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The Hardest Thing About Being a Christian Single Girl

By: Bethany Beal

I’ve been thinking about this specific blog post for the past two weeks. When I first thought of the title I was excited and ready to write. And then I realized that this isn’t just a normal (1. opening story 2. helpful advice 3. ending questions) blog post.

This is a blog post that requires me to be totally down-to-earth and honest. It’s a time for me to open up my heart and be as truthful as I possibly can.

I want you to know that I’m just a regular girl, with regular struggles, and regular fears. My life is far from perfect and I am far from perfect.

The grass is always greener on the other side

So often we as Christian girls peek into each others lives and assume that somehow our story is harder. We look at each others lives and figure that, for whatever reason, the other girl has it easier. Have you ever felt that way? I sure have.

Let’s get rid of the “greener grass syndrome” right now. I am challenging you to be humble and honest. I am going to take off my “mask” and be real with you. Will you join me?

Here is a peek inside my heart.

I vividly remember a time in my life when I looked at the “older” single girls (girls in their mid-to-late twenties which is MY CURRENT AGE) and was oh so glad that I wasn’t in their shoes. Being past the age of twenty-two as a single girl was a horrifying thought to me. I was positive that I would never be one of those girls.

I would think to myself, “Nope. Not me. My story is going to be different. I just know that I’ll marry the manly hunk of my dreams by 19-20. No worries for me.”

Oh boy. Was I ever wrong.

God had a completely different story written for my life. The “getting married young to my manly hunk” was not in His plan.

So here I am today. I’m 26 years old and I’m one of “those girls” that I promised myself I would never be. I’m living a life that I never could have imagined. Am I happy? Absolutely. Do I love my life? For sure! Would I trade it? No way.

But just because I love my life, doesn’t mean it’s always easy. I still very much desire to get married…like yesterday would have been nice. I still struggle with worrying, stressing and fretting over my never ending singleness.

After thinking this through, I’ve boiled it down to one struggle. Out of all the hardships that come with being single, I would say this is the hardest for me.

What is the hardest thing about being a christian single girl?

For me, the very hardest thing about being a christian single girl, is the fear of the unknown future.

Did you catch that? The fear of the unknown future.

Having absolutely no idea what your future holds can be slightly terrifying. Especially when it has to do with romance.

There are no guarantees. There isn’t a plan. There isn’t a clue. There isn’t writing on the wall telling me, “Just hold on for a few more years.”

That is what scares me. That is what tempts me to worry. That is what triggers my fear. I just don’t know what my future holds.

These thoughts are constantly trying to squeeze into my brain and tempt me to worry.

“What if I’m single forever?”

“What if people feel sorry for me?”

“What if guys don’t even think of me as an option?”

“What if I just keep getting older and older and older?”

“Yikes! What if all my siblings get married and I’m the only one left?”

Where do I go from there?

So what do I do? Where do I go from there? Desiring marriage in and of itself is a good thing. God created marriage and it is a beautiful gift and blessing. I don’t think giving up that desire is the answer. I don’t think turning that desire into an idol is the answer either. Obviously, Worrying is a sin and does not bring about anything good.

So what do I do?

This quote perfectly sums up the answer to my dilemma:

“I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.”  

God is the only person I want in charge of my future. Over this past year I’ve seen God do some incredible things in my life. I know that if He wanted me to be married (have a guy, be in a relationship etc. etc.) I would be. He obviously has a different plan.

Knowing that He purposely has me single during this season encourages my heart and makes me excited. He has a plan for my life. I’m not in some “in-between” stage waiting for my life to begin. My life is happening right now. Your life is happening right now.

The question is, what will you do with the time that God’s given you? What will I do with these single years?

Have purpose and serve God.

I honestly believe that one one of the best ways to overcome depression, sadness, unhappiness and worry during the single years, is to have an eternal purpose.

Having purpose and serving God brings so much joy and fulfillment. It forces you to take your eyes off of yourself and what you don’t have, and puts them on Christ’s purposes and on others needs.

If I could recommend one thing for single Christian girls to do during this time it would be this:

Have a God-centered vision and serve Him with your life.

Don’t sit around waiting for your life to begin. Start living and thriving right now. You have so much to offer this world. God says in Luke 10:2, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.”

Be one of those workers. You will be shocked by how little you worry about your singleness and your future when you are working for Christ.

I want you to be open and honest with me.

What would you say is the hardest thing about being a Christian single girl?

I’d love to continue this conversation below. Let’s exchange stories, encourage each other and share ideas on how to be productive during this time.

P.S. The picture at the top of this blog post is me. That’s exactly how I feel when I’m tempted to worry about the future. I wonder, “Will I ever have a ring on this finger?!?”

The Hardest Thing About Being a Christian Single Girl

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145 Responses to The Hardest Thing About Being a Christian Single Girl

  1. Kay says:

    I think the hardest thing for me about being a Christian single girl is wondering, “Will any guy EVER love me? Will any guy EVER think I’m good enough? And even if a guy does like me, will he be strong in his Christian values and lead me closer to God, or could it be a harmful relationship?” Now I know I’m not really at an age to date or marry yet (I’m almost 16, and I want to wait until after highschool to start a relationship), but it doesn’t stop me from asking these questions…

    I would love to serve God with my life, but I’m struggling to find the passion, and I also wonder how to work for Him when I’m this young? I would appreciate suggestions!! 🙂

    • Mel says:

      Hey Kay,

      Being ‘almost 16’ and asking these questions is remarkable! 1Timothy 4:12 tells us to ‘Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, … Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young,..’ this would be great motivation for someone in your situation. You are never too young to serve God!!! The list of working for God is endless…. you could volunteer in church, an elderly-people facility, hospitals, a shelter, in school, at home, it could be something as simple as baby-sitting but the most important thing I would suggest prior to engaging yourself is asking God for direction and His leading so that you can be an effective servant doing what He wants as opposed to what you want. (Prov 14:12-There is a way that seems right to a man but it leads in destruction)-He knows best, what He wants you to do!! I would strongly suggest that you start by sharing your desires with God in prayer and ask Him to guide you.

      • Elizabeth says:

        Hi Mel! Could I pipe in and say that the ministry of babysitting is great! I’d probably describe it as an available opportunity, rather than simple. Just a thought. 🙂 Mothers REALLY appreciate it, and I know from experience that the job sometimes requires saving the child’s life. I love your comment! Being a young believer is such an awesome thing.

    • CT says:

      If you think about it, there’s an entire lost and dying world right outside your doorstep that needs to desperately hear the Gospel. God has called each of us, married or single, young or old, to share His message everywhere! Practically speaking, this is a time to be useful to God’s work, whether it be under a Christian organization/church or not. Personally, I like to hand out tracts to the cashiers at grocery stores, restaurants, other places of commerce, etc. And when you get the opportunity to (there are plenty if you just watch for them), make Christ the center of your conversations and interactions with other people. Make your love for Him flow outwardly through the way you speak and act whether it be in the marketplace or with friends.

  2. Allie says:

    Wow, It´s like I´ve written this!

    The hardest thing for me is having everybody, I mean, Everybody! telling me I should be married, asking me when, telling me I should be holding a baby…. when there is no guy around, but there are weddings all around!

    And other hard thing is to think I´m not good enough for any guy. An that horrible fear of the unknown future… but this makes my soul cling to Christ. I´m learning to wait and trust in the one who holds the future 🙂 And that my competence comes from God.

    • GirlDefined says:

      @Allie Thanks for being so open and honest with us. As a single girl myself I can definitely relate to those thoughts and struggles. Watching all of your friends enter relationships and get married can be really hard. Especially when there are no guy prospects around for you.

      I’ve been studying the life of Moses for the past several months and have been so encouraged by what I’ve learned. God did so many amazing works and miracles throughout Moses lifetime. The God of Moses is our very same God today. He is big, mighty and all powerful. He can accomplish anything that He wants to. Nothing can stand in His way. Knowing that I am serving and trusting Him with my life brings me so much comfort.

      The next time you are tempted with worry, remember who your God is. The very thought of Him brings peace and rest to my soul and I think it will for yours as well. <3 Love you girl!

  3. Tanya says:

    I feel exactly the same way Bethany, as I’ve already told you before We share the same thoughts and fears. What you’re writing in here is my open heart. I really don’t talk about these things with anybody, even my parents, because they are worrying about me already and I don’t want them to worry even more if I tell them how much my singleness distresses me.
    I want to suggest that we all single girls who come and share our thoughts and worries on this blog pray for each other daily. Possibly make a list of names and pray for each single girl in particular for one day. I decided to fast and pray every friday for my future as well as Bethany’s and many other girls who read this blog. I might not know your name but God knows.
    And I know why you Bethany is still single. If you got married young, you might have not received this calling from God to encourage other girls. And not many sinle girls would want to accept this calling by laying out their heart for everybody. But you did, because you are strong in Christ and I know he will bless you.
    Praying for y’all!!!

    • GirlDefined says:

      @Tanya Thank you so much for sharing your heart and for talking with us about this sensitive issue. Taking your worries and desires before God is the VERY best thing to do. Praying over your future is very wise of you. Thank you for being willing to pray for our futures as well. I really appreciate that 🙂

      Also, you are so sweet to say what you did at the end of your comment. I am so grateful that God has given me the opportunity to write and encourage other Christian girls. I am honored that God would choose me to fulfill this position <3

  4. Anna Jones says:

    I’m grateful for your honesty in this, Bethany. It would be easy to pretend like you have no fears so you seem okay to others. But honesty is the best policy. The hardest part for me is trying to stop myself from fearing that I’m going to marry the ugliest guy ever at the ripe age of 38 or something, LOL! I have to remember that God knows me and God loves to give his children gifts that they desire if they will delight themselves in Him FIRST! Thank you for honesty; i’ll be praying for you Bethany! 🙂

    • GirlDefined says:

      @Anna Jones Like I said in my blog post, my life is far from perfect and I am far from perfect. I have plenty of struggles, worries, fears and I desire to be as transparent as I possibly can. Knowing that we aren’t the only ones struggling is encouraging 🙂

      Thanks for sharing your fear with us. I remember having thoughts very similar to the one you mentioned. You nailed it though, “God loves to give his children gifts that they desire if they will delight themselves in Him FIRST.” We must learn to delight in the Lord above all else. Only then will we be able to enjoy the gifts He as given us. His ways are perfect and we truly can trust in Him 🙂 Thanks for opening up and sharing <3

    • thehappygirl says:

      Hey @anna_jones:disqus, I love that: “I have to remember that God knows me and God loves to give his children gifts that they desire if they will delight themselves in Him FIRST!” I often quote Psalm 37: 4-5 (KJV) “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” It’s so encouraging for this season of life 🙂

  5. Marian Cheska Denis says:

    Great post!

