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How I Handled the Hardest Day of My Entire Life

By: Bethany Beal

I sat there in the hospital room holding my dying baby brother in my arms.

Prior to this moment in time I was a happy, outgoing, carefree 16 year old girl. Everything in my life seemed perfect…until I got the dreaded phone call.

I was on my way home from a week long summer camp and was laughing over the weeks memories with my friends in the car. My mom was 8 months pregnant and from my perspective seemed to be doing great.

Little did I know that tragedy struck home while I was away.

“Mom’s in the hospital. The doctor says something is terribly wrong with the baby. They have to do a c-section immediately. We’ll pick you up as soon as you get home and take you to the hospitable”

Those were the tragic words I heard coming through the cell phone line. Tears immediately began streaming down my face as I realized my baby brother (the one I had been hoping for and praying for) had very slim chances of survival.

The next few days went by in a blur of tears and before I knew it I was holding my dying brother in my arms.

As I sat there with my family in the cold hospital room, I couldn’t believe what was happening. I couldn’t believe my baby brother was dying and would be gone within a few hours.

I tried my best to cherish those final moments and soak up the beauty of his adorable face.

The moment we were all dreadfully expecting came and little baby Matthew breathed his final breath. He was now in Heaven and I was absolutely heart broken. I had never experienced anything so painful in my life and can honestly say, even ten years later, that that day was the hardest day of my entire life.

How I handled the hardest day of my life.

In the days, weeks, and months that followed my brothers death, I was faced with a choice. I could pour my heart out to God, cling to His promises, and trust in Him for healing. Or, I could question His goodness and grow bitter and angry.

I knew what I needed to do.

Instead of choosing bitterness, I chose to trust in God. I chose to believe that His ways are perfect and that He was using all things (including my brother’s death) for my good and His glory.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Choosing to trust in God during that time was not an easy thing to do. I had SO many “why” questions that I knew I would probably never get answers to.

Questions like:

“Why did he have to die?”

“Why did You allow my mom to get pregnant if You knew he was going to die?”

“Why did You answer our prayers by giving us a baby?”

“Why does this have to be so painful?”

“Why, why, why…”

Despite my questions, feelings of sorrow, and confusion over the “why,” I learned two very important truths during this time.

Let me share them with you:

1. Trusting in God is a choice, not a feeling.

During this time I learned that I have to choose to trust God despite how I feel. It’s easy to trust in God when life is going the way we want, but, when life is hard trusting in Him is SO much more difficult.

I’ll admit that I still struggle with this. I have to constantly remind myself to choose to trust in Him despite how I feel.

The Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

God will direct our paths and show us His plan for our lives if we fully and completely trust in Him. Do you believe that?

2. God is always there for me.

Through this situation I learned that God will never leave me. He is always there and will bring peace and comfort if we choose to cling to Him. Even though my heart was breaking during this time, God gave me incredible amounts of peace and comfort.

I felt so confident that God was working in the situation and that He was very present in my life, and my family’s lives, during this time.

The Bible says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will strengthen and help you if you choose to trust in Him.

God will strengthen you.

The next time you are going through a hard situation remember that God is sovereign and loves you SO much. He desires for you to trust in Him and find peace in His promises. He wants to offer you the strength to make it through those hard times.

Let’s talk about it…

Are you struggling to trust in God with a hard situation in your life?

What have you done in the past to find peace and comfort in God?

How I Handled the Hardest Day of My Entire Life

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15 Responses to How I Handled the Hardest Day of My Entire Life

  1. Elyonara Borges says:

    I’m struggling to trust in God with a hard situation in my life right now. As you said it’s difficult to trust Him during hard situations, I think that as human beings we tend to be worried about everything, we think that the way we think things should be is the only right way that will work. But, when we ask God to take control and to help us to overcome hard situations, we feel a peace that passes understanding inside our hearts. I’ve experienced this feeling. It’s amazing when God work inside our heart to trust He is in control even when we think things are not working rightly.

