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Ditching the Demeaning Mindset that “Girls Rule and Boys Drool”

By: Kristen Clark

I used to love beating guys at basketball. Well…I actually loved beating guys at anything.

Back in high school, there were two guys who challenged Bethany and me to a game of two-on-two basketball.

Ummm. Yes. We were totally up for the challenge.

You could smell their pride as we stepped onto the court. This was going to be fun.

Lets just say the game didn’t last long. We beat them twenty-one to zip. Bethany and I walked off the court openly smirking.

In our minds, we were the bomb. For us, beating guys in basketball was the ultimate “girls are better than boys” proclamation.

Back then, my attitude towards guys could have been summed up in the words of a popular Nike commercial: “Anything you can do I can do better.

I loved being better than guys.

I loved competing against them in everything and winning. I didn’t have anything against them…I just liked beating them. Conquering over them. Dominating.

My competitive spirit towards guys wasn’t something unique.

And it stretched far beyond the basketball court.

Most girls today are encouraged take great pride in rising above the male gender. Whether it’s in a sports, academics, work, or hobbies girls are encouraged and applauded when they outdo guys.

I googled the sentence “are girls better than guys?” and immediately got over 80 million results. I instantly saw titles like, “14 things women do better than men,” “Why girls are better than boys,” and “10 reasons why girls are better than guys.”

There’s an age-old saying that dates back way before my playground days which says, “girls rule and guys drool.” You’ve heard it. That idea might seem cute and innocent on the swing set, but it’s not so pretty later on in life.

We live in a culture that encourages us, as women, to rise above guys in any way we can.

Sadly, that’s a huge aspect of the feminist mindset. Instead of encouraging the two genders to complement one another, we’re encouraged to battle it out against each other.

We call this “the battle of the sexes.”

This battle isn’t new though. It dates back to the beginning of time and originates in the Garden of Eden. The minute sin entered the world, that perfect guy-girl harmony was destroyed forever.

God’s original design for the male and female was perfectly balanced in every way. It wasn’t until sin entered the scene that things went haywire. One of the curses for you and me was that we would desire to rule over our husbands and for men, that they would desire to rule over their wives (Genesis 3:16-17).

The battle of the sexes was officially established.

Thanks to our lovely sin nature, our natural tendency and desire is to dominate guys. Without even realizing it, I had that exact mindset in high school. Nobody had to teach me to be that way, it just came natural. Add a little encouragement from our culture and -WHAM- let the games begin.

Can you relate to me here?

Thankfully God had a redemptive plan to save us from our sins and to give us a new desire. When Christ died on the cross, He broke us from the chains of sin and gave us the power to conquer our twisted cravings.

As Christian guys and girls, we’re called to love one another, not compete against each other for our identity. 

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3).

As a Christian woman, if God blesses you with marriage one day, you will be commanded by God to respect, honor, and respond to your husband’s leadership (1 Peter 3:1). There’s no room for aggressive self-focused competition there. Nothing will destroy a marriage quicker than battling against each other in life (I’m talking about more than a simple game of basketball here).

Thankfully, God has helped me mature quite since my high school days. God has been reshaping and challenging my overly competitive and domineering views towards guys.

I no longer have the “need” to be validated and affirmed by beating the male gender.

Now, my goal is to affirm and encourage the men in my life to be great leaders and warriors for the Lord. The real battle isn’t against males, but against our mutual enemy, Satan.

I know some of you probably feel the same way I used to about guys. If so, I’d love to hear about it in the comment section below.

  • In what ways do you feel the need to compete against guys for validation?
  • Do you feel more successful as a girl if you can do better than guys in certain areas?
  • Are you buying into our culture’s agenda that “girls rule and guys drool?”

Let’s keep this discussion going in the comment section below. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

To learn more about encouraging the guys in your life, check out these other posts:

3 Ways to Encourage the Guys in Your World

We Need to Stop Destroying Godly Leadership in Guys

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40 Responses to Ditching the Demeaning Mindset that “Girls Rule and Boys Drool”

  1. Siyanda Hatto says:

    Thank you so much for this! This attitude was inculcated in me growing up. Though subtle, I always held to thinking that guys were less then. Be it my thing; my words or actions, I’d always find a way to belittle. And all of that to make myself feel better about myself. But the Lord began exposing my heart and how my attitude was really rooted in pride & and not truth. That I was self absorbed & self centered in my thinking, when the Lord has called me to be other centered. Scriptures like Philippians 2:3 would come to mind. I realized how opposed to God’s word and commandment to love others I was in my attitude.

