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Mind-Virgin: Saving More than Just Your Body

By: Kristen Clark

I walked down the long aisle in my beautiful silk dress. My heart pounded with excitement as I locked eyes with my handsome husband-to-be. He beamed from ear to ear as I slowly approached him.

This was the day, the moment we had been anticipating for the past eight months.

We were both raised in Christian homes and were taught from a young age that saving sex for marriage was the Biblical and right thing to do. The anticipation of giving the gift of virginity to one another was overwhelmingly exciting.

There we stood on our wedding day – both virgins and looking as pure and as perfect as can be.

As perfect as we both looked that day…we knew we weren’t as pure on the inside. Yes, we had both saved our bodies for one another, but over the years we had both fallen prey to many impure thoughts and sexual temptations in our minds.

Like me, so many Christian girls strive to save their virginity for their future husbands, but very few are as passionate about saving their “minds” for their husbands as well.

Being a virgin with your body is encouraged in every Bible believing church, but what about being a virgin with your mind too?

Are you a mind-virgin?

The problem I had and that so many single Christian girls have today is that they’re saving their bodies for marriage, but aren’t saving their minds.They approach their wedding day as a physical virgin, but aren’t anything close to a virgin in their personal thought life.

Lust is not just a guy problem.

A lot of Christians think “lust” is just a guy problem…but I’m here to say it’s just as much of a girls problem. I’ve read story after story of Christian single girls who became enslaved to a certain lustful sexual sin.

A lot of their lustful habits started out as innocently as browsing a Facebook page, accidentally stumbling across a bad website, reading a Christian romance novel, or wandering into an Abercrombie store.

One little thought, one little image, one little linger of the imagination slowly became an enslaving lustful habit for these girls.

Girls are struggling at a shockingly high rate with lust.

We need to wake up and open up about this major problem.

“The internet filter review from ChristianityToday.com documents 70 percent of women keep their cyber activities secret. But, 1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women.” -Jonalyn Fincher

That means 7 out of 10 of you reading this blog right now keep your cyber activities a secret.

Keeping something a secret is usually done because you don’t want anyone else to know what you’re doing. Right? Sure, you might be saving your virginity for your wedding night, but what are you secretly doing in your mind?

I heard a great illustration in church last week about how every person is like a house.

We keep our front rooms looking clean and pretty for when the guests come over. We might even keep the kitchen clean and the bathrooms shiny. We want everyone to think our house is beautiful and free of dirt.

What our guests don’t see are the bedrooms way in the back.

We keep those doors closed tight and don’t allow anyone in. Those rooms are full of dust, disorganized and are really dirty. We put on a good front, but keep our dirt behind closed doors.

Isn’t that so true when it comes to mental purity? We look so good on the outside! We’re pros at putting on the church smile and dressing nicely. In fact, we might even try to dress modestly and do godly things like saving sex for marriage; but our houses are dirty and rotten on the inside.

Our hearts are filled with secret lust and impure thoughts.

Sadly, no matter how good you look on the outside, God sees exactly what’s going on in your private life. God sees exactly what you’re thinking every moment of every day.

“Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b).

As a Christian girl, I want to challenge you right now to not only save your physically virginity for your future husband, but to also save your mind-virginity as well.

I want to challenge and encourage you to fight against your lustful flesh and to live a sexually pure life on the outside and on inside.

Honoring God sexually is so much more than being a virgin.

It’s being a mind-virgin too. Holiness and purity start inside with the heart and mind.

How to win the battle against lust.

When Jesus met the woman at the well in John chapter 4, she was in the middle of struggling with some serious sexual sin of her own. She was shocked when Jesus knew about her dirty back rooms.

She had bounced in and out of five different marriages and was currently living with her boyfriend. She was seeking sexual pleasure, security and fulfilment in all of these different men, but nothing satisfied her.

She was dying of thirst and was looking for water in all of the wrong places.

She was thirsty and was never satisfied. That’s exactly how lust works. It promises satisfaction and fulfillment, but always leaves you thirsty for more.

In addressing her sexual sin Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water [sexual sin] will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again” (John 4:13-14).

The only way to find freedom from lustful sin is to stop drinking the rotten water and start drinking the Water of Life.

First, you have to expose those dirty rooms in your house by confessing your sins to God and asking for His forgiveness.

Next, stop doing whatever it is that is feeding your lust. If it’s a certain Facebook page, romance novel, website, store, music group, etc. – get rid of it. Let me say that again – get RID of it.

The easiest way to give into temptation is by making easy provisions for your flesh. Build walls of protection and accountability around yourself to avoid falling into the same traps.

Last, drink from the Living Water every day.

This means opening up your Bible and spending a good chunk of time reading God’s word. This means spending a good chunk of time praying and asking God for strength every day.

The more you invest in your relationship with Jesus, the more you love Him and the less you will love the sin of this world.

Freedom starts today.

Will you choose to be a virgin with your body and your mind?

Are you struggling with secret lustful sins right now? If so, my prayer is that you will take this blog post as a sign that it’s time to confess those sins and to live a pure life.

