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Is Masturbation Wrong for Christian Girls? (Part 2)

By: Kristen Clark

Caution: This topic may not be appropriate for younger audiences. Without being unnecessarily graphic, my hope in writing this two part series is to offer helpful biblical counsel for the many Christian girls who are struggling in this area.

This is the second half of a two part series on the topic of masturbation. If you missed my first post, I highly recommend reading it before you read this one. In the first post I shared about my journey to finding freedom from this struggle as well as 3 reasons masturbation is wrong for Christian girls. You can read the first post HERE.

Understanding the damaging effects of lust and masturbation in our lives is only the first half of the equation.

The second half is actually doing something about it. Old habits die hard, and sin’s grip is tight…so breaking free from a habitual sin isn’t easy, but it CAN be done. With the power of Christ on our side, we can be more than conquerors in this area.

In this post I want to give you 8 practical strategies that helped me overcome lust and masturbation in my life, and will hopefully help you overcome these struggles too. 

8 Strategies for Defeating Lust and Masturbation:

1. Confess to God and Tell Someone

The biggest problem with our sin isn’t that we feel sad and guilty about it…it’s that we’re sinning against a perfect and holy God. We are ignoring Christ’s death on the cross and rebelliously choosing to be obey our flesh. The first step to finding freedom from any sin is to humbly confess it to God.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

The next step is to confess your struggle to a godly Christian woman. Personally, I chose to confess my sin to my parents even though it was the hardest thing ever. But through that confession, I found an abundance of freedom and peace. Be willing to humble yourself and share your struggle with someone.

2. Choose to Fight the Battle

Although this may seem obvious, it’s not. So often we struggle day in and day out with a certain sin because we’re not choosing to aggressively battle against it. In our minds we say, “I hate this, I want to defeat this!” but then we do very little to actually defeat the sin.

Galatians 5:17 says, “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”

Our flesh is weak and craves what is contrary to righteousness. Therefore, we have to actively battle against our flesh in order to conquer our sin. The rest of the strategies on this list will show you how to go to battle.

3. Memorize the Word Daily

God’s Word has power. If we want to overcome our sin, we must be faithful to fill our minds with His truth. As we resist the desires of our flesh and the seduction of this world, we must saturate our minds with God’s truth.

Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

God’s word has the power to convict us of sin, and to remind us of the hope we have in Christ. If we’re not actively filling our minds with truth, we will default to believing lies. Whenever you feel the temptation coming on, redirect your thoughts to some key passages that you’ve memorized. Here are some great verses to start with: Psalm 19:14, Psalm 51:10, James 4:7, 2 Corinthians 12:9.

4. Pray Your Heart Out

You are not alone in your fight. You have a loving heavenly Father who cares for you and wants to hear from you. Talk to Him through prayer. Confess your sins, cry out to Him for strength, and praise His holy name. Be intentional to start every day off with prayer.

Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. We cannot conquer sin on our own, so cry out to our powerful God who has conquered sin and death. Pray when you wake up, pray throughout your day, and pray before you go to bed.

5. Get an Accountability Partner

Confessing your struggle to someone is a great first step, but don’t stop there. Since the flesh is weak, it is extremely helpful to have someone holding you accountable on a weekly basis. Don’t fight this battle alone. As hard as it may be, humble yourself and ask a godly woman to hold you accountable in this area. Ask her to follow up with you on a regular basis (via text, email, phone call, or in person) and ask how you’re doing.

James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working (James 5:16).”

Have your accountability partner pray with you and for you throughout the week. This is a huge step (and one many people neglect) in finding freedom from ongoing sin.

6. Ditch Unhealthy Media

Since sexualized media is so widely accepted, we often fill our minds with endless garbage and wonder why our thoughts stray. When I was younger, I made the choice to ditch ungodly media from my life. This made a massive difference in my fight against lust. If a movie, magazine, song, or book contained sexual content, I ditched it. This includes Christian romance novels.

Filling our minds with scenes containing passionate makeout sessions, sexual acts, and partial nudity isn’t going to help us win the battle against lust.