    I absolutely agree with everything you said. Being single is hard, especially when you see all your friends with their boyfriends. I was in a bad relationship before my current one. I knew I shouldn’t have been in that relationship but I was. I struggled with it and finally that relationship that I knew would end, ended and I’m glad it did. Lesson learned: it’s better to be single than being in a relationship with the wrong one. Seriously, I knew we shouldn’t date nonchristians because try as we might to change them/convert them it will never happen! They have to come on their own (it’s their relationship with God). So after that relationship I asked God to help me focus on Him. His will be done and not my will. He has a plan for me he says in Jermiah 29:13. I just needed to trust him. Two years later, God gave me someone who I can truly say is a blessing in my life. So all I can say is wait, God has a plan in your life. It may not be the plan you have for yourself but if He wants you to be single He will give you the strength to be. Everyone is special in God’s eyes, He loves us and He will never abandon us! 🙂

  6. Great blogpost! SUPER encouraging! 🙂

  7. Elizabeth Williams says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your heart! I really struggle with thinking that the grass is greener on the other side too. It’s easy to look at another girl’s life and think that she has it SO easy. Yes, being single can be really hard. The hardest thing for me is probably the same as your answer, not knowing the future. I am 22 and have no guy in sight. I wonder things like “Will a guy EVER notice me?” or “What if I never get married?” or “What if the only guy that ever notices me is SO not what I’ve prayed for?” It can be so easy to let your mind wander and start to doubt God’s ways, especially when all these people around you are in relationships. By the way, when you do get married someday(if that’s God’s will), you are going to have this whole sisterhood rejoicing with you!

  8. Annie Sechrist says:

    Thank you, Bethany! This was a lovely post and you have a lovely heart.

    I wanted to share some thoughts from a 29-year-old girl (me!), who wants to be married, who has been told from a young age that she’s incredible and beautiful and “marriage material,” who has seen all of her closest friends marry and move away. My position has not been easy, but it has gotten easier! And yes, it will get easier for you who feels like it’s been an eternity already!

    I feel younger, more joyful, and more hopeful now than I did at 22. I haven’t “given up” on getting married. But God has taught me (and I’ve learned) how to trust Him with my status and my future. Singleness may seem like an identity crisis, as the terminology you used shows how we tend to think of it (“not one of THOSE girls),” but it truly isn’t. The story of a woman sold out for Christ and focused on eternity while stretching herself to serve the kingdom here on earth, is an amazing story, and an amazing identity! And it is entirely unconnected to whether that woman is married or not, or whether a man thinks she is desirable.

    I praise God that He has brought me “safe thus far,” and that He will lead me “safely home.” Many of my younger, married friends have jokingly confessed that if they had not married when they did, they would have gone crazy, joined a convent, adopted a zillion cats, moved to a foreign country out of desperation, etc., etc. But I praise God that He has not let me get to that point! (And I believe He wouldn’t have let my friends get to that point either!) There is grace sufficient for this trial. Embrace that grace, dig in deep, learn about it, trust it. Explore ways to live your life to its fullest potential. Talk with your married friends about what they wish they could do or would have done as a single girl. Ask God to use this time to make you an even better wife and mother than you would have been had you married before 22. Also, train your mind not to create false expectations about how your timeline and story will look, and you may be delightfully surprised by the ways God blesses you with a plan and a purpose that you are thrilled to fulfill.

    • Quite Distinguished says:

      Amen! Thanks for sharing God’s work in your heart–it is lovely to see. I love your statement: “Embrace that grace, dig in deep, learn about it, trust it.” I might just have to borrow that. 🙂

  9. Katie says:

    crying during this post Bethany. this is me. SO BAD is this me. Right now, the hardest thing about being a single Christian girl is watching nearly ALL my friends getting engaged, married, and having children right now 🙁 while no guy even looks my way. Another thing is that I feel cheated. As though my focus on and love for God when all y friends were focusing on guys was supposed to be rewarded with a husband– and now I’m the one with no prospects and all my friends are getting their happily ever afters. I KNOW this is wrong, but you wanted us to be honest. It feels like a punishment.
    Another thing, is that Great! your advice is Great! But due to some hardship/personal trials, all that passion I used to have? It’s gone. I literally have none, and don’t even know what I should “want to do” or HAVE passion for anymore 🙁
    I’m hurting, not trying to be mean; please understand my comment in this light. lol
    I REALLY appreciated this post <3 and your honesty in it. I'l admit your life seems so perfect. 🙁

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey Katie I really admire your honesty and openness on the blog. I know it takes a lot of courage to share what’s really going on in your heart. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying. Most of my friends are either married with children, getting married, or, in a relationship. It can be hard not to feel like God has “forgotten” you. I totally get that. I want to share with you a few verses and thoughts that have brought me a lot of hope. As a girl in the same boat as you, maybe this will help 🙂

      Proverbs 21:1 “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.”

      I love that verse for so many reasons. It’s a reminder of just how BIG our God truly is. He has power to turn the hearts of people wherever He wills. If God wanted to turn the heart of a man in my direction (or your direction) He could do it. He doesn’t need our help. He can do whatever He wills. Knowing that I am trusting my life to Him brings me hope.

      Hebrews 4:13 “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

      God sees us and hears our every prayer. Nothing *nothing* is hidden from His sight. He hasn’t forgotten us. He is just as real and present as He’s always been.

      Romans 5:8 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

      Don’t forgot the love that God has already shown you. He gave sent His son to die for you. Even if you (or myself) were to never get married or to never receive another “blessing” again, this would be more than we deserve. Because He saved us we should praise Him daily. That truly should be our mindset.

      To answer the second half of your question. You said that you don’t feel passion and you don’t know what to do. I recently heard a story in church about a great hero of the faith. They said that this missionary was faithful in getting up every single day and spending time praying and studying God’s Word. The story went on to reveal that most of the time this great hero of the faith didn’t “feel” like praying. He didn’t “feel” like studying God’s Word. He didn’t “feel” like praising God. But He did it because He knew it was right and He knew it was best.

      That is how our lives need to be. We need to be diligent and faithful whether we feel like it or not. I would highly encourage you to get into God’s Word, pray and worship every single day. It doesn’t matter if your feelings are in it or not. You will re-learn to love God and find passion for Him through your faithfulness. Don’t stop seeking Him just because you don’t feel like it at the moment.

      Know that we are in this together. I am here cheering for you and would love to encourage you however I can. Let me know your thoughts on what I’ve said. I’d love to hear what you are thinking. -Bethany

      • Katie says:

        … wow… thank you is pretty inadequate (I wish I could hug you right now, sister) but this meant a lot.
        Those verses were beautiful– I’ve heard each of them over and over and over and over (been blessed to have grown up in a solid Christian home and great churches!) but the way you presented EACH ONE gave me completely new perspectives on each! Never seen any of them from that angle before! (Just like you can read a passage of Scripture over and over, and then one time God shows it to you in a completely different way!) That’s what happened. And it helps.
        It hit home what you said “you will re-learn to love God and find passion for Him through your faithfulness.” God knew HOW BADLY I needed to hear that!!! 🙁 I just feel so overwhelmed right now because, nothing is catastrophically wrong, but nothing. is. right. (or at least “right” in the sense that it USED to be 🙁 and I see all these problems that need to be fixed or worked on in my relationship with God, my relationships with my family, convictions, and certain thought-processes, and I freak b/c it’s just so much it scares me. And I don’t know where or how to start.
        But thank you. Seriously. I appreciate you taking the time to write that reply to me. It really touched me and it helps some <3 Please have someone hug you for me 😉 I really appreciate it.-Katie

  10. Chara says:

    Bethany, thank you so much for your honest in this post. I feel so relieved knowing that I’m not the only one who thinks that the hardest thing about being a single 26-year-old is not knowing what the future holds! You expressed my heart so truly in your post!

    I feel rather selfish, but my primary reason for wanting to get married is to have a solid idea of what my future will be and answer all the questions: Who am I? Where am I going? What am I doing with my life? Who is going with me? 🙂 For me, it comes back to the struggle to relinquish control of my life. Being a control freak is never an attractive thing, and as a woman especially, having a control issue would definitely undermine a godly marriage. So this season of singleness is the perfect place to break free of having to be control and to learn submission–to my King, my Lord, and my Beloved.

    • GirlDefined says:

      @chara I am so glad you were encouraged by this blog post. It is really nice to know that we aren’t alone in this season of life 🙂 Having other young women to talk to and relate to is so nice!

      I love your mindset. You have a great outlook on this season and I really admire your desire to grow spiritually. You said, “So this season of singleness is the perfect place to break free of having to be control and to learn submission–to my King, my Lord, and my Beloved.” Super idea girl! Learning and growing *before marriage* will be a huge blessing to your husband in the future. Thanks for sharing <3

  11. Quite Distinguished says:

    Thanks for baring your heart and expressing the not-so-secret thoughts of so many of us “still” single gals–feelings we’re often (sadly) ashamed to admit to having. The hardest thing for me is having people talk to me about my “still” singleness as if I’m broken or somehow got stuck on God’s “plan B” for me. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-16), and if any other situation were better for my soul, God would place me there. As you stated: “I know who holds my future” so we can have peace in the midst of longing. 🙂 That’s not to say there aren’t seasons of discouragement, but in those times I know to Whom to look. Praise God for His faithfulness. I’m walking right alongside you in this…We serve a great God.

    • GirlDefined says:

      @quitedistinguished:disqus Thanks for jumping on the blog and sharing your thoughts. You made a few really great points. I love what you said here, “I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-16), and if any other situation were better for my soul, God would place me there.” That is so true. If there were a better situation, God would place you there. He is all almighty, all powerful, all knowing. He can do anything He wants to. That is the only God I want in charge of my love story.

      I love that you pray for your future husband. I started praying for mine when I was about 14 years old. What a blessing to him and what an encouragement to us. Taking our cares and concerns before the Lord is the very best thing to do.

  12. Joy Anna says:

    I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for the past few months, and decided to finally comment. Honestly, your post today is such a blessing as I was having a day of struggling with being single. Most days the busyness of life keeps me from dwelling on it, but periodically I have a time of struggling with contentedness. I am 25 and enjoy teaching at a Christian school and being involved with my church, and I have an awesome family, but I have always desired to be married and have children. I think the hardest thing for me is being content, and as you said, not worrying about if I will ever marry and have a family. I don’t have many single friends that I can talk to, and your blog has been a wonderful encouragement to see other single girls serving the Lord. Thank you for your honest encouragement and challenge today!

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey! I am so glad that you decided to finally comment. We love hearing from the GirlDefined readers. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and to share how this post encouraged you. I hope we will hear from you again soon <3

  13. Gabriele says:

    This post definitely hit me. I am going on 22 and have been single for almost 2 years now. I was certain that my last boyfriend of 5 years was the one until I found out he was cheating on me and he ended up moving in with her. I was left heartbroken, starting to question and doubt so many things but over these past 2 years God has brought me back up and I know i am exactly where He wants me to be. After the breakup I moved 5hrs away from home to go to a University to study art. So much has changed and now I see why God brought me here. I have had so many amazing things happen in my life and so many wonderful opportunities come, I have also regained old great friends that I had lost being in that toxic relationship. There are still those moments when I see all of my friends and my sister in relationships or I see people having children and it kind of tugs at my heart. I feel like the hardest thing about being a single Christian girl is definitely the fear of not knowing what the future holds. Not knowing if I will be single forever. I’m going to be honest and say that I have had fears that maybe God’s plan for my life might be a single one.. that maybe that is my plan.. To be a single woman. I used to get really sad over that thought. The truth is that we don’t know what the future holds. Being single is not a bad thing & I have definitely made myself believe that is was for the longest time.

