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How to Handle Your Sexual Desires as a Single Girl

By: Kristen Clark

I may be married now, but I was single for 24 years and I know exactly what it’s like to have unfulfilled sexual desires. In fact, I have a really embarrassing story to confess to you.

When I was a young teenager, I thought it would be a good idea to “practice” kissing before I met my husband. So…I “practiced” by smooching a designated kissing spot on my wall inside my closet. Since I wasn’t going to kiss a real guy until marriage, I thought a little practice wouldn’t hurt.

Yeah…awkward. I know. Not to mention it didn’t really help.

I share that embarrassing story with you to show you that I was just a normal single girl with sexual desires, just like you.

As I entered my late teen years, my sexual desires and longings only grew stronger. Yeah – I struggled, just like many of you, with strong urges for sexual fulfillment in marriage someday. Getting married felt like an eternity away though and my desires almost felt too intense to bear.

Thankfully, God gave me grace right when I needed it.

I don’t know about you, but there were times as a single girl when I viewed my sexual desires as a curse. I wished they would just go away all together and then reappear when I got married. Have you ever felt that way?

Thankfully, God’s Word helped me understand that those desires weren’t a curse, but a blessing. His word also reminded me that He would give me the grace to handle my desires until marriage happened (if it happened).

I want to share with you some of the things that helped me handle my sexual desires as a single girl.

1. Understand God’s Design for Sex

God created sex and it’s a beautiful thing within the covenant of marriage. God also created us to be sexual beings with desires and longings for sexual intimacy. God’s design is good and beautiful when enjoyed in the right context.

Healthy sexual desires are not wrong or sinful. They’re actually 100% normal. It’s normal for you, as a single girl, to look forward to and be excited about enjoying God’s gifts of sexual intimacy within marriage. However, these good desires can quickly become sinful if we turn them into lust, or use them with the wrong person at the wrong time.

God created sex to be a binding force between a husband and wife to unite them as one in marriage.

This covenantal seal also comes with intentional blessings such as physical pleasure and the opportunity to bring new life into the world.

As Christian girls, we must have a strong understanding of God’s holy design for sex if we’re going to handle our own sexual desires in the right way. I encourage you to read my other blog post titled, Applying God’s Truth to Sex to help you build a strong biblical foundation.

2. Prepare for Battle

As a single girl, your sexual desires may be a normal part of God’s design, but they can also be the largest area for sinful temptation. The battle for purity is real, and it’s an intense one. We live in a culture that has totally perverted God’s design for sex and pressures us to “join in on the fun.”

Yes, the world tries to lure us into its perversion, but the battle for purity begins within the walls of our heart. James 1:14 says, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.”

Our heart is sinful and is constantly trying to carry us away and entice us towards lust.

We need to recognize our own bent towards sexual sin and prepare ourselves for this battle. We won’t win unless we’re proactively striving after holiness, purity and a passion for God’s glory.

The best place to start is by spending time worshipping the true and living God every day. Get in His word and allow His truth to transform your thinking. Pray every morning (and throughout the day) asking God to help you love His holiness more than you love yourself.

Don’t let the battle of sexual temptation take you by surprise.

3. Make the Choice to Fight or Flee

As you live your daily life in the sinful world, you will undoubtedly come face-to-face with sexual temptation. For example, you might be innocently shopping for something online when a sensual ad pops up. You didn’t seek it out. You weren’t even looking for it. But there it is.

Another example is you may be trying to fall asleep one night when your mind is suddenly bombarded with sinful sexual thoughts. You’re instantly tempted to dwell on these thoughts in your mind.

Sexual temptation comes in all shapes and sizes and it often doesn’t give us a lot of warning.

When sexual temptations hits you have two options. You can either (1) Fight it, or (2) Flee from it.

Fight it: Fighting it needs to happen when you can’t physically get away from it. You can’t physically escape a sexual thought in your head, so you need to choose to fight against it. You can’t escape driving through a city with sexualized billboards, but you can choose to fight it by not looking at them.

God will help you fight your temptations – you are not alone.

1 Cor. 10:13 offers us that powerful promise: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Flee from it: The next best way to fight it is to simply flee from it. This is a great option! This looks like you physically removing yourself from the temptation. If a movie turns south, turn it off. Don’t keep watching it. If your friends start talking about inappropriate things, leave the conversation. If that phone app is tempting you towards lust, get rid of it.

Don’t wait around hoping to be “strong enough.” Get away from the temptation. 1 Cor. 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

4. Make Victory Easier  

Fighting the battle of lust in our hearts is already hard enough without added temptation. I can’t encourage you enough to set yourself up for success by removing as much sexual temptation from your life as possible.