    God didn’t mindlessly put us here as men and women to war against each other, serving our own interests, and feeding our own egos. We were put here for the purpose of glorifying God, and relationships that are characterized by competitive, self-centered attitudes certainly do not serve that purpose. We ought to see one another for who truly are: brothers and sisters in Christ who are called to serve one another in love, and reflecting the gospel in who we relate to one another. Not competitors who ultimately, are only playing into the hand of the enemy in their self-centered, worldly pursuits.

    • GirlDefined says:

      Wow, great thoughts Siyanda! You have a lot of wisdom. It’s so encouraging to hear from you and how God has been working in your life. Thank you for sharing! May your life continue to be a reflection of God’s truth to the world around you. 🙂

  2. Elisabeth says:

    Kristen, I have a question, If you had to choose, Which would you say is better,The Southern Bell kind of girl who is trying to control the guy by girly pursuits or the above one you just mentioned?

  3. Kelly says:

    Yes, I’m the same way as you were then, I love beating guys at football because they always look down at girls in that category. But I also just love to play. is it bad to have a little friendly competition?

  4. Catrina says:

    I totally want to beat guys in pretty much everything and try even if I’m not good at it. I enjoy playing sports and the games we play before youth group. Is there a way to play the games and play well without dominating the boys?

  5. Greg says:

    Amid any battles going on between the sexes, I think few women know the truth that, deep down, many men envy the incredible intricate beauty that God has given women. In her book For Women Only (p. 100), Shaunti Feldhahn notes one man’s words that echo this:

    “She doesn’t understand how even her occasional
    dismissals make me feel less desirable. I can’t resist her. I wish that
    I, too, were irresistible. She says I am. But her ability to say no so
    easily makes it hard to believe.”

  6. Christy says:

    I used to feel exactly like that! Wow, I didn’t know there were others! It wasn’t basketball, though, it was Master’s Club. If you don’t know what that is, it’s like AWANA, and it’s a big church thing for kids to memorize Scripture, read the Bible, etc. For as far back as I can remember, I’ve always been good at these things, but I’ve always had at least one guy rival. Some boy that could beat me, if I didn’t watch out. (Girls never beat me…) So that’s how I was. And I smirked “walking off the court”, too.
    That all changed a few years ago. I stopped being able to win. Try as I might, I couldn’t pull my entire team by myself anymore. I couldn’t just quit trying, though, as this was (and is) a huge part of my life. I learn SO much from the Bible through these competitions. Through this inward struggle God revealed to me how much more I had learned over the past 10+ years of competing, than I ever would have learned just going at my own pace. Then and there, I decided that beating any guy(s) was no longer even a remote goal of mine. Since then, I’ve learned to compete (and have won a few times, yes!) for the greater glory of God, to enjoy learning as much as I can, and to be a good example of hard work and giving it your best effort.
    Girls, no, it’s not about beating (a) guy(s). It’s about giving your best for the glory of God. If God made gave you a talent, it is your responsibility to reflect that talent back to Him! And, while you’re at it, see if you can find some girls willing to compete with you. That’s how friendships are born. =)

  7. Bethany says:

    Hey, have you ever heard of the HeforShe campaign? It kind of stresses what you were talking about–instead of simply focusing on women’s rights, it also focuses on injustices done to men. I’m not completely sure that it’s Christ-centered, but it definitely has a good goal in mind. I just wanted to know if you had heard of it before.

  8. Katy H. Axelle says:

    ”Thanks to our lovely sin nature” Hahahah that made laugh a lot Kristen 🙂
    Really good post, thou I’m reading it late XD

  9. Melissa says:

    We should always remember who our real enemy is… the ruler of this world; he-who-must-not-be-named. HAHA! 🙂

  10. Rachel M. says:

    Great post Kristen! I do agree that “girls rule, boys drool” is completely innocent-looking on the surface. But deeper down, it become a twisted, ugly mess. I have realized through your posts and videos how much I have tried to be better than guys. And not always purposefully. Around the age of 13 I put that aside and tried to focus on living according to God’s standard, not the world’s. God placed men as leaders, and we must be followers. Your quote of “equally valuable but purposefully different” is so true here. Thanks for a wonder reminder!

  11. Tiana says:

    I don’t see anything wrong with a little competition of guys vs girls when it comes to things like sports or hobbies. When I was at a church camp back in November, there was a basketball court at the campground. So the guys in my youth group challenged the girls in my youth group to a five-on-five basketball game. We obviously weren’t going to turn down the challenge and we beat them bad. We walked around that campground telling everyone we knew that the guys on the other team were state champs in basketball and a group of girls that have played before but weren’t as good had beat them. I saw absolutely nothing wrong with that. At the campground, they also had different sport challenges, and it was often girls vs guys. I saw noting wrong with that either. In my opinion, it’s just fun and games. I do not, in any way, see that as tearing down leadership in guys.