    • GirlDefined says:

      @Gabriele. Wow! It sounds like you came out of a hard and painful situation. I know that must have been really challenging for you. Thanks for taking the time to comment and share a piece of your story with us. I was encouraged by what you said and I’m sure the other readers were as well. If you ever have the chance to read Choosing Gratitude by: Nancy Leigh Demoss I would totally recommend it. I think it would resonate with you. I read it after a break up and was MAJORLY encouraged. 🙂 Praying for that you will continue to trust God with your future. -Bethany

  14. Leah says:

    Hi Bethany,
    I’ve been reading this blog for a while and I’ve strongly related to many articles and discussions here. I’d like to express my deepest gratitude to you and your sister for working hard on this site, inspiring and sharing with so many girls and women. Your blog was a great comforter for me on several occasions (recently).
    I’m very sorry this is so long, but I really needed to tell someone before I go crazy. Don’t feel obligated to respond, I just needed to get it off my chest.

    Being single is probably my greatest struggle and I always feel desperate in the moments I realize that I can’t defeat it. Every time I start to get on top of it, some incredible guy (crush) appears in my life and brings me down with full force.
    I’m single now at 25 and it’s been 3 years since my last serious relationship. It was a happy, awesome relationship for which I had great hopes. However, things didn’t work out as I thought they would.

    When I was younger, I never dreamed I would be one of those girls who were still single at 25. And yet here I am – not just unmarried, but boyfriendless and with no potential of any half decent guy looking at me twice anytime soon (although I do get a lot of looks from half-drunk creeps on the tube, haha).
    Today I found myself attending the most amazing Resurrection celebration service, with incredible orchestral performances and a magical choir. I was stunned by how beautiful and magnificent everything was (as it should be). And yet, I was not able to completely immerse myself in it because of… a guy who sat next to me (who happened to be a friend, an unbeliever and also extremely attractive in my eyes). So of course, this occurrence got me thinking (on the spot)… about why I’m single, why guys don’t like me, why God is letting this happen, why I have to go through this whole experience so many times, why can’t I get over it once and for all. And I begin to answer my own questions with things like… “Well I have done X and Z, so this must be my just punishment for all the grief I’ve given God”. Bottom line, I just go on a nasty thought train that leads me into a state of fear, anxiety and quiet desperation. Until thankfully… my friends decided to leave halfway before the concert was over (because they didn’t like it). I felt a bit of relief.
    And yet I couldn’t properly focus throughout the service. I still enjoyed it and appreciated it, but I felt like I could have given so much more of my attention if only I wasn’t consumed by this… romance/self pity cross bred virus. I always feel a lot of guilt when this happens. It does feel like a parasite takes over my head at times. And by the time it’s over I am always left with a bundle of awful emotions that only prayer and confessing all to God can get me out of.
    In my worst moments, I notice the subtle ways in which I look at certain guys I haven’t met. It’s quite a pathetic, hopeful, romantic gaze… It makes me sick when I think about it, I’m appalled at myself. That this is what I’ve turned into.
    On one hand, I really want to get over this whole romance craving and get a solid reality check. In theory (and in experience), I do KNOW that marriage and relationships aren’t as awesome in real life as they are in my head. Intellectually, I know that God and faith are above everything else. I KNOW that romantic love is probably the biggest idol people have after chasing material wealth and that it’s a devastating idol. I know that relationships are not easy and cannot bring happiness by themselves. I also know that not all people are meant to be married and that being single for a lifetime is okay too.
    I understand and accept all of these things in my head, but… it’s as if the emotional side of me tells me something different. It’s an awful self opposition and I want to get rid of it. I would like for my heart to accept the truth as well as my mind has. But I also want to find someone and not be alone…
    Ugh, it’s just… awful. The culture I grew up into didn’t help much either.
    But anyway… the article is on the spot. I’m sure that with time God will give us the strength we need. I just needed to share. Thank you and God bless!

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hey Leah, I just finished reading your comment and want you to know how much I admire your openness and honesty. I know that most of us single girls can relate to a lot of what you are saying. You are not alone in your struggles.

      After thinking through what you’ve said I have a few small pieces of advice for you.

      1. Feelings are determined by thinking. If you can learn to control your thinking you will get a grip on your emotions. You don’t have to be run by your emotions. There is hope for a more stable future. Choosing to control your thoughts will not be easy. It will take practice and a lot of determination. First you need to make sure that you aren’t feeding these unhealthy thoughts with outside sources. What movies, music and media are you allowing into your life? Are they feeding these unhealthy emotions? If so you need to remove them. Next, pick some verses that you can meditate on throughout the day. Maybe pick a few hymns or Christian songs that will help get your mind in the right place. I know both of these things have helped me drastically. I think they will for you as well.

      2. Read solid Christian books that will help you think properly. We are born sinners and naturally think like sinners. We need to re-train our minds to think like Christians. Reading solid Christian books is a great way to do that. I would HIGHLY recommend Idols of the Heart by: Elyse Fitzpatrick. That book is AMAZING and has totally changed my life.

      3. Get a steady devotional life. Don’t try to fight this battle on your own. You have no power in and of yourself. Go to the true source of power on a daily basis. If you need ideas on how to have a vibrant devotional life, I would highly recommend A Place of Quiet Rest by: Nancy Leigh Demoss. It will open your eyes to the awesomeness of personal devotions.

      I hope that helps 🙂

  15. Gabrielle says:

    The hardest thing about being a Christian single girl is pretty much what you said, the not knowing if marriage is even in God’s plan for my life. I’ll be 20 in three years and I’ve always wanted my story to be: I got married out of high school – somewhere around 18, 19, or 20 ish. Hopefully before 25, but I have no say in that at all.

    Right now I’m striving to trust God with my future and become satisfied in Him. I wanna be able to say that I’d be content rather I was to marry or not. Right now I can’t say that, but I think I’m getting there. I’m praying to be content in singleness, knowing God is enough. Thanks for sharing!!

  16. Megan says:

    My friends and I are between the ages of 18-21. 1 is married, 2 are engaged, and the other 2 are in relationships. I’m 19 sitting here still without a first date. Ever. I would’ve never thought that would be my story. I struggle all the time with feelings of not being thin enough, pretty enough, wondering if any guy at all thinks I’m attractive. Both in Spiritual and physical sense. I get to feeling, “What is wrong with me?? Why am I like this? How can a shy, homeschooled, Christian girl find a man?”

    I’ve only felt at peace with my singleness when I was getting fired up about a mission trip and serving God.

    I think Satan uses this to cloud our minds and make us doubt God. I try to think of every bad thing I’ve “missed out on.” Such as, leaving my heart with different guys, giving in to temptation, settling, have numerous relationships.
    What also helps me is to think, I might be ready for marriage, but what if my husband isn’t? What if there’s more that God want to show/teach us before He brings us together?
    I can drown myself in Single Sorrows or I can get up on my feet and believe in God’s Word that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him…

    • Joy says:


      You probably won’t even see this, but I just wanted to send some encouragement your way. When I read your post, my heart just went out to you. I never went on a date until I was a senior in college. I’m 31 years old and I’ve only date one person.

      There is nothing wrong with you – and I can completely understand all of those things you are feeling. It’s hard when it feels like all of your friends are moving on in a direction that you would like to go and you feel left behind. But it is far, far better to remain single than to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Trust me. I’ve seen so many female friends make relationship mistakes because they felt lonely and all of those other things that you are feeling.

      You are a daughter of God. That is what makes you special and beautiful. It’s hard to be alone. I have nights when I cry into my pillow because I don’t understand why God has not granted the desires of my heart.

      My advice is to live your life. Don’t wait around for a husband to start your life. Do things that you want to do. Fulfill some dreams. Try not to worry about your single status. Notice I said try. Go to friends weddings. Be a part of other peoples lives. Find something that you love and go after it. Spend time with your family. Give back to the community.

      I write a blog called a Table for One to encourage Christian Singles. If you ever need someone to talk to, just drop me a line!

  17. Dani says:

    Hey this is totally irrelevant, but I met you guys today, you spoke today at the girl ministries! Just wanted to say I left there feeling so much more confident after the beauty talk. God bless!

  18. Cassia Pauly says:

    Olá, acabei de ler um texto que traduziram daqui, ” O mais difícil de ser uma garota cristã solteira”. Gostaria de dizer que sou grata por ler artigos assim, de garotas crentes, e solteiras. Com certeza não é fácil ser solteira, principalmente quando você vê suas amigas em um cortejo. Na minha igreja, minha mãe na fé tem estudado isso conosco, e estamos aprendendo como sermos solteiras para a glória de Deus. Que o Senhor as abençoe, a paz.

  19. Renata Fernandes says:

    I was in a relationship for 2 years with this guy I thought was going to be my husband. We broke up last December. The hardest thing for me now is that I imagined I was going to be planning my wedding this year and now I see myself single again. I’m 27 now…. 30 will be here soon. What if I’m still single? And also, when I look back and think that I wasted 2 yrs of my life. If I was honest with myself and broke up with him earlier maybe I could’ve found the right guy sooner.

  20. Well I think, honestly speaking there are sometimes, single Christian guys like me too. Let me share with you some of my story. I am 28 years old, active in indigenous missions in Asia and USA and Europe. A business graduate and also a theological studies, so education wise and career wise no issues, but still I was broken and hurt badly that I was engaged to a girl, a Pakistani girl, who now moved to Texas and when I went to meet her she simply said that she does not think, she has the same heart for God. She said, she can just break it now and she was engaged to me for 2 years. And later on, I have been praying and I talked to few Christian girls, and it seems sometime, Christian girls makes the things so difficult for Christian guys, if I am from Pakistan, is it my fault? Then why I sense that girls especially not from my country find this suspicious, they cannot relate their trust element easily, just because I am from Pakistan, just because they cannot see, I do understand, that sometimes, it happens, and you have to be careful, wise, seeking counsel and prayerful, but it does not mean that all the guys are same, especially if you are not actually giving the opportunity to the guy to explain himself, his vision and you simply reject him from his first look, can you imagine, how hurting it can be and how disrespectful it can be, I am a firm believe of marriage, that it is a blessing, and I do feel challenged, lonely and sometimes, I have tears in my eyes and ask God where is my life partner and am I ever going to get married, but with the complexity of life, I feel people are just complicating the relationships more and more.. and that is not good and discouraging.

    • Tabitha Renee says:

      It sounds like what you are doing is absolutely beautiful. I’m 28 as well and often wish for someone to grow in love for Christ together with, and it’s hard to let the Lord work when you don’t know what He has in store for you next. It’s nice to know as a women, that there are men out there such as yourself who seek to find a woman to work together for the Lord. Keep serving God in all things and He will fulfill the desires of your heart!

  21. Stacie says:

    The hardest part for me is watching every one of my friends get married & wondering if it’s in God’s plan for me. At this point, my best friend has been married twice & every other one of my friends are married some with babies with the exception of one. I feel like it’s never going to happen for me, I was engaged for 2 years & like another girl on here said I feel like I wasted those 2 years, what if God wanted me with someone else & I missed that chance during those 2 years? I’m now 22 & I feel stuck, I want to start a life & have a heart to do missionary work but I’m scared. What if I take a year planning a trip & miss out on my future husband because I made all these plans already out of a fleshly desire? I just don’t know what God wants for me & I’m so scared I’m going to mess it all up.

