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Why I’m Not Looking for JUST a Husband

By: Bethany Baird

I am going to do something that I’ve never done in a blog post before. I’m going to open up my journal and share some completely personal things that I wrote down this past week.

Here’s the deal, last week I was sitting on my bed praying for different members in my family, for the GirlDefined Ministry and then, for my future husband.

As I was praying for my future husband, my mind started working and I began truly thinking about what I was praying for. I wondered…am I praying for JUST a husband or am I praying for something more? Do I JUST want to get married and have a man in my life to call “honey” or do I want something bigger than that? Is my end goal to JUST get a guy?

Here is what I wrote in my journal right after I finished praying: 

“My life is not at all what I would have imagined, but, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I would not have guessed that I would be twenty-six and single, running a blog for young women, trying to publish a book, mentoring young women, directing AWANA and still working in my dad’s business. I,100%, thought I would be married and doing…who knows what. 

I trust that God must have a plan for my life beyond what I could have ever hoped or dreamed of. If I’m not married, I trust that God has a purpose SO big for me right now! God is huge and He could provide a husband if He wanted to. God, you are SO big. You can do far more above all that I could ever ask or think.

You parted the Red Sea, made Joseph of Egypt second in command, healed people and turned water into wine. I trust that you can, and will, bring me a husband if it’s Your will. 

I do desire a godly husband, not JUST a husband. 

When people ask me if I want to get married, I say, ‘absolutely!’ But not just for the sake of having a husband. I want to join forces and serve God in ways I couldn’t serve Him as a single. My goal is always the same, serve God.” 

I realized I wasn’t looking for JUST a husband. 

That night I realized that I want so much more than “JUST a husband.” I want a godly husband. A husband who has a vision to serve the Lord and make an eternal impact with his life. I realized that my desires over the past couple of years have totally shifted. I went from just wanting a guy in my life, to desiring to marry a godly man who I can serve the Lord alongside of.

The truth is *I never thought I would say this* I would rather remain single and serve God to the fullest, over marrying a “less-than-passionate-about-God-guy” just to get married.

Why you shouldn’t look for JUST a husband. 

I want to challenge you to evaluate your desires and ask yourself what your dreams of the future are. Do you desire to get married JUST because you want a husband? Do you JUST want a guy in your life? Do you JUST want a boyfriend?

When I was younger, I used to think that relationships and marriage would JUST work out even if the couple wasn’t passionate about God, didn’t consistently go to church or have solid spiritual convictions. I’ve lived long enough now to realize that relationships don’t just work out. I’ve seen it on both sides. Great girls who “settled” for not-so-great-guys and it didn’t just work out. I’ve seen guys marry self-absorbed girls and the relationship sadly didn’t last.

Don’t marry a guy JUST because you want a husband. It’s not worth it. The fun and excitement and romance will soon die down, real life will kick in and you will wake up next to a man who’s biggest goal in life is his own happiness. God will be way down on his list and you’ll have wished you had waited.

Desire a godly man. 

I hope that you will start praying over the desires of your heart and ask God to help you desire a godly man. Pray that God will help you become the type of woman that a godly guy would want to marry.

I recorded a video on the topic of “Praying for Your Future Husband” and I highly recommend watching it. I list some of the qualities that I’m praying for and I think it will help you gain a vision for the type of man you should desire. I also recommend reading my blog “What Your Dream Guy Wants in a Girl.” It will help you figure out what you need to work on so that a godly man will want to marry a girl like you.

Heart Check. 

  1. Are you looking for JUST a husband or are you looking for a godly man?
  2. What character qualities should a godly guy have?
  3. What character qualities should a godly girl have?
  4. Will you pray and ask God to change the desires of your heart towards wanting a godly man and not JUST a husband?

 Photo credit: www.flickr.com | JohnONolan

Guy looking away

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  • Nikki

    Are you married now, Bethany? Did you find a Godly husband? How did you know he was Godly? How does he serve God in his life?

  • Jacey Faith

    I must confess that I’ve always prayed for a husband who loved God. But come to think of it, I want a man who is on fire for Christ, and I pray God will do the same to my life.

  • Elizabeth Williams

    This is really something for young girls to think about! Thanks so much for being honest and real about this. I know it is kind of a vulnerable thing to do to open yourself up like that, but it’s so much more helpful than someone who puts up a front

  • Anna Jones

    This is a great post, Bethany! I really appreciate that rather than getting cynical and bitter towards God, you’re still expressing thankfulness to Him and faith in His plan!

    • Anna,
      The book (Choosing Gratitude) I mentioned in my last post “Are you a Whiner or a Worshiper” really helped me gain a better perspective. I’m so grateful God worked in my heart to help find my joy and contentment in Him alone!

