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How to Prepare for Marriage and Motherhood

By: Guest Blogger

Scene 1: You dreamed about this day your whole life.

You are about to say “I do” to the man of your dreams and start your new life as a married woman.

After years of prayer, you have met “the One” and he’s better than you expected. His Christ-like character, fun personality, and dreamy looks are just what any girl wants in a husband. And now, you’re getting married to him!

You’re so excited, you could hardly breathe.

Before you know it, you’re standing at the altar next to him and uttering those words. Then the next thing you know, you’re now his wife. You think, Now what?

Scene 2: It’s been two years since you got married, and now you notice that your body is feeling different. You take a pregnancy test, and it’s positive!

You’re so excited; you call your husband and your loved ones to tell them the news. You and your husband have prayed for a child for a long time, and now you have a baby growing inside of you!

Before you know it, you’re in labor and are about to give birth to a baby girl.

As soon as she is born and she is handed to you, you can’t help but look at her. Her tiny hands and feet, soft body, and chubby checks are so precious. What you are holding in your hands is your little daughter, and you are her mother. You think, Now what?

So many times, we as Christian girls dream of getting married and having children that we don’t stop to think about what we’re doing toward preparing for such a godly calling.

We write a list of qualities of the men we want to marry, but we often don’t ponder over whether those qualities are what they are looking for in us. We have fun deciding on how many kids we want and what to name them, but we sometimes don’t think about how we should raise them. While those things are important, they aren’t enough toward helping us become the wives and mothers God may call us to be.

So, I want to challenge you to prepare for marriage and motherhood right now while you’re still single.

As a single girl myself, I’ve had no experience in marriage and motherhood, and I don’t have all the answers. However, I have some practical advice I want to share with you that will help you strive toward becoming a godly wife and mother.

1. Talk to godly, married couples.

In a culture where divorce runs rampant, it’s hard to find good examples of a godly marriage, even within the Church. Ask the Lord to send some godly couples into your life who can counsel you on the secrets to a long-lasting marriage.

2. Read good books for Christian singles.

Through reading Christian books for singles, you will gain biblical advice on guarding your heart, loving sacrificially, and more. Over the years, I have read many great books for Christian singles and their insight has been very helpful. Check your local library or bookstore for any good reads, and ask a godly mentor for recommendations.

3. Practice homemaking skills.

Homemaking is a lost art, yet the Lord commands us to embrace it. If you haven’t already, ask your mom, your grandma, or another godly woman in your life to teach you homemaking skills. Cook a meal. Invite others into your home. Host a party.

4. Talk to parents.

You may be thinking, What does talking to parents have to do with preparing for marriage and motherhood? Well, you desire to become a mom, right? So, just like with talking to godly couples about marriage, talk to godly parents on how they raise their children. Learn from their examples on things like teaching the way of the Lord, bonding with children, and more.

5. Do volunteer work involving young children.

Sadly, we live in a culture where children are viewed as a nuisance, which can make it hard for us Christian single girls to embrace motherhood as a godly calling. Volunteering at any organization or event that involves working with young children will help you see children as a blessing and influence you to become a mother.

6. Become a virtuous woman.

This is perhaps the most essential part of preparing for marriage and motherhood. By keeping Christ at the focus of your life and drawing closer to Him, your heart will reflect His and will show through, whether you’re single or married.

I’d love to hear from you!

Why is preparing for marriage and motherhood more than just dreaming of a husband and children?

What are some other ways in which you can prepare for marriage and motherhood?


Guest Post Written By: Christine Schallhorn

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12 Responses to How to Prepare for Marriage and Motherhood

  1. Even When says:

    Beautifully written Christine! Preparing for marriage and motherhood is extremely important before that time comes. I come from a family that didn’t and have reaped the consequences. I will definitely start preparing during my single years for I can be a blessing to my future family! Thank you for the tips! <3 Hannah

  2. Shanae B says:

    Very good list! It’s true what you said in #5 about the worlds view on children (which is a disgusting view of children). I would add becoming money smart to this list! Thank you for posting this!

  3. LOVED says:

    Awesome post! Just what I’ve been praying about! Thank you!

