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Why Do Girls Always Ask, “Is He Cute?”

By: Bethany Baird

It happened twice in one week.

I went out to coffee with two different friends, two separate times, both in the same week. Like any normal girls, we talked about the latest “guy updates” in our lives. Here is how our conversation went.

Friend: “Soooo, any guy updates in your life?”

Me: “Not really any major updates, but there is one guy I’d love to spend some more time with.

Friend: “Oh my goodness . . . is he cute?”

Me: “Well . . . yeah, I think he is.”

Friend: “What does he look like? Do you have a picture?”

Do you see what happened in that conversation? My friend’ s first question was, “Is he cute?” Her second question was, “What does he look like?”

A Change of Heart

I’ll be totally honest with you. A few years ago the idea of marrying an “unattractive guy” was a really gross thought to me. In my heart, I wanted to marry a popular, good-looking guy. I didn’t want to show my friends a picture of a guy and get an, “Oh . . . well . . . I’m sure he is very nice.” No way! I wanted to show my friends a picture and get the, “Wow! He’s hot. You got a catch, girl.”

I’m not saying that marrying a good-looking looking guy is wrong.

If I happen to marry a popular, handsome dude, that’s fine with me. But that’s not a huge desire of mine anymore.

I’ve been in two serious relationships, and I’ve watched several friends go through serious relationships as well. In the end, the most important thing about each guy was his character, not his looks.

We can’t escape the facts of life. We are all going to age. If the Lord wills, we will get old, and our bodies will wrinkle and sag with time. Youthful looks and a hot body will only last so long.

That’s why God’s Word says,

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Prov. 31:30).

Instead of just knowing those things will be true about me “someday,” I’ve started to embrace them. I’ll look at certain guys that may not be considered attractive according to the world’s standards and think, Wow! He seems like a really solid guy. I would totally consider him if he were ever interested in me.

If I had seen those same guys several years ago, I would have never considered spending more time with them. It’s really sad that I thought that way, but it’s true.

And that’s why it bothered me when my girl friends asked me, “Is he cute?” and “What does he look like?”

I know I’ve been guilty of asking those questions as well, but I don’t want to be that way anymore. I want to be a girl whose first priority is a guy’s character. I want you to be that type of girl as well. I want us to be the kind of girls who see the big picture and acknowledge that character is all that matters in the end.

So, Why Do We Ask the Cute Question?

Here is why I think we tend to always ask the “Is he cute?” question first. Our culture is hot-body obsessed. Movies, magazines, music videos, books etc. all obsess over hot guys and hot girls.

I want to look at guys and see them how God sees them.

With massive amounts of media constantly blaring in our faces, it’s hard to not be influenced. Even so, I think we can all agree that pop culture’s obsession with beautiful people hasn’t produced long-lasting relationships. (Just look at the track record of the Bachelor couples for proof!)

Instead of buying into pop culture worldview, let’s put on new glasses and see guys from God’s perspective.

Here is a verse that has really stuck out to me in the past few weeks.

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7).

I want to view life through this lens. I want to look at guys and see them how God sees them. That is my current prayer for myself and for you.

I want to challenge us to start thinking about guys from that perspective. The next time you talk to your girl friends about guys, don’t ask, “Is he cute,” instead ask, “What’s his character like?”

The Heart of the Matter

A guy’s good looks won’t make a great relationship. A guy’s big muscles won’t draw you closer to the Lord. A guy’s handsome face won’t give you commitment and love.

It all comes down to his heart. How can you know what his heart is like? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does he love the Lord?
  • Does he desire to glorify God above all else?
  • Is there evidence that he will love you sacrificially like Christ loved the Church?

In the end, a guy’s character is what makes for a lasting, healthy, strong, God-glorifying relationship.

Let’s talk about it . . .

  1. Do you prioritize a guy’s good looks over his character?
  2. Do you view guys from the pop-culture perspective or God’s perspective?
  3. What do you think makes for a strong, healthy, and happy relationship?

Photo credit: www.flickr.com | 29935447@N03/4414246989

Why Do Girls Always Ask, "Is He Cute?"

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  • Jacey Faith

    Thanks for reminding me that its the heart that matters not outward appearance. I’ve been reminding myself that a woman should have a beautiful heart…but I’ve forgotten along the way, that the man should also have a beautiful heart for the Lord…Thanks so much!

    • Thanks for sharing @jaceyfaith:disqus So glad you were encouraged 🙂

  • Rebekah Baird

    thanks Bethany! That was a really good reminder to not look at the outward appearance (like most of us girls do) but to look at his heart! 🙂

  • Melea

    Wow! Great post 🙂 Thanks so much for this, Bethany!

