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How to Have Godly Friendships with Guys

By: Kristen Clark

Interacting with guys on a regular basis is a normal part of life. Some girls go out of their way to make sure they get plenty of guy time in their life, while other girls awkwardly avoid contact with guys.

Whether you feel natural and comfortable around guys or not, you need to learn what the right and biblical way to treat them is.

I love what Leslie Ludy says about this topic, “It’s not more spiritual to act shy and insecure in a conversation with a guy. You can be friendly, outgoing, and confident toward any guy you meet. The key is to be God-honoring in the way you speak and interact with guys.”

The way any girl treats a guy is a direct result of one thing – the way she views guys in her mind.

Which girl are you more like?

Girl #1: She views all guys as a potential boyfriend and naturally acts flirtatious and loud around every guy.

Girl #2: She views all guys as a “brother-type” friend and naturally treats guys casually and similarly to her girlfriends.

Girl #3: This girl is really intimidated by guys acts insecure and nervous around them. She is scared to have a one-on-one conversation with any guy.

Do any of those girls look like you? With so many different mindsets and viewpoints out there, what is the best way for you to treat the guys in your life?

To get some answers, we need to check out the Bible and see what God says about guy/girl interactions.

There is a section in the book of Romans titled Marks of a True Christian.

The apostle Paul is teaching the new Christians in Rome how they should treat one another. He says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Romans 12:10,13).

There is one other type of girl I haven’t mentioned yet, and I think she has the answer. She is girl #4.

Girl #4: She is the type of girl who views all Christian guys as her brothers-in-Christ. She views them as valuable humans created by God for a specific purpose. She views them as fellow Christians and saints who are servants of God just like herself. She views them as future leaders, husbands, and fathers of the next generation.

That is exactly how God wants you and me to view Christian guys as well.

Our culture is so obsessed with pushing romance and sexual relationships down our throats, that we hardly know how to view guys in a proper light anymore. God wants us to view the Christian guys in our lives the same way we view any Christian – as a brother or sister in Christ.

As a Christian, you’re a part of a spiritual family where God is your Father and King. You and I are called to love one another with brotherly affection and to outdo one another in showing honor.

Brotherly affection. 

That verse doesn’t mean you treat all guys with the same physical contact that you would treat your own physical brother; it means you show brotherly affection (which isn’t romantic or sensual) and honor to all Christians alike.

You should display the godly form of “brotherly affection” (kindness, genuine care, respect, purity, etc.) to all the guys in your life.

Also, the way you treat the older men in your life (pastor, dad, or godly older man) should look similar to the way you treat the younger guys. Just because a guy is your age doesn’t mean you need to automatically flirt with him. Treat him like the man God wants him to become and always keep in mind that you’re most likely dealing with someone else’s future spouse.

So what does this look like in everyday life?

It looks like this: You, as a Christian girl, should be making wise choices every time you’re around guys from now on. Your mindset should change from “guys exist to make me happy,” or “I’m scared of what guys think about me” to “God created guys for His glory as valuable saints in His kingdom. They don’t exist for my own pleasure and security, they exist for God’s purposes and plans.”

Your mindset shift should also bring along some outward changes as well.

Flirting, playfully hitting them, jumping on their backs, sarcastically joking with them, making fun of them, etc. are not honoring ways to treat any brother in Christ. Your words, conversations, actions, physical contact, and body language should be built around honor and respect when you’re around the opposite gender.

You and I are commanded by God to love our brothers in Christ with the same kind of love that God loves us. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

God’s love is pure, holy, honorable, kind, admirable, etc. That is the kind of love and respect we should show for our brothers.

It’s the kind of selfless love that looks out for the best interest of the other person.

When our mindset changes to view guys in the same way that God does, we will finally be free to truly love and care about them as brothers in Christ.

Let’s get personal…

  • How do you treat the guys in your life? Be honest now…are you more like girl 1, 2, 3, or 4?
  • What changes do you need to make to have healthy, godly friendships with guys?
  • How can your words and actions encourage your brothers in Christ to become godly men?

Photo credit: www.flickr.com | Lulumière 

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