    • Bethany Jackson says:

      Stacie, there was something someone shared with me after things ended with my boyfriend. They told me, “God never wastes time.”

      If you have a desire to do missionary work, then DO IT! God placed those desires in your heart.

      I know it’s hard watching EVERYONE around you get the very thing you desire. Girl, I am in the same boat and I will be completely honest, it SUCKS! I am 26 years old and have only been in 1 relationship. I have watched people around get married, engaged (some, more than once), been the bridesmaid and the maid of honor. I have been the one that always throws the gender reveals, the baby shower and bridal showers. That has been my life this year. I have 5 friends having babies this year, plus my sister. And then I have several people getting engaged and married. My other sister is getting married in October.

      But what else I have watched is several friends of mine get a divorce. And I don’t want that. When I am with the man God sends, I want him for life! That is how marriage was created to be.

      I also want to do missionary work, and I have also been too scared because of “what if I miss out”. But God is constantly saying one word to me, “TRUST”. Honey, God knows where to find you. If you are in some far off country, God knows how to get your husband to you if he is supposed meet you then.

      Don’t wait to live your life, do it now! God knows where to find you!!

  22. Gita Amanda says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I’m actually only 20 but seeing most of my friends my age are all dating sometimes gets me wondering. I plan on getting married by 25. When will I find the one, if ever? I personally believe in waiting for that one perfect guy that God has chosen for me. But sometimes waiting makes me worried, and I know I shouldn’t be.

    I recently met a Christian guy who loves God as much as I do. He gives his life for serving God and probably one of the most Godly guys I’ve ever known. I think I have feelings for him, but I’m struggling whether he’s the one God wants me to be with. I do keep him in my prayer every night, but if it’s not God’s will then it’s not. But this is what gets me worried. When will God give me His chosen man?

    That’s where I keep trying to remind myself “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:33

  23. Krizza Buendia says:

    I’m 25 and still single too. I can relate to you when it comes to think about my future. I don’t know what my future will be, what does my future husband looks like. Like, I don’t have any idea at all. I’m having hard time planning for myself. But what I know is, God has a better plan for me than I have for myself.

  24. Whitney E Wright says:

    I’m 26 and newly single. My fiancé and I broke up and so I feel strange and disoriented trying to be single again. My greatest fear is that my standards are too high and that I will never be able to settle. That man may never come for me and that’s okay, it’s just strange to be in the place of as you said: not knowing what’s to come. Great point about living NOW. Finding yourself is important and doing it all for Christ’s sake is the most important thing ever. I often find myself chanting this when I run: “to be consumed by my thoughts of You, Lord and not my circumstances.”

  25. Tabitha Renee says:

    I’m 28 and youth pastor at my church. For me it’s difficult to talk to my young teens about their distress over being single. I’ve been single 28 years. It makes me sad when I see them trying to put a physical time on their relationships. They put a timeline on marriage and feel like a failure if they haven’t met that timeline. And what’s worse, is when they get on Facebook, they see all the announcements of a life they aren’t currently leading, (I’m engaged, I’m married, I’m pregnant, etc..) It’s really easy to feel hurt. You’re a young vessel for the Lord to be used by Him. I have to tell them to serve the Lord with gladness and when He is ready, your relationship will fall into place, no sooner or later. Thank you so much for discussing this topic and encouraging men and women everywhere what great use they can be while they are single, and that they shouldn’t wait for their life to begin once they meet their spouse. We can serve the Lord now!

  26. Daniel Reyes says:

    Reading this was very interesting for me. I’m a guy in my mid-thirties and I’ve been on the other side of this coin. I’m a Christian guy who is successful, single and wondering when and if God will bring someone for me. I write this because I’m about to break-up with my current girlfriend. She’s a Christian too, so what’s the issue? The same issue I’ve had with every Christian girl I’ve ever dated, 3 to 6 months in, she’s become a completely different person. Like completely different. I talk with my other single Christian guy friends and they all say this happens to them. I don’t want to sound angry or bitter, but what’s with this? Is it something us guys do that trigger this?

    • A Hammer says:

      I’m not sure if I should be the one to answer your question but I’ll try to shed a little light if I can. I’m a girl, but a guy I went out with did the same thing to me that your previous girlfriends did to you. He was desperate to impress me at the start and was over the top nice and loving and supportive, but as time went on he went back to what I assume where his old ways and started finding fault with me and everything I did and stood for. It is because the person he was when he started going out with me was just a front, a mask, a painted face. He broke up with me over the phone (after leaving me hanging for a whole week). Six months later he left his family, turned his back on his faith and went to live with his new girlfriend, who was the girl he’d always wanted, because she stood for everything he craved and secretly desired and had tried (unsuccessfully) to trick, entice and shame me into being. It sickens me that he has turned into the exact kind of person he always ran down and found fault with. I don’t hate him, but I do pray that he will go and get help someday because he is sick in his mind but he won’t admit it. Ok so what I’ve said probly does not answer your question but I promise you it is not your fault that girls are disappointing you and that when you meet the right girl, she will never change into an evil witch a couple of months in, she will just get more special and beautiful inside as you get to know her and spend more time with her. Because of what I’ve been through, I promised myself to never be anything other than myself, and I pray that God will strengthen me in being the kind of person he can love, so that a man that loves him the same way I do will find me someday.

    • Marlene Mcpherson says:

      You have provoked my thoughts. what do you mean? Explain

    • Jade says:

      I think it’s that they (girls including myself) can pretend to be their best self, but it only lasts so long until we get really comfortable with the guy, and then our true character shows itself…and if our true character is selfish and rude, than that’s what you’ll see. That’s why I think that not just dating, but also spending a lot of time with the guy or girl’s family on normal every day settings is helpful to really get to know them and see how they treat those closest to them:)

  27. nicole says:

    Thanks for writing this Bethany and being open and honest. I am 27 and like you, thought I would be married by 20 or 22 or least definitely by 25. All of my siblings who are close to my age are married with families of their own. I am “the last one left”. For a while I was thinking of my life as a holding pattern waiting for it to start when I found someone to start my life with, but the past few months I have come to realize that I can do a lot being single right now. God has us both in singleness for a reason and it is a comfort to read your feelings that resonate with my own. Just a couple of months ago I opened my life to God’s work and now he has opened the doors for me to go on a 6 month mission trip to Taiwan next year. Wow! I absolutely still times that I struggle being alone, but it helps so much to just let God work in my where I am right now and not where I might be later

  28. Novia says:

    Honestly, I struggle with fear of marrying the wrong person or saying yes to someone who is not for me! Which I think stems from the dysfunction of my first relationship that I have just come out of over this past year! I also have a fear of missing out on who God has for me. For instance I have had a couple guys now who have been interested in me, both nice guys who seem to know and be seeking the Lord, but I have rejected them. Then I start to worry, what if I say no and it is who God wants for me? LOL, but I seek the Lord and He reminds me, because we have talked about it, that I know there won’t be any doubt about the MAN God has for me. Even though I worry, I know God will let me know and give me much peace when it is time to accept a date! Praise Him, we are NOT ALONE you guys:). As long as we are seeking the Lord, and are in His will, we do not have to have these fears. Easier said than done of course but like this article says, be useful in your single season now, be open to what the Lord wants to gain in you before you are married! I believe our time of being single is extremely necessary! Stay hopeful everyone!

  29. june says:

    I’m 29 years and I’ve never been married
    and like lots of people said, I did not think in my widest dream that I’d still be single at this age.
    For some years now, battling with self pity has been a daily struggle.
    I spend considerable hours crying so much, my eyes now hurt by default . and this year, I can’t even find the strength to hope again, looks like I’m the last girl standing and believing that God is in this with me is now sooo hard.
    just today I realised how far gone into self pity I was and I realised I needed help . so that’s where my prayer is poised now.

    • Claire says:

      You are not alone. I often wonder what my future will hold. I just turned 31 and, like you, would not have picked that my life would have turned out the way it has. In saying that, through things that have happened over the past few years, I feel like I have grown so much in who I am that I now wonder how I at all thought I would’ve been ready for a relationship and a family way back when. Hang in there! You’re not alone!

      • Betty says:

        I will be 40 this month. It is extremely hard to be still single at this age but I know it could be worse in a bad marriage with an ungodly man…However hard this is, I’d rather stay single than marry someone who is not a devoted Christian just in order to be married. Unfortunately almost all my devoted friends and prayer group mates are single(aged 30-60)and in my country(Hungary) there are a lot of single people in the Catholic church…but as I watch the lives of those who don’t put God in the first place on their priority list, well….they don’t seem to be happier at all…and they are all carrying baggage I am grateful I do not have to carry…All I have is hope, that if I lay down my life in God’s hands every day, nothing will happen by chance. There is a purpose behind events even if I do not understand things and I trust that there is the love and wisdom of God behind them every time. Self pity does not help too much, but don’t forget, prayer, holy masses fasting, and serving others can help a lot. And through these we give God the opportunity to shape us and prepare us for the road we are intended to go down…and He knows better which road is best for us even if it is very hard to accept it sometimes!!!!!

    • Katie says:

      As weird as this sounds, reading this post, June, has brought me some comfort as I lay in bed this Sunday night not understanding where my life is going. Im comforted by what you wrote because I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that feels like I’m going to fall apart. I’m recently single from a relationship I put way too much effort into. I hurt because it is clear I cared for him way more than he cared for me. I’m an RN, 27 years old, Christian, caring person with so much love to offer someone. I hate that you’re dealing with that daily struggle because it’s something I battle with every day. I also have major anxiety and depression which isn’t helping my current situation. I’ve really put all my effort lately to being closer to God even though I’m having a hard time of understanding why he keeps bringing me all these toads. I look around, at some of my closest friends, that cheat on their men (whom are great great guys) and I get angry because I’d never do that on someone. It makes no sense to me that I’m someone that wants to be in a loving relationship but I see people with incredible partners that have no clue of what is being done to them. I know this sounds terrible of me and I shouldn’t judge but I’m angry and confused. When is it my turn? A life without love isn’t an option to me. I want a family. I’m a nurse, my instinct to care for people. I hope that you’re doing better. I’ll keep you in my prayers and I hope God can bring you peace!

  30. Jayna says:

    Hi,I’m 16 and the struggle is definitely real in high school. All my friends are in relationships of some sorts and I’m over here like…”That’s a nice tree”. For me, its knowing that I’m not like everyone my age. Yeah, I know it’s smart to wait till I’m older, but sometimes I just want to feel like everyone else. I’m insecure about myself and that’s not really a secret, but I wish sometimes that I had someone to “love” me. i know God, my family, my friends, and my church all love me, but I don’t know… I guess there’s just something about someone my age telling me they love me. Even though I know it won’t last, it will only break my heart if I get too attached, and if I can be real for just a second, I know it’s most likely NOT in Gods plan for me to date someone. I know it’s my flesh wanting to sin. It’s not easy being a single Christian, nor will it ever be, but day to day I just hope and pray that God can satisfy my desire of being loved by someone without sinning against Him or going against his will for my life. God Bless. <3

  31. Stephanie says:

    In March, I will turn 28. In my 28 years of life, I have never been on an actual date or even kissed a guy. Has this affected my walk with Christ? Absolutely. It is so hard to trust and believe the beauty of what God could have in store for me when I feel like I missing everything. I have questioned so many times as to why I am still single. Am I not pretty enough? Smart enough? Do I not smile enough? It is a daily struggle to be strong and confident in who the Lord has made me. I hope that I can remain strong and know that whatever the reason for seemingly long single life will serve a purpose.

