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From a Guy: Finding Satisfaction During Singleness

By: Guest Blogger

Like many of you girls, there lies a deep desire within me to someday have that person who will read my mind, get my sense of humor, and be there to share all of the wonderful experiences life has to offer.

There is something deep inside of me that longs to be accepted and loved. Something that thinks this person will fulfill what I so desperately crave.

I don’t know, for some reason there is a part of me that believes once I find this person I will be oh-so-happy.

But guess what? I’m not there yet. I haven’t found that person. Like many of you, I am not in that wonderful season of life yet.

One of the hardest things about being single is the feeling of being alone.

This feeling is hard to ignore; it seems I have an aversion to not being with someone.

I have to remember that it’s natural to feel this. In Genesis 2:18 we read that God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We were made for community. We were made for relationship.

Sadly, many people make the mistake of wanting to be in a relationship simply to be in a relationship.

They get into relationships for the wrong reasons. They look to the relationship for how it can fulfill them. How the other person can make them happy. What the other person can offer them.

Anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship will tell you that merely being together does not satisfy or fulfill your deepest desires. You will ultimately still feel let down, empty and unsatisfied.

Simply being in a relationship does not fill that hole. A relationship only fulfills us when it realizes its God-given purpose.

The purpose of a relationship is to draw us closer to God by selflessly serving the other individual.

For me, one of the hardest things about being single is learning to trust and obey God while waiting on His perfect timing.

I have learned one very important truth during this waiting period: God’s best comes in God’s timing.

Like many of you, I struggle regularly with (and this does not just apply to the state of being in or not being in a relationship) getting ahead of myself, looking too far ahead, and missing out on what the present has to offer.

About ten months ago, after a year long hiatus (while being single), I found myself back in the position of having the option to pursue a relationship, if I so chose to.

It was at this point that I was forced to confront the way I felt and learn to fully surrender this area to God.

During this process, several truths gradually cemented in my mind as to how I needed to live until I found “the one.”

1. How I treated and interacted with the opposite gender.

I have a confession to make. This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. In many ways I am having to relearn how to honor and respect members of the opposite gender. Learning how to love them as sisters-in-Christ or lost individuals is something that doesn’t come naturally for me.

2. How I viewed my free time, priorities, and purpose in life.

We are the happiest when we are doing what we were made to do. I’ve learned that when I choose to live for myself, I will always be unfulfilled and dissatisfied with life. It’s only when I surrender what I want to God that He is able to shape and mold me into something that can be used for good purposes.

Relationships take time and effort.

Time and effort are very valuable commodities. If God has not opened the door on a relationship for you right now, then you have more time to pursue other things. What a great opportunity we, as singles, have to pour into the lives of others.

As a single guy hoping to get married some day, I have to remember a key point: “The one” was never meant to fill the hole.

There is only one Person who can fill the hole in my heart and in yours.

He is the only One who can give us our worth, affirmation, value, purpose, and contentment.

So what should we, as singles, do today?

Personally, I have chosen to wait for God’s timing and to serve Him wholeheartedly until that day.

I look to Him for fulfillment and affirmation in the fact that when I come to Him I know He loves me and deems me valuable. I look to Him because I have learned that when I look anywhere else it doesn’t and cannot satisfy. I look to Him for purpose in the season of life I am in. I look to Him, and my heart finds contentment.

How about you?

• What challenges do you face in trusting God during your singleness?
• What lessons has God personally taught you during your singleness?
• What one piece of advice would you give to someone who is struggling to “find fulfillment” in their single years?

This guest post was written by Michael Tankersley.

Photo credit: www.flickr.com | 54336566@N08

Girl on mountain Girl Defined

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  • Kay

    Thank you so much for writing about this! You pretty much read my mind. 😛

    I struggle a lot with wanting to be loved, appreciated, understood, and valued by someone special. At the same time, I want to wait until after highschool to court/date anyone, because I’ll be older then and closer to the age of marriage. I don’t want to make a decision like that until I’m actually ready to start looking for a husband.

    I always knew that God loves us, appreciates us, understands us, values us, and more… but it never really sunk in, I guess. Maybe all along I’ve been thinking that feeling that sense of fulfillment could only come from someone I can see. But everything is going to pass away someday. A person’s love can’t be reliable, but God’s can. God has and never will stop loving us.

    So thank you so very much for sharing. 🙂

    • He Kay! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and comments about this post. 🙂 Like you said, I think it’s a wise idea to wait until you’re old enough to actually get involved in a serious relationship. That will spare you from a lot of potential pitfalls and unnecessary heartache. And you’re also right about God’s love being the only unfailing and reliable source of love. Place your hope, fulfillment, satisfaction and worth in His hands alone. 🙂

  • Diana

    This is a very great post! I think a lot of people live with that lie in mind and expect their whole life after marriage, during relationships will be like a dream come true. I feel like a lot of us forget about reality, forget that no one is perfect, there is only One Perfect Person – Jesus Christ.
    I think a great thing to do to forget about your singleness – is to embrace it! While you still have a lot of time and energy, give it all to God. Go out and help a busy mom with lots of kids, go help some elderly people with buying groceries or cleaning their home. Find something to do for others!

    • Thanks for sharing Diana! Those are some great suggestions on how to from satisfaction during singleness. Great thoughts!!

  • Katie

    What lessons has God personally taught me during my singleness?
    I’ve found that when I had an intimate, trusting relationship with Jesus, I was SO less concerned about how I looked, what people thought of me, whether or not this person liked me, or about the fact that I was single. When I was satisfied in Him, yes it mattered, singleness hurt, but not as badly. :-/

  • Painting

    Thanks for this post. But when someone comes into your life that likes you, how do you know that God wants you to pursue a relationship with them?

