conference conference


Godly Guys Have These 4 Things in Common

By: Kristen Clark

“He’s one of the cutest guys I know! I seriously have a major crush on him.” It was 3 am and the conversation was just getting good.

“Yeah, Caleb is good looking alright, but his older brother, Josh, has him totally beat!” We giggled like little girls.

“Would you marry Josh if you could?” I asked my friend with a wink. Without hesitation her words bursted out, “In a heartbeat! I would marry that guy tomorrow if he asked me. He’s perfect!”

This was me at fourteen years old pulling an all-nighter with one of my good friends. Like most girls, we loved talking about our latest crushes and comparing the cutest guys.

Getting married someday was the coolest thing in the world to me and I prayed God would give me a good-looking husband. Yeah, I wanted him to love Jesus too…but being handsome was high on my priority list.

It’s funny and embarrassing for me to think back on some of the conversations I had as a teenage girl. I thought I knew everything there was to know about guys.

I considered myself to be an expert on the male species.

When I hit my early twenties and actually started seriously considering guys for marriage, my mindset did a 180. My teenage idea of what a “perfect husband” was dramatically changed. I realized that a good-looking guy wasn’t the magic solution to a happy marriage.

If I could go back in time, I would inform myself of the following 4 keys. If you’re hoping to get married someday, you need to know how to tell an “okay” guy apart from a “super-awesome-godly-guy.” You only get one chance at marrying the best guy, so don’t waste it.

Without further ado, I give you…the godly-guy-testometer! Anytime you meet a guy and think, “He’s cute, I wonder if he’s husband material…”, just put him through this test:

1. Does he talks about God more than himself?

There are some guys who talk a lot and some who barely speak. Whatever the case may be, when he opens his mouth, what comes out? Does he spend most of the time talking about his plans, his life, his ideas, his friends, and his dreams? Or, does he take time to ask you questions about your life, your dreams, your thoughts and your day?

A godly guy will not only take a sincere interest in you, he will care enough about God to bring Him up in conversation. He’ll be excited about the sermons at church and interested in reading his Bible and praying.

2. Does he care about your needs more than his own?

I was in a relationship with a guy once who cared more about his own comforts and needs than he did about mine. That’s a bad sign. If the guy doesn’t take the time to notice your needs and go out of his way to care for you, he won’t do it in marriage either.

A godly guy is one who has the sacrificial heart of Christ. He would rather sacrifice for you than pursue his own pleasures. A godly guy looks for ways to serve you and willingly lays down his own desires for the desires of others.

3. Does he give to others more than he takes?

A good relationship is all about giving. If you’re with a guy who is constantly depending on you for everything (car, money, plans, ideas, etc), then he is a taker and not a giver.

A godly guy is a giver. He generously offers his time, his money, his resources, and his ideas to benefit and bless others.

4. Is his character bigger than his muscles?

Let me clarify something here first – I’m definitely not opposed to a guy having big muscles. The muscles aren’t the issue here. The problem comes when the guy spends more time in the gym pumping iron than he does developing godly character.

Any guy who is obsessed with the gym and getting “ripped out” is probably not doing it to point others to Jesus. His goal is most likely to look good for the purpose of drawing attention to himself. A godly guy will take care of his physical body, but will care more about maturing his character than his muscle mass.

So there you have it!

The godly-guy-testometer. As an older girl (now married to an amazingly godly guy), I encourage you to filter every guy you’re interested in through that test. Don’t allow yourself to get swept away by a smooth talking prince charming. Keep your eyes wide open and carefully evaluate the heart, character, and actions of every guy you meet. A solid future marriage starts now.

Let’s be honest.

Do you find yourself attracted to guys who don’t measure up to the four points? Why or why not?

What causes you to be attracted to a certain guy? Is it his character or his outward appearance?

Are you currently in a relationship that needs to be broken off? If so, what’s keeping you from doing it?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights on this topic of guys, so comment below!

Photo credit: | Spencer Finnley

Teen Guy


images images images
girl defined conference
Radical Purity

13 Responses to Godly Guys Have These 4 Things in Common

  1. Anna Jaggie says:

    I never thought of looking for any of these. I am defiantly looking for a godly guy, but I didn’t know what other nonphysical characteristics to look for.