      • Anna Jones

        Yes, those are always great moments!

  • Bethany

    My heart so echoes yours! Thank you for this post. I’m 25 and single and people ask me all the time if I have a guy, why I don’t have a guy or if I want to get married. Well sure I want to. I think it’s every girls dream to get married, but I always say “I would rather be single and happy than married and miserable” 🙂 God has put overseas missions on my heart.. So that has to be on his heart too or one of us will be miserable. Maybe I can serve God more fully as a single person right now. But Maybe one day God will send someone to make a stronger team, (together) for Him, and that will be a wonderful day…but for now I will pray for him and serve the Lord in my singleness!

    • Bethany,
      So great to hear from a fellow “Bethany” 🙂 My dad always tells me that it’s better to be single than married and miserable. Waiting is hard but I know God is working in your life and is preparing you for His perfect plan. Keep your focus on God and continue serving Him in your singleness! You are doing great girl.

  • Vanessa

    I can completely relate to this post. I am 27 and Single and with no prospect of marriage, I was dating a guy who “appeared” to have the qualities of a godly man but it was all pretense, his heart needs far more healing and molding from the Lord. So I’ve discovered now as I’m older and wiser I want a man passionate for the Lord as I am. Who thinks of himself in a balanced healthy way. (Pride is the biggest turn off in a man) so yes! It is better to wait in the Lord for His perfect Will. 🙂 even when the waiting and the routine of every day feels suffocating we have a Savior that satisfies and fills all our needs. 🙂

    • Vanessa,
      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us! I’m so glad you are waiting for a man who is passionate about God. I know God is working in your life and will accomplish His will in His timing. Stay faithful 🙂

  • CT

    Hey Bethany, I know this is a bit of a dumb question but, how do you journal?

    • Hey Ct, I actually have two different journals. I use a 5 year journal to record the little happenings from the day. I also use a basic lined journal and write in it maybe 2 times a week. I mainly use my bigger journal to record my prayers and thoughts. Hope that helps!

  • Grace

    Thank you for sharing, Bethany 🙂 I am so blessed after read your posting

  • Gabriella

    Total agreement here… being single with only Jesus in your life is amazing and much easier may I add than putting another imperfect being into the equation, lol! I’m 25 and I had my first boyfriend, despite the the persistent opportunities, just about 3 yrs ago. We were engaged last year, but I called it off because he wasn’t fully displaying the requirements for marriage and was in a rush which caused problems, kind of set off red flags for me. My advice, when you finally find someone you believe you’re meant to be with, be careful not to leave or go ahead of God’s leading which is always by peace! Take your time and be prayerful, despite any pressure. I’m still making him wait till we’re both ready and he shows me again that he and I can be all we can be in Christ together. God’s really using this time though to teach me about how husbands and wives really are to function as a team and get rid of all the religious mindsets I grew up with concerning what to expect from a husband that may seem right, but lead to death (not actual death). What I always looked for was someone who’s calling, gifting and devotion for God was concurrent with mine and had a beautiful heart for God, who was humble and honest. I still think those are some of the most important factors when considering a partner and still desire such a man, but I also see things from a wider perspective now not expecting the man to take charge of everything as a spiritual leader, but to take even more initiative as a co-laborer and help him be all he’s called to be and instead of putting all the leadership responsibility and expectations solely on his shoulders. It’s funny how things change and develop. I remember, I use to think I’d be like Paul, celibate because I was so happy and fulfilled single and thought I’d be able to do more for God that way, even though I had a vision for children, but I knew God wanted me to have kids and that I actually could be more and do more with a godly partner. I think it’s a lot more effort and hard work, but it has a greater return personally and for the kingdom of God. And I’m curious, are you guys from the south or bible belt area because I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s more common for southern girls to have this inclination to “need” a man to feel complete? Maybe Texas?? I at least feel it’s a bit stronger down there because of the culture. In a general sense, my theory is that because I was very affirmed and continued being close to my dad, getting daily affection, hugs, words of affirmation, throughout adolescence, I didn’t crave male attention or affection as much as other girls. My friends always would wonder why I never gave anyone a chance, but I rarely would be interested. I think that having a loving and involved father in combination with being acquainted with God and His Word from my youth really helped. I also didn’t have overly strict or controlling parents which causes rejection and rebellion issues so I never went through the whole teenage rebellion thing.

  • Pollyana Mendes

    Amei o texto… Realmente me identifiquei! Que Deus continue lhe abençoando para tratar de muitas garotas que desejam ser segundo o coração de Deus.
    Deus abençoe… Um abraço aqui do Brasil! 🙂

  • ELLEN NELLE

    agree!don’t just settle for less.. desire a godly man not just a man. 🙂


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