not realizing this truly was an issue of the heart.

From what friends have told me, it seems like us girls have had a struggle with food from Day 1.

Do you remember what the very first sin was? It was when Eve ate the fruit off the forbidden tree in the garden of Eden.

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.” (Genesis 3:6)

Eve desired more than what God had given them. Think about it: did eating the fruit she desired make her happier and better off? No. It actually caused generations and generations of sin issues, struggles and heartaches.

If you are like me you will always want something else to make you happy. You have a sin nature in you and the more you feed it the more it grows. You can’t seek to worship God and glorify Him when you are worshipping the flesh by giving it whatever it wants.

You have to nip this in the bud.

Here are three things that helped me in my journey to freedom:

1. Remember that the Holy Spirit lives inside of you. Therefore you need to glorify Him with your body.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

Since the God of the universe is living inside of you, you need to honor Him with your thoughts. God doesn’t praise skinny people in the Bible. Actually, God says He looks at the heart of man and not his appearance.

2. Don’t find your worth in how much you weigh or how you look.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

You shouldnʼt judge your worth based off of how you look on the outside. Since God has made you in His image, you need to take care of the body He has given you while not obsessing over it or making it an idol.

3. Don’t give into your sinful and discouraging thoughts. Instead, in that moment pray for God’s truth. Find a couple of verses you like, memorize them, and then repeat them over and over again.

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)

A big problem that I struggled with was giving into the wrong thoughts. You think something is true and then slowly believe it to be true. You have to guard your thoughts. Your thoughts are very important.

If you start believing a lie, you will start living the lie too.

Those three points helped me tremendously on my journey to freedom. I don’t think about food as much and I don’t desire to be as skinny as a Gap model. I donʼt judge myself by how skinny I need to be. I definitely workout and try to eat healthy, but not to the obsession level I used to.

Worrying about how I needed to be skinnier was very time consuming and stressful. Once you know Godʼs Truth and believe it, it really is freeing.

Keep in mind that It’s not going to be an overnight thing. It will take time, but when you find true freedom, it is a whole lot better than what you had before.

I would highly recommend the book Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by Elyse Fitzpatrick. She gives a lot of great advice on eating right and overcoming the “food issue”. I read it and found it very helpful.

Okay. Letʼs wrap it up.

1.) Have you struggled with this food issue before?

2.) What is Godʼs perspective on Beauty?

3.) Do you want to lose weight to “feel better about yourself”, or do you desire to be self- disciplined for the glory of God?

Thanks for reading,

Love Rebekah

Photo credit: | Sebastian Anthony

Confessions of a Skinny Obsessed Girl

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8 Responses to Confessions of a Skinny Obsessed Girl

  1. Brooklyn Mikinzie says:

    Ive always thought that loosing weight would make myself more attractive. Ive never been asked out or anything, and my thoughts sometimes turn toward “Maybe Im just too big”.
    But my eyes were opened when I read that God doesnt look at outward appearance, but at the heart. (Dont remember the verse address.)
    Gods opinion is the only one that matters. I wanted to stop trying to make myself more beautiful on the outside, and focus on making my heart more beautiful.
    Thank you for this blog post, as it has encouraged me to continue striving towards a God centered heart.

  2. Jacey Faith says:

    Thanks so much for this eye opener. I’ve had similar struggles as you, and its an encouragement to know that God can help us overcome our greatest struggles

  3. Jeanie says:

    Good stuff! Glad someone so young is speaking up. 🙂 I personally don’t struggle with weight issues, but I do have a sister who is obsessed with hers, she isn’t built like me and I try to tell her that her fit and my fit are two different sizes. You can be healthy and fit for your size no matter if you are a size 2 or 16 or anywhere in between (I am not a size 2 btw)! Your weight isn’t the best way to determine if you are attractive, your heart is! Love to all the girls struggling, you are beautiful! <3 Great post Rebekah!

  4. Mama Baird says:

    You inspire me, Beks, on every level! Thanks for being so transparent! Great post girl! Love you!

  5. Sarah says:

    Thank you for sharing, Rebekah.

    I didn’t really realize, however, I started to go down this path of obsession.. I am not really what you would call over weight, however, I used to feel like I was not as fit as “that” other slim girl.. I have to be on a medication for Epilepsy and because of it I am constantly hungry (I have learnt to control most of my hunger..), it used to bother me a lot and I would constantly be looking at my figure, however, I know now this wasn’t right.. I have found that when I put myself aside and ultimately focus on God, it is then when I truly feel beautiful and become it in my heart, seeing it how God sees true beauty.

    Thank you for sharing this, Rebekah, you are right. It is so important especially nowadays to remember that God does not look upon the outward appearance, but ultimately on the heart. This has helped me to look past others’ imperfections and see how beautiful they truly are inside rather than judging them for their appearance. What a compassionate God we serve.. He loves us no matter what, even if we don’t look like that slim fit model.

  6. Silver Butterfly says:

    I relate to this post so much it scares me. I am just, like, you, all the way down to the recovery part. Still struggling. I need help on viewing what God thinks of me higher. All the articles I read, and all the comments, address that “God loves me anyways!”. But what about friends? What about boys? The people I live with everyday don’t love me like God does! I need some perspective….

  7. Elise Ridings says:

    Hi, I love your blog posts they are really helpful but I was wondering if you could do more posts on the topic of being skinny, body image, and the pressure for young girls to conform to society’s view of the perfect body. Thank you x

  8. Gabriea says:

    I have struggle with this too. I actually purposefully looked fofra post like this, and I have found it very helpful. I have always been thin, and I started working out because I had been diagnosed with scoliosis and exercising was part of my physical therapy treatment. Besides that, I had already worked out as a routine because I am a dancer and I did exercise to help me dance better. Eventually my scoliosis was healed, thank God. Yet I continued to exercise, partly because I had to do so in order to keep my spine healthy and to dance,but also because it had become a kind of an outlet for me. Over time, I became aware of how much the culture praises a fit, healthy body. That’s when -more recently- I have been more unhealthily obessesed with weight and stuff like that. I am learning to love myself and to have a healthy balance of exercise and food.

    God uses what we call “flaws” in ourselves to remind us that we are not all that great, that we need Him because without Him we are nothing. And in the end, there is more to life than having other people think we are “fit”. The world wants us to believe that our outer appearance is all that matters, when in reality we can’t judge people or determine their worth and value based on something so fleeting. As Christians, we can love ourselves, workout, and be healthy, all from a God-centered perspective, knowing that we are to take care of our bodies as His temples

    #fearfully&wonderfully made #loveyourself

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