This means pitching sexualized romance novels, saying no to secular magazines like Cosmo and Seventeen, deleting impure or edgy phone apps, saying no to impure movies, turning off that sensual song, etc. You get the idea.

If you desire purity and holiness, you must battle for it, girl. It doesn’t come naturally. Get rid of extra temptation and make victory easier to accomplish.

I pray those 4 points are helpful to you as you strive to handle your sexual desires in a God-honoring way.

I know it’s hard. I know it’s a battle. But with God’s help, and strategic planning on your part, you can steer your sexual desires in a God honoring direction.

Let’s chat. If you have any questions, fire away below.

  • What are you doing, as a single girl, to keep your sexual desires in check?
  • What additional advice would you add to my list?

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36 Responses to How to Handle Your Sexual Desires as a Single Girl

  1. Hannah G. says:

    Something else that’s helpless when you’re trying to fight impure thoughts (whether they’re sexual or just unhelpful) is to quote a Bible verse to yourself. I don’t think it necessarily matters which one (though some Bible verses certainly are more applicable) but just get yourself thinking about something different! Pick something long-ish to memorize, like an entire chapter, I like Psalm 16, and have that be your “go-to” when you are thinking about something you shouldn’t.

  2. Leisha says:

    Thank you so much for this blog post!!! This was awesome!!! A verse that I got from K-Love this morning I felt had to do with this:) God can be so funny sometimes! The verse is 1 Corinthians 16:13-14: Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.

  3. Sarah says:

    You have no idea how much I have needed this. For close to 8 years I have been struggling with sexual desires. At the beginning I would try to fight them, but now I give into sin when opportunity arises without even trying. It is a battle of mind, something I HAVE to fight. And I always feel too weak. I guess I should take it one temptation at a time and avoid worrying about the next time and the next.
    I haven’t beaten it yet, but I’m trying to keep up the fight. Over the past few weeks I have realized how important it is that I don’t give up. Keep fighting. And I think this article was God reminding me of that! THANK YOU!

    A song I heard yesterday, for the first time, came to mind. “Dear Heart” By Sanctus Real.
    -Dear Heart, do you belong to me, or do I belong to you?
    Just look at all the trouble you drag me into.
    I’ve heard it said to follow your heart,
    But I’m starting to wonder if it’s gone too far.-

    Society/the World convinced us that its “normal” and there is no reason to fight. And that do whatever feels right. And I think that without realizing it, that creeps into our subconscious. For those of you struggling with this temptation…and others, I’m praying for you! Please pray for me too.

  4. Sallie says:

    Thank you!
    I´m 26 and single and I have wanted to die because of my sexual cravings. I needed to remember this!

    Something that has helped me is avoid any kind of romantic novels, and I try to be very careful with movies. I may watch the short version of Pride and Prejudice, but the long… oh my! Well, I have to be radical, maybe other girls don´t need to do the same.
    I also decided to remove Pinterest from my phone because sometimes an impure image is suddenly there.

    And I´m decided to seek the Lord with all my heart all day long. And He has been so faithful! Don´t give up, through Christ, all things are possible 🙂

    • thehappygirl says:

      @Sallie I just got rid of Pinterest last week for the same reason!! And also, I was kind of addicted to it. I seemed to be spending more time pinning than on the things of the Lord. It’s been a little hard (like I said… I’m kinda of an addict haha) but now I have a lot more time to spend praying and reading the Bible. Wise choice girl 🙂

  5. Corbyn H. says:

    I prayed about this yesterday. I have had SUCH a hard time with this it is insane. I do need to thank you, though. You have answered my prayers. I asked God how to deal with this issue and he sent me here to you while I was reading through my email. I admit, I always think that if I just sit and wait to be stronger then I will be stronger, but that never works. I will try harder to flee or put off tempting thoughts. I don’t like thinking that way, personally. I’m pretty sure that if I spent as much time and energy fighting off temptations into finding a cute for a serious illness, I would, haha! Thanks so much for your post. It seriously helped and it is much more helpful that what I’ve been hearing,”It’s natural, just think about it. It’s okay. Don’t be SUCH a prude!” Yeah, doesn’t help, but you did. 🙂

    Thanks a bunch for being my answer!

  6. Sandra says:

    Yes indeed, it is pretty hard sometimes. Most of the times, actually. I’m 24 now and sometimes I have the feeling the feelings and desires get stronger when I grow older. And when the feelings get stronger, it is harder to ignore them. Your blogpost is like a message from Heaven to me. I struggle with those feelings and desires a lot and am thankful for the words you’ve written. Thank you for that!