    • Rachel M. says:

      I believe what Kristen means is that competition is fine, but if we take it to the next level of saying that girls are better than boys and must be better at everything, then we have a problem. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and we should encourage the strengths and help others with their weaknesses.

  12. Marihelen says:

    For real, I know what you mean. I really notice, though, that around non-christian guys or guys who don’t do the right things, I get a lot more competitive than when I’m with good, nice guys. There’s a guy at school who asked me to be his girlfriend and I said no. He now tries to beat me at everything. It’s like everything is a race with him and it really gets my goat. When I’m around him I get incredibly competitive and get into a ‘girls rule guys drool’ mindset. But then when I’m around my really nice guy friends, I feel horrible about acting that way about guys. I’ve been praying for the strength to overcome the urge to be mean to the other very competitive guy. Anyhoo I really needed this post Thanks 🙂

  13. Emily Seling says:

    I love these thoughts. The men bashing is insane around this world! As a single girl I’ve heard and felt myself that there are no good men out there. But instead of blaming men, or the world, I’ve started to pay more attention as to why they might not be living up to their potential and seriously we are all so negative with them. Even just today I was talking with another female co-worker about a guy and in that voice we all say it (yes we all say it) she said with an exasperated sigh MEN!. We don’t even realize how quickly we can shoot them down. One of my goals in the past couple of years is to really encourage those men around me, and to even let them help me out every once in awhile…I may be able to do what needs to be done, but if I can help them grow and step in to their potential by simply letting them help me out, I’m willing to take a step back. And i’ve really tried to step it up when I hear others complaining about their husbands and such, to help them see how degrading them, disrespecting them is only hurting them, not helping them… glad there are others out there!!! 🙂

  14. Ania says:

    I feel terrible saying it but in school all the time girls perform better than a lot of the guys and even though Im trying not to I still do buy into the idea that girls are better than guys. I also feel like its hard to respond to my dads leadership when he doesnt show much of it, my dad isnt exactly encouraging my family to pursue Christ in every aspect whole lives. And its hard for me to respect guys opinions when I feel like Im more informed on the subject. But I do wish to diminish this way of non-Christ-like thinking in myself. Thank you for posting on this subject, I feel like its something a lot of people need to think about.

    • Jennifer says:

      I also have a dad, he’s not Chirstain, the way I learn to respect him is I try to see the good in him first. I see some characteristics that’s a Christain man might have, this let’s me see the good in my dad and helps me honour him as my leader. Also, try to notice times where your dad might show compassion towards you or your family, this can show love, Chrits love.
      I hope this helps!!

  15. paige says:

    I really appriciated this article and your last article about prayer. Thank you for all that you do

  16. SedaJane says:

    I don’t see why we all can’t encourage each other to be the best we can be. I’d rather have a guy who respects me and encourages me to excel, even if in doing so I prove better than him in some things. I agree that aggressively competing with your husband is a bad idea – who wants to live like that? But recognizing that everyone has qualities that exceed others, and encouraging each other to reach our potential – that seems pretty cool, and in keeping with biblical commands such “Love one another…” and “Do unto others as …” It’s also what I see feminism encouraging; it’s the patriarchy that’s always saying “You’re not as good as men.”

    • Grace says:

      I agree with you. I am so freaking tired of female stereotypes. Guys have treated me like I am less since I was 6. All my crushes seem to. Not care. Whatever. Women WERE made for Jesus 1st and foremost (Galatians 3:28) The women these days are anti female on both conservative and liberal parties. I know deep down in my soul that women were made to bring Jesus Christ glory and worship God. The marriage thing is second and sites like these FOCUS so much on how women were made for men. I Don’t see enough about how girls need to passionately embrace Gods best for them. And who says that it’s marriage? Lots of awesome women are single! Lots of women are leaders fighting sexism such as Human trafficking!!! Maybe you girls want to marry and have 155 babies it I don’t! I want adventure and to fight some horrible things through my voice. I want to be NOT silenced but free to be me.

      • Chloe says:

        Go for it, girl! Embrace God’s plan for you! As for me though, I do want to be married and have a bunch of kids. There are a lot of women who want what you want, and there are a lot of women who want what I want. Let’s respect both desires.

  17. Chloe says:

    I think it was in Preparing to Be a Helpmeet that author Debbie Pearl reminded me that God created women for men, not men for women. Yes, we are perfectly capable of doing most things on our own, but God intended us to use those skills to be HELPERS to men, not MANAGERS or COMPETITORS.

