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How to Handle Your Desire for a Boyfriend

By: Bethany Baird

Annie was twenty-two going on twenty-three, boyfriend-less and struggling to trust in God. She lived in a small town, worked at a small business and went to a small church. Let’s just say the male prospects (or lack of) in town were small as well.

The longing in Annie’s heart to finally meet and marry the man of her dreams was becoming overbearing. How could she possibly remain content in life when true love was nowhere on the horizon?

Although Annie’s heart longed for a guy, she made the tough decision to give her desires to God and wait patiently on His timing. Annie’s relationship status didn’t change right away, but her perspective and attitude towards her circumstances took on a whole new look.

Annie went from being discouraged over her current guy circumstances to believing that God truly had a plan for her love life.

“Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands.” -Elisabeth Elliot

Have you ever felt like Annie? I know I have.

Sometimes I think, “I would be so much happier if I had a boyfriend.”When I choose to dwell on that thought, I am basically telling God that His plan for my life isn’t cutting it. If only God would take some of my advice and give me a man, then I would be happy.

I think it’s time we reminded ourselves of who God is and what He is about. A great pastor in town sums it up with these four simple facts about God.

“God’s love is perfect. God’s wisdom is infinite. God’s control is sovereign. God’s goal is good.” -Bob Welch

Who better to trust with our love life than God? He loves us with a perfect love and sovereignly works all of life’s circumstances for good. He contains all wisdom and has a unique plan for each of our lives.

Why would we ever question such an incredible God?

He sees the future and knows who and what we need in our lives to help us glorify Him most.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

When it comes to having a guy in your life, you have to choose to do what Annie did. You have to share the desires of your heart with God and then leave it in His control. You have to trust that God knows you better than you know yourself, and in His perfect timing, He will bring (or not bring) you a man.

“It is not always easy to feel like trusting God. But trusting Him is a matter of choosing to trust because of what we know, despite what we feel.” -Jerry Bridges

When you focus your thoughts on God’s perfect character, it makes trusting in Him a whole lot easier. 

If you continually keep your eyes focused on the truths of God’s Word, discouragement will have no room to creep in. As long as you are looking to Christ to bring you satisfaction you will be filled with joy.

There are loads of girls around the world who do have boyfriends, yet they’re still unhappy. Why? Because they are looking to a guy to make them content. No matter how incredible having a boyfriend may seem, he can never satisfy the deepest longings of your heart.

“Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35).

Only Christ can satisfy your deepest desires.

I want to challenge you to write down that verse I quoted above (Psalm 84:11) and memorize it. The next time you are struggling to trust in God’s plan for your life recite that verse.

Ask yourself if you are walking uprightly. That means, are you living a Christ-honoring lifestyle? If the answer is no, figure out the sin issue and change it. But if the answer is yes, you can have full confidence that God will not withhold anything good from you.

That is anything He thinks would be good; not what you think would be good.

After all, He is the perfect, infinitesovereign and good God. We can undoubtedly trust Him to give us what He knows is best, even in our love life.

Let’s talk about it…

  • Do you trust that God truly has a plan for your love life?
  • Are you tempted to believe the lie that a boyfriend can satisfy the deepest longings of your heart?
  • How can you find satisfaction in Christ alone?
  • Write down Psalm 84:11 and remind yourself of that truth anytime you feel depressed over your current circumstances.

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  • Stephanie

    I’m 16 and I struggle with this. I know I’m not the right age to have a boyfriend but I don’t know why I feel this way…

    • Ruth Akingbemi

      Me too!!! You’re not alone, Stephanie.God is by our side and all we need to do is give our all to huim so he can lead and guide us.

  • Amanda

    I can relate to Annie in a lot of ways (small town girl, 23, & no guys on the horizon). This article was sooo encouraging, and it was what I needed to hear this week. Thank you for your awesome ministry!

  • EllieC.

    I have this problem too, even though I’m only fifteen. I’m learning to be patient though, and I must say that writing letters to your future husband is another great way to overcome this.

    • KatelynS

      Ellie, I feel you! Although I’m only 15, it seems all my friends have a somebody. I started writing letters to my future husband also 🙂 Those do help me keep things in perspective!

      • EllieC.

        Letters really do help, don’t they?! It is as though you’re talking face-to-face with your husband. *sigh*

        • KatelynS

          Haha! Yes! I completely agree!

          • Rachel M.

            I have the same problem, and I am doing the same thing! Funny story time to lighten the mood!
            Once one of my siblings found some of my letters and went and told my parents, saying that “Rachel is writing someone love letters!” My parents were shocked and asked me about it promptly. They were very relieved when I explained what it was.

          • EllieC.

            Haha, that story is hilarious, though it would be really awkward for you having to explain it to your parents!

          • Oh, that would be awful! I can imagine your conversation… (Having had one myself.)

          • Rachel M.

