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Letting Go of the Guy

By: Bethany Baird

I was recently in a very serious relationship with a young man, praying over the possibility of getting married. After long hours of praying, fasting, and more praying, God made His will known.

Although the answer wasn’t what I had originally hoped for, I surrendered my dreams of marriage to God and ended the relationship.

Letting go of the guy wasn’t easy. 

If you have ever been in a break-up, ended courtship, broken engagement, etc., you know just how hard ending a relationship can be.

When I started this relationship, I wanted to get married very badly and didn’t want anyone or anything to get in my way. Thankfully, the Lord used wise friends and my parents to knock some wisdom into me. After months of praying and receiving wise counsel, I was finally able to surrender my dreams of marriage to the Lord and seek His will above my own.

After releasing that relationship to God and asking Him to show me His will (no matter what it was), I was able hear the answers to my questions. I finally had eyes to see and ears to hear.

I had come to the point of holding marriage and this guy with an open hand and saying, “Not my will but Yours be done.” Wow!

That is a hard place to get to.

When I started praying for God’s will, whatever it may be, my eyes were opened to the relationship in a whole new way. No longer did I just want to be married, I only wanted to be married if that’s what God wanted.

When I first started the relationship, I was holding it with a death grip. The thought of staying single made me sick, and I was going to avoid that at all costs. Thankfully, God put some very wise people in my life who challenged me to ask myself some incredibly difficult questions:

Are you holding the relationship with an open hand?
Are you willing to say, “Not my will but Yours be done”?
Do you desire God’s will more than your own?
Are you willing to give the guy up if God asks you to?
Are you humbly listening to the advice of the wise counselors surrounding you?

Yikes!

These questions hit me hard.

My original answers to these questions looked like this:

I was holding the relationship with a death grip.
I was not willing to say, “Your will be done.”
I desired my will above all else.
I was not willing to give the guy up.
I was not humble, and I didn’t want any advice that didn’t agree with my own.

It took some major prayer and studying God’s Word to finally get to the point where I was able to honestly give this guy up to the Lord.

I am so thankful that I allowed God to open my eyes to the truth.

After many months, I was finally able to heed counsel and hold the relationship with an open hand. When I got to the point of surrendering the relationship to God, I had so much peace in my life.

No longer did the idea of being single sound like the end of the world. No longer did giving that guy up to the Lord sound devastating. God’s will for my life had taken its rightful place on the throne, and I finally desired His will above all else – even that guy.

I want to challenge you to ask yourself those very same questions.

If you’re in a relationship, how do those answers look in your life? Are you willing to say, “not my will but Yours be done”? Are you willing to let go of the guy if he’s not God’s best for you?

In the end, God’s will is exactly what we need. It’s the best for us and will bring us the most peace and joy. There is no better place to be than walking in the center of God’s will.

Photo Credit: www.flickr.com | Mait Jüriado

Guy in Suit

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  • Jana Hutcheson

    Great post! Would you consider doing one on dealing with the emotions that come with ending a relationship? How to handle the sense of loss, etc?

    • Hey Jana, we will definitely write that down as an option for a future post. Dealing with those hard emotions is something we have both gone through and it can be really tricky. Thanks for your suggestion!

  • Elisabeth

    Thanks.I strugle with things like this too.Would concider doing on how you know a guy is for you if he’s never searious?

    • Hi Elisabeth! We will definitely consider that idea! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • Jamie

    Such a great message! I remember a close friend sharing this same wisdom with me when I was in a place of struggle in regard to “letting the guy go!” Now, I praise God everyday that His will was done and not mine because who He gave me, my amazing husband, is so much more than I could have imagined for myself. Today I can say it’s very clear that the past guy was not for me but when you’re in it, you often fight that voice of doubt in your head, you ignore the red flags and convince yourself, “I will make this relationship work.” Truth be told, I was letting my emotions and own agenda lead versus allowing God’s will to lead. The key to when it’s over is to get your heart and mind in the same place. Your heart may know it’s for the best but your mind may leave you in fear that you’ll always be single or with feelings of hopelessness. If you fill your heart with the word of God, your mind will follow. It’s not easy and for some it’s a process but when you get that peace that Bethany is talking about, you truly are living for God!

    • Great feedback Jamie! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I know your words will be an encouragement to many! 🙂

  • Hannah Jane Lynch

    I was rescently in a relationship with a young man, both of us were walking with Christ when we started our courtship, and one of the first things we set down as a ground rule was that if God asked one of us to let go of this relationship that the other would be supportive and understanding of the call from God. We had a very God centered relationship: we sent each other Bible verse that stuck out to us in our Bible reading of that day, we would pray together and we would worship together.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. Isn’t it amazing how God can bring just the right message into your life at just the right time? So glad you were encouraged. Happy Birthday 🙂

    • A Lee

      I totally think this is what is happening to me now! Thanks for sharing.