  32. Lily says:

    It’s definitely hard being a single Christian in today’s world because you do feel like you’re missing out but also in particular I think sometimes I’m just too ethnic where I currently live because every guy I’ve had a crush on never likes me back and it makes me wonder (I know it’s petty) but if I lived somewhere else with more diverse people, maybe I would be able to have a boyfriend and meet my future husband in the long run. At this point in my life as a 19 year old, I just wish God would tell me whether I will be married one day or single all of my life. I honestly just want to know that aspect instead of hoping for marriage one day only to later find out it’s not in His plans for me. I don’t want to waste my time hoping and praying for something that just won’t happen.

  33. thehappygirl says:

    Being completely honest… I struggle with this a lot!! At barely 21, I’m actually the oldest single gal in my church. And by single I mean not married. I think the oldest single guy is 24 followed by a 19 year old. So yeah, in my church EVERYBODY has married young. Almost every service I get asked “Do you have a boyfriend yet?” or “Why don’t you have a man?” or something like that. Then they (the married people) try to give me advice, “You should just stop looking, that’s when it happens,” or “Just trust in God.” So far the best thing I’ve heard is “You’re a catch and any man would be lucky to have you. Plenty of guys will like you!” (But where they at though? LOL) And the worst…. “Maybe you’re just meant to be single.” I know they mean well but it’s honestly frustrating. Church members have even set me up with other guys because they feel bad for me. (I was set up with my most recent boyfriend.)

    I try not to question God, but it’s hard sometimes to see everyone else living the life that I’ve always wanted. Married with kids. I worry about many of the same things Bethany listed that tempt her to worry. I do realize that I’m still pretty young and there are guys out there just like me. Very slowly, I have been giving it over to God. I feel like He is gonna give me a good, godly man and fulfill my desires. (Note: I do realize that it’s not all in feelings, but it’s nice to have a little hope.)

    When I am tempted to worry, I think about Psalm 37: 4-5 (KJV) ” Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” It helps a lot to remember God hasn’t forgotten about me and that if I keep being committed to Him, He won’t leave my desires unfulfilled. 🙂

    • Le Tutu says:

      I think these people getting married young are foolish to be honest. Don’t envy them. The younger one marries the higher the divorce rate. Also, as a woman, you won’t ever get a chance to go to college, have a career, or do something on your own if you get married too young. Later, when the bills start piling up if you end up married, you’ll be glad you went and did something with yourself vs just becoming some guy’s gf/wife at such a young age.

      Also many times these young-married people find all their identity in their spouse and not in God. They may seem happy on the outside, but many are not.

  34. April says:

    Im turning 21 soon, and I suffer from insecurity and self pity daily. I had my first real relationship recently and gave everything I had, and now a year later, I still feel like I am in the same place: broken, downcast, fearful, hopeless and regretful. He’s moved on with someone else and I think how is it so easy ? I look at all my friends and everyone has somebody, and when I’m out or on campus, I seem invisible no one looks or acknowledge me. Guys don’t even try and the ones who do have nothing going for themselves. Sometimes I wonder is there anyone for me? Even though my last relationship was falling apart, would I have done better to stay in it?

  35. Amanda Spencer says:

    Hi Bethany,
    I’m also 26 years old and believed that I’d have the perfect fairy tale story by the time I was 25 years old. Although I now laugh at how terrifying and unprepared I’d be for this event, in my heart I still want this sooner than later. Being single is such a blessing in its own way and having this time to grow in our walk with the Lord is something that we can’t ever get back, especially while in a relationship. I truly appreciate your complete honesty in the matter and want you to know you really are not alone. I do pray that the Lord will bring you your “manly hunk” and hopefully it’s sooner than later. However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about the Lord and His timing, it’s always unexpected and always perfect. God Bless!

  36. meflinda says:

    I just stumbled across this post and I LOVE it! I will be turning 30 later this year, and I’m still single as ever. I hope this comment can be encouraging to those of you out there who are struggling as well!

    I never dated in high school, and since all of the older girls at my church had met their husbands at college I just assumed the same thing would happen for me. I would be married by 22-23 at the latest and we would have our own house and everything would be just like I imagined. College came, college went… never dated anyone there either. Oh well, that’s okay. The average age for women to get married these days is more like 26-27 anyway so I’m still on the right track. I’ll meet someone at work or at church or something. Not a big deal.

    Fast-forward to now. I am almost 30 and have never even been on a date, let alone had a boyfriend or ever been anything other than single. It’s easy to start down that road of self-pity and doubt. If only I looked like HER, or if only I had a better job like HER, or if only this or that… and it’s easy to start thinking things like “I’m not pretty/smart/fun/spiritual/outgoing/talented/friendly/nice/skinny/tall/etc. enough.” or “no guy would ever want to even talk to someone like me, let alone ask me on a date.” But none of that is helpful or true! It has taken me several years to honestly be happy where I am. And the only reason that happened is because I gave everything over to God. I know He has a plan, whether I know what it is or not. I know that He knows the desires of my heart, and that there is nothing wrong with longing to experience His wonderful gift of marriage someday! But that doesn’t mean I should just sit around waiting for that to happen. God has stuff for me to do RIGHT NOW! I have gotten involved in a small group of amazing Christian ladies (and one man), volunteer on the worship team at my church playing keys and singing, I recently finished grad school with a 4.0 GPA, I GET to live with my parents again (I’m still trying to see this as a blessing… I really miss having my own place) which means I can save up money for the future AND have a bit more time to pursue hobbies, and so many other things that I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) have done if I had a husband. I am independent and know how to survive on my own. I can cook dinner and then go out and change the oil in my car! I can bake a cake, then turn around and use power tools to do some small home improvements! I have so much to be thankful for, and I have been blessed with so many opportunities in my life so far. I have grown as a person, and my relationship with God is closer than ever. I am still hoping that marriage is in my future, but even if it isn’t, God is still good and I have a lot to look forward to as I take on the adventure that is following His plan!

    • SheWrites says:

      Such a beautiful testimony!! Thank you for sharing #AFellowThirtyYearOld =)

    • Sarah Lubala says:

      This is an incredible testimony and gives me such hope. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for sharing!

  37. TheVerySadTruth says:

    And it certainly Sucks for many of us Good men that are still Single today as well since many of us are Not Single by choice.

  38. ChristianGirl says:

    The hardest thing about being a single Christian woman mid-twenties is always the second doubt of is my personality good enough, am I worshipping the Lord correctly, and the doubt of beauty. Am I even attractive for someone to want to date me?

  39. Jasmine says:

    I absolutely love this post. I recently ended a relationship of almost 2 years because my boyfriend decided that he wanted to have a break so that he could learn to be a better person. (I think it’s crazy, but that’s my opinion). Prior to dating him I was single..I would go out with my friends and they would constantly be approached by guys and I would be the girl that was overlooked. After having some time to reflect on things, I have learned that God just didn’t have one of those guys in the plan for me. I also realize that my boyfriend was not the man I was meant to be with. Sometimes God places people in our lives for a season and for a specific purpose. Once that purpose is complete, they are gone. It is so hard to block the feelings of feeling inadequate or as if you are not enough. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control of all things that are going on in my life and all I have to do is put all of my trust in Him. I’m glad to see that I’m not alone. God has an amazing plan for all of us!!

  40. Kirby says:

    A friend of mine told me that at her church the pastor encouraged the singles to look at singleness as a gift instead of a punishment. That is what I’m trying to do. If I believe God is real, I need to remember he doesn’t make mistakes and like you said, live now. Life IS happening now.

  41. Adeline Duiker says:

    I think a lot of us girls think of relationships as when life and happiness begins. We look at relationships as freedom. Life, happiness and freedom should be found in Christ. We fall when we look at other peoples relationships with envy, knowing that God commanded us to not look to another man’s possessions. Enjoy being single, and ensure that you are single with the purpose of getting to know Christ. Also allowing Him to mold you into a Proverbs 31 women. Purpose driven Singleness is not a sacrifice it’s an investment… I love this post❤

  42. Bethany Jackson says:

    I loved loved loved this post! Thank you so much for sharing your heart! I had to laugh though, my name is Bethany and I am a single 26 year old. And by no means did I think I would still be single ole me at this age. Like you, I thought for sure I would be married by now and at least have one kid. -Clearly God thinks otherwise-

    But like you, for me, it’s the fear of the unknown future. I am a planner and I like to have my ducks in a row. Now I have always had the heart for God to do what He wants, but I always had a plan. You know, just in case! But God has been crucifying that in me.

    I have only been in one relationship with the potential of marriage. It was with a guy who was dear friend of mine and we both went in with marriage as the goal. We have been friends for 5 years, but after 4 months, something switched in him and he ended things. He said that he didn’t see us having a future. This was almost a year ago.

    I think what hurt the most was that I truly thought this was the man that God brought to me. I prayed, my Mom prayed. I had everyone praying that this was meant to be. And I truly felt like it was a go and I do still feel like it could have worked. But God did give us a free will, and this guy, decided to not choose me in the end. As much as this has hurt me (like for real, God was dealing with me about it tonight) and made me almost not want to trust God…..I have to do just that. Trust. Trust that He has a plan for me. One that is full of hope!

    Thank you for being so transparent! Blessings!

  43. Becki says:

    Its very hard being Christian and single and in your 40’s and every time i go to church people ask me when im going to marry my friend who is a boy and we hang out a lot together as we have a lot in common but hes in no hurry to get married again and isnt even sure if he loves me more than a friend or not.
    Its even harder when you don’t have any girlfriends.

    In response to my situation i have thrown myself into my church and working for the Lord. Help lead the youth, involved in bible study and trying to start a women’s group.

    yes I still feel Lonely and a little sad sometimes,especially when i think about my friend and how much I care about him, but I need to trust that God is going to help me out of my singleness by putting the man who will love me and honor in mt path as he knows my heart and how I yearn to marry and be a wife. Maybe it will be my friend or maybe God has another man for me but till then i need to trust in him and when im lonely remember that he is with me always.


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  45. Tina marckson says:

    Hi. Great post. I came across it by searching for Christian single women and purpose. I’m a 42 year old virgin and single. There are lot of single women at my church, mostly in their 20s 30s (there are only 3 of us 40 somethings). There is only 3 single men (yup that’s rough). Im getting to the point where I realize that marriage may not happen for me. I just want to spend the rest of my days doing a wok for God. And that’s where the confusion starts. I’ll get an idea and shrug it off. I want to know how other women my age are making a difference for Jesus in their communities or the business community.

  46. Amy says:

    This really was something I needed to hear right now!! Thank you, I’m 27 years old and I’m a single Christian. I have never been married and I very deeply desire to meet the man God has for me. But I haven’t yet, and this blog post really hits the nail on the head for me where you say that you worry about being single forever. I have thought that so many times, I have had serious relationships in past but none has worked out. And I have bee single awhile, but I really needed to hear this right now, thank you.

