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How to Get Over a Guy in a God Honoring Way

By: Bethany Baird

You notice the guy. He catches your eye. Your heart races. You start dreaming. The week goes by and you can’t keep him out of your mind. Without even trying, he’s “won” your heart.

You’ve planned your wedding, you’ve planned your future. You even have three adorable kids.

And then…the dreaded happens. You find out that your dream dude has a girlfriend. “Noooooooo” you cry. Your future is ruined. Your dreams are shattered. All of your dreaming and scheming has come to an end and you are left with a “broken heart.”

Sound familiar?

Maybe your story isn’t so much a figment of your imagination, but an actual reality. Maybe you were in a relationship, hoping for marriage, only to have your heart broken.

I don’t know your circumstances. I don’t know your past “love” history. But, I do know this. Most of us, at some point or another, will experience some level of a broken heart.

Whether it’s the pain of a shattered dream, the pain of a lost love, or the disappointment of a hope, most of us will have to “get over a guy” at some point in our lives.

I’ve personally been in two serious relationships.

When each of those relationships ended, I had to make sure I was “getting over” the guy in a good and God honoring way. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t perfect. But I knew what I didn’t want to do, and I knew what I should do.

Experiencing heartache, pain, rejection, or a hope deferred, is not an easy thing to handle. Unfortunately, many times we as girls handle our hurting hearts in unhealthy and damaging ways. We don’t turn our eyes upon Jesus and instead “recover” in ways that are not God honoring.

I personally believe that there are very healthy, beneficial, Biblical and God honoring ways to get over a guy.  I also believe that there are unhealthy, damaging and unbiblical ways to get over a guy.

I want to spend the rest of my time talking about the title of this blog post. I want to share with you my 5 tips for getting over a guy in a God honoring way:

1. Don’t Hate Him

You’ve either been the girl, or, you’ve known the girl. She’s the one that get’s over the guy by hating him. I can’t express enough how against this I am. Nowhere (and I mean nowhere) in scripture do we ever see God giving us the “okay” to hate guys. We actually see quite the opposite, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

Girls, hating a guy as a means of recovery is one of the most anti-biblical, immature, worldly ways to handle a broken heart. Instead, I encourage you to try out the Matthew 5:44 principle. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

2. Don’t Rebound

Healing takes time. Don’t rush the process of recovering from a shattered dream or broken heart. Soak your heart in God’s Word and allow Him to become your all-in-all. Don’t rush into another relationship or “rebound” to help soothe your wounds. God often uses the hard times in our lives to draw us closer to Himself. I know that was totally true for me. Don’t waste those moments.

3. Get Your Heart Right

During these times of heart brokenness and painful feelings, it’s important to constantly check your reflection. Your spiritual reflection. Make sure that your feelings, thoughts and prayers all align with Scripture. Don’t hold on to bitterness, anger or anxiety. Open God’s Word and make sure you are flooding your mind with Scripture.

I also highly recommend reading Choosing Gratitude and/or Idols of the Heart. Both of those books were hugely instrumental during my heartbroken-recovery-stage.

4. Get Your Eyes On Others

This may sound harsh, but, don’t sulk in a pity party. I can’t think of anything worse than hours of sulking and feeling sorry for oneself. Get your eyes off of your sorrows and do something for someone else. It’s amazing how service can be so healing. Service and focusing on others has such an incredible way of bringing perspective.

Yes, a shattered dream is difficult (I know from experience) but, it’s not the end of the world.  It’s not an excuse to turn into a constant pity party. Get out and serve others. It will do wonders.

5. Do Hard Work

After my relationship ended, I was very intentional about doing hard things.  1. It kept me busy and  2. It helped my mind focus on something else. I personally recommend doing hard things during hard seasons. Train for a marathon, start a blog, learn a new skill, read a ton of books, adopt an animal, volunteer at church, etc. Do something that pushes you outside your normal routine and challenges you.

That’s a wrap.

There you have it. My 5 tips for getting over a guy in a God honoring way. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever experienced a broken heart? If so, how did you “get over the guy?”

Share your thoughts and comments below.