  • Patricia

    What if you’ve surrendered this area of your life over to God and, several months after that, there comes this guy in your life that you like? Right now I’m just choosing to say no to those feelings, and squash them whenever they rise to the surface, because at this stage of my life (I will be going to university soon) it is not a wise time for me to begin a relationship with the intent of marriage. And just treat that guy as a brother in Christ. For a girl, what is a Biblical response to feelings of attraction?

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I can so relate! I want to be in a relationship right now and it seems like I’m never going to be there! I want to be in one for several reasons. Some are good, Godly reasons and some of them, I admit, are selfish. I am like you, I want to “jump ahead” and not enjoy my present circumstances. Thanks for this encouragement!

  • Girly Ana

    I liked the text. They are to be congratulated. The hardest part of being single, I think, is the wait. Although the text also reported our position as girls, when we talk to the boys. Anyway, I loved the text!

  • Kwini Acosta Altamia

    The one cannot fill the hole. This is a blessing on a wednesday morning! This is such an ecouragement. It blessed ny heart.

  • Rachel

    I like someone soo strongly and we both feel the pull on our hearts for this relationship but I am only 14 and he is 21 and we are both really Godly people. We like to read scripture together but always in the presence of a chaperone. I don’t want to love him because we both aren’t ready to start a relationship but I can’t stop myself. I asked God to change my heart or his about this relationship for a month but nothing happened. I am soo afraid that if we are meant to have a relationship I will want to have it now instead of waiting and that we will get so comfortable with each other that we won’t value our purity as much HELP!

    • Amaris Watje

      Wow. 14 IS really young to start a relationship. And 21…………..wow. But I totally understand. It’s so hard not to like somebody. Especially a guy who loves God and is friendly and nice and funny and maybe even cute. You get the picture. I know several of those guys.

      Although I have no experience with being in an relationship, the struggle to fight the desire is strong. What I would suggest (and I have tried this myself with guys and it worked) is to give yourself and him some distance from each other. It hurts a lot, but it works. Talking to your parents will help as well, although it might be a little embarrassing. When you stop yourself from thinking about him and talking to him, it will probably feel like there is a huge and bleeding hole in your heart. I cried myself to sleep several nights when I had to do this. 😉 But, you need to ask God to heal the hole in your heart and fill it with Himself. It will hurt, but it works!

      I hope this helps. I am so happy to hear that you admit that you are too young and not ready for this relationship. Not many girls in today’s society are willing to admit that. Many don’t even know it.

      Remember @Rachel, God loves you and He is so willing to fill the hole in your heart. I’m finding that out myself. Please, don’t ruin your teenage years by focusing on guys, even if they are Godly. God can give you the relationship no other human being can.

      • Rachel

        Amaris, I would love to stop talking to him just to see if it works but I kinda live with him at the moment. Our families are really good friends and we had to move out of our house because it is getting redone. So we moved in with them. SEE MY PROBLEM?!?! HELP!

        • Amaris Watje

          Oh….my. Wow. That is a problem. Dang, I so wish I could help but this is kinda unhelpable. I can see how HARD it would be NOT to get attached to someone if you live with them. That is SO hard. Actually, have you tried talking to him about what you’re feeling? Talk it out, maybe he can suggest something?

          • Rachel

            Thing is I’m soo nervous to talk to him even though he has told his parents that he has feelings for me too. I would love to talk to him but I can’t I’m too shy!

          • Amaris Watje

            The best thing to do right now is to talk with him and probably your parents together. If he really loves you he will care about how you are feeling concerned.

          • Rachel

            Thanks!! I really appreciate the advice!

          • Amaris Watje

            I wish I could say more but I have never been in your situation. XD Good luck Rachel!

          • Rachel

            It’s nice to know I have people who actually care about my problems so just the fact that you gave me advice is really encouraging! Thanks!

          • Amaris Watje

            When it comes to stuff like this, I care a lot. 😉

          • Rachel

            Aww thanks!!! <3

          • Amaris Watje

            <3 😉 😀

    • Gabrielle

      I read the conversation you had with Amaris. I wish I could give you some good biblical advice, but I’m not sure what to tell you.Talk to God and your parents about it for sure. I’ll be praying for you though!! 🙂

      • Rachel

        Thank you!!

    • Jess

      I’d also say, be super patient. In all my dealings with guys, the one thing that ruined it was my lack of patience. Be patient and let God lead you every step of the way. Follow Him, seek His will, be busy sharing the Gospel, and the details of the relationship will fall into place. It’s not a magical formula but the key is to make Christ your first priority. He died so that you could have eternal life. Build a strong relationship with your Creator — that is one thing you will never regret. Hope this helps 🙂

      • Rachel

        Ohh that makes soo much sense!!! I really appreciate that!! Patience has never been a very good virtue for me so I should start now to work on that!!

  • Gabrielle

    Thanks so much for posting this!!! “Getting ahead of myself, looking too far ahead, and missing out on what the present has to offer.” I feel you there!! I often find myself looking and dreaming about the future too much that I’m not satisfied with where God has me right now. I’m praying that I will get to the place that I’m making the most of these single years and totally focused on God and not thinking too much about the future. I need to simply leave my future in God’s hands and trust His perfect timing.

    Thanks again for sharing!!
    In Christ’s Love,
    Gabrielle

  • Anonymous

    Wow! What’s the ending to the story? What did you do? Did you talk to him and did it help?

  • Angel

    Awesome


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