  47. Kath says:

    What is the hardest part about being a single Christian girl? Well, honestly, I’m not scared about being single for ever, I’m more scared about falling for a guy who doesn’t love God. I used to think it would be an easy task, if I love God, I’ll never love a man who doesn’t love him too. And I admit, I was quite judging of those girls who had those feelings. Boy was I wrong! It’s crazy how when Christian guys are a rare commodity, and there are otherwise pretty amazing men in your everyday life… Well, I think that is part of being human, feelings develop, sometimes you don’t realize you have them until you’re in the middle.

    The question I have is will I be able to say no each time to those potential relationships and put God first? I’m terrified that the day will come when I’m in a low in my spiritual life, that I will run with those feelings…

    I don’t mind being single, it’s really quite nice. But my life would be so much easier if there was an off button to all those feelings!

  48. Alex says:

    Really helpful. I’m only 21, but I feel like even now I do feel similar feelings. I live with a married couple around my age while I go to school and all of my friends are married or in relationships. I live in a city where ive only been here a little over a year, and do not have many friends so it doesn’t help. I catch myself getting depressed and lonely sometimes and try to talk myself out of it because I know God has a plan for me, but it is hard in the mean time, but I do know i need to focus my attention on what really matters and that’s God’s plan for my life and how I can work toward it.

  49. Jessica Mills says:

    Thank you for this post. There’s something in not being a lone in being single that is encouraging. Everything you said is very true!
    The hardest part about being single to me is the fact that I’ve always wanted to be a mom and wife… even when I was very little and yet I have never once had a boyfriend or a kiss, or a date. It’s hard to watch all this romance and affection and friendship happen around me without ever experiencing it.

    • Merc Ekitz says:

      .. If you truly feel that way, Give a good christian man a chance, I dont understand what your waiting for. Why dont we give it a try?

  50. Abi Carroll says:

    I really appreciate how straight forward and real this post is, so thank you. I’m mostly okay with not being in a relationship. I believe that the reason for me being single is that my Heavenly Father knows I’m not ready and He’s preparing my heart. The only real moments that I stress or worry about being single is the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) moments. When I’m with friends and, it seems like, everywhere they go they’re noticed. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, if I have a scent-less purfume that wards off guys (lol). It’s hard to always believe that’s a gift. I would be highly uncomfortable if I was noticed everywhere I go but “the grass looks definately greener on that side”. No, I still have some work to do in my relationship with the One that matters so much more. Not only is God doing His work in my life, but I have to reach out too. Like you said, find purpose and focus on Him. Again, thank you 🙂

  51. rachel says:

    thank you.. I can totally relate with this, I’m 24-ever-single and I’ve found that open our heart to God and focus on Him is the real answer. Not just to singleness, but for every situation we struggle with. Thank you very much for your sincerity. Be blessed, sister!

  52. And The Truth Is says:

    Why would anyone want to be single especially when you grow old all alone and depressed all the time? Not fun at all that is for sure. And this world has enough problems as it is which this would really make it WORSE altogether.

  53. mike says:

    Are you kidding me
    you are only 20s something years old
    there are many people who are still single in their 30s
    when i was 20s i just having fun with life .
    i never thought about marriage when i was 20s

    • Merc Ekitz says:

      Early 20’s were no fun to me since beeing alone is awful, And having no family is even worse.

      All i could think about was marriage in 20s and breaking through to a fresh start in life.

  54. Angela says:

    and in 20 years time, still dateless, will you be still comfortable?

  55. Kaitlin says:

    I think the hardest thing about being a single woman in your mid to late twenties is that you have to bear the responsibilities of life all on your own (with God’s help of course). You’re providing for yourself, making important decisions on your own, and bearing the weight of independence on your own. Some of that is empowering and awesome, because God has blessed you to provide for yourself and to open up your life to many different opportunities to serve him. But it’s also lonely, and sometimes it feels as if part of your childhood dream has died. I never thought I’d be doing all these things on my own. I thought I’d have a best friend by my side, living every day with me and making life decisions with me. But I am, and like you said, I love my life and I feel excited about what God has planned. It’s just hard on your own sometimes.

    • Ashley Carly says:

      I know exactly what you mean. I’ve had to figure out a lot of things on my own — things I hoped a partner and I would be figuring out together. Sometimes I’ve even been afraid to make plans because I think, “But what if I get married before this happens? Will my husband want to do this/go here?” I’ve since learned it’s more important for me to just make my plans, and when my future guy shows up, God will help me adjust accordingly.

      Because you trust and rely on God, He has given you the grace to bear the responsibilities you have right now. Focus on that. And focus on the people you have supporting you in your life right now. If you have friends and family who help share your burden, don’t take them for granted. Any time you feel a little lonely, do something nice for one of them. Make them something special or just call them and tell them how much you appreciate them. Things like that always help me get my mind off my loneliness.

    • Angelica says:

      I agree with Ashley Carly, that God has granted us the grace to bear the responsibilities we have right now. If God had wanted/thought it would be good for you to make those big life decisions with a lifetime partner, He would have blessed you with a spouse already. I think that what/who we have and where we are right now is right where God wants us to be. He must deem it good and right for us to be single in this moment, and the fact that He is blessing us with these gifts just allows us to use our season of singleness to glorify Him.
      I know that it can be hard sometimes to keep an eternal focus, especially when you have moments of loneliness and wonder why God hasn’t yet blessed you with someone. But continue to trust that God is good, and where He has placed you right now is part of His purpose for your life.

    • Toni Lee says:

      Yes! I totally feel this way, I am 27 and haven’t even really dated, and I am afraid that I will miss out on having fun with my future someone, like I don’t want to waste all my youth alone. I do love my life currently but still feel like it’s missing a few things, a guy being one of them.

  56. jjsmm says:

    I totally appreciate your blog. I’m male. It’s been crazy. I have thought about marriage since day one. I actually like going to therapy, and I should probably talk to her about it, but SoCal is a difficult place for a believer. It was never a struggle to live well spiritually and materialistically growing up because the huge community i was in had church woven into all parts of it.. I’m saying that to point out that here, in socal, it is different. I never tried to seriously find a wife, but at the same time i was obsessed with the moment to moment romance throughout hs and college. and now im seriously more commited than ever and think about how nice it will be, but i’m waiting, putting it off, because I want to be MASSIVELY successful before I even make an effort. I don’t think thats wrong, because it completes one part of me to feel elite, but at the same time, I fear going home to a cold empty bed every night, cooking for myself. It’s too much. I’ve heard it all, “you dont need to be massively successful to have love.” I don’t believe them anymore. It’s all words. uccess is just a part of me. People must understamd that I womt function well without it. ive stayed seclided because i got so tired of the negativity coming out of people… it seems to be a predisposition now.They waste time, waste energy, dont try. But for me, I want to be powerful, all for the girl I’m going to be with. I was dating all kinds of girls for the longest time, just to feel fulfilment from moment to moment, and I havent dated anyone at all in like a year. I feel with that added abstinance, i’ll open more doors for abundance, which I feel is a precursor to marriage for me.

    • Lulu A says:

      I live in SoCal too and I understand what you mean with living moment to moment. I pray there are more like you seeking God and waiting for the right person:)

  57. Angelica says:

    First of all, thank you for this post. I am in my mid-to-late twenties as well, and went through a breakup about 6 months ago with a guy who (I always knew deep inside) was completely wrong for me. In my teens and early twenties, I didn’t really consider marriage and starting a family as a priority – in fact, I wanted to be single for the rest of my life, and just travel and serve God in anyway possible! But now I am finding that as I have gotten older, I have this strong desire to get married one day and have kids.
    The hardest part of being a single Christian woman is the uncertainty of it all – nowhere in the Bible does God promise us a spouse, and I cannot honestly say that I would be 100% happy if God wants me to be single for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wonder why God has changed that desire in my heart so rapidly, and why He hasn’t yet sent the right man my way. It can also be so discouraging to look around and see others getting into long-term relationships, becoming engaged and getting married. And with the breakup a couple months ago, and no good prospects in sight, sometimes I just feel like I’m back at square one.
    However, I am learning slowly but surely to find contentment in God alone. Now that I am single again, I have spent so much more time devoted to God, to others and to myself to figure out who I am as a daughter of God. Sure, sometimes I wish I had someone to share some of my experiences with but I am learning to be patient; to trust that God is not withholding anything good from me just because I am single. It isn’t easy, but I know that God is with me, and ultimately, He is all I need.

  58. Tia says:

    I am 23 years old soon to be 24. I went through two breakups in the space of 8 months, the last breakup was with a Christian guy who i thought God had planned for me to marry. The hardest thing about being single is not having someone to share your life with. Some days you just wish you had someone to hug, sleep next to or share your day with. I am definitely drawing closer to God during this time. I am learning to depend and trust him even more. At one point I was severely depressed but now maybe once a week i get the low feeling. God is in charge and I definitely know he has something in store not only for me but for all of us singles. I am praying that he gives us all the strength to live the life he has called us to live.

  59. Mariposasoza says:

    I’m 23 years old and I got married last year, at 22. I googled around for this article because I have friends in this position and I want to understand them better. Thanks for your vulnerability – it helped a lot. I’ll admit that some of these fears and feelings are foreign to me; my husband and I liked each other for like five years before something happened between us, so i never experienced “who” as much as I did “when.” So again, thank you for writing this, and thank you to the women who wrote their experience in the comments.

    I’m sorry on behalf of the women who try and put a scripture bandaid on everything. Or the people who lowkey shame you into being content in your current situation. That sucks. For me, at least, I think I just don’t know what to say or how to be there for my friends, so I end up just looking for anything to fill in the silence. Be patient with us 🙁

  60. JN Mullaney says:

    Thank you Bethany!!! I’m 17 and I’m excited for God’s plan for my life but sometimes it’s so hard to not worry about when I will get married or how old I will be when I do get married. What are your thoughts about patient and waiting for God’s plan for my life? How do I know what he wants me to do with my life? Right now it seems like I have so many options and I don’t really know which one to take. Sorry if that was a bit of topic it’s just was on my heart.

  61. Kim says:

    The struggle is real I just can’t move past this as fast as I would like I need to just go to Jesus. So much pain. I thought I moved passed discontentment, but here I am. lonely.

    • May says:

      Kim. I fully understand your pain and time is a healer but move closer to God and let him do what only he can do. I will lift you up in prayer because I sure know I need it too

  62. Sunny says:

    Hello. I am 40, single, and I don’t have kids. When I was 18, I never imagined I would still be single and not have children. In my singleness, some years I have enjoyed being single and other years have been difficult. Recently, I learned that I am unable to have children due to health complications. This has made me very anxious for marriage. If it was not an idol before, it is now.

    I am going to be raw with vulnerability in my response and I hope that is ok. I struggle with feeling like I don’t belong. Church has become increasingly difficult for me. So many of the groups are centered around marriage and children and I can’t participate in any of those. I sit with friends during the service, but still often feel like the awkward single girl. I recently aged out of the group I was attending and now I feel like I have nowhere to go.

    There is a negative stigma associated with being my age and not married. People speculate I am gay. They wonder if there is something wrong with me. They offer to give me a cat. And honestly, I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Why have I not been chosen? I hear words like: Old Maid and Spinster.