  7. Rachel says:

    This is a really encouraging post. I was actually struggling with this when I got on my computer. One of the things that helps me when I am fighting with thinking on things I know that I shouldn’t is to reflect on Bible verses and to hymns and such in my mind. Another thing is to pray for help and to pray for people I know. The idea is to move my focus off of myself.

  8. Renata de Aquino says:

    God be glorified for his mercy and grace because we’re no longer slaves oh the sin and He’s always giving us strength to fight the sexual temptation. We’re not capable of anything by ourselves. We need to seek God’s face in constant prayer, asking for mercy and a renew and pure heart.
    But we’re called to do our part in this battle, strengthened by the Holy Spirit, and these tips are soooo useful and great.
    Thank you for remembering us that it’s possible to live a pure life and fight (with victory) against the immorality. Thank you, Lord, for being with us and for us every day, every moment. You’re nothing without you.

  9. Celtic Princess says:

    Number 2 was something I’d always struggled with thinking ‘yeah, but does it even work?’ This fall, my sisters and I went to a week long camp where the focus was basically burying ourselves in the word for a week. When we got home, I was definitely still tempted in all the old areas, especially since it’s so easy to try and make it a secret fight, so it was hard to open up about what I had been struggling with. Even if you don’t have a full week, like I did, even burying yourself in a short book of the Bible (1 John is an awesome place to get started) for only 15-30 minutes a day (not necessarily in the morning either) or reading through the book 2-3 times in a day for a week or two (I’m talking short, 4-6 chapter books) and picking 1-3 verses to think about for the day, is a powerful weapon against this kind of temptation.

  10. Arielle says:

    I thought I was some sort of freak, because only guys were supposed to have this problem. So I am actually normal then. Just knowing that is encouraging.
    One thing I do is write to my future husband, telling him of my successes and failures; I find it helps to write it out to someone, even if he won’t see it for years. It also reminds me to think ahead to what I might hurt, by giving in to temptation.

  11. Elaine says:

    I battle with this every day. I’ve found the only way to have consistent victory over this sin is by 1), giving it to the Lord and asking Him to do with it according to His will, 2), setting my thoughts above these things and focusing them on Him as much as I can, 3), being in the Word every day and praying every day, and 4), cutting as much lustful things from my life as I can. Even if I don’t pray for help in this certain area, the more time I spend in the Word and prayer, it seems that the wall between my heart and the lust grows higher, the barrier grows thicker, and my resistance grows stronger. I cannot be or do anything holy apart from Him and without the shed blood of the Lamb, that perfect, spotless righteousness that died on the cross which is the greatest gift ever given or received.

    • NG says:

      amen! The more we want to spend with the Lord & the more we want to focus on Him in our lives, the less appeal worldly, fleshly things have…

  12. Katharine Menning says:

    Thank you so much for this post! I am 17 years old and just recently have been really struggling with sexual desires. Your post reminded me that these feelings are perfectly normal, given to us by God, and that we need to know how to deal with them in a godly way. Thank you!

  13. ThePoeticMusician says:

    This is really good! As a single 21 year old, I can definitely say this is a real issue for girls too, not just guys! Thank you! 🙂

    • thehappygirl says:

      I’m with you @thepoeticmusician:disqus! I’m 21 as well. Sometimes it’s hard being single and trying to deal with those type of desires, so when something like that comes up for me I try to pray, sing, or quote verses. Pretty soon, I forget all about it. It’s so wonderful how God always give us a way to escape every temptation 🙂

      • SarahLiz says:

        @@disqus_hihTx5ZolR:disqus, so awesome to meet other girls on here that struggle with the same things. We’re all in this together! God bless you, sister!

  14. NG says:

    I feel you… I am a few years older, with a very high drive.. Thankfully, the Lord has given me the grace to overcome this, and he can do it for anyone. It helps when you know that nothing can really satisfy the deep need and longing for a godly spouse, except God Himself.. and so my relationship with Him is my top priority.
    Self gratification may not be a sin for everyone, but I know it is not a good thing for me. It clouds my clarity and relationship with the Lord, although I know He loves and forgives. The temporary release is not really that satisfactory..
    I have more trouble with some crazy dreams… thankfully, they’re getting fewer and fewer.
    All I can say is, don’t hate your drive, don’t see it as a problem, it is a gift.. pray for the right man who will appreciate it.

    • Jennifer Underwood says:

      Thanks for being so kind! I found a verse in corinthians that helped me break the stronghold i cant remember where it is but it starts with…”Flee fornication” and goes onto say that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. every time I remind myself that the Holy Spirit is in there its a real turn off to consider gratifiying oneself knowing that its true. The one thing i dont get is yes God is love, but sexual needs are different, so I dont see how he can fulfill a desire in that area of the body.