What water are you drinking from each day? The dirty water of our world or the Living Water of Jesus?

For more help on this topic, check out this book: Sex is Not the Problem, Lust is.

If you have already given away your physical virginity, all hope is not lost! Read this blog post: Lost Virginity: Practical Help to Reclaim Your Future

Photo credit: www.flickr.com | Shanon Wise

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Radical Purity
  • Elisabeth

    Thanks Girls, I really needed this!Your always such a blessing!

    • Thanks for reading Elisabeth. So glad this post was helpful to you.

  • Mama Baird

    Excellent post, Kristen! I love your transparency! So sweet!

  • Sarah

    Thank you, Kristen. This was really convicting, and just what I needed to help me ‘wake up’. Thank you again.

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    God has been working on me to have pure thoughts. I am saving myself for my husband but my thoughts are terrible! I just read this morning in 1 Thessalonians 4 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given[a] us His Holy Spirit.

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    • Thanks for being open and honest Tammy. We’ll pray that you find lasting freedom and victory in this area. Keep fighting!

  • Anna

    God knew just what I needed today! Thank you so much Kristin! God is using you mightily!

    • Praise the Lord Anna! May God do a mighty work in you!

  • Laurie

    It makes me think of the verses Phil 4:6-8…… what do we fill our minds with, what are we putting in our eye and ear gates, that flows straight to the heart!
    Another great article ladies!
    So that you know, Im a pastors wife in California. I mentor and challenge and encourage our teen girls and college age girls…. I have a teen daughter myself. I’m what others would consider a little more conservative 😉 which i love! Its my choice. Anyways, I have truly truly enjoyed your blog… i feel like its a great tool to use to come alongside the word of God for my girls that are in my life. I have them following your blog post, and use it often. Thank you for your labor of love for our Lord in touching these types of topics, most want to run from. I am amazed at how many shy away from this, its not cultural, even Christian cultural…. Lord help us! Thanks again,keep writing! We need more young ladies who believe and LIVE the Word of God without apologies!

    • Hey Laurie! Great verse! Phil 4:8 is the PERFECT grid to filter all of life through. Thanks so much for sharing it. We are very encouraged that you find our blog helpful and that you’re able to use it as a tool amongst the young women that you minister to. Keep up the great work and we will strive to do the same. :) Blessings!

  • Dianna

    What if we arnt virgins unfortunately any more? How does someone move past that and become pure because we are already gave away one of the most precious gifts? How do we find the courage to look for a godly man when we ourselves have not saved our bodies for him. How does God forgive a girl that selfishly threw away something that he told us to cherish? I loved your article but I’m a college age girl seriously struggling with this.

    • Camila

      Hello, Dianna!

      Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
      2 Corinthians 5:17

    • Camila

      In Jesus, you are forgiven!

    • Hi Dianna. You ask a great question. Although it is very sad and heartbreaking when we sin against God, He doesn’t leave us there. God is in the restoration business! If you repent from your sin and ask God to forgive you, He will. With Christ’s strength, you can live a new life of purity from this point on. You will never regain your virginity again, but you can reclaim your value and worth in God’s eyes. If it’s in God’s plan for you to marry someday, He will provide the godly husband for you if you’re walking in obedience to Christ. Spend your time pursuing a strong relationship with Christ, pray for your future husband, and pursue a life of purity from this point forward. We will be praying for you Dianna! All hope is NEVER lost with Christ!

      A great book you can read to help you with this is:
      “And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. Look for it here: http://amzn.to/1qn71cf

    • Broken clay

      Have you tried to pray for your virginity to grow back? Do you know that we can heal the physical body with the word of God? It is possible, I have seen it done, and I have done it myself, just say “in the name of Jesus Christ, body be healed” that is what I do when I want to heal people. The first person I healed took me 45 minutes of praying to get rid of his flu, the second person that had a back and stomach pain took me one and half hours to help her. You can see videos other people have done of divine healing on youtube. Some names you can look up are Curry Blake, T.J. Joshua.

      The body is only dust, that is why Jesus said all sins against the body can be forgiven, but the sin against the Holy Spirit cannot. So if you want the piece of skin back, just pray for it. I command my body to grow hair and heal teeth and eyes every morning and it works. My parents are bold, but I have a full head of hair. So God will not hold these things back from you, just pray for it. Say “in the name of Jesus Christ, virgin skin grow back.”

      It is our hearts that counts, not our bodies. Our bodies are just dust, but it hosts the Spirit of God. If your heart is not right with God, the body does not matter in the end. So first seek the kingdom of God and pray.

  • Anna Joy

    This is so convicting… and so true! Can be so applicable to the other ways we as girls tend to feed our desires for love and acceptance too – fantasizing, daydreaming, etc. Thanks for posting! I needed this reminder today.