    I often feel depressed or worthless.

    I hate the way people minimize how difficult it is to be single and 40. I am mature enough to know we all have struggles: people lose jobs, children get sick, cancer, money problems. Each of us is dealing with something. When people say things like “Well, you are single, it is not like you have cancer or something..” would be the same as me saying “Sorry your husband lost his job… But it is not like you are starving in Africa.”

    I hate not having a plan. I am a teacher and a lifelong planner. Married people have a plan: Get married, have a child, buy a home. As a single person I have zero idea how my life is going to turn out. Should I buy a home? Should I sell everything and teach overseas? I have no idea how to prepare for the next stage in my life because I am unsure if I am going to get married or not.

    I hate receiving 6 wedding invitations and 3 baby shower announcements in the mail on the same day (Yes, this has happened to me). I truly have joy for my friends. However, with each invitation, I have to navigate the changing friendships while wrestling with my own unanswered prayers.

    I wish I could tell you that I have found peace and contentment in my every circumstance, but truthfully I have not. And if I hear “Well, Paul was single and content” one more time from someone who was married at 21 I will throw my bible at their head. (In my opinion, I believe the church uses those singles verses in the Corinthians as a magic cure-all for singleness. Just be content~ As if it was that easy).

    The worst, is my relationship with God. I question him. I question his goodness, his love. I even questioned his very existence. I get angry with him. I lack thankfulness and I have grown a bitter heart toward him. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle with depression. I have even tried to bargain with God to take my life because I can’t bear to be alone.

  63. May says:

    I am in my early 30s and was reading a few single blogs and discovered they were written by married people, sharing what single life was like for them. However, it is nice to hear from people, who are currently living this way.
    Yes it is lonely, yes you do worry about being the last one standing, yes you do worry if your eggs are running out, yes you do question Gods perfect plan and the list is endless. 2 years later, I am still pained from my relationship breakdown. I believed I would marry this man and our life would begin. Thing is singleness is not a problem that needs to be fixed and being married doesn’t fix problems, fears, worries etc.
    I have realised there is absolutely nothing I can do about being single because when God says it’s time to reveal your partner, then only then will it be so. In the meantime, I would advise people to enjoy the season that you are in and spend time dwelling in Gods presence. After all it really is the best place to be

  64. Toni Lee says:

    Thanks for writing this! I am 27 and have been single pretty much my whole life, and I totally get those thoughts in my head, like what if I have to wait until I’m really old to find someone! What if I miss out on the fun of being young and in love with someone? It is hard sometimes too to imagine someone wanting me or loving me that much. and as much as I want a relationship, it also sounds terrifying.

  65. Sara says:

    Do you struggle with lustful thoughts in your mind and later worry that it will affect your future marriage? because theres this verse, that says, even thinking about adultery makes you guilty of having committed adultery. I would like to know your thoughts. It bothers me that I give in to my thoughts.

    • Shay Johnson says:

      Yes, I agree. I struggle with all of this, all the time. And long for god to help me find my future husbaand and experence the oneness.

  66. Andy says:

    I’d like to know when I should stop waiting for getting married. I had the same experience when I was at church and feeling sorry for the older single Christians. I’m 34 (single since ever) and I don’t know more if I just should stop believing and accept the fact that maybe I’ll be single forever.

    • Natalia from Chile :) says:

      Hi, I just wnat to tell you that I have friend, she is 37 and got married last month. She told me that she was losing hope, but God sent her a wonderful husband and all the waiting was worth it. So, keep believing!! 😀
      I’m 28 years old and single.

  67. Ava James says:

    Thanks for being so open. It is so great to know that we all face struggles but trusting God’s plan is always best.

  68. IOI-675893 says:

    So, idk if anybody is still visiting this page, but I have some thoughts, and hopefully don’t come off as confusing or contradictory, but I’ll do my best. I’m a 33 year old, never married single Christian man. I voluntarily serve the church by teaching the Youth Group’s Sunday school, and honestly feel like, while I’m far from perfect, have a heart for God; at least in terms of prayer, reading Scripture, helping those in need where able. So I feel that I fit, at least to some degree, a Godly Christian man. I don’t mean that to sound conceited, it’s simply to set the stage for the next part: As a Christian man pursuing a godly woman, I’ve run into basically, 1 main obstacle, which seem to be my kryptonite to Christian relationships. It’s the need to be a “provider.” And the reason is because the role as provider equates to one thing and one thing only: Money. Not necessarily rich, but enough. The #1 reason for divorce is financial difficulty. I am extremely poor for American standards, to the point of I don’t have a car, and share a house with 2 other guys. It’s this need for wealth that halts me from any attempt I try to pursue with a Christian woman. I had a car for a while, and I would at least have conversations with woman, not always with the purpose of courtship, but simply building friendships. Some women would chat, while some recognized I wasn’t well off and would give me a look of disgust. Once I was without a car, forget it, all the Christian women stopped talking to me.
    Now, here’s why I have a hard time with this: The Bible was written 2000 years ago, when women didn’t have jobs that paid. Now, they have paid jobs, and even the women making six figures, are still looking for guys to provide for them. We are in a different culture, and both genders are making decent incomes. While I understand women will need maternity leave and this sort of thing, it boggles my mind why, at least from my experience, most women absolutely refuse to go through tough times with a significant other. Am I saying that I don’t want to pay for anything for my significant other? No; I’d be more than happy to pay what I can; but ultimately that has never been good enough.
    1000 years ago, marriage was about going through tough times, irregardless of financial situation; but society made marriage into a luxurious business expense. Marriage never had fancy white gowns 1000 years ago, it was never meant to be about the princess; nor was it about the prince. Marriage, ultimately was meant to unite under the King.
    So, the reason I write this, is because I believe I have been tied to an expectation that I simply can’t live up to and would rather not pursue that expectation. It’s almost as if I can’t respect a woman who says no to hardship, when the One we’re being united under says that we will have hardship.
    so, hopefully that makes sense, it was a long rant, and I’m really hoping it doesn’t offend anyone, but it’s at least my true feelings on the subject.

  69. Samantha Meliora says:

    As for myself, I don’t wanna marriage in young age (20-28). I have so many ambitions to be realized. I thought 30+ is a perfect time to think about marriage. Maybe, God will give me my future husband earlier or later.

  70. Becca Mansell says:

    Absolutely love this. Thank you for being so open! One of the hardest things is seeing friends who aren’t Christians living (what seems like) an amazing life; getting married, and having babies, while you’re as single as ever. It’s easy to tell yourself that this is where God wants you, and there’s a reason why you’re single. But truly believing it is hard when you cannot wait to get married. It’s a constant daily battle with inner thoughts. I love the quote you shared; “I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.” It’s definitely something I’ll be holding close to my heart. Thank you!

  71. Lindsey Brakhage says:

    The hardest thing about being a single christian girl to me is fully trusting that God has such a magnificent plan for your life that will surpass what you have planned for yourself. God obviously knows the desires of your heart & wants to brings those desires into fruition, but we desire what we see. We desire the things that we immediately see that our family and friends have & mold those desires into what would fit us personally. But what we don’t realize is… there is more out there. Things that we don’t see in our quiet circles. We have this traditional view of happiness that requires a husband, a few kids, and a dog all wrapped up in a cute pinterest DIY refurbished victorian house. BUT is ultimate happiness only going to happen if you have those things? No. Not even in the slightest. Dare to desire outside the box. Dare to dream big, because your God is bigger. There is more out there to fulfill your ultimate happiness. Yes, I would love to get married, but I would also love to become an internationally renowned opera singer. I would love to have kids, but I would also love to find homes for an entire orphanage. I’d love to live in a DIY refurbished firehouse with its original fire pole inside, but I would also love to backpack across Europe with only a backpack and a camera. Remember that God knows your heart better than you do & while having a traditional happiness is incredibly beautiful, something more unique can also be as well.

    • AJ says:

      Wow. Reading this brought me to tears. You are absolutely right and I have multiple facets to myself and can see myself fitting into each of those examples you mentioned it’s just painful and extremely scary to walk blinded into the future trusting that like you and many others have said, he will do whats best but I guess thats why we say walk by faith and not by sight ! 🙁 <3

  72. erin jackson says:

    The hardest thing about being a single Christian girl is hearing the lies that atack you. “Your not good enough to be in a relationship”, “ No one wants you”, “ You should have done better in your last relationship.” And “ all these other girls are so must better than you, in every way”. It feels like these lies are magnified when you start to see so many relationships form around you. I have began to grow worried and jealous seeing my friends and comunity delevople relationships.

    I know these lies are not true and my value is in God. However it’s harder to move that from my head to my heart. I don’t want to be consumed by this worry and lies. I want to break free and grow close to Him. I do t want to wonder and try to handle this problem on my own, I’m not made for that, I’m made to depend on Him.

    Thank you for making this post it was really helpful!
    P.S. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes

  73. keeping_faith4God says:

    I resonate with one of the girls who meantioned that seeing her (worldly) friends fall in love and get into great relationships is hard. That to me can seem like slap in the face, because I think “here I am posting scripture to help others, feeding the homeless, praying every night, and yet I get no one to be my partner” then I read quotes saying that singleness is not a curse and marriage isn’t always a blessing and I realize that God has different victories for us and one victory we all will have in common is our struggle (Ephesians 3: 11), for we will overcome it and experience His glory.

  74. Kyle Comino says:

    Not sure how I ended up here but feel compelled to comment…
    As a 22 yr old single male I want to encourage you to patiently pursue the desires of your heart. There are PLENTY of wonderful Christian men out there (many too shy to interact with y’all) in your same position. It’s not just women who desire marriage.
    Continue pressing in and carry yourself with confidence. He’s out there somewhere 🙂

  75. eyeamnicegirl says:

    i’m going to say something here that might step on a few toes. Us women can be difficult. Not that we always mean to be difficult, just works out that way sometimes. As I get older (the big 3-0), I find that my rules for a guy to have a shot at dating me have become much tougher, even as the market has fewer and fewer options. Let that sink in for a moment. Let’s go back to high school days. What were the requirements for a boy to get a date? He had to be cute. That’s about it. In college, cute was still a requirement, but now the guy had also have some game — is he pursuing a degree in something? Does he seem to be getting good grades but doesn’t have to work too hard at it? Boys not getting some sort of meaningful post-highschool education had no shot at a date, even if they were super cute. Then there’s after college. I had a “career” (OK, more like a first job that seemed like a big deal at the time). If the boy didn’t have a “career’ and I hate to admit it, a career that paid better than my career, he was off the list. It wasn’t the money exactly, I just wanted a guy that had more game that I did. And he still had to be cute. Don’t forget that. Now, I’m still single, some of those guys I dated (and some I wouldn’t go out with) are married now. And me? I’ve upped my standards even more. Now the guy has to either be a couple rungs up the ladder (to prove he’s not just some average guy with a job), or a doctor or lawyer is OK, too. I also expect him to be active in church, and hopefully leading some sort of Bible study or something. And he still must be CUTE.

