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Future Wife and Mom You Only Have 24hrs

By: Bethany Baird

Anna is your typical college age, happy-go-lucky, Christian girl. She’s on fire for God and is very outspoken on her college campus. The guys on campus know she isn’t interested in “messing around” and her professors are all aware of her strong faith in God.

Anna takes her life as a Christian seriously and truly desires to live out biblical womanhood.

She’s read the books, studied the Bible and has attended numerous conferences that champion God’s awesome design for women.

She’s gung-ho-on-board with passages like Titus 2, Proverbs 31 and Ephesians 5. She’s even studied the topics of feminism, biblical submission in marriage and God-defined gender roles.

This girl has her ducks-in-a-row and is ready for the future. At least she thinks she’s ready.

Anna has the heart, guts and gumption of an amazing Christian girl, but has failed to prepare for one very important part of her life – her future as a possible wife and mom.

Anna is unknowingly making the tragic mistake that many Christian girls are making each and every day. She’s planning for a future that will take superhero powers to make happen.

Anna is failing to recognize that her future “self” will only have 24 hours in a day. No more and no less.

You see, Anna desires to one day be married.

She also desires to live out God’s biblical design for the wife, as her husband’s helper. Anna hopes that the Lord will give her children (when the time comes) and she is planning on being a fully invested mom who trains up her children and gives them the love and affection they need.

Although Anna hopes for those things, she is also working very hard towards building her career. She is up to her ears in college debt, and is slaving away trying to finish her senior year.

She can’t wait to finish school so that she can finally pursue her dream job.

Fast forward to Anna’s life 15 years down the road. She’s graduated from college, working full-time, married her college sweetheart, has 2 kids and is currently stressed out of her mind.

In her own words, “there just isn’t enough time.” 24 hours isn’t cutting it.

Anna wants to be a good wife and mom, but her job demands the best 9-10 hours of her day. Her house is always a little out of control, dinners are typically last minute, child training is barely getting by, and her marriage with her husband is good but not great.

At this point in her life she doesn’t know what else to do.

She can’t add any more time to the clock and she doesn’t feel like she can drop any of her current responsibilities.

Anna is living the typical life of many modern Christian women today.

Stressed, getting by, working hard at a corporate job, always wishing she could have more time to invest into being a wife and mom, and praying that time would magically multiply.

The story of Anna is the reality for so many Christian women today.

You see, we live in a day and age where strapping on college debt, getting a job, pursuing a career, and climbing the corporate ladder is the expected path for ALL women. Planning smart (avoiding debt, etc.) for the possibility of marriage and family isn’t often taken into consideration.

Instead of planning smart and preparing for the possibility of family (being a wife and mom), we pile on the debt and invest mountains of our time and energy into building a career.

When the future does come, we (like most women today) have no other choice but to spend the best hours of our days away from our home and children.

We simply have no other option.

So what are we to do? How are we, as women, to work hard now, in our single years, without enslaving our future selves to a lifestyle we may regret? How are we to plan for a future that we can thrive in?

I have three suggestions:

1. Ask Real Questions.

How will I balance my future life? How will I juggle my “professional” job with my “family” job? How will I fulfill my God-given roles of being a wife and mother? How will I avoid getting “stuck” in a position I may not want to be in? What can I learn from the women 20 years ahead of me? How can I live out Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 right now and in the future?

Please don’t blindly follow the crowd and end up somewhere your future self doesn’t want to be. Ask the hard questions now and plan smart for your future.

2. Create a Solid Plan.

Think smart and think outside the box. Create a solid plan that will help you avoid mountains of debt. Don’t enslave yourself to debt just because it’s the normal and expected path.

Look into online classes, or look into clepping through college courses using College Plus. Read this incredible article by Dave Ramsey.  Do what most young women are not doing and create a solid plan. Create a 5 year plan, 10 year plan, and 15 year plan. Consider the possibility of marriage and children and make sure your plan is working towards that reality.

And for those of you thinking, “what if I never get married?” These questions and thoughts are just as important to think through. You never know where God might direct you in the future. It’s very wise to think ahead and plan smart now. Avoiding debt will be a huge blessing to your future self.

3. Avoid Living in the Moment.

Don’t assume that your current passions will be your future passions. Your passions as a single girl will look very differently from your passions as married woman or a mom. Don’t plan your future based strictly on how you feel right now.

Basically, don’t lock yourself into a lifestyle that you may want to leave behind if the husband and children arrive on the scene.

Think ahead and plan with the future in mind.

And just so you know, I am all about women working hard! Check out this post for more.

I hope this blog has sparked some thought. I hope this post encourages you to think ahead and plan for a future that is working towards the high calling of marriage and motherhood.

If you’re interested in digging deeper into this topic, I highly recommend reading my book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity

I’d love to chat with you more.

Leave me a comment with your questions, thoughts, concerns, or anything that’s on your mind.

P.S. I realize that the topic of this blog post is huge! I wish I had the space to answer every question and clarify every point. I highly encourage you to read the posts listed below to help clarify the many questions that are typically associated with this topic.

Is Being a Woman More than Getting Married and Having Babies?

What is the Purpose of Being a Girl?

Why Feminism and Christianity Can’t Mix

Who Will Raise Your Babies: Daycare or Mommy?