  • Maria

    Wow!!! Great post. I really enjoyed it and it was encouraging! Thanks so much for sharing.

  • cassandra

    Just a reminder, attraction is a key factor for maintaining a satisfying relationship. However, attraction is very subjective. For some people, an attractive person may be someone who has a good sense of humor. For another, it may be someone who is artistic/creative. Others, it may involve athletics to a degree. All of these personality traits along with quirky traits/unique features/compatibility areas/outward appearance, make someone “attractive”. It’s important to acknowledge all of these things so as not to diminish people.

    Interesting that you’re in your late 20’s and you say a few years ago you were obsessed with finding a man who was attractive enough to show off. That kind of immature mindset is most likely why you cater to younger audiences. It’s slightly comforting to know that you believe you’ve evolved in your thinking since then, however, I generally disagree with the basis of your ideology so it’s not a big deal for me.

    • Jesusfreak17

      She’s not saying attraction isn’t important, just that it’s not the most important factor to look for in a guy. A lot of girls look only for a guy who attracts them or is attractive outwardly rather than inwardly, which is the audience she’s addressing.

    • Hey Cassandra, Thanks for joining the conversation and sharing your thoughts with us. We agree with you that attractions is important in a relationship. Kristen was (is) very attracted to her husband Zack and I (Bethany) plan on being attracted to my future husband. Attraction is a beautiful gift from God that should be enjoyed in the right context. When I interact with other young (and older) women I’ve noticed that “looks” tends to be a HUGE priority. Many times above character.

      My goal in this specific post was to encourage young women to get their priorities straight. Charcter first and then physical attraction.

      I’ll be the first to admit that I am not perfect and have many *many* flaws. I am so grateful for God’s grace and for the fact that He is willing to use sinners just like myself. I know I have a long ways to go, but I hope that I can encourage young women and point them towards Christ along the way.

      -Bethany

  • Janise

    I love this. You are so right. All the time my friends (and I do this too) talk about how cute a guy is whether he is someone we know or just someone in a movie. But that isn’t what lasts. I love your articles, thank you for keeping up with it.

  • Carrie

    In the past I’ve liked guys who were very attractive physically, but terrible in character… I would never go for one of them today. Thank you for writing!

  • Abby

    So true. I have found from my experience (and that of others) that falling for a guy’s character/personality first often leads to longer lasting physical attraction. Even though I don’t watch Doctor Who myself (my friends love it 🙂 I find this quote to be very true:

    “You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, when you meet them you think, “Not bad. They’re okay.” And then you get to know them and… and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality’s written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.”

  • Liz Halcomb

    Really good, Bethany. Thanks for this. 🙂

  • Becky

    When I first met my now-husband, I wasn’t immediately attracted to him physically. I wasn’t repulsed but I wasn’t drooling over him. He had a beard and I *knew* I would never marry a guy with a beard… I then got to know him and as I fell in love with him, mainly because of his character (seriously, he’s absolutely amazing!), the attraction started building until by the time we had been going out a few months, I seriously couldn’t keep my eyes off him! Six months into marriage, with me having spent all of that tied down with a chronic illness, I cannot believe how much God has blessed me with this man. And I can assure you that attraction is seriously not a problem – sometimes I just stop and stare at him because he’s so cute. 😉

  • Jon Davis

    I didn’t realize women were saying that so much. But then, I myself am guilty of frequently asking dudes I’m getting to know who have girlfriends or are engaged, “Is she hot?” Mainly though I just ask it so they can brag and feel good bragging and we can all be like, “hey that’s great”. Sometimes they’ll say, “She’s attractive, but really I’m in crazy love for her because she’s got such an awesome personality.”
    So then I can still be all like, “hey that’s great”.

  • KathleenWagner

    Yours is a very proper point of view. Men, of course, are so much the worse offenders on this point that very few of even good Catholic young men would marry an unattractive woman, no matter how wonderful she is. I entirely applaud your own maturity of opinion, but I advise you not to expect any man to sympathize with it. I’ve been married for more than thirty years and have brought up four fine sons, so I know what I’m talking about. Men are shallow and childish about beauty, and that’s all there is to it.

  • Jana

    So true! However I do think that girls and guys should marry people they think are good-looking. Personally I would want the guy I marry to find me attractive :). Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not everyone finds the same people attractive/unattractive. I like a boy who my friends don’t find super cute, but I do. Though I think I find him so attractive because he’s a christian an there aren’t so many of those around here!

  • Kristen P

    Thank you so much, Bethany! 🙂


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