Give the Guy a Chance

By: Bethany Baird

I was a sophomore in high school and had just finished playing in the semi-finals for a big basketball tournament. As my team and I were sitting in the bleachers scouting out our championship game competition, one of the high school guys teams came and sat right behind us.

It just so happened that they quickly struck up a conversation and went on to introduce themselves. It didn’t take long for my ears to tune in to their major language problem. Their English was fine but their choice of words was borderline sailor language.

Being the outgoing girl on my team, I turned around and looked at the leader of the pack. I said something like this, “I really don’t think it’s appropriate to curse in front of ladies. So if you’d like to talk to us, please don’t curse.”

I was dead serious.

I wish you could have seen the look on his face. I’m pretty sure I was the first girl that had ever asked him something like that.

The change in his attitude and behavior was amazing. He went from cursing, flirting and crude joking, to talking and acting like a true gentleman.

I realized that all he needed was someone to act in a way that expected more of him. Instead of allowing him sit there and curse up a storm, I challenged him to a higher standard.

I’m not saying that this will change every boy into a gentleman, but I’ve seen it work more times than just once. I’m amazed at how my personal behavior has directly affected the way that guys have chosen to treat me.

You get what you ask for.

It seems like American girls as a whole have a major blind spot. We think that we can dress however we want, hang out with whoever we want, talk about whatever we want, and still get the utmost respect from all men despite our own behavior.

I hate to break it to you girls, but it doesn’t work that way.

Let me give you an example. If a girl was dressed like a police woman, you would assume that she was a police woman.

If a woman was dressed up as a firefighter, what would you expect her to be? A firefighter.

What if a girl was dressed up in slinky, seductive clothing. What would you expect her to be? Probably a wild and seductive girl.

Us girls as a whole need to check our “dress up clothes” and ask who we are displaying ourselves to be.

If you want to be treated like a policewoman, dress like a policewoman. If you want to be treated like a firefighter, dress like a fire fighter. If you want to be treated like a slinky, loose woman, dress like one.

If you want to be treated like a respectable lady, dress to fit the part.
I know this sounds so basic but I’m convinced that it really works. I’ve personally tried it out and have seen incredible results.

Give the guy a chance.

Way too often we as girls cry and complain that there are no real guys left in the world. We cover our pillows with tears and ask God to raise up respectable gentlemen.

Hold up!

Instead of despairing over the fact that there aren’t any real men, why don’t you take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are being a real woman?

I have a hunch that so many of those boys would rise up to become men if you would ask them to. I don’t mean literally go and ask them (*that could be awkward*), I mean ask them by your behavior and by the way that you dress.

I realize this isn’t a foolproof guarantee, but I think it’s a great place to start.

Tips to encourage the gentlemen.

Let me close out by giving you a few of my personal tips on encouraging boys to act like gentlemen.

1. When you are walking up to a door, slow down and give the guy a chance to open it. Most girls walk ahead and open it themselves. Try giving the guy the opportunity instead.

2. Try dressing in classier, more modest clothing and you will notice a difference. Strangers, friends, brothers and even my dad all tend to treat me with more respect when I’m dressed like a lady. I think it pulls out their inner noble man.

3. When a guy offers to be a gentleman, accept it. When a guy offers you a chair, accept it. When a guy offers to carry something heavy, allow him to. When a guy is making an effort in gentlemanly behavior, allow him the opportunity.

What about you?

Do your actions call for guys to treat you with respect?
Do your clothes challenge guys to treat you like a lady?
How can you help guys rise to the occasion and act like true gentlemen?

Photo Credit:

Guy with bowtie

images images images
  • Abi Holloway

    Thanks so much for this awesome post! I know that I really tend to want to ‘do it myself” instead of letting the guys take care of it. I know that this is something that I will really think about!!