Romans 13:14 commands us to, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

Make no provision. I want to encourage you to examine your media intake and intentionally ditch anything that is making a provision for your flesh. Choose to throw it away and instead fill your mind with God honoring content.

7. Exercise and Eat Healthy Foods

On a practical level, taking care of our bodies is extremely helpful for keeping our female hormones balanced. Choosing to eat a whole food diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep will help keep your mind clear, body strong, and hormones in order.

Rather than coming from a physically weak state, be intentional to maintain a healthy body and that will aid you in fighting your internal battles.

8. Focus on Serving Others

The more we focus on ourselves, the more we will be consumed with ourselves and our desires. One of the best ways to beat temptation is to actively serve and love others.

When you notice that lustful thought creep in, instantly redirect your thoughts by praying for a friend or family member. Rather than filling your mind with brainless late night entertainment, keep your hands and mind busy by serving others (i.e. write encouraging cards, help with household chores, call someone, etc.).

As Galatians 5:13 reminds us, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

If there is a certain time of the day that you struggle the most, be sure to fill that time with intentional prayers and actions that are others focused.

I pray this strategy plan is helpful for you as you fight the battle against lust in your life!

In addition to the 8 action steps above, I also encourage you to grab a copy of Josh Harris’ little book titled, Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is. This book was – hands down – the most helpful tool God used to help me gain freedom from masturbation. I can’t encourage you enough to read it.

May God give you the wisdom, strength, and courage to take serious steps toward freedom today. And may your life be another testimony of God’s power,  grace, and freedom from the bondage of sin.
I’m praying for you, girl!

Photo Credit: Here 

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  • Kylee

    Thank you so much for this post. I have never heard this topic addressed to women before… It was convicting and eye-opening. Keep up the good work and God Bless! <3

  • May

    This was really encouraging for me, thank you. I feel like I should tell someone but I just don’t have a very godly woman in my life that I feel like I can pour this secret out to. What should I do?

    • Hi May! Thanks so much for sharing. I highly recommend asking a woman from your church for help. If you don’t attend church, I recommend getting involved in a local body of believers which will provide that community for you as well as opportunities for accountability. 🙂

  • Pingback: Is Masturbation Wrong for Christian Girls? (Part 1)()

  • Sarah

    Thank you so much for bravely addressing this. It was a huge encouragement to me.

  • Anchored

    Hi Kristen I have been struggling with my thought life and things like this for a long time now. I know it’s wrong and I have been trying to break free but it seems to hit me at the wrong times. I know I should confess it to someone but I’m scared to and embarrassed. Yours and Bethany’s posts have helped me in trying to keep my focus on the right things. Thank you both for your attentiveness to what God is saying and sharing it with us.

  • omi

    Thank you so much for addressing this topic. Too many people simply assume it’s just a guy problem. But it really isn’t. It’s anyone’s problem and I’ve been struggling with this for a few years now. I know I need to tell someone about but can’t seem to humble myself to that level. I feel embarrassed and can’t seem to do. I feel that I can’t trust anyone with it. Thank you for the encouragement to find an accountablily partner and to tell someone about it.

  • Rachel

    Thank you so much for this topic. I have always wondered if I was the only who have struggled with this problem. It is good to know there are others out there that do and that it can be over come. Thank you again!

  • Grace

    This question certainly does not reply (or apply) to this blog post, but I have been thinking about courtship, and what that looks like in everyday life (etc.). If I had my first pick, I would immediately, choose a hands-off courtship–but does this seem overly strict? I know it’s kind of old-fashioned, and probably not even of the modern day standards… I mean, everyone else in culture wants to completely abolish virginity and build a sexual relationship, but there is something so respectful and freeing knowing that every time you ‘hang out’, you don’t have to feel that pressure and angst over each other (and your bodies). Instead you can help nurture and mature your brother (or if your a guy-sister) in Christ, spiritually and emotionally (to a certain extent). I have a friend–that thinks it’s ok to side-hug a guy (which–how are you supposed to do that anyway; to me you either do or don’t hug–end of discussion), and hold hands with him, and (I have personally seen) her flurt. NONE of that is ok, in my book. Originally I started thinking, that ‘well, maybe it’ll be ok if we hold hands with each other,…but the more I thought about it, the more unsettling it became–knowing that I could (and am) putting him in an arousal that is only deemed worthy of a marital relationship with your spouse. Someone help, I am trying to learn and grow for in my walk with God, as I explore courtship, and what that looks like. Thank you:-)

