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Dear Single Sister, Don’t Settle (It’s Not Worth It)

By: Kristen Clark

Dear Single Sister, as you look around at your friends and see them in relationships, I know it can be  hard to stay content. I remember the feelings all too well myself. The loneliness can hit anytime and feel all consuming. Especially on the weekends when everyone seems to be going out with their significant other, except you.

In those moments, feelings of anxiousness and fear can creep in and capture your heart. Discontentment floods your perspective and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find joy in your current stage of life. 

The temptation to “fix the problem” can be so strong.

I remember this too. The desire to take matters into your own hands can feel so compelling that you begin to think it’s a good solution. You feel so desperate for love and affirmation, that you begin to compromise on things that were once important to you. You lower the bar in hopes of expanding your options. Suddenly, you find yourself settling for any guy, even though you know he isn’t the best option. 

Sister, if you find yourself in that place of struggle and compromise, I want to offer you some practical words of caution from my heart to yours.

Don’t settle – it’s not worth it. 

Settling is never worth it. Don’t lower the bar for a guy who’s cute and charming, but lacks godly character and a genuine love for God. Don’t allow yourself to fall for a guy who makes you laugh, but cares only for himself. Don’t stay with a guy who says he loves you, but constantly pressures you to compromise. ⁣As satisfying as it might feel in the moment to be in a romantic relationship, the infatuation won’t last forever. 

I know the waiting is hard. I know the “single status” can feel like a heavy weight. I know the inner loneliness can feel overwhelming at times. But I also know that settling now won’t land you in a better place. ⁣When the fog lifts, and the infatuation fades, you’ll awaken on the other side in a place that you’ll probably regret. 

Instead of settling for any guy, I urge you to consider a better path. 

Although singleness might feel like the heaviest weight right now, the answer to your inner longings isn’t found in a boyfriend. What your soul is truly craving for is love and acceptance. Your heart is longing for relational closeness.

This, my sister, can be found right now. You are loved so deeply by your Savior. You have a God in heaven who cares for you and has a good plan for your life. The Creator of the world knows you by name and holds you in the palm of His sovereign hand. You can trust Him with your longings. You can look to Him for your satisfaction. You can pour out your heart to Him in prayer. 

Psalm 138:8 is a powerful reminder of these truths. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.” When you find your heart struggling to surrender your desires to God, remember the promise of Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”  

God sees you. His timing is always perfect.

He wants to use this season of loneliness to draw you into a deeper and more satisfying relationship with Himself. 2 Corinthians 12:9 is a powerful reminder that God’s grace is enough for you right now. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

If God has marriage in store for your future, He will bring the right guy into your life at the right time. Instead of settling now, wait for a godly man who knows what true and selfless love looks like. Wait for a man who loves God wholeheartedly and is eager to cherish and protect you. Wait for a man who would rather serve others than be served himself.

Wait for a man who will push you closer to Christ, rather than away. ⁣⁣

I personally know the value of a man like this because I’ve been married to one for over 8 years. My husband isn’t perfect, but he’s striving after all of those things and more. He was worth the wait. I’m so grateful I didn’t settle. Every year that I spend my life with Zack reminds me of how worth it it is to marry a godly man. ⁣

You’re not looking for perfection, just direction. Wait for a guy who’s life and character is moving in a direction that you want to follow. A guy whose words are an accurate reflection of his actions. A guy who’s biblical values are lived out in his choices. A guy who genuinely loves God more than anything else.⁣ This type of man exists, and he is absolutely worth the wait.

I am praying for you sweet sister. May your heart find encouragement from these words, and may your hope be fueled by the knowledge that the God of the universe cares for you deeply. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is perfect. Receive His love. Embrace His strength. Trust Him with your future. 

In closing, I want to encourage you to focus God’s truth rather than on your own feelings.

To help you do that, I created a free downloadable PDF that has 15 of my all-time favorite verses to help during hard times. I shared some of these verses with you above. Download this beautiful page and put it in a place that you’ll see everyday. By keeping God’s truth in front of your heart, you will learn how to cling to the hope of Jesus that lasts far beyond a Friday night date. I love you, sister, and I am cheering for you! —Kristen 

Download PDF 

PS If you found this post helpful and enjoy reading or listening to audiobooks, I encourage you to grab a copy of, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships. This book offers practical help, spiritual encouragement, and some great laughs while giving you a biblical perspective on singleness and dating. 

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2021 Conference
Radical Purity
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