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How Modesty, Romance, and Femininity Relate to the Gospel

By: Kristen Clark

“Instead of wasting time on topics like modesty and romance…why don’t you keep the focus on the gospel? Your Christian blog should be all about loving Jesus.”

Several girls have written that type of email to us here at GirlDefined Ministries asking why we waste time writing about “secondary” issues rather than keeping the focus on the gospel. They’ve expressed disappointment that we take time to write about “minor” issues like modesty, romance, and femininity.

I think it’s time to answer their questions.

Why do we take time to write about topics like modesty, romance and femininity?

I mean, as Christian girls, shouldn’t we just focus on loving Jesus and loving others?

Well…let’s talk that through.

Yes, loving Jesus and loving others are the greatest commandments (Matthew 22:36-40). However, loving Jesus and loving others isn’t just a feeling…it’s an action. And true love for God should result in heart change and obedient actions.

As Christian girls, we reflect the gospel and show our love for Christ through our actions.

The Bible refers to these “actions” as good works.

Our actions, words, and choices should reflect the image of the one we’re called to bear. And since we are image bearers, the “secondary” issues matter. And they matter a lot.

In fact, topics like modesty, romance, and femininity only matter because of the gospel.

Because of Christ, we are called to a higher standard. Titus 3 talks about how our “good works” as believers should be an overflow of our Salvation. As Christian girls, we should strive after good works in every area of our lives! Not to earn our Salvation, but to show the lost world the result of our Salvation.

Because of Christ, we are new creations, therefore we should reflect God’s holiness in every area of our lives.

And that is exactly why we write on these “secondary” topics. In fact, our upcoming book, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity, addresses a lot of these topics as well. The way we dress, interact with guys, and live our lives as females will directly impact our testimony for the gospel.

Here’s Why Modesty Matters.

From the time that God killed the animal in the garden and covered Adam and Eve, clothing became a symbol of what Christ did for our sins. Christ had to shed His blood on the cross to clothe us in His righteousness and save us from an eternity in Hell.

Clothes are so much bigger than “just being modest.”

Clothes are a picture of the gospel!

Clothing is a constant reminder of what Christ did for us and the price that He paid for our sin. Clothing is a representation of Christ shedding His blood to save us.

When we start to view clothing from that lens, covering our bodies makes so much more sense. Clothes started back in Genesis and should continue until we are ultimately perfected in Heaven with God. Read more in our blog post titled, The Naked Truth About Why We Wear Clothes.

Here’s Why Romance Matters.

Unlike Hollywood’s “feelings driven” version of love, God’s definition is driven by actions. It’s not based on what anybody else does or doesn’t do, it’s solely based on your own personal choices.

We have to learn how to love people according to God’s definition of love. And if we do, our lives will be radically changed.

God’s recipe for true love has the power to change lives, restore relationships and draw you closer to your family and friends.

Putting others above ourselves and choosing to show love to them is exactly what Christ demonstrated through His death on the cross. If we take God’s version of love into our romantic relationships, we will display the gospel in a profoundly impactful way. Read more in our blog post titled, True Love: What it is and What it isn’t

Here’s Why Femininity Matters.

In the beginning, God purposely created two distinctly different genders. Being a girl has a ton of significance because of that one act of God. God purposely, intentionally, and with forethought invented the woman – you – to be totally different from the man.

In order to give you and me a small glimpse of God’s divine nature, He carefully crafted the human race to be a reflection of His personal image (Genesis 1:26). He designed the man and the woman to display the glory of God in ways that are unique to each.

He designed us as equally valuable humans with two different roles and purposes in this world.

We are called to glorify God by serving Him in ways distinctly designed for our female gender. Read more in our blog post titled, What is the Purpose of Being a Girl?

Writing about topics like modesty, romance, and femininity aren’t “less important” than other topics.

They are hugely important to God because they are a reflection of our redeemed life.

Our good works matter.

The way we live our life in small and big areas matters. And that is exactly why we tackle “secondary” issues on this blog. And that is also why we are SO excited for you to get your hands on our upcoming book, Girl Defined. The way we live our life as Christian women will either help or hinder our testimony for Christ.

I’d love to hear from you now!

  • How has the gospel impacted your own life in areas like modesty, romance, and femininity?

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  • Sandra

    Amen to this!

    In my opinion you girls always tell how the topics you write about refer to God and the Bible, so I don’t understand the questions you get.

    To answer your question: I try to dress modest, which really is a challenge with all those short clothes you find in every store. In the last months I found out that true love waits, which made me decide to wait for my future husband (and yes, being 24 doesn’t make it a lot easier, but then again, God helps me).

    And I also try to have a servants heart – but I now this point still
    needs some work. It’s easier for me to have a servants heart towards
    strangers, than towards my loved ones. But I know with God everything is
    possible! He will help me to become the person he wants me to be. Not just as a girl our young woman, but also as a person :o)

  • thehappygirl

    Excellent post!! The Gospel has definitely affected each of these areas in my life.

    I dress modestly to honor Christ, myself, others, and my future husband. To me, modesty says “I choose to be humble and draw attention to Christ rather than myself.”

    I choose purity and waiting on a godly guy over the world’s version of romance. Again, I want to honor and respect both God and my future husband by following God’s plan for romance.

    I embrace my God-given femininity because it reflects His character. I used to think that I should try to be more “masculine” in the sense of being super independent and things like that, but I’ve discovered embracing my femininity has been very freeing and a source of joy.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you @thehapygirl ! I never thought about modesty like that! Thank you for helping me understand. God Bless!