    • MariR says:

      NG, Either you or someone you heard or fead implanted a false notion in your mind. They/you made yourself experience false guilt about masturbation, and they hoodwinked you into buying the idea that if you do it, you will hurt your relationship with God and he will disapprove of you.
      Don’t believe this hyperjudgemental, non-Biblical “advice.”
      Please read my 2 above responses.

      • NG says:

        MariR, you are so wrong about ‘false guilt’. You are the one trying to interfere with my relationship with God 🙂 trying to recommend me to be involved in some activity which I don’t find good or beneficial for myself. Why is that? Could it be that you are under some guilt?
        I am not telling anyone they should feel guilty about the issue, it is something they have to work out between them and the Lord, as the Bible is silent about it.
        May the Lord bless you as you seek Him.

  15. Grace says:

    Kristen, I can’t thank you enough for this post! I’m 17, and this particular topic seems to be a continual and growing struggle in my life. Thank you so much for your wisdom and tips on how to overcome this struggle. Like you said, it really is a fight to keep not just a pure lifestyle, but also a pure mindset in today’s culture. Your post is just what I needed to read. Thank you for the encouragement!!!!

  16. Kristen P says:

    Wow! I don’t think I ever stopped nodding my head while reading this! Spot on! Thank you so much!

  17. Morgan P says:

    I often struggle with these kind of things. I wrote a bunch of verses relating to this issue in a notebook and memorized a lot of them. Try to get your mind off your desires, dwelling on God’s Word. Praying or going over the lyrics of a godly song are also good tactics. It all comes down to who you want to please. If you keep dwelling on sin, you’ll give in. “Just two choices on the shelf: pleasing God and pleasing self.” I still struggle, but these things help.


  18. alice says:

    I have a question… you said God created us to want intimacy obviously in marriage, and desiring it is not a curse. So why would God make you like it and make it His will to keep it away from you to not ever getting a husband? Now is a curse not a gift. What kinda God would do that to His children He loves?

    • Adele says:

      It’s not always His will to keep you away from a husband. He does call some people to lifelong celibacy and singleness but not everyone. I believe now is a gift because He’s preparing you for marriage and His plan is best. He wants the best for you!
      I want to flip your question on it’s head. It shouldn’t be what kind of loving God would do that; it should be thank you God for giving us marriage as the perfect place for our sexual desires to be fulfilled. We don’t deserve anything from God. He loves us because He created us. He created you uniquely and loves you more than you can ever imagine! We may not always like His timing but His timing is perfect and will produce the best life possible.

    • Michelle says:

      Just to add to that – back in bible times girls would marry very young – about 14 years old. In this culture we have delayed marriage but then have the added expectation to be celibate sometimes well into our 30’s. I don’t believe this is God’s design and no wonder it’s frustrating.

  19. Hannah B says:

    I had to completely give up on any romance related media, it really messed my mind up and now at almost 16 I really-really- regret reading the sappy stuff I did.

  20. Kaitlyn Hopper says:

    This isn’t is great tips! I’ve felt with sexual desires for most of my life and felt like I can’t never escape no matter what.

  21. Audrey says:

    I’ve been giving in to temptation a lot and I know it’s wrong each time and I pray to God and ask for forgiveness but I just keep messing up and giving into sin and I feel horrible and don’t know if God will still forgive me.

  22. Karen B says:

    we are tempted by things which we find appealing. Worth pondering on whether we may be liking some sexual sin and to repent if need be.
    it helps to separate sexual desires and association with some handsome young man who is closest to us at one point in time. sexual desire is not an excuse for coveting or lusting after someone who is not (or not yet) our husband.
    it helps to talk to ourselves into keeping ourselves for the one we will marry one day. this will help us not to lust after anyone when the sexual desires are really overwhelming us or seem to be.
    praising God in spirit helps me a lot since when I worship God in Spirit, nothing in this world can appeal to me.
    wherever sin has abounded, grace has abounded even more.
    I do also ask God to increase my love for Him in those moments. I have noted that when I feel love for God very strongly, no thoughts of sin can subsist in me.
    Hope that helps. God bless!

  23. Natalia Mena says:

    What if I don’t want a spouse? I’m human and I have sexual desires. GOD made me a sexual being and now I have to fight the way I was created because I would never get married. I just can’t understand it.

  24. MariR says:

    Jennifer, Read my above post. There is nothing wrong with sexual self-release, if you follow the advice I stated above.
    You don’t have to go through life suffering and denying yourself the ability to meet your own physical needs.

  25. Olivia says:

    I have an idea, just masturbate.

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