Photo Credit

Guy Sitting In Field

 

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  • Meredith

    That exact scenario at the beginning of this post happened to me over the summer. XP the day that I found out he had a girlfriend, I had plans to be at my best friends house. Until I got there and could talk to her, I lost myself in thought and tried to ease the sadness with thoughts of things like, “this just means that him and I together is less than God’s best for me”, “God probably has someone better for me down the road”, “I am happy for them, since they are so sweet together” (and they are). I reached my friend’s house, and as soon as we could be alone, I told her. I told her about what I’d been thinking. I was trying to shrug it all off. “I’m okay.. it was all in my head anyway. This just means it wasn’t God’s plan for me. It’s fine.” She looked me in the eye and told me that it is okay not to be okay. I needed to hear that. We hung out for the rest of the day, watched the movie Old Fashioned, and after a few weeks of continuing in positive thought patterns, crying a little, talking with friends, and trusting God, my broken heart was mended. ^^
    It’s hard. It’s really hard when you find out because he’s in the row in front of you at church, putting his arm around her and playing with her hair. But it gets better. There is hope.
    Right now, I’ve been focusing on loving Jesus more, and praying for my future husband. I’ve heard the quote “be a girl so lost in Jesus that a guy has to seek Him to find you”. I want to be that girl. ^^

    • ThePoeticMusician

      ^^ One of my favorite quotes! And I love that you are focusing on using your youth for service. The Lord gives us youth and strength for a purpose–not to be mindlessly wasted on “being young”. Marriage is not the ultimate goal, and never should be. Remember the Apostle Paul. Serve the Lord with gladness. Read His Word. Pray, pray, pray. And then pray some more. And then get back out and serve. And then get back in the Word. Keep getting closer and closer in your relationship with the Lord. And, while you’re doing that, build friendships. God will bring the right one out of those friendships in His own timing. God bless, sister! 🙂

  • Elaine

    Even though I found it hard to stick to it at times during that season of my life, this is totally the way it should be. Thanks so much for this post!

  • Evan Trowbridge

    I found out that after my divorce, that I’m not able to pick the right 1 for me. I’ve been married 3 times & divorced all 3, even the females I would date would sumtimes only last 1 date sum longer, but not much longer. I got tired of findin the right 1 I thought was good for me & almost said the heck with it all, until GOD spoke to me. I asked HIM, if it was meant to be to get married again or just to spend my days with sum1, would you please FATHER send her to me. I was led by HIM to pray, just like Abrahams servant did for Jacob when he encountered Rebbekka, in Genesis 24. I asked GOD to give me a word when I would say these 3 words to the gurl HE would send me so I know she is the 1 you sent to me. HE said Evan, I will not give you just 1 word, but she will say these 7 words when you tell these 3 words, ” JESUS luvs you,” are your 3 words & these 7, “_____ ______ ____ _____ _____ ______ ______ ” words she will say back to you, then you know she is the 1 I picked for you. Read Genesis 24, about Jacob & Rebbekka, HE will BLESS you. Peace my friends.

    • Nikki

      That is SO amazing that He answered you in such a TANGIBLE way! I wish you the best of luck and will pray that you find the girl He has for you!

      • Evan Trowbridge

        Thank you so much, GOD BLESS you hun, peace my friend.

  • ThePoeticMusician

    Great post, Bethany! It’s great to hear that other girls have been in these shoes before 😉 I know we all have been there, but it’s just reassuring to hear it once again. Another thing that I’ve encountered more often, actually, than the scenario described here, is having to end the relationship yourself, as the girl. Sometimes a relationship that I thought would be a great, God-honoring thing has turned into something that is obviously not the will of God–and He speaks through parents, mentors, or leaders, leading me to the difficulty of having to bring that relationship to a close. That has been very, very difficult for me in the past. But a lot of the same concepts apply to that situation as well. Stay busy; reroute the attention you gave him to other things, perhaps service; stay friends with him in a God honoring way; and keep your heart right and after the heart of Jesus.

  • Kaitlyn Neese

    Wow thanks! I’ve been in two horrible break ups where the guys still want to be friends, but I can’t do it. After I told them that I thought that if I hate them, I’d feel better. I didn’t realize how sinful I was being until I asked God to show me, and after I read this post. Thanks again! (:

  • Madeleine Grace

    Thank u so much for this post! It was so encouraging and something be been Dieing for someone to write! I struggle with getting over past loves or likes and this has shown how to do it in a Godly way! By not hating the guy but respecting and praying for him and all the other stuff to!!! Thank you so much!!!

    God Bless,
    Madeleine

  • Such incredible advice!

  • Nicole

    Wow, that was just what I needed today. Recently, my bestie started dating this guy and since then, he’s been hanging around us a LOT. I mess with him constantly and he does the same and we are kinda like siblings now. However, I have started having feelings for him. Feelings that I KNOW i shouldn’t be having. I can’t tell my bestie because I don’t want that the interfere with our friendship, but I’m really at a loss of what to do. I don’t want to completely stop hanging out with him, cause he’s always with her and she’s sure to notice, and I’ve already told her that I like the fact that they are together, because he’s really a great guy. I really would like some advise if you would be so good as to give me some. I’m trying to control it and hide it, but I NEED it gone. Like, permanently. For everyone’s sake.

