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Getting Married Is Still a Good Thing

By: Bethany Beal

Little girls are no longer growing up and being pushed towards marriage and motherhood. In fact, girls are looked down upon if marriage and motherhood is anywhere in the top 10 on their priority list.

How do I know this? Because it’s happened to me and it’s happened to almost every young woman I interact with. It doesn’t matter if you’re a homeschooler, private schooler or public schooler, the pressure is the same.

If you tell people that you are pursuing a career, going to school or fighting to get to the top of the corporate ladder, you will find nothing but praise and applause! If you tell people you hope to get married and have a family, you will get the “Hmmm, that’s interesting” awkward response.

Our culture does not praise marriage and it especially doesn’t encourage motherhood.

It’s taken me until my mid twenties to figure this thing out, but I’ve finally gotten a small grasp on it.

During my  eighteen to twenty-two(ish) years, I wanted to get married and I wanted to be a mother, but I was too embarrassed to say so. I felt like desiring those things, learning about them and pursuing them was totally second class.

If anyone asked me what my plans were for the future I would say something like this, “I’d love to be involved in ministry, mentor young women and hopefully write a book.” I never mentioned getting married or wanting kids.

But deep in my heart I wanted to get married, I wanted to be a wife and I wanted to have kids. I was just too ashamed to say so.

To be honest, I wanted people to approve of me. I knew if I said marriage or motherhood I would be looked down upon. In order to look good and gain the approval of others, I made sure marriage was on the back burner when I talked about my future.

Not anymore.

Over the past few years I’ve come to realize that being a wife and mother is a HUGE and incredible calling by God. It’s something that we as girls should be proud to prepare for and excitedly look forward to. It’s a blessing and an amazing opportunity to portray the gospel in a beautiful way.

It’s God’s normal and good pattern for (almost all) women and something we shouldn’t take lightly. It’s not something we should look down upon or view as second best. It’s one of the most incredible ways that we as women can further the Kingdom of God.

I’ve had a 180 perspective change on this issue. Instead of avoiding the topic or being embarrassed to admit that “Yes, I want to get married,” I’ve decided to be bold and proud of the fact that I do desire marriage and I’m not embarrassed to say so.

It’s a gift from God, a blessing and a huge responsibility.

I’m not allowing the culture’s opinion on marriage and motherhood to intimidate me any longer. It’s not up to them to decide what I should and should not pursue. The Bible is my guide and it promotes and encourages marriage throughout all its pages. Think about it, one of the very first things that we read is the love story of Adam and Eve.

Learn to view marriage in a new way. 

I read two books this past year that really helped shape my perspective on marriage and motherhood. They helped me view being a wife and mother from a Biblical lens instead of a worldly one. They are:

True Woman 101: Divine Design.

Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen.

If you (like me) have felt the pressure to say anything but “I want to get married,” I would highly encourage you to read both of these books. Find a friend and invite her to read with you and then discuss it afterwards.

Don’t allow the culture to shape your goals for your future. Renew your mind with God’s Word and remember that marriage was God’s idea.

Let’s talk about it.

  • Are you embarrassed to admit that you want to get married?
  • Do you feel the pressure of the culture to pursue a career and not marriage?
  • Do you believe that marriage is a good thing?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Leave me a comment below and we can chat about it there.

Photo credit: | Mannia&Titta

Getting Married Is Still a Good Thing

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29 Responses to Getting Married Is Still a Good Thing

  1. Kaitlyn says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for some time now, and this post really encouraged me. Without even realizing it I’ve answered questions about my goals by talking about ministry and a job with music, skirting around the fact that my desire is to be a wife and mother! Thanks for encouraging me to not be embarrassed by those desires and to share them! 🙂

  2. Kristina Stutzman says:

    I can relate to this blog. I believe in marriage but I’ve come to point where I talk about my business goals and dreams and I’ve stopped talking about being a Godly wife/mother someday. Definitely something I can improve in life. Thank you for the blog! They are all soo very encouraging!!

  3. Anna says:

    I can definitely relate! Even though one of my greatest desires is to be a godly wife and mom, so often what comes out of my mouth is what I think will get me accepted. I talk about my other interests/pursuits/education, instead of what I would truly love to do someday! Thank you so much for this post! God is faithful!