    • Melissa VDA

      Have you heard of Joshua Harris’ book I Kissed Dating Goodbye? It’s a good book that helped me out. You might want to check it out. 🙂

    • Val

      I think that this blog has an article about dating and courtship, I think you could find that helpful!
      I suggest you to read articles and books about the topic, discuss it with someone you trust and pray about it 🙂

  • Jordan

    Thank you so so much for this series!! I’ve been struggling in this area for years and gave up hope on overcoming it. This post changed my perspective!

  • Erica

    Question: What are the consequences and “damaging affects” behind masturbation? Also, do you think it is appropriate to provide sexual education to minors, and if so, what exactly?

    • Laurie House

      There are no consequences or damaging effects. You’re not gonna go blind or something.

  • Kate

    Hello everyone and many, many thanks for these 2 articles!!! (I will have something to add to this list below, but first I just want to say why I was so happy to find this!)
    I believe that communication is key in this issue as well, since its hold over us is much strengthened by the fact that we don’t talk about it – so it remains in some kind of blurry, uncharted area. But when you want to overcome it, you have to really face it and not just quickly skim over, embarrased and then despair and run away as soon as possible.
    Take a moment to remind yourself that God loves you as you are and that you can always count on him, shame is not a good motivating force! Then take a deep breath and face it : You should really examine why you do it, and what you expect to gain from it and analyze those things and check them with God – and it will be easier to make the decision to fight, and with conviction: it will make sense completely.
    In fact, “checking in” with God whenever you’re in doubt or in every situation when you feel that something is missing is extremely helpful in everything. Basically, you’re in a relationship with Him, all your life, right? 🙂 Well, obviously, you should keep in touch then! And listen to what he says to you, all the time.

    Kristen, there is something that I’d like to add to your list of ways to keep clear of the urge. It may not be valid for everyone, I know that quite a lot of people seem unaffected by it, but I know that there are a lot of women who experience this:
    Wearing a tampon can increase your desire. No one really talks about this, it’s a small, practical detail of everyday life, but if you pay attention to your body, you may find that this applies to you too, I know it does to some of us. This detail usually goes unnoticed but it could be making things harder for you.

    I thank God that I have found this place and wish all of you to continue to walk with Him, it really is the best thing you can experience in life!!!
    Halleluja!

  • Lena

    Kristen, what a show of wisdom, love and dedication!! Girl, a really thank you by publish this text. It made a real difference in my life and beyond to show me in a biblical way why is the masturbation wrong by God’s view, you have opened my eyes to the value of the marriege and that the truth love really exist between a man and a woman (concepts that was lost in my mind). Of course, you was extremely used by God to show me all this things. I hope be used like this to help other people. Thank you girl, God bless you and your marrige always.

  • Rebekah

    Thank you for this amazing encouragement, and being willing to share your own story! I really appreciate that you gave encouragement, and advice about ACTION. So many people give vague unhelpful poetry, when what we need is down to earth steps. Something you can actually DO about the issue. I really appreciate your bravery, and inspiration. I also appreciate that you back everything up with scripture, giving power to the message.

  • Y’all are strange

    Unless your masturbating to the point of rubbing your genitals off- I think your fine.

  • Removing sexual media was an important but difficult step for me when dealing with my lust and masturbation. I had to understand that by indulging in those things, I was feeding my spirit with sexual thoughts and therefore strengthening my temptation.

