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Help for the Crush-Obsessed Girl

By: Kristen Clark

It’s 7:00pm and the varsity guy’s basketball team is running onto the court. I have a front row seat in the bleachers when I set eyes on him.

Tall, blue eyes, good-looking, extremely athletic – how was a girl supposed to resist crushing on this guy??

Our eyes met during the game while he was shooting free throws (and I was sitting strategically behind the goal). Sparks flew. He slipped a dozen more glances at me throughout the game and I was toast.

He casually made his way over to me after the game and introduced himself. We chatted for a few minutes before his coach called him away to do something.

For the next three years I dreamed about this guy day and night.

Not exaggerating.

He lived several hours away from me so I didn’t see him much, except for an occasional basketball tournament here and there. I was secretly obsessed with this guy and even prayed that God would let us get married someday.

Long story short, nothing serious ever happened between us and I was forced to “move on” in the end. With the help of my parent’s wisdom and insight from some good books I read, I finally surrendered this guy to God. It was an extremely hard thing for me to do since I had fantasized about him for so many years.

I was the perfect example of a crush-obsessed girl.

Can you relate to my story? Maybe you’re similar to me, or maybe your crushes haven’t been as extreme. Whether you’re mildly obsessed with your crush or extremely obsessed, this post is for you. Even if you’ve never had a crush before, this post will help you navigate through the time when it comes.

Okay, so first things first – what exactly is a crush?

I would define a crush as something like this:

A guy who makes your heart flutter, who you can’t stop thinking about, who you obsess about in your mind, and whose “good looks” keep you hooked.

Basically, a “crush” is a fancy word for being highly interested/obsessed with a certain guy. Sometimes SO interested that you’ll spend three years of your life dreaming about him. *cough*

Is it okay to crush on guys?

Let me make something clear. Noticing a godly guy and admiring his honorable qualities is not a bad thing. What I’m addressing in this post is when your genuine admiration turns into an obsession (like I was doing in high school).

If you’re not sure how “guy-obsessed” you are, jump over to Paula Hendricks’ blog and take the “How Boy-Crazy Are You?” test, then come back.

So what’s a girl supposed to do when she can’t stop thinking about a guy?! When she can’t stop dreaming about him?

I’m not an expert in this area but I have learned some really helpful tips over the years.

For me, the crushes in my life became idols. My thought life was out of control and I meditated more on my crushes than I did anything else.

The first step to breaking free was to confess my sin (of idolatry) to God and ask His forgiveness for placing guys as more important than Him.

The next step was to take serious control of my thought life.

We aren’t victims of our imaginations. As a Christian girl, God gives you the power and strength to control what you think about and obsess over.

“When we lose control of ourselves and give life to every feeling, we leave ourselves defenseless. That’s how our hearts get broken.” -Erin Davis

Having self-control over your thought life is KEY to not obsessing over your crush. As girls, we love to imagine and dream. These things aren’t bad in and of themselves but can quickly turn south when our focus is on the wrong things.

Proverbs 25:28 says, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

Here’s some practical things you can do to have self-control in the guy department:

When your crush pops into your head…

  • Stop, and ask God for strength to control your thoughts.
  • Quote verses to yourself like Psalm 28:7 “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped.” Or Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
  • Pray for someone you know who is unsaved or going through a tough time (focusing on other people helps to redirect wrong thoughts).
  • Sing a praise and worship song to God out loud.
  • Pray for your future husband instead and ask God to make you a godly, pure woman for him.
  • Keep a gratitude journal on hand. Writing down the blessings in your life will refocus your thoughts on what you DO have instead of on your crush.

Leslie Ludy gives some more great advice:

“The best thing you can do when you are attracted to a guy is to immediately give your feelings to God: ‘Lord, thank you for the qualities I see in this guy. Please take my emotions and guard them. Enable me to keep my heart protected for my future husband. If it is Your desire that I enter a relationship with this guy, then I leave the details in Your hands. May I not manipulate or grow impatient, but allow You to remain in complete control.’

Giving your thought life to God and waiting on His timing for romance is the best thing to do. For me, crushes were something I had to completely surrender to God every day…sometimes hourly.

Your love story will never be more beautiful than the one you allow God to write for you.

On a scale of 1-10 how crush-obsessed are you?

What steps of action will you take today to become more Christ-focused and less crush-focused?

What other things can you do to surrender all of your “crush” thoughts to God?

 Photo credit: | Alex Akopyan 

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