  • Anne

    I’ve grown up in a Christian home, and I always knew that lust was a sin, and I am going to save myself for marriage. I’ve never thought about it this way though. This post was very convicting and super helpful. Thanks! I’ve recently stumbled across your blog via Young Keepers of the Home, and now I’ve gone back and read almost every one if your old post. You guys are so encouraging and helpful! Thank you so much.
    Also, I’m a pastors daughter, homeschooled, and the oldest of seven.

  • Karissa

    I always was set to wait for my husband. Always wanting to only kiss and save my body for my husband. I never thought that lust could be a problem. I am the type of girl who love cheesy romantic movies, which gives a lot of bad thoughts in my head about me and my future husband, and never that that could be a problem for me. Thanks for opening my eyes up to help me see that I do need to also be careful with my thoughts too. I am at a young age, but I still want to know advice before I go in a relationship or marriage. Plus, the only relationship I should pursue at this age, is my relationship with Christ. I know I can do all things through Christ who strengths me. It is going to be hard, but it is going to be worth it too. Praying and hoping that I can stop watching those movies and stop my bad thoughts. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort for this post, Kristen! I wish I could give you a hug in person and pray with you, but I will send one instead! “big hugs” You might just have saved me from alot of hard ache. I pray for you, your sister, Bethany, and your marriage! God bless you as much as you have blessed others and my life, Karissa :)

  • A girl

    I have been struggling with this sin a lot lately… I’m 12 yrs old. I just have sinful thoughts I don’t know where they come from, I don’t go on bad websites, I don’t have Facebook, Twitter or anything like that. Please pray for me.

    • Hannah McIntosh

      I’ll be praying for you! Next time you struggle with keeping your thoughts pure, try quoting Scripture, praying, or praising Jesus until they’re gone. Another thing that’s helped me in a similar area is to pick a certain person, couple, or family that needed salvation, then pray for them every time the temptation to think impure thoughts comes around. Remember to pray for strength to overcome Satan’s temptations all the time, not just when you’re struggling. God will help you!

      • A girl

        Thank you. :-)

      • Karissa

        That is awesome advice, Hannah! I will use that too in my life! Thanks! :)

        • Hannah McIntosh

          Praise the Lord (not me)! I’m glad it’s helping you. :)

      • Anne

        Great advice! I will be using it!

  • Needing prayer

    I was deeply trapped into this 2 years ago, it is a huge struggle to get completely free of it. I have made some major progress but I want so bad to be completely free. Simply stumbling across something can take you deep into sin really fast. Please pray for me so that I can be totally free from this. Thank you.

    • Hannah McIntosh

      I’ll be praying for you! Would you mind giving me your first name so I can remember you more easily? If you would rather not, that’s fine. Remember, there IS victory, and you will find it if you’re following and obeying Jesus with all your heart! Be encouraged, for the devil is defeated every time you choose to obey!

      • Needing Prayer

        Thank you sooo much!!! My name is Kristina. I really appreciate it Hannah!!

  • Jesus Saves

    This is just what I needed today! I have been struggling with masturbation and keeping my mind pure. Recently I have just been feeling like I was in a hole that was just getting deeper and deeper. This post and all your other posts really encourage me to keep live a lifestyle that is honoring to God. I do ask for your prayers, because I am still not completely free. But I do know that God forgives and is with me though every step. Thank you

  • woooh!! could relate to me much..
    thanks for this post..
    i really love and like you post in your blog..

    keep us to be encourage and convicted to our daily christian ways..
    may the Holy Spirit guide u more and bless this blog u have..

    i’m hoping to meet u sisters soon, by Gods will..
    even im from the Philippines.. ^_^

  • Letícia

    Thank you for this post and thanks God for leading me to this blog. It’s being a life change. I’ve had a problem with masturbation since I was 12, I guess. And sometimes I still do it and I’m 16 now. I feel so terrible and sad, bbut sometimes I just can’t help it. I’m so ashamed to tell anyone about this, so I’d like to ask for you to pray for me. I really want to be a mind-virgin too, more than a physical one. God blesses you!

  • ts

    I wish I had known this growing up, all I seem to do is pay for past sins and watch others who had saved family go forward, God is rewarding me for my inner life and I can see why now im always in trouble.

    • Renata

      Thank’s God, we have freedom of our sins because Jesus already paid for them on the cross. All the redeemed can rest in the saving work of the Jesus. Jesus washed away all our sins (past and future)! Let’s cry for God’s mercy and love and for repentance and let’s live a new life in Jesus Christ 😀

  • Mariana

    That´s absolutely true and need. We, christian girls, hear everywhere about saving our bodies, but, about saving our minds we struggle, and, I believe in our churches we don´t receive the teaching we need about this specific topic.

  • Kimberly

    Ah this is so me! This sin! Have had it years. :(

  • Leah

    This is so convicting every time I come back to read it. It is just what I need to hear.
    This is such a habitual sin for me, but God is helping me to conquer it.

  • Gabrielle

    Here’s a quote I thought of: ” physical abstinence protects the body; emotional abstinence protects the heart.” It is true that many people don’t passionately strive for emotional or mind abstinence. They focus on the physical, but both are so important!!!!!


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