  4. Brooklyn Mikinzie says:

    I dont feel pressure of the culture to not pursue marriage. However, my friends laugh when I say I want to get married. They aren’t laughing because they think its stupid; they’re laughing because they are shocked. See, Im kinda tomboyish in some ways. Im friends with more guys than girls. Ive never told them about my crushes or anything. So, to them, its shocking that I want anything to do with romance or anything like that.
    But yes, I think that marriage is a very good thing, and I look forward to it someday.

    • GirlDefined says:

      @brooklynmorrison:disqus I’m so glad you have a desire to get married 🙂 Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed that you desire that. Maybe now is a good time to start allowing your friends to see this side of you 🙂

  5. averyswife says:

    Spot on! And girls, don’t be shy about your desires to have a family one day. I was ashamed of that desire, so I would always spout off about going to law school and being a Supreme Court judge someday. Well, I nearly ruined my chances with my future husband because he thought there was no way I was the right girl with those ambitions. 😉 Of course, God had other plans and he pursued me regardless….and a decade plus after those declarations at AKX we have five beautiful kids and I’m a happy homeschooling stay-at-home mom! I think a lot of girls worry that guys will think they are crazy if they admit that marriage is a goal, but the GOOD guys won’t be turned off by that. Just remember that the kind of man you’re looking for WANTS a wife with those desires. 🙂

    • GirlDefined says:

      Great Input! Thanks of much for sharing your story with us 🙂 It’s encouraging.

    • Hannah McIntosh says:

      Thank you–that’s encouraging. I think that’s my main problem in this area–I’ve always thought that saying that I do want to be a wife and mother someday would sound weird to guys (a little forward, maybe). I guess it could be if you said it in the wrong way…but usually it’s more of a struggle to say it at all. Thanks for your encouragement!

  6. Moriah Mari says:

    I can definitely relate to this post!! I think for me some of the pressure comes from the fear that I may never get married. I think if I can’t get married than I should DO something. I think the truth however, is that we only need to do what God in the Scriptures has called us to do. And regardless of what we’re doing we don’t ever need to be ashamed of saying, “Yeah, one day I want to have a family.”

    We need more girls who are unashamed (myself included!!) . Thanks for leading the way Bethany!

  7. L4 says:

    Love this and so pertinent to me today! Once I got pregnant I quit my job because I wanted to focus on my health and strengthening my homemaking skills. Well just today I was asked… “What do you do” …. Which iv always hated that question… But I just stumbled around saying what I DID do and wanted to avoid saying homemaker. I really need to stop shying away from the fact that I LOVE being the keeper of my home.

  8. Rae Beauford says:

    Thank you for writing this. It is such a relief to find other girls who feel this way. Today’s women and girls are very bold about what they want out of life, so hey…why can’t we?! 🙂 This world needs more women desiring motherhood and to be a wife! May God bless you!

  9. audrac96 says:

    I think there’s a much bigger pressure and expectation to get married rather than not. Like something is wrong with you if you don’t want to get married or have kids. It’s a lie that every female should be subject to marriage. I’m not doggin’ your blog, that’s just my point of view.

  10. el panda con Sueño says:

    I have some pretty strong opinions on this subject so brace yourself.

    Most of the affluent first world nations have declining population numbers. As nations become more affluent you see a society move toward individualism. As people are more capable of solving their own problems with their own capability or resources the need or desire to be less individualist dissolves and a predominate culture of individualism becomes the norm.

    An additional problem is that modern academia defers responsibility of individuals later and later into life.

    These problems coupled with gender equality have created a society where a female has no real incentive to get married except her innate natural desire, which as you have already pointed out, is shunned by social norms. The modern woman is becoming the modern man. Men have always deferred marriage and children for the pursuit of career or personal leisure. Given the same tools and opportunities it is only natural that women do the same.

    We pride ourselves in being enlightened and educated in America and surely in other first world countries also. Yet in our enlightenment we have turned into people who can hardly be bothered to pass on our own genetics. Shame on the first world Christians.

    Do Mormons have this problem? Do Muslims have this problem? Verily not! Their numbers are are increasing. We allow our children to go to public school where they eventually choose whether or not to follow God. Sure there’s an element of genuineness in salvation acquired through this type of path, but what ends up being most glorifying to God? Is it things like sexuality which we have such heated debates over? Or is it making God loving, God fearing families? We can debate sexuality all day, but we have surely been derelict in our own house, the empty one with no spouse and no kids, the one without a God fearing family inside.