      • Hannah Jane Lynch

        No problem!

    • thehappygirl

      @hannahjanelynch:disqus Maybe this is what is going on with me. I left a comment earlier sharing my story. I still feel a tug towards that young man, but I’m not sure if it’s God asking me to wait… Or if it’s just my heart (and I know I can’t trust that! haha).There is something so special about him. How did you know God asked you to wait?

      Like I mentioned in my story above, I had put God on the back burner during the relationship, so I’m not sure if the break up was God’s way of getting my attention and he will restore us at a future time, or if it was just never gonna work out. So many questions!! Haha I do know that I just need to trust God and He will work things out the way He sees fit 🙂

  • ssshhhhhh A

    it’s been more than 3 years i kept asking God and myself why it just turned out that way… i still experience many nights of crying to God because sometimes regrets take over me. i think i just found the answer today. thank you for this post.

    • Praise the Lord that you found answers through this post!

  • seh

    Wow!! When I read this, I felt like it was specifically for me!!

    • That’s awesome! So glad it hit home for you 🙂

  • Janney Mweemba

    Wow!!! I like this post. Letting go of the guy that I dated and dealing with the emotions was very hard. However,I can confess that being single has made me grow and mature physically, mentally and spiritually. For the next one, I am ready to say “Not my will but Yours be done” and I know my answers to those difficult questions will all be “YES” 😀

    • Praise the Lord! It sounds like you’ve truly had a heart change and desire God’s will above all else 🙂

  • Balzer’s

    Amen to your post. I do believe there is a girl in every woman no matter her age or experience. I also believe older woman can learn alot from younger women if they’re willing to humble themselves, don’t look at the shell but listen to whats being said, the spirit it’s being said in and to the intent of the heart. Alot of people miss the simplicity of help because of their pride (which blinds you and doesn’t allow you to see or perceive properly) and arrogance and the trap of offensive. .I’ve had 10year old children to be used by God to tell me things I wouldn’t otherwise hear from someone else. God’s will is God’s will and it will be executed as he sees fit. What ever it takes. God wishes that all would be saved.

  • Shimmer

    Hello there, it seemed like this post is for me too..haha.. though i haven’t been into a relationship, there were guys that i was attracted too, not really just because of their looks, but on knowing them as godly men..that somehow you wanted them to ‘pick’, choose you..and for two occasions i asked God if he is the ‘one’, God had said no.
    Times that you really wanted to be with that somebody that you so like and enjoy being with, and yet God says no, he isn’t the one. I agree it is with dealing with the emotions that is hard and painful, yet still obedience is the key to God’s peace and blessings.

    I look forward to your testimony when you’ve found the ‘one’ or rather when God gives the ‘one’ to you. Indeed, there is no better place than being at the center of God’s will. God bless you!

    • “Indeed, there is no better place than being at the center of God’s will. God bless you!” Amen 🙂

  • GODS WILL BE DONE..

  • Even though I place my heart to Gods will before, after I had a relationship with non-christian at my early age.. We find hard it sometimes to do His will, with the temptation of this world that as you said; “single sound like the end of the world” this world says.. but God always remind me that I will successfully say to myself that I do Gods will for my life as the right man of God gives to me at that right time.. We will have this kind of love story that God has written.. And I’m also inspired by the story’s of the bible, like Joseph met Rachel by Abraham’s servant, Ruth met Boaz of the relative of Naomi’s husband, etc.. ITS ALL BY GODS WILL :))

  • Silvia Venturini

    Hi, i’m from Brasil and I’m living a similar situation. I think he’s gonna break up with me after 3 years of ups and downs. We are in a long distance relationship and after a time apart we decided to try again after i ended it last year, he came to brasil last may and talked to my pastor and my parents, told my father he loved me and hoped to spend the rest of his life with me. After he went back home he started acting weird and distant, after a fight he really changed and now its been two months of barely speaking to me. I hate being in this position and i’m trying my best to be patient but i’m also very heart breaking to think that this may be our end. I’m trying to prepare myself to help him with his insecurities or to deal the best I can with a possible end.
    I am so confused and hurt right now, I’m not an idiot tho sometimes i think i’m being. Argh sorry for venting here, its just been too hard for me! Well, thank u for ur post and have a great day

  • AH

    I don’t know how I stumbled upon this site but I am exceedingly thankful I have! What encouragement!
    I was in a relationship last year that turned pretty sour by the end of it. I was crushed. I have friends in both the courtship mind and dating mind. From both sides the “encouragement” I was hearing did nothing but feed that voice in my head that seemed to echo that it was my fault. I had such a hard time learning to let him go. several weeks after the break up and yet not enough time to heal he was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor (later come to find out rare cancer). Because he had no family here my family had been his family. Now more than ever. I found myself deep in his care and it made the letting go and letting God so much harder. I am not here to say that I have it all together, but simply to echo that I am learning to not put only marriage into His hands but me, him, and my future husband. God can take this part and turn it into something to glorifying to Him but not if I am white knuckling it. Thanks for posting!