      • thehappygirl

        Aww you’re welcome! It’s great knowing I could share my insight with you. God bless you sis!

  • Olivia W.

    Once I started to care about living a life pleasing to God, I’ve slowly become more aware about the purpose of modesty. What I understand better now, is that the less you cover up, the more you draw attention to what you do cover up. My mom doesn’t let me wear clothes that she thinks are too short or anything, so dressing modestly is kinda something I have to do, but knowing for myself why I need to dress modestly relieves tension between me and my mom.

  • Girlady

    How ironic. Those are my favorite topics on this blog! It’s not that easy to find blogs focused on these subjects, and I’ve been really concerned on being a woman according to Gospel – so I have no idea of what modesty or romance isn’t about loving Jesus. Aren’t we all created to glorify Jesus? It means that we shall praise Jesus in our clothing, relationships and behavior. And this blog has been helping a lot with this 😀

  • Ashton

    Wow… I suppose that there are quite a few opinions out there, but this is actually my favorite blog BECAUSE of those “secondary” topics! I believe that several girls, including myself, secretly struggle with upholding godly relationship principles, femininity, and modesty standards– and this blog is the only one I’ve found thus far that actually thoroughly covers all of those things in a way that makes sense. Thank you girls for all you do! May God bless y’all and your blog!! xAshton

  • Rach

    Wonderful post! I totally agree 100%! I can’t believe someone would have the audacity to call these issues “secondary”. I think these girls may have had their conscience pricked and are trying to feel better about themselves by persuading themselves that these extremely important parts of life are “seconday”. I LOVE your blog and send links to it to friends regularly. I believe God is using you in a very real and special way. Keep up your fantastic work, this blog is vital to young Christian women worldwide! Lots of love in Christ Rach x

  • Olivia Chambers

    Like many of the other girls have commented, I love your blog largely because you girls write about becoming the women we were designed to be and helping us navigate through a world that wants to crush God’s design for women. Most blogs that talk about modesty, femininity, and romance don’t use God’s truth. Many of them also make attracting men the main reason to be a feminine woman. Attraction is definitely apart of God’s design for women, but it goes much farther than that! Women show different characteristics of God than men do and that’s an important job! We show love in different ways, women glorify God in different ways than men do, and we work with people in different ways. These differences are so important to God. 🙂 Thanks for sharing God’s truth!

    • Anonymous

      I agree with you. I check Girl Defined every day, and it helps me to understand my femininity more and more.

  • Sara

    Feminists actually do not argue that. Feminists would say that it’s good to have an education even if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, because if something bad happens to your husband and you need to support yourself then you should have some skills you can fall back on. Feminists think education is very important for women and girls, regardless of their long-term goals.

    • Leanne

      I’ve seen people on this blog comment on the anti-feminist posts questioning the value of an education, as a way of criticizing Bethany and Kristen on their position of prioritizing motherhood over a career. I’m just answering their rude remarks.

  • Sara

    Jesus never spoke about the importance of dressing modestly and being “properly” feminine in some narrowly defined way. He spoke a lot about treating others with love and kindness and helping those who are less fortunate than yourself, though. You dressing modestly does not do anything to help people who are impoverished and starving or dying of diseases. In fact, that has nothing to do with anything. Clothing is a trivial issue. And I’ve known people who dress in ways that you would probably consider immodest but yet they were some of the most giving, compassionate, dare I say Christ like people I’ve ever met. You would pass judgement on them, though. Because you are shallow enough to think that clothing defines people and not their actual actions.

    • Sandrine

      I understand completely what you are saying! I did a bible study last night with my family and the theme was something that really touched all of us. I want to share it with you!
      In our Christian walk our goal should be only Christ. Outwardly we look better to others if we are kind, dressed modestly, going on mission trips, adopting orphans, etc. These things can become just acts that have nothing to do with Christ. When Christ is our focus we are becoming more and more like Him. Today Christ may be working in me to dress more modestly and in another person to adopt an orphan from China who wears short shorts. Outwardly, I am a better servant of Christ if I go and work in a third world country as a missionary. However, what if Christ is asking me to go and care for my great-grandmother and minister to her in her last days of need? Should I do what looks better outwardly? Or follow only Christ.
      I did not read the whole article word from word, but I do agree with you on the points you made about what Jesus spoke about. Also the bible says “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees;[a] for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”(1 Samuel 16:7 NKJV)
      I have a huge sweet tooth and when I eat too many sweets I get rashes on my neck. When my focus is to eat in a way that is more nurturing to my body it shows on my skin!
      When we focus on only Christ and nothing else our outward actions show what He is doing in our hearts.
      For the longest time I would wear clothes to draw attention from guys, I was a saved, born-again believer. Does the fact that I was wearing clothes with such an intent mean I was not Christian? Or that God could not have been working in me in other places? No! He convicted me of modesty a while back, but it was not because I was trying to fit all these rules or outwardly impress, but it was because when He convicted me my focus in those months was only Christ!
      I am sorry this is so long, I hope it made sense! I just felt lead to share.
      I did not read the whole blog post as I said before, so in no way am I disagreeing with what anyone has shared.

  • Gabrielle

    Wow, never thought about it that way, but the gospel certainly does affect our views on modesty romance, and femininity, and as you said, “topics like modesty, romance, and femininity only matter because of the gospel”

    Thanks for posting!

  • Shanae Butterworth

    Agreed! If people disregard these topics, it could eventually lead to disregarding (or altering) more important things like the Gospel.


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