    We make so many excuses to defer marriage. Finish school, first job, first career, need to settle down in a good neighborhood, need to save up for a house, need to save up to actually get married, need to wait until ready. Marriage and children can be deferred indefinitely, the list of excuses is infinitely long. There is never a time when someone can be ready for something they have never practiced. There can always be another excuse. And why wouldn’t I want to make money and travel and buy myself gifts and live by myself and be my own master, not having to compromise with anyone else? There is only a time when people finally get bored of satisfying themselves.

    Life doesn’t stop at marriage. School doesn’t end with marriage. Jobs don’t end with marriage. Careers don’t end with marriage. Saving money doesn’t end with marriage. The ability to buy a house doesn’t end with marriage. And nowadays, having a beautiful wedding you can afford at a later date doesn’t end with marriage.

    The excuses to defer marriage are all based on selfishness. Marriage and children are difficult, possibly the most difficult endeavor in life. We have become a society complacent enough to defer difficulty until a woman’s eggs are no longer ideal, to a point where risks and medical complications double in probability, because we are so intent on fighting biology in order to stay selfish for a little longer. For shame.

  11. Jenna says:

    I can not wait to be a wife and mother. I’ve enjoyed helping with my younger siblings, but my mom said it’s another thing being a mom.

  12. Jessi N. says:

    I just read this article and related to it so much that I texted the link to my mom because I knew she would want to read it too! Then I went and read your “meet us” section and realized I played basketball against y’all many years ago! We played each other in the 2004 homeschool nationals in OK city! My team was from Huntsville Al and y’all beat us, but we were excited to have given the “giant team” a close game! Haha. I think y’all ended up winning the top division and we ended up winning the divisor below y’all. I’m so excited to find y’all’s blog! 🙂

    • GirlDefined says:

      @Jessi That’s so cool that we played basketball against you in high school. We probably still have the video of us playing your team 😉 Crazy! I’m so glad you stumbled across our blog and I hope you find it encouraging. Blessings.

  13. Dave Covey says:

    Very insightful and refreshing! Thank you!

  14. Sarah says:

    Wow..I never really even took note that I was doing just that until I read this. Marriage and motherhood was always a big deal in my heart.. However, when I spoke to others of the future I would only talk about it if they brought it up first…. Wow, I can’t believe
    I just ‘now’ put two and two together. Thanks sooo much for sharing, it helped open my eyes!!

  15. Erin says:

    I live in an area where it’s the norm to graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, get a job, start a masters, get your masters, get a better job, and THEN get married, but wait about 4 years before even thinking about kids. The problem with that though is you’re about 30 by the time you get married, and about 35 when you have your first kid! Now, I’m not bashing on women who decided to take this path, but I feel like life now is broken up into these “life-time blocks”. These life events no longer can mingle and work together, in fact we’re told they can’t work together. And people call me crazy for wanting to marry young, (like @ 21/22) and have start having kids young (like 23/24). See, while God has called me to be nurse, I also feel called to be a wife and a mother. I want kids, and quite a few of them. Like 4 of them. And I totally believe that as women, God has given us the capability to manage all theses things together at once. Sure it may take longer, but I have no issue becoming an RN, a wife, a mother, and pursuing a masters at once (if that’s what I choose to do). Don’t let anyone make you think twice about being a wife and mother. It’s one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs on earth, and it CAN be mixed with your other life calling(s) from God. Just remember to put Him as your number one priority, and He will make your paths straight!

    • Anna Joy says:

      Hey, Girl! 😉 I really wanna get married young and have a big family, too. I’m one of 18. 😉 Go for gold! 😀

    • thehappygirl says:

      I feel you girl! My greatest desire (next to the Lord of course!) is to be a wife and mother. You know, the whole amazing husband and adorable children bit haha! I’m hoping God will fulfill this desire of mine. I just turned 21 a couple months ago… I’d love to be married in the next year or two and begin having kids straight away! Around 5 or 6 would be ideal… And I love your point of view here! 🙂

  16. Laini Russell says:

    I’ve never been ashamed o say that’s my plans for the future. Now I have forgotten to mention them before when asked what my future plans were…

  17. Kathy says:

    I would like to point out that I am not at this point interested in marriage and that is not a bad thing either. In fact I would say that in my social circles I am the odd one out. I am not interested in dating at this time, while many of the people I know my age are married or engaged. I am seeking to go into a professional field which calls for extra education and some people I know always comment about “finding a guy and settling down” instead of pursuing my dreams where I believe that I can do a lot of good.