    I’ll trust Him with all my heart, I know He is control even when I can’t understand why things are happening in the way they are happening.

    Thank you for this post. It has encouraged me more to trust God always. May God bless your life, Bethany.

    • Elyonara Borges says:

      God works *

    • GirlDefined says:

      @Elyonara Borges, I’m so glad this post was an encouragement to you! I was encouraged by your comment when said, “I’ll trust Him with all my heart, I know He is control even when I can’t understand why things are happening in the way they are happening.” Amen! I am so glad you are choosing to trust God despite how you feel! 🙂

      Keep trusting in Him!

      • Elyonara Borges says:

        Amen! I’m glad you were also encouraged by the words I said. Knowing that He is in control brings us peace. Let’s rest in Him.
        Blessings, sister in Christ!

  2. Jacey Faith says:

    Thanks for sharing….my family went through a very similar time in our lives, so I can relate to your story very well.

  3. SavedbyGrace says:

    Wow! I’m sort of speechless. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you guys to go through that type of thing. I’m so sorry for u guys! But God is good all the time! I have been going through a very tough time lately myself:( There is a lot of things that are hitting me all at once. My only sister is in a relationship, and so is everyone else around me:( She’s trying to figure out if the guy n her life is part of God’s will for her, or not. That adds a lot of pressure and stress to our lives as you may know:) And then there is me trying to figure out how to take all of this in. I’m in the midst of finishing some school. i just broke up with my boyfriend after almost a year:( It was really hard saying goodbye:( And then there is a new young man in my life who is trying to catch my attention. I don’t even know him well enough to tell him that I just want to be friends right now. I would love to see where being friends with him would lead in the FUTURE, but not now. I don’t want to be anything more than friends NOW, but that’s not saying I don’t want more than friends in the FUTURE. Do you see where I am coming from?:)!!! So yeah, there is a lot of things going on in my life! It’s as confusing to me, as it sounds to you:) I’m trying my HARDEST to stay content, but it’s REALLY hard right now because of all that is in front of me. I do know that my Savior has a plan for my life, and that He never fails. It’s just a tough chaotic time in my life where i must strengthen my faith now more than ever! prayers are appreciated!

  4. Ina Yefimov says:

    I went through something very similar last year. Except it was a miscarriage, but I already loved that baby as if it was born, and man was it painful for me. I had wanted another baby in the family so bad. I agree to it being the hardest day in my life too. But your baby was actually born, which must have been ten times more painful.
    God is good all the time.

  5. Wow! Great post! My mother was 8 months pregnant as well, and lost the baby… she was a still-born baby. It was very hard for my family. Like you, my parents decided to cling to Christ in the time of need. Looking back on it, they said that’s when God was there the most!
    Thanks for your post! Very Encouraging!

  6. Tammy Carroll Martin says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Bethany. I can relate as both the sister and the mother in your family’s loss. I see God’s grace and love in your posts and encouragement to other young women you are able to minister to each week. Your words touch my heart often. Thank you for being obedient to share as you feel so led. <3 Tammy

  7. Tanya says:

    How can you know if you fully trust God or not?

    • Elyonara Borges says:

      Tanya, let me try to help you. In my opinion (I’ve experienced that), when we trust in God fully we feel a peace that passes understanding, that is, no matter how things are difficult or how confused you are or how the circumstances seems impossible, you experience peace, resting, you know from inside of your heart that God is control and that His will is always good and perfect.

      I hope this helps you.


    • Joy says:

      When you are at peace. You just KNOW that God has it under control

  8. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you for making this post! It’s hard to lose someone you love. This post really helped me deal with my own loses. My Nana like lost both her brothers when they were babies.

  9. Joy says:

    I feel so sorry for you. I love babies and I almost lost my only little sister that way. O how I love her!!!!!

  10. Elisa Grace says:

    My mom miscarried a baby before I was born. I’ve always wished for an older sibling, but evidently, it wasn’t God’s plan.

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