    • SedaJane says:

      I thought God created men AND women to be His image (Gen. 1:27). How then can women be both created in the image of God, and created to be servants for men?

      • Chloe says:

        See Genesis 2:18.

        • SedaJane says:

          Sure, but that’s a completely different story. Did you ever notice that the first (Elohim) creation (Gen. 1:1-2:3) begins with light, and the second (Yahweh) creation (Gen. 2:4-3:24) begins with mist? What do you suppose the spiritual significance of those different beginnings is?

          • Chloe says:

            Sorry, I don’t understand. I was responding to the blog post about women helping men rather than competing with them.

          • SedaJane says:

            Yes, but then you said that God created women for men, not for His glory. I don’t think that’s consistent with scripture, certainly not with Gen. 1:27 or Gal. 3:28, etc. Certainly help and cooperation are good things, and in God’s plan, but if woman is created not to glorify God, but to help and serve men, then woman loses her moral agency. How can she act by her conscience and do what is right in the eyes of God, if she is a servant of her husband, and her husband is in disobedience to God and wants her to do so also? I don’t think God would set us up for such a catch-22.

          • Chloe says:

            I was just answering from a practical, Biblical standpoint: that we are to help men, not compete or lord over them. In doing so, yes, we glorify God. Actions, not merely words, show our faith. By the way, that was a good point about obeying husbands that are following God. I think it’s something all Christian women should think about prayerfully.

          • SedaJane says:

            What I don’t understand is why would helpers, managers, or competitors be our only options? What about partners? What about teammates? Or companions? or friends, equals, coworkers, mates, assistants, and so on? As a Christian feminist, I want to be partners with my guy. Then we can lean on each other – when he’s strong, I can lean on him; and when I’m strong, he can lean on me. Respect is a very important quality in a marriage.

            Also, it may have been bad that Vashti disobeyed her husband (though it worked out pretty well for Esther), but I think it would be dangerous to generalize it to all situations. In a different circumstance, it might be God’s will to disobey your husband – what then?

          • Grace says:

            Amen. It says in Ephesians to submit to each other.

            But guys, don’t you think a guy showing off his wife to lustful men is disgusting. Would you do that? I wouldn’t.

          • Chloe says:

            Unfortunately, as bad as it sounds, I think there are probably times for both, like you said. We should always obey God (obviously!); sometimes obeying God is obeying your husband. Thank you for an interesting discussion!

          • SedaJane says:

            Sure – I always enjoy talking about the Bible! And while I think the Bible is the inerrant Word of God, I think that our interpretations of it are quite fallible. For instance, I think that the difference between the first creation story (Gen. 1:1-2:3) from the second (Gen. 2:4-3:24) is very significant. Why is the first creator “God” (Elohim in the original) and the second “Lord God” (Yahweh in the original)? Why does the first creation begin with light (associated with wisdom, truth, and so on), and the second begin with “mist” (associated with fog, darkness, ignorance)? Why are men and women created equal and in the “image and likeness of God” in the first, and in the second man is sculpted from earth (no indication he’s made in the image of God – or “Lord God”), and woman made later on as an afterthought and inferior to man? Why is the first creation blessed, and the second cursed? I don’t for a second think that both are telling the same story, or have the same meaning; I think those differences are deeply significant, and set up the conflict between good and evil, or Christ and Adam, that is only resolved at the end of Revelation, and is intended to guide us into the light of Christ.

          • Grace says:


            God made both in His image. Woman was the final act of creation Not an afterthought. Men have X Y chromosomes, God made woman with two XX ones. But woman was made out of man. It’s not a bad thing it’s actually really neat!

    • Melissa says:

      Amen, Chloe.

    • Rose says:

      I have read that book before and am in the middle of it now.

  18. Maggie Fipps says:

    Thank you for this post! I am a very prideful person by nature, and so I am often putting guys down and trying to beat them in everything I do. This is a great reminder!

  19. Chloe says:

    Interesting point. I hadn’t thought that far ahead, but then again God could have saved them even if Vashti had obeyed. I guess we’ll never know!

  20. Clara says:

    Hi Kristen, I love the post and I think it has a great message. But I think the Bible verse you gave, isnt so much talking about woman wanting to dominate men but abodut men dominating. Genesis 3: 16 talks about women desiring their husband and their husband ruling over them : ‘Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’ (Vs 16) But I totally agree with what you said about the ‘battle of the sexes’

  21. NoName says:

    It would be Bethany and<I<, therefore the sentence is grammatically incorrect.

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