            It was. My dad, being his protective self over his little girl, was really scared at first. He thought that I had a boyfriend behind his back. XD

          • My dad would do the exact same thing. 🙂 Not that I’m not glad or anything – I am… but he was really, really worried for a while!

  • Reigha Sunshine

    Really good! Be careful to seek God for His plans about what to do. Sometimes those plans say, “Stay put in your place and serve me there.” Other times, they may say,”Go far.” Neither one necessarily means a guy is in your future, but in giving up your plans about guys, don’t give up exciting plans all together. Just keep seeking God all the more and pray for your future husband whenever you think about it! He definitely needs the prayer!

  • Heidi

    I could be Annie. Early twenties, small town, small church, and alot of my work is solo, babysitting and nannying and working on a farm. No prospects in the horizon. All I’ve ever wanted to do my whole life is get married and have kids. When I was younger I never even thought about the time in my life between school and having a bunch of kids. While this stage in my life was sort of a surprise to me, it’s comforting to know that it isn’t a surprise to God! One thing is for certain, if God would’ve gone by my timetable, there are so many lessons in trusting in Him that I would not have gotten to learn. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am where He wants me right now, and that He can work everything out better than I could ever imagine. It’s been a struggle surrendering to God my dreams, but I’ve come to the conclusion that He loves me and knows me way better than I do myself, and He’s God, so He knows everything. If He wants me to get married, He will work it out. If I go outside of His will and try to figure it out myself, while I may end up married and have kids, if I did it my way, it’s not going to be so wonderful, in fact it will probably be horrible. So, that’s why I daily (sometimes hourly) surrender my desires to Him, because when it’s all said and done, what I truly desire is His will, and it’s been a struggle, but I can now honestly say, even if His will is for me to remain single. Because all I need is Jesus!

    • I love your optimism. Thanks for sharing this! 🙂

      • Heidi

        Lydwina Marie, I’m glad you appreciated my comment, I felt like God wanted me to share for some reason. However, I don’t call it optimism, but rather complete and utter trust in God. Thinking positively doesn’t get us anywhere, only absolute trust in the only One who is trustworthy. Even when I don’t have any happy/positive thoughts, when I’m discouraged, I can still trust in Him!

  • susannah

    I am only 14, and one thing I will say is that I DON’T write letters to my future husband for two reasons – 1) I might never get married, because God’s plan might be for me to be single. If this is His plan I wan’t to focus on Him rather than a guy who might not even exist : ) 2) At this stage of my life, I don’t need to be thinking about guys. I’m still young, and wouldn’t date until I’m at least 17. Writing letters of my ‘future husband’ even if he did exist, would pull my focus from God and onto this guy. I wan’t all my focus to be on God, and while it’s not easy, writing romantic letters wouldn’t help me from not thinking about guys, it would rather keep me thinking about them.
    Would do you girls think? I know Bethany writes letters to her future husband, but from chatting to my parents and stuff I don’t really think it’s that helpful.

    • Rachel M.

      I write letters to my future husband even if he doesn’t exist. Reasons for this include: 1) I fill my letters with Scripture and prayers for him. This helps me stay focused on God and be reminded that marriage must have God at the center. 2) I list character qualities that I desire in him and that reminds me to do as Bethany once said “turn the list on myself.” I develop character qualities that will go along with those I desire in a husband. I mean, if a guy has all of these character qualities that are amazing, he will obviously be looking for a godly girl with great character qualities. Even if I don’t get married, I will have godly traits that will bless me and others.
      Hope this helps you!

      • I do the same thing – I don’t want to become guy-oriented, but it’s really hard sometimes. I’m not giving up, though!

        • Susannah

          Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts! Its great to chat as Christians about what things have helped us, and you’ve all been really understanding:) I do like what Bethany says about writing down traits you want want in a husband and than using them on your own life. I think its great because we shouldn’t just dream about the ‘perfect’ guy without trying to be more godly ourselves!

        • Vao

          Your so right about not wanting to become guy-oriented!!! I don’t write letters to my future husband, but I just fill him on my days, thoughts, feelings, and questions etc. I don’t write scriptures in my diaries, but I do pray for him and also have a Diary that already has scriptures and quotes from all sorts of people. And in that Diary do I write my prayers asking the Lord to always protect, and guide F.H. (future husband) from all harm and evil and that he {Lord} leads him in the right pathway. Oh and I will be sharing with him these books one day, if not then that’s okay with me.

          • I do diaries too! It’s a really helpful way of thinking about him without fantasising. I’m definitely going to share it with him if I do get married. 🙂 Thanks for replying!

          • Vao

            Yes!!!! I’ll share with him ‘IF’ I do get married lols

    • EllieC.

