conference conference


Getting to the Heart of a Guy Obsession – Part Two

By: Guest Blogger

If you missed Part One of this post, you’re definitely going to want to click here and read it before reading Part Two. Kari unpacked several lies and truths about what is truly at the heart of a guy obsession. Part Two builds on that foundation, so take a quick moment to read Part One. You won’t regret it!

We, as single people, must broaden our view of how God builds his kingdom. I have found that many women (including myself) who overestimate the importance of marriage tend to underestimate the value of competence and hard work. Here’s what I mean. God has uniquely gifted each of us to serve the church and love our neighbor (1 Corinthians 4:12:4-7, Ephesians 2:10). Getting competent at our gifts will help us serve and love more effectively.

So, we should get good at what we’re good at.

Leadership, financial savvy and generosity, courage, hospitality, organization, people skills, teaching, wisdom, persuasion, success in the workplace, and skilled craftsmanship are all gifts we see women utilizing for God’s glory throughout scripture (Judges 4:4-10, 17-21, 1 Samuel 25: 32-33, Proverbs 31:10-31, Acts 16:14-16, Acts 18:26, Romans 16:1-2). Marriage and children are absolutely one way that God grows his kingdom, but they are not the only way. Understanding that God also builds his kingdom through industriousness will keep single women from wasting time obsessing over finding a husband and instead, help them get to work.

Low View of God

Lastly, underlying our absorption with guys is a low view of God. When I was 25, I started dating a guy who was a good friend of mine. Things got serious, and eight months into dating he proposed and I said yes. Long story short, we had a lot of conflict during our engagement. I hoped it would get better and we sought help, but things didn’t improve. Three weeks before what was supposed to be our wedding day, I realized that things weren’t changing. We postponed the wedding, and in the end we broke up. It was so painful. I felt like God was dangling one of my dreams in front of me and then snatched it away at the last minute.

During that time, I struggled to trust the Lord with my desire for marriage. Calling off an engagement at 26 felt like a one-way ticket to Spinsterville. I doubted God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness. I was asking questions like: Is God really going to work this out? Could I really trust God’s wisdom and walk away from a relationship that I thought would end in marriage? Did God really have good in store for me?

In my pain and disappointment, I sought the Lord.

He showed me that I had a clenched fist around marriage and a loose grip on him. I was somewhat aware of my over-desire for marriage in my teen and college years, but now that a tangible marriage possibility was slipping through my fingers, I had to come face to face with my idolatry.

“I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgression to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin” (Psalm 32:5).

As I confessed my sin to the Lord, he healed my heart. Not only did the Lord forgive me, he helped me cling to him instead of marriage, or a career, or anything else. I still desire to get married, but that desire is overshadowed by a desire for God.

I began to trust that God is sovereign and can provide a husband for me whenever he wants to. The Bible says that God calls stars by name, knows every bird on the mountains, watches over deer and mountain goats giving birth, doesn’t let a single bird fall from the sky unless he wants them to, orchestrates all things for his people’s good, and sits in the heavens and does whatever he pleases (Isaiah 40:26, Psalm 50:11, Matthew 10:29, Job 39:1-3, Romans 8:28, Psalm 115:3).

I also began to trust that God is wise and knows exactly what he is doing with my marital status.

He is the one who laid the foundations of the earth, not me. His ways are not my ways, his thoughts are not my thoughts, and there are secret things that belong only to him (Job 38:4, Isaiah 55:8, Deuteronomy 29:29).

I also realized, and am still learning, that God really is good and that whatever he gives me is in fact nourishment and not poison. He is the one who satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with good things. He is a good father who gives good things to his children. In His presence is fullness of joy. He is good to all and his mercy is over all that he has made (Psalm 107:9, Psalm 16:11, Matthew 7:9-11, Psalm 145:8).

Devoted to Christ

Instead of being obsessed with guys, women who follow the Lord are called to something much bigger. We are called to devote ourselves to Christ and expand his kingdom, whether single or married.

In Christ, we desire God’s glory above our own. In Christ, we become spiritual mothers, making and nurturing disciples. In Christ, we do full-hearted work unto the Lord for the good of our neighbor. And in Christ, we see the God who did not withhold his own Son from us, and place our trust in him.

This guest post series was written by Kari Kurz who is an amazing woman of God, writer, and personal friend of Girl Defined. We encourage you to follower her personal blog over at

To dig even deeper into the topic of love, relationships, and guys, grab a copy of our book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships. 

Photo Credit 

images images images
sex purity and longings banner
Radical Purity

3 Responses to Getting to the Heart of a Guy Obsession – Part Two

  1. Nelli Savchenko says:

    Thank you for sharing!! I know I struggle with this too!!!

  2. Shanae B says:

    Very poignant article! You forgot though the times when other people are the ones with these view instead of the girl. As when people see a persons singleness as a problem they need to fix so they can be of better use to God. I thank you for not discrediting either and relaying that God works through us all no matter what!

  3. Birgit says:

    Wow that one is convicting! I’m recently learning to enjoy my singleness, and “getting to work”, investing my time by leading and teaching others is a big part in that. I thank you so much for using these words – it’s easy for christian women to “keep quiet” and not realise the potential and the responsibility we have for younger christians around us.

e-book img

Sign up to receive our blog posts via e-mail and get a copy of our free e-book:
Reaching Beyond Myself
30 Day Devotional

Privacy guarantee: We will never share your e-mail address with anyone else