  2. Elisabeth says:

    I have this guy at my school I sort like and he is Nuts over me, but he’s always joking. Though, he does ask for my opinion, it usually in a fun conversation Instead of one of these.He used to talk seriously to me, but he doesn’t any more much.I don’t think he’s really the right kind of guy after reading your post.What do you think?

    • Oreoluwa James says:

      I think you should pray for him. Maybe even put an effort in helping him out. There may be a reason for his change in attitude towards you

  3. Catrina says:

    Wow, thank you so much for this. These are definitely going o be things I look for in guys. Thanks again

  4. Great godly characteristics to focus on! It’s so easy to get caught up in the world’s view of what the “perfect guy” should be/look like so I’m really thankful that y’all are pointing out the godly traits to pray/look for instead!! 🙂 God Bless!

  5. Elizabeth Williams says:

    These are great points!

  6. emmalee says:

    THANK YOU FOR THE POST! i loved it!
    >>I have one question, what if i only know him in church and he comes pretty regularly, but we don’t go to the same school. He did some worship leading with me and my friends, but only ocassionally…HOW can i possibly know him better? THrough conferences? retreats? i dont know!
    please reply me becuase i, to be completely frank about this, have NO clue what to do. of course i want to FIND get closer and observe him more, but opportunities and chances for me to know him better just doesn’t come up….please reply me Kristen!
    Thank you so much!

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey Emmalee, great question! Is sounds like you’re in a touch situation. I think the bottom line to remember here is that the man is supposed to be the initiator of the relationship. You are not called to “pursue” this guy and chase him down. If God wants you to observe him better He will provide opportunities in casual friendship settings. If He doesn’t provide any, then know it’s probably not God’s will and you need to totally surrender this guy to God. However, like I mentioned, you are not called to be the leader/initiator of any romantic relationship. Even if God does provide opportunities to see him more, that doesn’t automatically mean he is the “one” for you. Sometimes it’s easy for us girls to force things because we want it so bad…so be extremely careful not to do that. Keep trusting God and be open to whatever His plan is for you…even if this guy isn’t in the picture. 🙂

  7. Ann says:

    NEED a pinterest tab so I can save this!

  8. hannah Mwilambwe says:

    I have a question..If I break off a relationship with a guy who seems to know God but not convincing enough to me,should I keep the friendship going and try to help him become more Godly or I should just cut the friendship as well?

    • Macumbo says:

      You should try to help him get close to GOD before break off a relationship. If you already broke the relationship, it doesn’t make him your enemy; even if it does, we’re asked to love our enemies and preach them the gospel whenever there’s opportunity. In conclusion, yes, you should try to help him become Godly.

      My opinion.

      • hannah Mwilambwe says:

        thanks for your advice, unfortunately the relationship is broken already and he found it hard to remain my friend.

  9. Tess says:

    I am very attracted to this guy who attends my college and we text and talk and I always keep it as pure as possible when we do. He is handsome, tall, has a nice slim body and his hair, oh man!! his hair is so pretty. Anyway, The thing that hit me the hardest was the LET’S BE HONEST questions and I have taken a step back to answer them and found that this guy probably doesn’t pass, The godly-guy-testometer, because I asked him if he was a christian? He answer “I am not religious, but could be spiritual” and he never talks about the Lord even when I always mention Him myself. Also I am disappointed that I might just be attracted not only to how shy and sweet he is but his appearance. I see now that I should not and will to not go any further with this guy, as hard as it may be, I will look to God and the holy spirit to help me. There are so so so many guys out in the world who are sweet and attractive, but that means absolutely nothing if they are not men of God. I don’t have a church to attend living in the city at the moment, but the Lord is teaching me not make that an excuse to make unhealthy decision outside His will regarding men. I am a 24 years old single little lady, with no children, and I desire to meet and married a man of God and have a family in this short life. Ladies, God will bless us, we just have to be patient and be Godly smart when dating men and I am so encourage by Kristen Clark’s article. Thank You.

e-book img

Sign up to receive our blog posts via e-mail and get a copy of our free e-book:
Reaching Beyond Myself
30 Day Devotional

Privacy guarantee: We will never share your e-mail address with anyone else