  • Camila

    This post really helped me! Thank you so much! I have a cuestion. If I have committed masturbation in the past, should I confess it in the confession with the father in the church? Because I’m so embarrassed of talking about that but if is it a sin don’t should I confess it in the confession?

  • Camila

    This post really helped me! Thank you so much! I have a question. If I have committed masturbation in the past, should I confess it in the confession with the father in the church? Because I’m so embarrassed of talking about that but if is it a sin don’t should I confess it in the confession?

    • Annoymous

      Hi! I don’t know that a lot of people would be able to answer this since this a specifically Catholic question. I’m Catholic, so here is my take.
      I didn’t confess this sin for many years and actually started avoiding confession because of that. I would feel so guilty after confession because I knew that was the Big Sin I needed to confess. Of course, avoiding confession isn’t a good thing.
      I would confess this. However, if you are really embarrassed to talk about this sin with your priest, maybe you can go to confession at a different Church or with a priest you don’t see often. That way, you can seek forgiveness in confession but not have to talk about this sin with a priest you will see every week.
      If that isn’t an option for you (it is not for me), remember that you are not the first person to confess an embarrassing sin, nor are you the last person who will confess a sexual sin. Also, the whole point of confession in the Catholic church is to confess to Jesus through the priest. Try to remember that, you are confessing to God.
      I hope this helps and isn’t too late for you.

  • Leana

    WOW… Truly thought that I was the only one dealing with this issue…
    Thank you for posting this, for being willing to share about your battle with this issue, and thereby granting the rest of us the tools to start overcoming this problem.

  • Jerika Fulton

    This was so helpful. I got the book you talk about in this blog. I’m excited to read it. Honestly I wanted to stop with my issue of lust but then sometimes I liked it and that deterred me from stopping. Now I feel like this issue can be consuming sometimes. I’m losing sleep at night mostly. I’m ready to get on the right road now. Thanks Kristen!! xoxo

  • raerae

    Thank you!!!!!

  • theburritohasmyheart

    I am facing those struggles. But in the past when I have told my parents things like that they have shunned me in a way. I know I need to confess it. But I don’t have anyone else to confess to. I don’t know any other Godly women, we don’t really go to church. Please help me

    • Tina

      Hello! I’m in a similar position where it isn’t necessarily safe to confess things to my parents for various reasons. I’m also lacking in Godly female role models. Here are my ideas on this issue.
      First, if telling your parents about a struggle you have is unsafe, will put you in a dangerous or damaging position, or will make the temptation worse, you DO NOT have to tell them everything or anything. Use your best judgement here. Of course, it is uncomfortable to confess certain things, but uncomfortable is not the same as dangerous. God does not want you to put yourself in a dangerous situation with your parents.
      Second, get creative in where you look for role models. Sometimes, the best role models come from unexpected places. If a women isn’t Christian but respects your christian beliefs, she might be a good role model. You will have to talk about what being christian means to you and how it impacts your life, but that is still better than no role model. Also, (this is going to sound kind of funny, but it is true), online role models can give you some guidance so reading blogs like this is a great idea.
      Third, peer accountability is really helpful. If you have friends you trust, you might consider talking about your struggles with them or starting a Bible study with them. Again, see number one if that doesn’t seem safe for you. You’d be amazed at how helpful your friends can be in getting through tough times if you have the right friends and are honest with them.
      Fourth, journaling helps! I promise writing things down is better than having them bouncing around in your head. If you write it down, you will probably not think about it as much which can be helpful in moving on. Plus, there is nothing like looking back on something you wrote weeks ago and seeing how far you have come!
      I hope this helps.

      • theburritohasmyheart

        Thank you so much

  • Victoria

    Thank you so much Kristen for sharing your experience and encouragement on this topic. To read about a role model of mine who has struggled with the same sin and has OVERCOME it, I think is so inspiring and encouraging! Thank you for helping me realize I don’t have to live in shame, and that I can find lasting freedom from the bondage of sexual sin. This is such a major help to a lasting freedom for me and my future! Thank you again!


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