  4. Susannah News says:

    I love this post! I hope to apply those to my life more in the future! Thanks for sharing, very inspiring and encouraging 🙂

  5. Desesperately misunderstood says:

    Sorry but I got a bit lost at point three. Where in the Bible says that “the Lord commands us to embrace homemaking skills”?
    In the other hand, what if I don’t want to become a mother? I know children are a blessing and all of that but I can’t feel comfortable with the thought, I just can’t picture myself as a mom. I can’t see motherhood in my future, I have dreams, you know? I want to do so many things and I feel that a child is going to be an obstacle in the way. I know it sounds pretty awful but that’s what I think because children are a huge responsibility and they deserve time and atenttion. Hence I’ll feel obliged to give them that time and attention and if I do that then I wont be able to fulfill my own dreams and goals. I am not saying I don’t visualize marriage in the future, in fact I would like to marry in a couple of years (of course with a godly man), but that motherhood part is not in my plans. Plus I have this stupid neurofibromatosis type 1 genetic disease which can be passed to the fetus. How could I be so sellfish and unresponsible having children ‘because I want to fulffill some desire to be a mother’ knowing that that kid may develop cognitive damage, tumors that may cause pressure to the organs, etc? I developed scoliosis because of it! It was more than 120 degrees and I had to go under two sugeries at 12 to correct it and a long process of recovery and therapy. I was bullied in school because of that and even after surgery they still mocked of me. Those were the worst years of my life and I even considered suicide despite beign raised in a Christian loving home. So, if you ask me, motherhood is a tough topic for me and I don’t even know how to pray about how I feel about it.

    Please try to understand me and do not push me aside for making questions that may not be too pleasant for you. I’m not bashing you or whatsoever, these are genuine questions I’ve pondering for a while. I do like the blog and though I may not agree in every single point, I find your words and ministry encouraging and inspiring. However, every time you bring this topic and talk about being a houswife I feel really uncomfortable, misunderstood and even ashamed. Ashamed for being unable to connect with that concept of a good and biblical woman you portray, as if I was some kind of evil monster, a weirdo who just cannot be good. It is not a don’t want to be a good godly woman, is just I feel I can’t because some ideas and concepts don’t go along with my personal beliefs, like marital roles and priorities in life (lik a carreer vs motherhood for example) that seems to be stuck in the 50’s. I don’t consider myself a feminist, I don’t even like them but I believe that we as woman have the same right to pursue a carrere and dreams as men. I’ve never seen anyone telling a men that he must learn how to cook and do home stuff if he is thinking in marriage and that really bothers me, but it seems that women are the only one that must learn to do all those things if she wants to marry and I can stand it.

    So, I hope this helps you a little in understanding my questions and concerns. Am I that bad for not wanting children in my life? Is there any posibility that motherhood is not in the plans God has for me? Is every single woman called to be a mother? (I know a godly couple that has been married for several yars now and they don’t have children though they’ve prayed a lot about it) If in God we find contentement and he is the only one who can fill our hearts, then why would I feel sad or bad or whatever if I don’t have children? (thats basically what people say)

    I thinks that’s all for now. Thank you for listening and sorry if you felt bad.

    • thefreckleddisciple says:

      Hello, friend!

      I feel your pain, and often wonder if I want to have children when I marry… not only because I love to work, and have so many things I want to do, the thought of having to stay home all day with a bunch of poopy diapers really bothers me. I want to run side by side with my future husband, encouraging one another in the faith which we hold to, not limping behind him as I am drowned in dishes, laundry and crying children.

      But I have other reasons I am not sure I having children is for me. My oldest brother has Down’s Syndrome, and the chances of one of my children having this disability is unsure, but terrifying. The pain and suffering my mother has gone though with him makes me tremor. And, the doctors have given me a 50 percent chance I’ll even be able to conceive a child, much less have one born normal and healthy. So in that way, I feel your hesitation.

      NOT EVERY COUPLE IS CALLED TO HAVE CHILDREN! Not every person is called to marriage! I think we Christians forget this… yes, marriage is beautiful and from God, but, Paul was single, how do we forget all of this? Feel free to reply back to me, and let me know what you think. I hope you see, not every Christian is going to stuff Scripture down your throat.

  6. Loved says:

    Desperately misunderstood, please understand what I say is all in love! And with as much grace as can be given!
    I understand you… but my problem is this, God does say,
    ” Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
    Titus 2:3‭-‬5 ESV
    “To love their husbands and CHILDREN, to be self-controlled, pure, WORKING AT HOME” so… he does say women should be working at home.
    The proverbs gives us an amazing example of a homemaker!
    Also although I understand all women have dreams! But God also says,
    The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord . Commit your work to the Lord , and your plans will be established. The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord .
    Proverbs 16:1‭, ‬3‭-‬3‭, ‬9‭, ‬33 ESV
    When we become his! All pur dreams are given yo him! All our wants and desires are given up to glorify him and all his plans and desires are our highest goals! Our biggest dreams!
    Which also means we trust him when it comes to pregnancies and kids! He knows what’s best for us he knows what will draw us closer!❤❤

  7. Loved says:

    Sometimes God decided things we don’t understand.
    For example my mom’s miscarried several times! If all of her pregnancies went through well I’d have 20 siblings! But that’s not what God had planned for us!
    My life has been crazy! Fun! Cool! Sometimes even sad and very hard!
    But it’s our saviour who is in control and he’s using all of this to bring me closer to him!
    Some women are not meant to have kids, but that’s Gods decision, some women want but can’t have some women don’t want and have! But God is the decider because does he not have all control!? He’s perfect and did what no body could ever do! Without him… we would all be forsaken.