    • We’re so glad you found this blog post helpful Abi! It’s definitely a good reminder for all of us. 🙂

  • We’re so glad you found this post helpful Abi! It’s definitely a good reminder for all of us. 🙂

  • Katie White

    Thanks for this I never thought about it this way!! But it def makes sense. Its the hard truth, but like you said you have to look in the mirror and see if you are acting and looking like you deserve the respect. But its our job as women because men can’t help inappropriately wanting women who wear short skirts and low cut tops and its so hard for men not to act on it because they are so visual and instinctive, so girls like that really have no one to blame but themselves when men think they are just sex objects. Like they seriously can’t help it. And its not the mens fault that they aren’t respecting of girls. Lots girls would have such better relationships if they stopped crying and feeling sorry for theirselves and did their role as women and were more responsible to men by being a upright and pure woman. And this article would be good for woman with abusive relationships too they really need to do this self reflection (“take a look in the mirror”) and change if they really do want to be treated better! Great article!

    • Great thoughts Katie! As girls we have to remember that we will each be accountable to God for our own actions. In the same way, guys will be accountable as well. They will stand before God and give an account for the way that they have treated women. We as girls want to help them out as much as possible, but that doesn’t negotiate the fact that they are responsible for their own sin. We are excited to continue digging into this topic in the future. Great thoughts!

  • Taylor

    I have a question. I don’t know the answer, maybe you will. Why do men open doors and carry heavy stuff for women? I mean, why should I accept? I do accept, and in my heart I know it’s right, but WHY is it right? WHY should men open doors for women but women shouldn’t do the same for men?

    • Great comment Taylor. You asked some really good questions. If you open you your Bible and take a look at the book of Genesis, you’ll notice some great answers to your questions. Let me point out a few for you. In Genesis 2:15 we see that God specifically created the male for work. It’s in the guys original design to work hard. His body is built with extra strength (compared to the girl) for his job. Next in Genesis 2:4 we see that God created the guy to lead. God put it in the guys nature to leave his parents, find a wife, take care of her and protect her. Finally in Ephesians 5:28-29 we see that God has called the guy to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. It’s the male’s job to take care of and protect his wife.

      Those are just a few of the verses that help us as girls understand God’s design for men. When you allow guys to do small things, like open doors, you are allowing him to use the extra strength God has given him for this purpose. You are showing that the guy is leading and you are following. You are showing that he is protecting. It all comes back to God’s original design.

      You can check out the full blog posts here for more info on this topic:

      If you are really interested in understanding this topic more fully, I highly recommend ready True Woman 101: Devine Design by Nancy Leigh Demoss and Mary Kassian. Keep asking questions and learning.

  • Elisabeth

    What if the guys at your school are jokeing around all the time, and nevere really want to searious, and the only way to talk them is to joke.Whst can you do and or do with them?

    • Jesusfreak17

      Just be serious about it. Be a the sophisticated lady God wants you to be. Pray about it too. Hopefully, those boys will realize what they’re doing. If they’re doing really disrespectful like in Bethany’s story, don’t be afraid to ask them to stop doing it, but do it with grace.

  • Tricia

    Wonderful post! I am wondering if you will have a post that discusses how girls should act towards guys? Obviously purity in speech, mind, and clothing is needed. But how about actions? Like how you explained to Taylor the biblical reasonings for guys to open doors for ladies. What is the equivalant for girls? Thank you!

  • Mimi

    A few years ago I wore only skirts. I had one pair of black pants, but at my Christian co-op skirts were all of it. I got looked down because I wore girly clothes, so the next year, no one EVER saw me in skirts. But this year, as the guys around me are getting older and more gentlemanly when I wear skirts I get opened doors, polite conversation and heavy stuff carried by a boy. And, I can honestly say it’s easier to be ladylike and womanly when I’m wearing skirts. So never worry about wearing skirts because skirts were made for us girls! As women we are the only ones who can wear skirts and dresses ( I do not mean kilts). Embrace it!

e-book img

Sign up to receive our blog posts via e-mail and get a copy of our free e-book:
Reaching Beyond Myself
30 Day Devotional

Privacy guarantee: We will never share your e-mail address with anyone else