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How My Selfishness in Marriage Ruined My Satisfaction

By: Guest Blogger

My husband and I recently celebrated two years of marriage. Yes, that’s not a long time compared to some, however God has taught me a lot.

Let me just say this upfront – life doesn’t get easier when you get married.

I’m sorry single friends…life doesn’t magically get easier with a man by your side (even if he’s amazing).

After marriage, I realized how truly selfish and sinful I can be.

I used to think it was extremely odd when I heard about people divorcing after two years. Then I got married and realized how selfishness can easily lead down a devastating road.

As I allowed “my personal rights” to interfere with my marriage, suddenly those divorce statistics made sense to me.

Selfishness kills beautiful relationships. Holding on to “personal rights” destroys marital unity.

Another area I saw my selfishness and “personal rights” come into play was in my living arrangements.

I would have LOVED a house to call home and the security that home ownership brings. This might not be a big deal to some, but I was pretty upset that my need for a house wasn’t being met.

And sadly, I blamed my husband for this inconvenience.

I would get really mad when I didn’t see any fruit from my “I’m pouring my heart out to you, do something” sessions. And…that would inevitably end with me shutting down and being extremely unhappy.

Please know that my husband is very sensitive to my needs.

So for me to have even entertained the thought of divorce was very scary, and very eye opening for me. Praise the Lord that Jesus is ever-present to catch us. He helped me fight those selfish thoughts.

Am I cured? No. I will have to fight this battle everyday. My husband can’t meet all of my needs.

Over the past few years, I have learned that marriage can’t make me happy. My husband can’t make me totally happy. Only God can.

I have learned the very hard lesson that selfishness doesn’t get you what you want. Not ultimately.

The more I focused on my life the less I became focused on God. The more I focused on my “rights” the less happy I became in my marriage.

In the end, I lost focused on the most important thing…

I lost focus on the fact that my life isn’t about me! It’s about God.

As Psalm 115:1 says, “Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to Your name give glory because of Your lovingkindness, because of Your truth.”

So here I am now.

I would now consider myself a happily married woman. Will marriage be smooth sailing in the future? Most definitely not. However, I have learned where my hope and trust needs to be. I know that my Heavenly Father will give me His truth, through His word.

I will have to make the choice to step out in faith and remember that His way is perfect and His way will ultimately bring me amazing satisfaction.

Whether you’re in a relationship, married, or single – this lesson is for you. Total satisfaction cannot be found in any relationship or marriage. Selfishness will not bring about the results you’re hoping for.

The only way to find lasting satisfaction, is by surrendering your desires to God, and placing your entire hope in Christ alone.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic below.

In what ways have you pushed for your “desires” and then ended up unsatisfied in the end?
How have you seen your selfishness ruin your satisfaction?

This guest post was written by Amanda Welch. If you’re interested in writing a guest post for GirlDefined.com click here. 

Photo Credit: Here 

Girl and Guy

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  • Leanne

    Great insight. Thank you so much for letting us know. It’s great to hear from someone already married what marriage life is actually like!

  • Melissa VDA

    Not sure if it is your website or my computer, but the last few blog post have been covered a little bit on the right side by the side bar, so it makes it a bit difficult to read. Thought I would just let you know in case it’s a problem on your end. Thanks for the great job you girls do. 🙂

    • Liz

      Same here about the page being partially covered.

    • Hey Melissa! Thanks for letting us know. We had our web designers correct that issue several days ago. If you clear your browsers cache it should fix the problem. Thx!! -Kristen

    • Jade

      Thank you! I was thinking of commenting exactly the same thing! I still get the vibe and most of the words of the post, but it sounds like it’s not just on my computer 🙂

  • Mayara

    As a single girl, I think that marriege could solve my problems, but at this point of view I am seeing that it just fantasy, marriege is not that easy, thank you for open my eyes. I am a single girl from Brazil, lives in a small town in a small city, but thank God I know english and this blog it’s been so good for me. Thank you!

  • Laurie

    As a married women of 21 years, this article couldn’t be truer! I meet so many single young ladies who are convinced that once that ring slips on the finger…. All will be well! As if the answer to happiness and contentment is found in a man. Our poor husbands. Bless their hearts, can you imagine if our husbands did that to us? The unbelievable pressure to be “someone’s” total joy and happiness! If we can’t learn to get those needs met and filled by God, we WILL be miserable! I know, I’ve been there! {we got saved right before we got married} I have had lonlinees even in marriage. By the way I have the most amazing, hardworking, Godly husband, yet we have had many struggles which honestly can be rooted in pride and discontentment! Anyways, great article!

  • Jesusfreak17

    Thank you so much for this post. “Selfishness doesn’t get you what you want.” That’s a really powerful truth that I really needed to hear today.

  • y3shuA imMANu3l

    There are those who put a lot of effort into great ideals.
    Then, there are those who only think of themselves.


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