  • thehappygirl

    I have read this over and over the past week. The young man I was courting ended our pretty serious relationship last week. It’s been kinda hard, I’ll admit. I miss him a lot; he was my friend as well as my boyfriend. It’s hard not talking to someone you’re used to communicating with and/or seeing every day. But I know God has a plan. Thanks for the post!

  • Claudia

    Wow thank you so much, this is what I needed this week, since the guy that I like who has kissed me several times, now says that he doesn’t want anything with me. He believes that he will break my heart or something… What is even more stressful that annoys me is that he is telling everyone that I am completely in love with him and that I am following him everywhere (it’s true that I like him, but not like he believes I do) he is the one that comes to me, he is the one that wants to kiss me all the time not me. That is such a dilemma because it’s not true… I want to let it go, because his presence has not changed the curse of my life like he thinks he does. This post made me realise how I need to act since one of the things that I thought of doing is a rebound, make him see that I don’t like him that much like he believes…
    I am worth more than that.

  • Candace

    I ended up liking a guy for several months. Trying time and time again to make it work. I rededicated my life to the Lord and continued the pursuit of him. He is a catholic. Being with him I rarely focused on God. I was totally head over heels for this boy. We romantically talking around October. We were pushing too hard and it wasn’t working. We decided to be friends. He told me a few days ago how he wanted to start over and be with me. As hard as it was I had to tell him no. My heart so wanted to be with the badly. But that’s not what God wants me to do. Apart from him not sharing my faith… he draws me away from God. It is so hard. I deeply desire to be with him more than anything. But I said no today I told him I couldn’t and wouldn’t go back on my answer.

    It hurts a lot. We work at the same job. I’m crying as I write this because my heart is so broken.

  • TheOtherChristianGirl

    With God’s help, I’m trying to get over a guy that fell in love with my drop-dead gorgeous blonde cousin. PS, she was really skinny with blue eyes. She looks a little like Barbie! Anyways,they fell in love last year when I went to my brother’s wedding and boom, my popular cousin was there! And her boy toy only had eyes for her. How could I not have noticed? I tried to win him every chance I got, but he acted like I never existed. Since then, I hated my cousin and her boyfriend. I was angry at God at first, but then I tried to get over it during those first few months of hurt and resentment. To this day, I didn’t tell anyone but my mother about my feelings of rejection. She didn’t seem to understand. I feel like no one understands that, but reading this article made me feel glad that I’m not alone. I’m still a bit jealous of my popular cousin, though. All she does is make others fall in love with her. She even has tons of friends and followers on social media! And the boy is one of those hopelessly obsessed victims. That’s why I ended up deleting all her photos on my FB timeline and on my Instagram account. I blocked her too. Anyways, once again, thanks for the wonderful article! I want to read this article again in case my shattered heart begins to replay the heartbreak and hurt.

  • RESHMA

    This was really a great one….ryt now i am really going through this…ya itz quite difficult but God is really helping me out…..i had like a one sided love and i loved him for like 4 years now…my parents know about this…but unfortunately that guy was not really intrstd in me bt it was really hard for me to accept that….i tried to hate him but i learned that i cannot do that…i can never hate a guy whom i loved for four years!!! i really pray for him and still now i wish the best for him….but at times i feel down and get frustrated over this ……. i have cried a lot on this matter.. now i am just giving some time for my heart to heal from this….and ya this is the best time to spend good quality time with God i am really doing that… and now that guy is about to get married …itz fixed!! even though i am undergoing this i still wish the best for him…your blogs are really helpful for me…. it really refreshes my heart to trust God more and more….i know God has the best plans for me… even my parents have started to look a guy for me….i knew that person whom i loved really well and he was good that was the reason to love him all these years…but unfortunately itz not Godz will so i am leaving it…hope next time the right guy from God steps into my life…and yes i believe it will be worth the wait!! i hope i ll get better very soon!!! i hope this guy will be my good friend forever..

  • Guest

    I agree with most of this. However, if you’re like me and you’ve been doing hard things all your life 1) because there wasn’t another option but the hard thing 2) you’ve used doing hard things, ministry and busyness to keep from feeling the pain and suffering…. that last advice isn’t applicable. But, if you’re the person who hasn’t really done a lot of hard things, or really suffered yet (think: incurable childhood illness, physical/sexual abuse, extreme poverty and starvation, etc) then… go out and do hard things. It’ll give you a bigger perspective! Make you a better person too.
    BUT, if you’ve been using busyness, ministry or even tough personal trials/suffering to avoid feeling pain then God will eventually take those things away from you and MAKE YOU WAIT so that you face the pain you’ve been pushing aside. The reality is: everyone will suffer because this world, and us, are fallen to sin. But God is trying to get our attention. He’s trying to say, as if we are in labor pains, “Look at me, focus on me, breath Me in and the trial will be over soon. The hope is coming. You can’t see it yet, but the pain has a purpose.”


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