PHOTO CREDIT 

Girl Looking Into Distance

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  • Girleide

    I’m 24 years old, graduated, employed, the so-called “driven independent” woman. I work hard, deal with a lot of stress and responsibilities at this office, happily my paycheck pays my bills and allows me to help my parents with the household expenses. But I also want to get married someday, have a family and such. It’s very hard to live by only one income in my country, in which people are being fired everyday due this huge crisis, but I can’t picture myself locked inside an office room for the next 20 years. I feel some kind of flame inside my chest when I see people getting married, school friends having children, some nights I cry at the fear of never being a mother. Well, while I’m waiting for this day to come, I’m learning to praise God with my professional life, and pursuing a relationship with God so I become the wife I wanna be to my future my husband. All I want is God to guide me so I won’t make the wrong choices.

    • Tanya

      Hey girl! You are not alone, I have exactly the same story and I’m also 24. Let’s pray for one another! God Bless!

    • Raquel Alves

      Girleide, I’m with you. I’m currently in college, and sometimes it’s just so demanding! But I rest assured that, at least right now, being where I am is where the Lord wants me to be in this particular moment – to give Him glory and praise Him in this way. I don’t wanna make the wrong choices neither :/
      But our God is sovereign and good, and I know He will always guide us and teach us what to do, and what decisions to make! ^-^
      And let’s pray for our country in this difficult time (I’m assuming you’re brazilian too rsrs).
      God bless you, sisters!

      • Leanne

        You’re from Brazil??? I’m learning about music in Brazil in one of my classes in college, and my reaction to the videos and content I’m learning about can be described as no fear of God, sexually provocative, pagan, and overall Godless. Is that how it actually is?

        • Raquel Alves

          Hi Leanne! Yes, I’m from Brazil. There’s a lot of good music that’s made here, but unfortunately the most famous ones these days you can really describe as Godless. There’s always something immodest or sex-related, and really there’s no fear of God in the lyrics or videos/presentations 🙁
          Not everything is like that and not everybody likes it, but such a sensual/immoral music culture has been really popular around here :((

  • Clarissa

    Thanks for writing Bethany. At this point, I appreciate how you put forth the idea of wisely planning for your future, which I think is most definitely a very good thing to do. However, part of me doesn’t have a clue as to what to consider in the five, 10, 15 year plan. I have no idea whether I’m going to let my husband do all the working and me stay home with the kids, or am I going to take a part time job that would not interfere with child raising (or barely mininally)? As well as a bunch of other variables and that I have no idea how to factor in. It also depends on the geographical location that me and my possible future husband live in and hence the job market differences and the room for multiple options there. That’s just an idea of the uncertainties that I have after reading this post. Still, thank you for writing! I guess I will just be open to however the Lord leads me in the future. I still have a lot of time for God to work in mighty ways and give me direction.

  • JoyfullyInJesus

    Thanks Bethany! This was very thought provoking and encouraging!

  • thehappygirl

    Wow, what an eye-opening post! I’ve never thought about it that way before. I recently decided that, while having a career isn’t wrong, I will quit my job when I get married so I can stay home with my family. It is hard to make it on just one income, but I believe it can be done. Until then, my job pays my bills and allows me to save money that I may need for future expenses 🙂

  • setapartforchrist

    Amen, Bethany! A very encouraging post. 🙂

  • Jenna

    Woah! This article is so relevant to what’s been going through mind lately! Glad I’m not the only one who’s thought about this. 🙂 definitely agree with this article and raises some good points. Usually though, I find myself in the opposite boat. I desire to raise a family and be a homemaker and don’t want to pursue a career. The scary thing is, what if my desire doesn’t become a reality and I need to find some sort of a career.

    • Olivia Hopper

      Hi Jenna! I am in the same situation as you at the moment! I have wanted to be a homemaker for some time now, though I am only in high school. How can I become a homemaker right out of high school anyways? I just have to trust God with the “what if”s and know he will work it all out.

  • Love this! My desire is to be a stay at home mom. I’ve spoken with couples who have been able to do this and one of the best advice I’ve received from them is that when you get married, only live off of your husbands check. Put the wife’s check in savings. It will prepare your mindset for living off of one check as well as help you have some cash in the bank for starting a family.

  • Pingback: Leslie Knope, Teaching, Super-Powers and God’s Purpose | Swell Soul Blog()

  • Wolfsmädchen

    Ummm Bethany just to make sure… when you refer to child training, do you mean training like in the Pearls’ book “To Train Up A Child”? Like, with switching and things?

    • Sandrine

      I highly doubt that is what she is referring too. Maybe things like potty training, teaching your children different manners, having devotionals with your children in the morning, etc.

  • So good! Definitely things that have been on my mind for a while. While we’re certainly in the minority I still find it amazing how many people are on the same page, you just don’t find out until you start talking about these things with people.

  • Anne-Marie

    I’m 18 and I graduated last June. Last Spring, I have been accepted to a small private Christian University close to my house which would allow me to stay home during my four years of studies. Though my family isn’t super rich, my parents were able to pay the first full year of university ($9000). Since I have good grades and love school, it was obvious that I would apply to college. Even if my town has also two good community colleges (one in French and one in English), I’ve never considered applying there because I thought my grades were too good and I had the attitude that it did not look good enough to go there. I have always known that my calling was to be able to stay at home with my future children and husband as much as possible and that a busy career was not for me. However, I wanted to go to university just because it is more “respected” or “socially acceptable”. This summer, God has been working so much in my life and completely changed my way of thinking and my desires! I absolutely LOVE children and instead of going to university, I will be applying for a one year course in Early Childhood Education at the French community college in the purpose of working in a daycare and opening my own bilingual daycare in the future. This way, I will do exactly what I love and be able to have an amazing family life as well. I am so excited and feel such peace with my decision, I know this is from God and I am so thankful that he changed my way of thinking!! <3 Thank you so much for this article. Every day, it seems like God is confirming my decision when doubts tried to show up!!


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