  8. Loved says:

    Desperately misunderstood, two songs you should deffently look up! “CONTROL” BY KING AND COUNTRY AND “GOD ONLY KNOWS” BY KING AND COUNTRY! best songs ever! God only knows what trouble you’ve been thourgh who’s made fun of you.. and he only knows what’s best for you! Control, give him everything even your dreams!

  9. Aria says:

    Hi Kristen and Bethany,
    I’ve really enjoyed and profited by your posts! My best friend and I are going to start studying Girl Defined and I’m looking forward to reading it. I’m seventeen years old, and all my life I’ve really longed to get married at a young age to a godly man and raise a family. Up until recently, that is. The past few years, I’ve felt a stronger and stronger yearning for marriage, but less of a desire for children. I’m involved closely with my eight cousins, and I’m having a hard time liking them, sadly. I find myself sarcastic and unsympathetic towards them – in short, I’m not a nurturing person, and I’m ashamed of how I’m treating children! Yet I’m not sure how to grow as a nurturing woman. I’m commenting this on this post because I feel it strongly relates to preparing for marriage and especially motherhood. I know being nurturing and good with children is part of being a godly woman, but yet, I’m struggling with it. So, in case you have the chance to respond, I’m wondering your thoughts on this? (Also if anyone else is going through this, suggestions?)

    • Clara says:

      Hi Aria,

      I’ve sometimes felt how you feel, like I’m ‘not a nurturing person.’ I’ve even classified myself as not a a kid person. It’s not that I don’t like kids, but that I feel like I don’t know how to engage with them as well as some people. Do you have any younger siblings? I’m 16 years old and I have five younger siblings. It can be hard to see the good sometimes, as I’m sure you feel with your cousins. Most of the time, God helps me to be thankful and enjoy having so many siblings!

      Here’s the thing I’ve been learning: Don’t label yourself ‘not very nurturing’ or ‘not a kid person.’ My mom has six children and strikes me as a very nurturing person. It’s hard to believe when she tells me that as a teenager she wasn’t a kid person; she didn’t love kids. She and my dad only wanted to have 2-3. Look what happened. 🙂

      I recently started volunteering with the kindergarteners at our AWANA bible group. The funny thing is, even though I engage with them differently than some of my friends, they really like me. The kids enjoy playing with me and they are sad when I leave. This has opened my eyes to realize that just because I don’t automatically start cuddling, letting them climb on me, or making silly faces with kids doesn’t mean I’m not good with kids, or that I woiuldn’t be a good mom. I hope this is encouraging. Like the post said, doing volunteer work with kids could really help.

  10. Loved says:

    I think that many people look at having children as “boring” “depressing” “no fun” “no freedom”
    I really believe that’s a completely wrong way to look at it IF your a Christian, why? Because God gives us children as a gift! We women are absolutely blessed! Because God chose us to give birth to HIS creation! And also if we are Christians we should and will remember our life is not our own! Even if it means being a mother or being a wife only! God is the one to decide! He gave us a second chance thourgh him! Shouldn’t we be willing to give him everything!?
    Also scripture is Gods way if speaking to us! If we look at it as just a bunch of words on a page we are looking at God’s words and telling him, that he’s nothing, that his word means nothing to us! That’s not right! Every word is precious and is to be treasured!
    Not all women are given the gift of child bearing, not all women are given the gift of marriage, But ALL women (who are true Christians) are called to follow his will! To be a living example of Christ! And if we go around looking at motherhood as a curse or a bondage, we are telling him he’s not good enough that he’s not able to make the right choices for us!
    Sometimes women go thourgh things that they really don’t understand, and they believe that because of their “illness” or “disease” that they can’t have kids that they can’t won’t be able to handle it or that their child will suffer to much, but again he’s in control! He loves us! He knows best! Some of the most blessed women are the ones who have gone thourgh a lot! The ones who have down syndrome children, the ones who have a child with a disease, the ones who have children with cancer! Are the strongest! Are the bravest! Are the best!❤❤ because thourgh their pain and hurt God has used it to bring them into his everlasting loving arms! He’s brought them closer and has broken them to put them back together to his perfect design! He knows! He’s there! Be brave! Be strong! And be his!

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