  • Mykaela

    Wow, I just stumbled upon your blog and I am enjoying it SO much! It is really encouraging to have someone posting serious, Christ-centered, thought provoking posts on just being Godly women! 🙂 This post really hit home for me as well. Just this past year I was in my first relationship. It was with my parents’ permission and supervision, but not everything can be seen all at once! Suddenly one day my parents started realizing aspects of this guy’s character that they hadn’t noticed before. They were very concerned, and quickly put our relationship on hold for reevaluation. His reaction to this decision of theirs and to other things going on revealed even more clearly that he was not at all the man that he had previously portrayed himself to be. It took me quite a long time to see this clearly, however, (my emotions were still too much in the way), and I had a very, very difficult and painful time until I finally surrendered it to God. It wasn’t until I did that that He revealed clearly to me exactly how wrong this guy would have been for me! I now look back with gratefulness that my Lord saved me from what would have been a very heartbreaking relationship eventually. Anyway, thanks so much for sharing your story, and I hope The Lord continues to use you and to prepare you for “your guy” someday! :)I Thank you for your boldness in speaking the truth! God bless,
    Mykaela McDowell

  • Allie

    I’m willing to say Thy will be done, not mine.
    I don’t want to be married if He doesn’t want me to be married. I don’t want that guy, if he si not the Lord’s guy for me…
    I’ve prayed to surrender him to the Lord, to surrender marriage, to surrender our relationship over and over…
    But although I´ve prayed a lot and I know that he wants to marry other girl, he just come back to my head every day…
    I don’t know what to do, I just cannot hide from him, or stop talking to him, it may help, but… I feel so frustrated with myself… I want to stop feeling this strange feeling, and be completely surrendered to the Lord, I want to love Him wholly with no hindrances between us…

  • leramie

    I love this site..
    Wow , truly encouraged. :))
    To God be the Glory.

  • Jenn

    Great article! I am at a somewhat similar stage in life but the difference is we’ve never dated. We are really good friends and have a strong group of friends around us. He is a great guy and I know he loves Jesus but I also knows that doesn’t automatically mean he’s the one for me. I wouldn’t even say I have a crush on him…. just a high respect and we are close friends. And if we would happen to start a relationship, I would want him to win my heart, rather than just handing it over. Recently I’ve really felt like God is asking me to surrender to His plan. So would you have any advice on letting him go and not obsessing over what our future might be? I love to see an article from this angle.

  • Pooja jersy

    Dear sister same situation i went through past last two years….I fell in love with one hindu guy .. we had a nice relationship too. But starting only god said me dont want that relationship but that time i didnt listen gods words bcz i was not much closer to god… Later relationship is continued for five years .. In that relationship i was really every time i use to compromise he didnt seriouse abt the marriage all so many things i was not happy …. But still i was holding that with much tearfull hrt and i use to pray for god… God change him talk to him and all wat ever ppl ll say i use to d for his gud sake…. Like this it was going but i lost myself in that relationship and i badly went some difficult way in that relationship very badly …. i suffered lot bcz of that guy… But god never leave my hand when i did wrong also….. god loves me lot and showing his mercy and grace towards me more and more .. Finally my mom came to this matter and all and god shown me some of the truth things abt him….. Acutally that guy family is not good god shown me everything and that is also heriditary we cant belive also.. Finally how much i cryed in front of god to change him but god didnt change him but god had changed me ….. I remember one Quote: ” Some time god wont change the situation because he is trying to changae our heart”. Same thing happened in my life. God didnt change him and bless my love but god had changed me lot n lot… After all this problem i completly surrender myself to gods hand. Nw i m happy with gods love… Jesus is faithfull if everybody will leaves us hand but god never do that for us…. I struggled more n more in the matter of love In the since all kind of love any lovei didnt taste it only … I m like a breaking point for everybody i lost my dad my love everything i m not happy with this worldly life but really i secure in gods love… So finally i stoped everything and i started loving the ppl…. I said to god i dont want anything in this world but i want u .. nw i m happy with gods love really this blog is much and much helping all girls who is seek for love and whose hrt is broken ….. So i thank u so much for this kind of msgs it wil encourage us more towards gods words and his way thank you and may god bless ur ministeries more and more Thank u once again…. I m completly broken but nw i m getting back to gods desing in the name of jesus Amen……………