      I see what you mean, Susannah. Still, even if I never get married, I will not regret writing the letters. I don’t make them into super-flowery love letters, but instead I focus on God. Last year, I even found a neat 2-week prayer journey which I enjoyed doing.
      Like you, I don’t need to be thinking about guys all the time, since I don’t plan to date for several years yet. To me, my future husband isn’t just ‘a guy.’ He is the man who God has created specially for me, and who He plans for me to spend the rest of my life with.
      All in all, I think letter-writing helps me more than hinders me in coming closer to God. From one teenaged girl to another, I would give it a try! 🙂

      • Rachel M.

        Exactly! I think you worded it a lot better than I did!

        • EllieC.

          =) I don’t think so! I thought it sounded rather complicated when I read over it!

  • Maggie Fipps

    Thank you so much for this Bethany! It is especially hard for me when you know a guy likes you, but if he asks you out you have to say no because you’re parents won’t allow you to date. The pressure to date in middle school is so high!

  • I love this. Thanks so much, Bethany!

  • Vao

    Wow! I feel like Annie in so many ways! I am Twenty going on to Twenty One this year, and I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life. I use to wonder and still do If it was because maybe God does have BETTER plans for me, than I have for myself. Or If I was just normally awkward around the guy I liked, I don’t know?
    Anyways, I remember last year I was thinking about all the things I had such as; my family, friends, Church, Home, Work, Money, Books, T.V., and finally moving back home which not only made myself happier in the long term run but my parents too. However, there was one thing that was missing from my life that felt empty for a very long time and it wasn’t a guy/man. I knew truely in my mind, heart, and soul that was it God that was missing from my life. I was so distance with him and I only believed in him through my head, no where else. So on that night I decided to give myself up to the Lord, and that I made sure that he was in my mind, HEART, and soul. But most importantly he was WITHIN ME taking control of my life, and leading me in the right pathway. And I can say that he has lead me through the right pathway, not just on that night but I know through my journey of 2016 things were changing. (And only YOU will know that change when you experience something like this) And during those changes I still had downfalls along the way, but I knew God was always there by my side!
    The only thing I ask for the Lord now is that he too be WITHIN my Future husband , not just in his head but in his mind, HEART, and Soul and lead him in the pathway he has set for Future husband. But may God not just be within my Future husband but EVERYONE too!

    Oh and one more thing to add, and I don’t know if Annie is going through this like myself but does she feel pressured like myself from relatives to find a ‘boyfriend’ before I end up being lonely?

    • Gaby

      We can be single sisters! I’m going on 22.

      • Vao

        Yay Girl!!!

  • Vao

    Hi ladies, after reading all your comments on writing letters to your future husband, making sure that the character qualities you want out of your husbands you “turn them on yourself” etc., and last of all praying for him if he might or might not exist.
    I have something to share with you, I’m just like you doing all the above but do you think that I am going too far when I pray for his family too?

  • OrangeGirl

    Maybe she should move out and start a life for herself and quit waiting? Take some initiative.

  • Kesslyn Fleck

    Wow! God sure uses your posts in my life! Every one is applicable to situations I am facing at the current time!!♡

  • Saira Esther Thomas

    I do strongly believe that Christ centered life is the most important of all. I’m 22 years old, had a relationship that lasted only for short time, had to split up because he is not a christian. It is after the breakup, I understand the importance of having deep relationship with Christ. So, I like to acknowledge that singles out there should focus deep relationship with Christ Jesus. It is through him we can find pleasure on surviving the earthly life.
    Next thing, I wanna point out is write down biblical thoughts you get from bible to a diary or personal journal and read it always to keep in touch with god. If God reveals visions or dreams, write it down and read it to encourage yourself to move forward.
    Christ in his right time, bring you to relationship. It doesn’t matter if you fantasize about it by writing down letters or not, Christ does things in the right time. Be patient and wait for God’s timing is the best thing to do.

  • Schylie

    A few years ago, for a period of about 3 months, I was miserable. I desperately wanted a boyfriend, I wanted to be loved and to love a man. I could barely function for those 3 months. In fact, it’s most a blur. I was crying often, just letting life slip by, and pitying myself. Eventually, I started to pray that God would take away these feelings of longing, since I was so miserable. He did. Just as fast as they came, these feelings of desperation were gone. I was so thankful to the Lord! Ever since, I have had little ups and downs with longing, but nothing like what I went through a few years ago. Now, I am happily single, but nevertheless desirous to be married someday. 🙂

  • Molly

    I just want to thank you so much for writing this article. I’m 18, and even though I know I’m not spiritually ready to meet my future husband, I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. To handle this desire I’ve started praying for him almost every night and I’ve decided to start a diary with scriptures and prayers that I can one day share with him. And even if God doesn’t have someone for me, I won’t regret writing those diaries.

  • Sarebear

    This is a powerful article. Thank you Bethany!

  • Janaina Silva

    Muito bom essa publicação . Realmente irá me ajudar bastante. Fico agradeçida.


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