    Rather than emphasizing singleness or marriage, we should be defined by our love for God. Whatever God’s plan for our life, we should not be ashamed of it. If marriage is your calling, pursue it with all you have but keep God first in your life. If it is a single life and a career, once again put all you have in it, putting God first in your life.

    After all, the Dorcas and the Apostle Paul weren’t married and they were used to glorify God just like Apollo and Priscilla.

  18. hannah Mwilambwe says:

    great article Bethany..I have a question though..I’ve always thought of getting married and have kids..I love the thought of challenge is I fail to strike a balance between my desire for marriage and my desire to get a degree first. I fear that once I get married I may never obtain that degree and especially that I want to study abroad, I feel my dream may be shattered. how do I strike a balance between the two, I sure do not want one to suffer because of the other.

  19. Kate I. says:

    Getting Married is still a good thing….and so is singleness, right? Singleness is a gift from God. We should cherish it. Kristen, I feel like the last article…”Get Married: what Women can Do to Help” Wait, so I’m supposed to get married, like it’s somehow an essential to me becoming a women. What if God calls me to singleness? Do I get married because people tell me to, or because God calls me to it?

  20. alli says:

    My boyfriend and I are now dating for 2 and a half years.. We had engagement ceremony in our church last year. We wanted to do it publicly because everyone (an mainly our parents) were saying that we keep secrets all the time, we dont share everything with them, we spend too muvh time just the two of us.. so we made a public ceremony. It was terrible experience, though. I feel horrible everytime I think about it. We were freaked out to even tell anyone that we’d like them to come, because marriage was something our parents didn’t want to hear about. But finaly when we told them, they were not pleased but they came. However, it was really awkvard. The priest even confused my name! Like he hadn’t known me for almost a year! Parents got mad because we didn’t organize it well as they told us later. Then they behaved like engagement has nothing to do with a wedding. We tried to speak to them about wanting to get married soon – they always changed the topic or left the room. They told us to wait longer on and on. So we stopped talking about it because we felt like fools that we wanted to ger married. After few months, they came to talk to us and were angry that we DIDNT talk about it! They simply said told that we could’ve been married long time ago if we werent stupid. Right. Since then I cant get rid of the feeling that marriage is something bad and its end of the world and once you get married your gonna be unhappy ever after. I am 22, my boyfriend is 26, just saying. The only thing that keeps uz from running away and getting married secretly is that we have nowhere to go. We struggle with physical attraction a lot and its unbearable for us to avoid sin any more. We want to live as man and wife finaly. We want to be free speaking of decisions in life. We dont want to feel guilty everytime we do something wrong and dont even know what exactly we did.

    • alli says:

      When I hear someone complaining about young people avoiding marriage and living sinful life instead, I have to hold myself not to yell at them. WHY DO YOU COMPLAIN AND DO NOT SUPPORT THE YOUNG INSTEAD??

  21. T Mitch says:

    The reason people respond that way about marriage and kids is not that they are against it … it’s because it’s NOTHING SPECIAL. Animals do, people have been having kids for forever. You don’t have to be smart, or good, or anything. You just have to spread your legs. Why should anyone celebrate that? It’s like saying you ate a snack yesterday …. “OK, and…?” would be anyone’s response. You can be whatever, or do whatever, but share the special stuff. That’s all people care about. You people seem to think the world is out to get you but really, the world would rather ignore that you are even there. The SAME way the Amish people aren’t on the internet in droves writing about feminism or talking back against the world … they mind their business and do their own thing. And look — who’s out there saying the world is attacking the Amish? No one. You are creating your own enemy. People live differently than you. That’s it. If the majority of where you live doesn’t support you life … go somewhere else. You don’t need this society. You have God. Go away and live your way and leave the rest of us alone.

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