  • Cara

    Hey Bethany,
    Thank you so much for all of you and your sister’s encouraging posts! This one really spoke to me and definitely encouraged me…I would have answered these convicting questions very selfishly, desiring my will above the Lord’s. I am constantly learning to submit to God’s plans for my life! Currently, I am really struggling emotionally with letting go of a guy that I still have strong feelings for. I was “dating” him emotionally and emailing him a lot without my parents knowing. My parents found out and looking back, I am so grateful! I am so grieved that I allowed my flesh to get in the way of honoring my parents. I have repented, and am not in that situation anymore. But, even though I am out of that situation and he has moved away to college, I still long for a real relationship with him and still desire for us to get back together when I am able to start a relationship. I have never met a guy near my age that has such a passion for serving the Lord and truly living for Him. I don’t think he knew that I wasn’t supposed to email him, otherwise, I am pretty sure he would have stopped and wanted to honor my parents as well.
    Anyways, it is still so hard for me to let go of him. I have absolutely no idea if he will come back into my life or even want to get into a relationship with me someday. I truly desire to obey the Lord by obeying my parents, but it is so hard sometimes…
    For me, it is the waiting. It is so hard for me to be patient! It is a struggle to constantly give all my worries and questions to the Lord about my future. I want the answers to all of my questions now, but that has not happened, haha! I am learning to be patient and practice contentment in my life right now. Is there any other tips that you would give for this situation?
    Thanks!
    Cara

  • Jenna

    I found your blog today and can’t stop reading the posts. This one is especially real to me as I have been working through a serious relationship that “ended” 7, almost 8 months ago. Letting go and letting G-d has been quite a journey for me and at times is still very difficult emotionally…YET, it’s an opportunity to choose joy and holiness no matter the situation. Thank you again for sharing! I am blessed to read this.

  • thehappygirl

    Great post Bethany! I was in a pretty serious relationship last year and it ended quite suddenly…. We hit it off instantly and really liked each other when we met. In just a couple months, I was head-over-heels for this young man! We had deep conversations, but still loved to laugh and have fun. He had a great relationship with God, he was super sweet, caring, and thoughtful (for me and his family and friends), and had the heart of a servant. I thought this was really the man God had intended for me to be with. We sang gospel songs together, attended church with one another, prayed together… It was picture perfect in my eyes. (And he was super cute too haha.) A week before things ended, he was sweeter than usual… He even sent me a message one night listing reasons he loved me (“you love the Lord,” “you’re respectful,” “you’re loyal,” you ladies get the picture.) That weekend, he told me he loved me and wanted us to start a life together. He even talked about an engagement… And soon! I was over the moon, and couldn’t wait to start looking at houses and rings and dresses and housewares. But the next two days, things went from “we’re in love and want to get married!” to “I just got dumped.” The day after we had the conversation I just mentioned, he broke our plans for the day and I didn’t hear from him again that day. I finally sent him a text that night asking what was wrong. He said we needed to talk. The next day, I didn’t hear anything from him until it was almost time to go to bed. He sent me one text saying (in a nutshell) that it was over because we were “too different.” I was shocked and very angry with him. I felt so led on.
    To be very honest with you all, I had put my relationship with God on the back burner during this relationship. If I “had time” I’d hastily read my Bible and pray, but most of the time, I’m ashamed to say I didn’t. I had put this man above everything. And then it hit me… Why did I expect our relationship to work out if my relationship with my Heavenly Father was basically non-existent? It made so much sense. Fast forward almost four months later, I’ve got my joy back and my relationship with God is stronger than ever!! I am so thankful for that. Sometimes I still have a random thought about that young man, or see him around (I live in a realllly small town), but I’ve given him over to God. If it’s His will, we will be together again. If not, I’m trusting my “Boaz” will come along in His timing, if it’s His will. I’m just so grateful to God for being there for me during all this, even though I didn’t make Him a priority before. Thanks again for the wonderful post. God bless you sis!

    PS Sorry for the long comment, but it feels really good to get tell someone 🙂

  • Melissa

    How did you know that you should already end the relationship? Is it because you did not correctly answered those difficult questions? Isn’t it possible for God to work things out for both of you? Did you seriously pray before entering the relationship? I have never been to any relationships. Haha! 😀 🙂 My apologies for a lot of questions. Thank you in advance if you will respond. Such a great insight though.


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