    Do you see the pattern? Us women can be very demanding. Sometimes we can’t see a really great guy because he’s not up to some unreasonable standard that we think a guy must be able to meet. I ran across an old friend last summer when I visited my old hometown. She had gone to college, became a teacher, and moved back to our hometown. She met a guy who works in a factory, got married, has two children, and is loving life. He’s a wonderful husband and father, except that he would have never measured up to my standards. His kids love playing with daddy, sort of like you are watching a scene out of some sappy hallmark movie; and he adores my old friend (his wife). She’s thrilled with life. I’m happy, but sometimes look back at those moments where I shot down some guy simply because he wasn’t at the top of the pile; in a reflective moment, I can tell you they were really good guys, but at the time, they just weren’t good enough. Except they were good enough. At least good enough (and cute enough) to have given them a first date.

    Let me tell you about a college friend. She was a sweetheart. She was dating a guy that was everything I had on my list of expectations, and super cute, too. They got married. We all thought she had caught the best guy in the university. A few years go by, and gossip of the divorce is spreading faster than a wildfire after gasoline is thrown on it. It was true, Mr. Perfect was a cheater; and my friend is a 24-year old divorcee. Yuck.

    Why do I say all this. We females need to take it down a notch or two. No, we shouldn’t “settle” for some guy who is a zero, that’s not my point. But the fact that he isn’t the Bible Study leader, or the fact that he’s a 6-1/2 and not a 9, or the fact that he’s not climbing the ladder at work with much speed, that matters. The things that will make me the happiest in the long run are matters of a man’s character; and appreciating a man’s character is something that I must train myself to do; yes, I always wanted a Christian man, but I tend to use the world’s measuring stick to decide if he is worthy of a date. There still has to be something there that makes the guy interesting (and yes, he needs some cuteness, too), but I truly need to learn to admire character more than status. Probably won’t get any more offers for dates, but perhaps I will have better outcomes if I used a different filter to decide on “yes” and “no” when I’m asked out.

  76. Joy Rodriguez says:

    So, I am actually living out in real life ALL of the worst case scenarios you listed above. Guess what, it’s not the end of the world! Like you, this life I am now living was my worst nightmare when I was your age. The fact is, you will get older and older (we all do!) and you might never marry (happens all the time). The question is, are you satisfied with God Himself and whatever He chooses to give or not give? He is good and ALL HE DOES IS GOOD. He doesn’t withhold any good thing from His children. Will you trust Him completely?

  77. Stephen F Anthony says:

    Hey Bethany…thanks for your honesty and openess…my wife and I wrote a book about God’s grace in bringing us together…our love story. I hope it encourages you! It is on Amazon: Waiting with God for His good gifts of marriage and sex…a true love story. by Stephen and Rebecca Anthony

  78. Abby says:

    Hi Bethany,

    I’m a single Christian 21-year-old woman and this really resonates with me. All my siblings are married with families, and they all got married between 19 and 23. I work as a retail associate and one of the hardest things for me is seeing awful women who are married or engaged. I know that I am a nice person and it is frustrating to see people who are so awful and yet somehow have husbands or boyfriends.
    I currently have zero prospects as I have no male co-workers and there are very few single men at my church. Do you have any encouragement or thoughts?


  79. Sierra says:

    I left my faith because of the fear that I wasn’t good enough. That I was too imperfect for the perfect Christian life, that I would never amount to the perfect picture of a woman devoted to God, pure and clean in every way. Both of my very best Christian friends are married to wonderful Christian husbands, and as I get older (even though I’m only 22), I feel my opportunity at happiness keeps slipping by me. I don’t really know how to work through it right now. I have a really hard time not convincing myself I don’t have a significant other because I’m not good enough.

    • Katka Filipi says:

      Dear sister in Christ,
      I really understand how you feel. I fought with this too, especially in my teenage years. Always listening how ” perfect” Christian should act and wondering I cant never get there ! I bealived this lie, that I am not good enough. But the true Is no one Is good enough! In Luke 18:19 Jesus asked him. ” Why do you call me good? No one Is good, except one… God”. We are all siners and we can never deserve, what Jesus have done for us. This Is just Grace. And the best thing is that Jesus came for the siners. He wants you with all your flaws, mistakes and sins. We are not able to live the way we should but He is. He Will give you the strenght to live like a godly women And it Will take some time. We are all learning and growing in the process. And your opportunity at happiness Is Jesus. Please dont bealive this lie that some guy could fully satisfy you. ONLY JESUS can do so. Surrender Him your life and hearth And you will get the best happiness and joy in the world. I have experienced that. Keep praying and reading Bible. He Will show you the way. 🙂
      With love.

  80. Elisa says:

    Hi Bethany, to me the hardest thing about being a single Christian girl is to find purpose. I really want to serve, but have no idea how to… What do you all do to serve Christ as singles ? Thank you so much.

  81. Laura Michael says:

    Love this post! Thanks so much for writing it. I’m 30 now, and like you, NEVER thought this would be me! I’ve actually been thinking recently about how best to put this struggle into words for my own blog. I think the hardest part is leaning in and ensuring that we don’t wait to live our lives, or our purpose, until we have a ring on our finger. God didn’t create our lives to start on our wedding day, so it’s important that, like you said, we keep living for God, whatever he has planned for our lives, whether we are single or married! Thanks so much for posting what is on the mind of so many single, Christian women! (and for also proving that being older and single isn’t so bad!! 🙂 )

  82. Merc Ekitz says:

    Why don’t you try me as your mate? And husband.

  83. Tabatha Hudson says:

    I’m tired of being compared to others. I have little faith that, that guy isn’t coming at all. I’m constantly worrying and working hard to be accepted but I have just to take the facts that I’m ugly and that guy doesn’t exist. I don’t want to be myself, no body wants that. And it’s really hard. I’m beyond terrified and I needed this. Thanks

    • Merc Ekitz says:

      Strange girl.. Your not ugly, And if you dont reach out to people based
      on more than how much of a douche bag they look like, How can you ever
      be with that guy? Unless that picture there isnt really yours, And your
      carrying some terrible STD, And if you arent brainwashed with some weird
      ideology.. Whats stopping you? What i would give to be you sometimes,
      Its much harder for a guy to find a girl like you.

    • Merc Ekitz says:

      You could try me you know.

    • Merc Ekitz says:

      Look.. I dont know what your complaining about honestly, But you look fine enough to give a shot, So dont sit there in silence if you want a christian man, A good one like me.

  84. Ian Paxson says:

    I’m a Christian guy, and honestly if you switch it around I have the exact same fears, doubts, and worries. I’m 26, and all of my Christian friends that got married to other Christians have known each other since High School or they met in College. I didnt go to college, and now I live on the other side of the country, so both those “avenues” are closed to me. I have no good examples in my life of someone who moved to a brand new city, had to find a new church, and met/married a Christian from there. Its probably my biggest struggle right now. Hopefully God bring someone special into your life.

    • bruce tina says:

      It was nice to read your blog, can i ask you a question how old are you and are you single reply back to em by text me 7572761135 am waiting for your message

    • Jordyn says:

      I think that it is really interesting hearing a man’s point of view on this topic. Obviously we all struggle with it or we would not be reading this article. One thing that I have found to help is to think about the journey my future spouse is going through. Even though I may “feel” like I am ready right now, what if they are not? Then how would that work? I know that God still has things to teach me as well as my future spouse. I just need to be patient and continue to trust that He knows what is the best for my life. Thanks for commenting, it really is encouraging to the single ladies out there to be reminded that it is not just them. God Bless!

  85. Letitia Page says:

    This post is so encouraging and inspiring…I love it. I am a Christian single at 28. I sometimes worry if I will ever marry or meet ‘the one’ but I have learned over the years to try and trust in the Lord and his will for my life. It so important to thrive in your singleness whilst being obedient to the word of God and enjoy the season you are in. The most difficult part is the unknown but I think its important to learnt to try and grow in contentment and have God work on preparing you for that someone. I have dated in the past and have had some tough break ups but I believe that God will have something better in store for me 🙂

  86. Tina Boroughs says:

    I am 25, soon to be 26. I have never been in a dating relationship, and have only been on a couple of dates in my entire life. I think I was more worried about dating and falling in love in college, because now I just don’t see the point of dating. I moved to Houston 2 years ago, and in that time I have moved homes 3 times, changed jobs 3 times, and have gained and loss a church community. I’ve witnessed one of the worst natural disasters in modern history (hurricane Harvey), and I have gone on a turbulent walk with God, who allowed me to go through a really difficult time because I asked God to show me what I needed to work on in my life to bring me closer to him.

    I do often wish that I could be in a relationship sometimes. Especially when I am walking through things alone, I long for a physical presence to be near me. But, at the same time, I do thank God that he is keeping me single at this time. I have no idea what tomorrow holds. I have no idea what the next month holds, or year. All I know is that right now, he has me working on a lot. And if this is what it means to deepen my roots in faith with him, I don’t want anyone to mess that up.

    So, for now, Ill learn to be content. Reading this article assures me that I’m not the only one struggling with this.

  87. Not Single By Choice says:

    Well being single is very awful for many of us men that really hate it as well. Life is very horrible as it is without having a woman to share our life with as well. I will certainly admit that i hate so very much being single and all alone, especially when i see so many other very extremely blessed men and women with their children holding each others hands while walking together. I even get much more depressed seeing that since i would have wanted that as well. But the real problem for many of us good single men out there is that we keep meeting the wrong women all the time and never the right good woman at all unfortunately. And it now has become very dangerous for many of us men just to say good morning or hello to a woman that we would really like to meet. Most of the time which they will be so very nasty to us for no reason at all, and walk away anyway as well. Women today are just so very pathetic, the way that they act these days with many of us men really looking for a very serious relationship now. Quite a change in the women of today compared to the old days when most women back then were certainly Real Ladies, and the very complete opposite of today since they were very easy to meet back then. What in the world happened to the women today?

    • Dave Smith says:

      If you’re constantly getting a negative reaction from women you approach, perhaps you should look at the common denominator. You.

    • Jade says:

      As a girl, I am sorry!! I know us girls can be very rude, and try to come off as funny or cool, but it actually just hurts our brothers. Don’t despair though! I know a lot of kind God-honoring girls out there, that are kind and thoughtful, and are preparing to be good helpmeets to their future husbands.

      Also, there are a lot of girls that are super scared to talk to guys, and feel really awkward when they are around them, and look stiff and probably rude. I used to have that problem big time, and it’s not that I didn’t like guys, and thought of them as less than, or dumb or anything, but it was that I was insecure and felt foolish around guys and didn’t want to mess up in front of them. I was always afraid that I might have looked rude to all the guys out there. I don’t doubt that some of the girls are probably rude to you, but consider that some of them might just be terrified to speak, and need a little encouragement (a little encouragement from a guy, goes a long way for a girl), and they don’t intend to be rude:)

  88. Electric Boogaloo says:

    26? LMAO, I think you will be ok.

  89. Michelle Myers says:

    Hi, first off, thank you for this post! I enjoyed it thoroughly! I am 32 and single. At 27 I met a man who I thought I’d marry, but as you said God had other plans. A year after that I started bible college and obtained a certificate in ministry and I was cool with being single and working on myself, resolving the things the old relationship brought. Now, being 3 years single and serving God, I have felt that doing ministry alone, takes it toll. I have often wished for someone to come home to after a hard day or that I had a husband to pray with me on certain things. I miss companionship at the level only a husband would bring.

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